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Date: January 1, 2023
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This sub will be obsessed with your age gap, but you have plenty of other problems here.
Your relationship is seriously unhealthy and he needs a lot of therapy it sounds like. I'm not sure it make sense for you to spend years in couples therapy and may be easier to let the relationship go, since it sounds like you're kinda already there.
That said, for the future, I think what you did is unfair. You took a video of him at his worst (when he was angry even though he shouldn't have been, see pt 1) and showed it to your friends. I think this would be unfair if it were a normal, equal relationship. Same with text messages.
In the future, decide for yourself what you'll tolerate and when your partner breaks those boundaries, stand up for yourself. It doesn't matter what your friends think should or shouldn't be tolerable.
In the future if someone has crossed a line, tell them so and stand your ground. You should be able to do this with a partner without “backup” or bringing someone else's opinion in. If you feel unsafe doing that in a relationship, reevaluate it.
I agree. Honestly, if she keeps telling him she has an issue with this coworker and he doesn't set a boundary with her…then isn't he crossing his girlfriends boundaries and driving her to feel this way?? A relationship goes both ways…and I feel as if he probably drove her to this, even despite her previous insecurities. A good boyfriend would be understanding of her past trauma, help her to work through it while also being extra careful with anything that might push her into overdrive. Granted, there is a limit as he's not a therapist; but I disagree with most of the other advice her and say that he pushed her even more into her insecurities.
Take her up on the counselling issue, both marriage and for yourself. Do not agree to an open relationship.