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Becca, 18 y.o.
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On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Becca
Date: November 24, 2022
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Honestly I’ve come to accept that life is too short to keep company with people that do not bring happiness and joy into my life. Just let him go. Don’t feel bad about it. The alternative is to stay friends w him out of pity- which is a disservice to both parties.
He just sounds unsure as fuck…as you have said you were his first. If you won't tell him what you want, then this will not change… And if you don't wanna act on your desires then just look for someone who fits to you and the way you act…
So you're planning on severely cutting your lifestyle when having kids, when you could work the same as her and not cut the lifestyle.
I totally get why she doesn't see a future here.
I recently got engaged to my amazingly supportive partner after over a decade of back to back abusive/toxic relationships. It's hot. Lots of lieing from partners in my past so I still have a big issue with trust. He's extremely understanding and patient about it all. We talk a lot about it. It helps to talk it all out. I feel so much closer to him and safer after our talks. Keeping all my fears inside seems to make it worse. He's very compassionate with me about it all so it helps me to be compassionate with myself. I accept the fears and feelings, understand why they are there then i try to do something to redirect my thinking. It will take awhile before I feel completely safe, I think. Since I've lived in toxic relationships for over a decade I imagine it will take my nervous system awhile to catch up. Exercise, yoga, mindfulness, time in nature, gratitude, Journalling, reading and cuddling helps me.
I think you should really focus on treating the panic attacks asap. They can be controlled but it takes practice. Opening up instead of shutting down might be helpful too. Try writing thoughts down when you are in that state to review if you aren't ready to communicate.
poor ass momma's boy living with momma trying to impress his 20 year old girlfriend
Of all the things you wrote, this is what stands out for me “I had problems as a child so my self esteem was -1/10” It sounds like she hit a real emotional nerve with your inner child, and you are reverting back to that boy who wasn't good enough, who didn't get enough love, who wasn't told he was _________ enough. You understand.
Sometimes, our issues growing up, get stifled when we start to get our needs met in other places. The pain get buried deep in a life that build for ourselves. Whether it's walls of our own making, or a much-needed survival effort that we must give ourselves to live.
You mention that having Kate reciprocate your feelings boosted your self esteem, I can imagine Kate was possibly the glue that held your confidence together. Having her BE the source for this, is/was dangerous. Having someone, other than yourself, else be the foundation you build your worth, is one of the reasons co-dependency is so unhealthy. You felt your safety in her, and when that safety was threatened? Your “glue” comes undone. The confidence wains, the self-esteems that you built upon anothers, crumbles. You crumble.
What is left, but the boy who never learned to love himself for exactly who he is. The boy who never healed these deep wounds. The wounds are resurfacing and they are being exposed and you need help to navigate this territory. Who are you without Kate beside you? Imagining her on some other journey with some other man is terrifying for you because you cannot imagine even a hypothetical version of this life.
Take some time to find a therapist who specialises in trauma therapy, because you have been inadvertently triggered. You have to start at the beginning to understand today. You will get through this.
You don’t “get to” assume the worst and be overbearing with your partner just because you’ve been through some shit. I’m sorry you’ve had these struggles; I have mental health disorders myself, I can empathize with your situation.
HOWEVER, you don’t get to dictate your partners mental health treatment choices. Especially if your reasons are based on jealousy. That is completely unhealthy and inappropriate.
I don’t know if you are capable of maintaining healthy boundaries in a relationship right now, if your boyfriend attending therapy with just.. another woman around your age as a therapist is enough to cause the urge to self harm.
Advice: do not ask your boyfriend to undo months of building a therapeutic relationship because of your own mental health struggles. Recognize that it’s okay for him to get counsel from someone who is not you.
Stop centering yourself in your boyfriend’s healthcare.
No problem! Thanks for your help.
Sounds like the boyfriend went with the better option. You know the one he has a ton in common with, the one that he has liked since he was a kid, the one that likes him for him and not just because he is super cute, the one that didn’t fuck some other dude. No shit your family doesn’t have a problem with it. There are lots of fish in the sea. This isn’t the one you were supposed to land. I would recommend some professional therapy about your feelings and how to handle it moving forward, and just take care of you. Let them enjoy themselves without you interfering.
Nobody does. Because shitty people of this sort of magnitude are thankfully rare. It also would require his sister to be comparably shitty, which makes the math a long shot.