If you are so concerned act like an adult in a marriage and talk to her. Jesus christ reddit isn't in your relationship you are. Grow a pair and learn to have difficult conversations.
Look, she is an EX. You should have treated her as an ex as soon as you broke up. Why remain a good friend? If she never mentioned this relationship you weren't a good friend to her. Now reciprocate. Send her a card congratulating her with whatever type of gift you wish and decline. You can remain acquaintances but stop with the good friend stuff because you are not.
It's not a silly reason. He's unable to take basic care for other people. It's laziness towards yourself and your relationship. I would tell him that you're thinking of breaking up with him over it first, and then just make plans to leave him.
I think the main problem here isn't his smell, it's the fact that he gets angry and aggressive at you for pointing out something he needs to change to be respectful to people. It takes so very little effort to clean himself, but no he's choosing to get angry at you.
I would just start to set a plan to break up and move out.
Ok so question, is it better to release often, or to go long periods without it? I want a high sex drive
Also does this explain how when I was like 14 I could only go about 1 day without releasing because I used to do it twice a day, and now I can go up to 7+ days because I forced myself to do it less?
Even when he was married the focus was on the child and not the wife. There's very little social media about the wife, although I guess he could have deleted it but that would have been a lot to go through. He's always put the child on a pedestal like a husband would a wife. I guess he was never really happy in the marriage.
“My roommates who I’ve been paying bill for has quit her job and demands previous economic arragements to remain on a permanent basis. Reddit, what do?”
You have a right to know. He's being deceitful about everything. Message her.
That being said, break up with this absolute turd. He cheated for a YEAR AND A HALF. Then decided he felt awful and wants to work things out with you? Did he get caught or come clean on his own? Either way you deserve better than a cheater that cant even let her him end the affair so you can have some kind of peace of mind. He sucks.
Don't date people you work with is the easy answer. If he does confront you at work, tell him you don't want to discuss it there or deal with it at all. Good luck
I have many dude friends. When I was single, I’d hang out at their places from time to time. Now I have a BF. I do not go to their places alone. These are decade long friendships. But I respect my BF and his feelings. You are upset with her because you care about your relationship. Do tell her that. Don’t do passive aggressive nonsense or give her the silent treatment. The fact that she refuses therapy is really concerning. You seem to be the only one fighting for your relationship.
Just guessing here but it sounds like maybe your friend told your husband that at one time you guys (you and your male friend) were an item (which would be why his trust in you would be shaken). Seems like there was more to the argument then either of them is telling you. Let's be honest if the argument caused him to write the text, then he would remember what the argument was about.
Why? It's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to put themselves in your shoes without you helping them to do so.
The second you say “what if I did [thing you're doing], would you like it?” they have to actually stop and think about a completely separate scenario which involves their significant other doing something they don't like. Then they can conclude that what they are doing isn't great.
I agree with you. You're way too young, I'm not even sure you'd find a reputable doctor that would do the procedure for that very reason. Ik it feels right now like you don't want kids (and at 20 that's completely understandable) but as you get older lots of things change and you may find a woman you want to have them with in the future and you don't want to have to go and get that surgery reversed to be able to make that happen. And then there's the (in my mind) bigger issue which is your gf is pressuring you to make a very personal decision about YOUR body. No one should ever do that, it's your body and people that care about you should respect your choices. “No” is a complete sentence and I think if your relationship is going to work, your gf is going to have to respect that answer. There's lots of ways these days to prevent unwanted pregnancy, they may not be 100% effective but neither are the surgeries and surgery is a much more drastic option.
Bruh, if you think of happy couples, their partner doesn't treat them like this.
I agree that “being the male” is an outdated way of saying she doesn't repsect you're boundaries. But on with the advice.
Dude, she doesn't respect your boundaries. When a partner nags another, i think it's due to a person deeply holding something and not being able to communicate it. What comes out is frustration and criticism.
And i'd say 21 is very young for marriage if you can't see why she'd want to. You said it yourself, its love, not in love.
Be firm about your boundaries. She isn't being respectful and an equal partner in this. If she can't recognize that, no way is she ready for marriage. Who would want a spouse that gets on their ass all day. If she can't let you online your peace and to learn adulthood at your own pace, who is she to rush you.
No ultimatums, but be clear, this is something you want to work on before the thought of marriage is even considered for you. Mutual respect. And the same goes for you dude, don't pull sexist crap or she isn't gonna respect you as a newly minted adult. If you don't grow out of that old way of thinking, you're gonna get nowhere. She is being disrespectful, not cuz she is a bossy woman, but because she has some insecurity in being a relationship, and needs to learn to communicate with you.
Why do people always insist that they know nothing is going on between their spouse and someone else when it usually turns out that there is in fact something going on between them?
Your husband knew damn well that giving sex toys to her was inappropriate. This is why he did not tell you. He is either currently fucking her or is trying to fuck her. Watch your back and pay attention.
I knew a family with the dad named John Smith Jr and the kids were john smith 1 John Smith 2 and John Smith 3. All of the kids had similar birthdays ( few days apart besides the year). The 2nd kid stole the 1st and 3rd identities. He had a warrant out for his arrest and that led to one of the other boys getting arrested! Its so hard to fix. I would strongly suggest changing your last name to your mom's maiden name to avoid confusion with the similar name. If you get married, you both will eventually have different last names but that could be a while.
Not quite the same, OP found out from her BF about a decade old affair, which seeing as the BF wasn’t friends with John then couldn’t have known from firsthand information (unless he was the person who Sarah had the affair with, in that case he’s even worse), so it is hearsay at best, and complete bull shit at worse, where as the BF knew the entire time and helped his friend through the entire process.
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Oh no, no no. You shouldn’t be ‘trying to make this work’ when you’re only 6 months in. He should be the best version of himself you’ve ever seen at this point. This is the honeymoon period!
If you’re putting more effort into smoothing things over with him and he’s just trying to change you for his own benefit then it’s far too much effort and needs to end.
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You aren't overthinking, or being a baby. Very few people telling you to get over it and be happy for her have probably been in your shoes, and I bet if the shoes were on the other foot, your wife would expect you to stay with her. If anything, you should have told her how you were feeling, instead of coming to Reddit.
I could be wrong because I’m a man but preheating the woman with an orgasm makes her more prone to have more. Could he use a vibrator/toy on you so you orgasm during foreplay? Then keep constant bullet vibrator on your clit?
I actually forced that early on: I called her out on some stuff, and she didn't like that because based intoxicated me was spitting some truth; moral of the story she removed me on everything: removed me as a follower on Instagram, but she still follows me. I used to post there alot but since I've entirely disappeared from socials and im oretyy sure that's why she was looking for me at work wondering what I'm up to
It could not be more clear that he isn’t over his ex. His relationship with you is a band aid to distract him from the fact that he’s still in love with his ex.
My partner currently has a big beard. It looks great, he's happy with it, and…I just can't make out with him because it's like making out with a full-grown cat on his face. It's his body & his choice. Not gonna tell him to trim it. But the kissing is hard.
sooo many red flags! i understand why you had to test her.. she definitely sounds like she gives great lip service, and i’m not talking about sex.
i had to recheck the ages to see that she’s 39???
it’s only 4 months, so your mental health a favor and just let her go. you’re already losing sleep over this and anything you feel for her right now is mostly attachment anyway, not real love
love isn’t just a feeling, love requires action, and commitment. what you have is a train wreck.
based on the fact that you were thinking of moving in with her after 4 months, you should really look into individual therapy before you date again. learn about your attachment style, communication, and healthy boundaries. you’ll be less inclined to choose a partner that isn’t so hard n cold, and one that isn’t so thirsty as to inviting people strangers to DM her while telling her partner she wants to move in with them
sounds like she’s going through a mid life crisis lol
Using suicidal threats is incredibly toxic. You need to make sure there is someone else to check on her just in case and then break up with this person. She is clearly very manipulative.
Not tipping doesn’t fix this problem. Complaining about tipping on Reddit doesn’t fix this problem. Demanding higher wages for tipped staff is the only possible fix. Otherwise, your just skipping out on your bill to your servers detriment and justifying with a paper this moral argument about how it’s not your responsibility to fix society. It all of our responsibility to do our best. Stiffing your server is not that.
OK, so I used to give rides to people all the time. Didn't matter that they weren't out of my way and actually on the route home, I still told my partner. Why? Because I'm honest and open, and so should you be in any relationship.
One of the guys had a girlfriend who took issue with the fact I'm female. Until she met me while sat in the car waiting, with the 2 other guys I drove with. They all chipped in petrol money, as it was an hour ish drive.
If she found out because you got a text, you done messed up bro. Not only did you not tell your wife that you were spending time with another woman, you let her find out like that. It doesn't matter that it's “innocent” you should still have told her
My boyfriend puts his hand up my shirt or down my shorts while we’re making out. My face is on his face, no words are being said. I wouldn’t say he assaulted me because he didn’t pull away and ask if I was okay with him doing that. When I’m in that situation I take it as if they do something and I say no and they do it again bad. If they do it one time and you say no and they stop that’s not harmful.
I’ve been assaulted before. I’ve been raped. There are people out there who really don’t understand consent in any form. People who will stay inside you while you’re yelling it hurts and to get off. Im not going to equate someone touching their partner one time while making out as assault.
Well if he stops making his mortgage payments, he could be evicted, although that's a lengthy process. But yeah, basically the interest rate can be much lower because the bank has less risk since they can always eventually recover the debt by selling the house. As long as the overall mortgage payment is reasonable given his income, it isn't that big of a deal — the payments generally stay the same until it is paid off (and he can even potentially deduct the interest paid from his taxes). 40k of credit card debt would be a different story bc that would just get bigger and bigger forever.
At the very minimum go and speak to a divorce attorney, give them a copy of your pre nup and the evidence of her cheating. Explain everything about your finances etc and ask the attorney for advice and what divorce looks like for you. There could well be a clause in the prenup re cheating.
Start planning your exit, start trying to separate your finances. But take advice from your divorce attorney.
Look I'm not saying that you and your wife should or shouldn't get divorced.
But it seems like in the post that you didn't want that. And as the injured party (i.e. the one who got cheated on), if you are willing to forgive and work, then that's your choice.
I think it's easy for people on the internet to tell you to just get a divorce. But you are the one who has to online with the consequence, you have children, and it's not that easy.
That's a very selfish view of marital sex. Is it also her body her choice if she told him she was on birth control because she wanted a baby and he didn't?
If you currently don't like her and that feeling has been growing each year, and rightfully so, then you don't have many choices.
You can start documenting, and plan to divorce. I wouldn't be able to come back from her abusive treatment, but if you think you could, you can separate and each seek individual counseling.
Either way, you are going to have to be more confrontational, or continue not speaking, she needs to be put on serious notice that you and your son are no longer going to be abused. If you're paying for daycare to protect your son, she needs to get a job. Don't continue to fully support her to the extent you have been.
She could have sucked a lot worse than a nipple. Count yourself lucky. She notified you what she did, because she wanted to be upfront. Again count yourself lucky. Her explanation sounds honest, ( admittedly stupid & drunken).
You are not going insane. Women are not fuck dolls for male partners. So many podcasts are out there of boys who think that having a microphone makes them smart, don’t you dare listen to them.
Pleasure. Hope all turns out well.
If you are so concerned act like an adult in a marriage and talk to her. Jesus christ reddit isn't in your relationship you are. Grow a pair and learn to have difficult conversations.
Look, she is an EX. You should have treated her as an ex as soon as you broke up. Why remain a good friend? If she never mentioned this relationship you weren't a good friend to her. Now reciprocate. Send her a card congratulating her with whatever type of gift you wish and decline. You can remain acquaintances but stop with the good friend stuff because you are not.
It's not a silly reason. He's unable to take basic care for other people. It's laziness towards yourself and your relationship. I would tell him that you're thinking of breaking up with him over it first, and then just make plans to leave him.
I think the main problem here isn't his smell, it's the fact that he gets angry and aggressive at you for pointing out something he needs to change to be respectful to people. It takes so very little effort to clean himself, but no he's choosing to get angry at you.
I would just start to set a plan to break up and move out.
That nigga fruity
Ok so question, is it better to release often, or to go long periods without it? I want a high sex drive
Also does this explain how when I was like 14 I could only go about 1 day without releasing because I used to do it twice a day, and now I can go up to 7+ days because I forced myself to do it less?
Even when he was married the focus was on the child and not the wife. There's very little social media about the wife, although I guess he could have deleted it but that would have been a lot to go through. He's always put the child on a pedestal like a husband would a wife. I guess he was never really happy in the marriage.
“My roommates who I’ve been paying bill for has quit her job and demands previous economic arragements to remain on a permanent basis. Reddit, what do?”
Wow… I really hope she dumps you dude.
You have a right to know. He's being deceitful about everything. Message her.
That being said, break up with this absolute turd. He cheated for a YEAR AND A HALF. Then decided he felt awful and wants to work things out with you? Did he get caught or come clean on his own? Either way you deserve better than a cheater that cant even let her him end the affair so you can have some kind of peace of mind. He sucks.
So you not only cheated with your friend…but the person who pierced them too
Don't date people you work with is the easy answer. If he does confront you at work, tell him you don't want to discuss it there or deal with it at all. Good luck
So you think he got tired of me
I have many dude friends. When I was single, I’d hang out at their places from time to time. Now I have a BF. I do not go to their places alone. These are decade long friendships. But I respect my BF and his feelings. You are upset with her because you care about your relationship. Do tell her that. Don’t do passive aggressive nonsense or give her the silent treatment. The fact that she refuses therapy is really concerning. You seem to be the only one fighting for your relationship.
Just guessing here but it sounds like maybe your friend told your husband that at one time you guys (you and your male friend) were an item (which would be why his trust in you would be shaken). Seems like there was more to the argument then either of them is telling you. Let's be honest if the argument caused him to write the text, then he would remember what the argument was about.
Why? It's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to put themselves in your shoes without you helping them to do so.
The second you say “what if I did [thing you're doing], would you like it?” they have to actually stop and think about a completely separate scenario which involves their significant other doing something they don't like. Then they can conclude that what they are doing isn't great.
Been following this subreddit a long time. Seen many of these stories pass through. Can confirm it will not end well.
Ok, this one is insane.
Peeing with the dog isn't, but carrying the piss bottle for the dog is just insane, and not in a funny way
I agree with you. You're way too young, I'm not even sure you'd find a reputable doctor that would do the procedure for that very reason. Ik it feels right now like you don't want kids (and at 20 that's completely understandable) but as you get older lots of things change and you may find a woman you want to have them with in the future and you don't want to have to go and get that surgery reversed to be able to make that happen. And then there's the (in my mind) bigger issue which is your gf is pressuring you to make a very personal decision about YOUR body. No one should ever do that, it's your body and people that care about you should respect your choices. “No” is a complete sentence and I think if your relationship is going to work, your gf is going to have to respect that answer. There's lots of ways these days to prevent unwanted pregnancy, they may not be 100% effective but neither are the surgeries and surgery is a much more drastic option.
Bruh, if you think of happy couples, their partner doesn't treat them like this.
I agree that “being the male” is an outdated way of saying she doesn't repsect you're boundaries. But on with the advice.
Dude, she doesn't respect your boundaries. When a partner nags another, i think it's due to a person deeply holding something and not being able to communicate it. What comes out is frustration and criticism.
And i'd say 21 is very young for marriage if you can't see why she'd want to. You said it yourself, its love, not in love.
Be firm about your boundaries. She isn't being respectful and an equal partner in this. If she can't recognize that, no way is she ready for marriage. Who would want a spouse that gets on their ass all day. If she can't let you online your peace and to learn adulthood at your own pace, who is she to rush you.
No ultimatums, but be clear, this is something you want to work on before the thought of marriage is even considered for you. Mutual respect. And the same goes for you dude, don't pull sexist crap or she isn't gonna respect you as a newly minted adult. If you don't grow out of that old way of thinking, you're gonna get nowhere. She is being disrespectful, not cuz she is a bossy woman, but because she has some insecurity in being a relationship, and needs to learn to communicate with you.
Why do people always insist that they know nothing is going on between their spouse and someone else when it usually turns out that there is in fact something going on between them?
Your husband knew damn well that giving sex toys to her was inappropriate. This is why he did not tell you. He is either currently fucking her or is trying to fuck her. Watch your back and pay attention.
I knew a family with the dad named John Smith Jr and the kids were john smith 1 John Smith 2 and John Smith 3. All of the kids had similar birthdays ( few days apart besides the year). The 2nd kid stole the 1st and 3rd identities. He had a warrant out for his arrest and that led to one of the other boys getting arrested! Its so hard to fix. I would strongly suggest changing your last name to your mom's maiden name to avoid confusion with the similar name. If you get married, you both will eventually have different last names but that could be a while.
I'm in and out of therapy as we speak
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Not quite the same, OP found out from her BF about a decade old affair, which seeing as the BF wasn’t friends with John then couldn’t have known from firsthand information (unless he was the person who Sarah had the affair with, in that case he’s even worse), so it is hearsay at best, and complete bull shit at worse, where as the BF knew the entire time and helped his friend through the entire process.
You should get evidence that he has been using the pics of your kids and is buying adderall for people, and divorce him with custody.
Why put up with this? And you have to support him so he goes to medical school “in the future”? At mid-30s???
Your life has not been wasted. You are mid 30s and can rebuild, but you have to divorce him and only stay in contact on coparenting issues.
Experts recommend sleeping in the same room as the baby up until a year old. They do recommend against co sleeping in the same bed.
Why should someone blindly believe a false accusation?
I’d be a little upset about this, I think that’s fair.
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Oh no, no no. You shouldn’t be ‘trying to make this work’ when you’re only 6 months in. He should be the best version of himself you’ve ever seen at this point. This is the honeymoon period!
If you’re putting more effort into smoothing things over with him and he’s just trying to change you for his own benefit then it’s far too much effort and needs to end.
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Jesus. I feel sorry for your wife.
You aren't overthinking, or being a baby. Very few people telling you to get over it and be happy for her have probably been in your shoes, and I bet if the shoes were on the other foot, your wife would expect you to stay with her. If anything, you should have told her how you were feeling, instead of coming to Reddit.
she prioritizes herself – okay, but you should do the same
don't wait up for someone who just wants to put your life on hold
I could be wrong because I’m a man but preheating the woman with an orgasm makes her more prone to have more. Could he use a vibrator/toy on you so you orgasm during foreplay? Then keep constant bullet vibrator on your clit?
Ooooh a male Virgo?? I'm sorry but run immediately. He's only going to hurt you Hun.
Unless she can explain why it happened this time, she can’t reassure you it won’t happen again.
Please don’t get back together without serious discussions and ongoing therapy.
I actually forced that early on: I called her out on some stuff, and she didn't like that because based intoxicated me was spitting some truth; moral of the story she removed me on everything: removed me as a follower on Instagram, but she still follows me. I used to post there alot but since I've entirely disappeared from socials and im oretyy sure that's why she was looking for me at work wondering what I'm up to
It could not be more clear that he isn’t over his ex. His relationship with you is a band aid to distract him from the fact that he’s still in love with his ex.
My partner currently has a big beard. It looks great, he's happy with it, and…I just can't make out with him because it's like making out with a full-grown cat on his face. It's his body & his choice. Not gonna tell him to trim it. But the kissing is hard.
sooo many red flags! i understand why you had to test her.. she definitely sounds like she gives great lip service, and i’m not talking about sex.
i had to recheck the ages to see that she’s 39???
it’s only 4 months, so your mental health a favor and just let her go. you’re already losing sleep over this and anything you feel for her right now is mostly attachment anyway, not real love
love isn’t just a feeling, love requires action, and commitment. what you have is a train wreck.
based on the fact that you were thinking of moving in with her after 4 months, you should really look into individual therapy before you date again. learn about your attachment style, communication, and healthy boundaries. you’ll be less inclined to choose a partner that isn’t so hard n cold, and one that isn’t so thirsty as to inviting people strangers to DM her while telling her partner she wants to move in with them
sounds like she’s going through a mid life crisis lol
Using suicidal threats is incredibly toxic. You need to make sure there is someone else to check on her just in case and then break up with this person. She is clearly very manipulative.
Why are you letting this addict talk to you crazy like this?! Your dad has every reason to hate him!
Not tipping doesn’t fix this problem. Complaining about tipping on Reddit doesn’t fix this problem. Demanding higher wages for tipped staff is the only possible fix. Otherwise, your just skipping out on your bill to your servers detriment and justifying with a paper this moral argument about how it’s not your responsibility to fix society. It all of our responsibility to do our best. Stiffing your server is not that.
OK, so I used to give rides to people all the time. Didn't matter that they weren't out of my way and actually on the route home, I still told my partner. Why? Because I'm honest and open, and so should you be in any relationship.
One of the guys had a girlfriend who took issue with the fact I'm female. Until she met me while sat in the car waiting, with the 2 other guys I drove with. They all chipped in petrol money, as it was an hour ish drive.
If she found out because you got a text, you done messed up bro. Not only did you not tell your wife that you were spending time with another woman, you let her find out like that. It doesn't matter that it's “innocent” you should still have told her
My boyfriend puts his hand up my shirt or down my shorts while we’re making out. My face is on his face, no words are being said. I wouldn’t say he assaulted me because he didn’t pull away and ask if I was okay with him doing that. When I’m in that situation I take it as if they do something and I say no and they do it again bad. If they do it one time and you say no and they stop that’s not harmful.
I’ve been assaulted before. I’ve been raped. There are people out there who really don’t understand consent in any form. People who will stay inside you while you’re yelling it hurts and to get off. Im not going to equate someone touching their partner one time while making out as assault.
Well if he stops making his mortgage payments, he could be evicted, although that's a lengthy process. But yeah, basically the interest rate can be much lower because the bank has less risk since they can always eventually recover the debt by selling the house. As long as the overall mortgage payment is reasonable given his income, it isn't that big of a deal — the payments generally stay the same until it is paid off (and he can even potentially deduct the interest paid from his taxes). 40k of credit card debt would be a different story bc that would just get bigger and bigger forever.
Go to therapy till another human can tolerate u…
Red flag is the enormous age gap.
At the very minimum go and speak to a divorce attorney, give them a copy of your pre nup and the evidence of her cheating. Explain everything about your finances etc and ask the attorney for advice and what divorce looks like for you. There could well be a clause in the prenup re cheating.
Start planning your exit, start trying to separate your finances. But take advice from your divorce attorney.
Look up “sunk cost” fallacy. That applies to what you said about “5 years going down the trash”.
Look I'm not saying that you and your wife should or shouldn't get divorced.
But it seems like in the post that you didn't want that. And as the injured party (i.e. the one who got cheated on), if you are willing to forgive and work, then that's your choice.
I think it's easy for people on the internet to tell you to just get a divorce. But you are the one who has to online with the consequence, you have children, and it's not that easy.
That's a very selfish view of marital sex. Is it also her body her choice if she told him she was on birth control because she wanted a baby and he didn't?
Go to a barbershop and have them do it for you. They will be honest. You might even find a place that serves whiskey.
You deserve better
You’re an idiot
If you currently don't like her and that feeling has been growing each year, and rightfully so, then you don't have many choices.
You can start documenting, and plan to divorce. I wouldn't be able to come back from her abusive treatment, but if you think you could, you can separate and each seek individual counseling.
Either way, you are going to have to be more confrontational, or continue not speaking, she needs to be put on serious notice that you and your son are no longer going to be abused. If you're paying for daycare to protect your son, she needs to get a job. Don't continue to fully support her to the extent you have been.
Thank you for this, do not feed the trolls. They masturbate to the outrage.
She could have sucked a lot worse than a nipple. Count yourself lucky. She notified you what she did, because she wanted to be upfront. Again count yourself lucky. Her explanation sounds honest, ( admittedly stupid & drunken).
My apologies you are absolutely correct.
He's not someone to trust
You. Don’t. Owe. Sex. To. Anyone. EVERR.
You are not going insane. Women are not fuck dolls for male partners. So many podcasts are out there of boys who think that having a microphone makes them smart, don’t you dare listen to them.
Please get out of this. You deserve better.