Throwaway account.
A little back story prior to getting into the meat and potatoes of the story, we have been married 15 years.
I have body dysmorphia I’m mentioning this because my appearance has been attacked a few times, I also have PTSD from combat deployments to Iraq and Afg.
Wife’s relationship prior to us meeting and getting married was with a womanizer who was a raging narcissist, he had made some smart financial moves and was very well off. He was also around 25 years older than me with no kids.
I am not innocent in this I have got caught texting another girl inappropriately around 13 years ago and during some of our rougher relationship times I have been an asshole not denying it, I have owned it and apologized.
About 8 years into our relationship we ran into a financial speed bump and that our spending habits needed to change during that discussion she told me, I knew I chose wrong; meaning she should have chosen her ex.
Around this time we had our youngest child and after childbirth she made the switch from the pill to the mirena IUD for birth control about a month after she got the IUD she was not the same person.
She was very Jekyll and Hyde and would go from One extreme to another, she would tell me how she was leaving to cheat on me and would leave me with a breastfeeding baby, she would ask me to babysit the baby and say things I’m asking you to babysit because is not yours, she would tell me she needed someone with a big dick to get her off. Just cruel stuff.
I asked her to get rid of the Mirena after reading the mirena made me crazy articles over the web, and she wouldn’t.
I also found a group conversation between her and her friends being incredibly cruel about my weight I had broken my back and was a big boy at the time. They were saying things like I bet he can’t even see his dick, he needs to go run. My wife was joining in or not defending me and that was hurtful.
So onto the good stuff; as the title states the Wife got black out drunk at a wedding, we hadn’t been fighting we hadn’t been arguing and overall we’re having a good time at the wedding until someone mentioned her ex’s alma matter; and my wife immediately sprung into action like a fan girl who just heard her favorite celebrities name and started saying how amazing he was, how he used to spoil her, how he was the best, he was a much better provider than I am, better than me in every aspect in front of a group of people.
I wasn’t drinking so at this point was doing what I could to keep myself composed.
Then she started puking, I said ‘couldn’t be that great you just brought him up and now you’re sick to your stomach’
Which I thought was an amazing quip.
This sent her into a full on tirade.
In between throwing up all over herself and our car she was texting me while I was off getting her towels and water and yelling at me when I got how I didn’t compare to her ex, how he was way bigger (saying his dick was bigger), he used to spoil her he was the best thing that ever happened to her. How she lies to me all the time, how I have the smallest dick. Making a circle with her hands or measuring out lengths with her hands saying I fucked this guy and he was this big and that guy, on and on. Just, what can I say to hurt him yea let’s say that next.
At this point I was just driving us home and was planning on setting her up in bed and sleeping on the couch.
Well it turns into alcohol poisoning and I end up in the ER with her. She gets some IV fluids and meds and is good to go.
I text her that night that she said some cruel things and to read her texts to me.
So she reads her texts and immediately begins to apologize and is remorseful, I tell her what else happened about her professing her undying love for her ex.
So we have been talking through it and I’m still hurt and upset.
She is saying none of that is how she feels and she doesn’t remember saying any of it and because she was drunk I should be lenient on her.
I said ‘drunk words were a sober thought’ and how she was so drunk there was no way she would’ve been no way cognizant or coherent enough to intentionally lie to hurt me and that it feels like what she was saying is the truth.
Over the past week I have not been able to let it go, it has been a constant thought and her words are bouncing around my head.
She maintains she doesn’t actually feel that way or believe those things she said and is remorseful. She also continues to say she doesn’t remember saying those things, we have the texts but she doesn’t remember saying it.
I have spent the whole week trying to get some closure on this, and I know I never will. I also have been defending myself against things she said. I have been seeking reassurance from her on things and if I ask more than once she gets upset that I don’t believe her.
She refused counseling because she thinks she will be singled out as being the bad guy.
So I am stuck here wondering what do I do from here to move on and get past it, divorce is not an option. I love her and want to work through this and hopefully I won’t be back here in a few years on a new throwaway asking for the same advice.
I need some help or a sanity check on am I in the right for still being mad, how do I convey the hurt to her without seeming like I am attacking her?
submitted by /u/Ok_Corgi8468
[link] [comments]