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Languages: en,es
Birth Date: 1985-06-19
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityMiddleEastern
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: October 23, 2022
Thanks
No i didn’t
Just messaged him back:
I find it really sweet that you asked, I've never been asked on a date. But it doesn't feel right for me to go on a date right now. If I do go, then it feels like I'm stringing you along, as I'm not certain about what I want right now.
The easiest things to hate is ourselves. We hate others when they remind us of what he hate in ourselves.
Your boyfriend needs to mature some. If he still feels that way in 10 to 20 years you got a big problem.
I think he was pissed he wasn’t invited.
How old are you?
Yep to all you said.
Thanks for the reply, I will try to talk to him about it more!
Do you live in a town populated by middle schoolers? You all sound like pathetic drama queens with no lives of your own.
Your poor kid shouldn't be going through this.
Oooof my friend, I know this all too well. I was actually in literally the exact same age bracket as you and your gf (this was 12 years ago). I remember I had broken up with her (after 7 years) because she went long distance for college, was visiting in town, and wouldn't make the ten minute drive to come to my place. It wasn't a mean spirited break up at all, I was just in the mind-set of “Aight, well this flame is probably dead”.
My best advice would be to start focusing on you intensely (something I didn't do). Make your own plans with your own people, cut blocks of time and go to the gym, or on a hike, or fuck any adventure! Take a solo drive on the highway, make a story for yourself! When you experience legitimate internal growth it draws people in, it inspires them! Additionally, from what I have observed, self-growth is something women admire a whole lot in a guy.
Now I am just some guy on the internet, so take all this with a grain of salt. But I would also recommend reading up on attachment theory, there is a popular book called “Attached” that outlines three different types of attachers. I know very little of your relationship, but I do know people, if your girlfriend falls under the category of “Avoidant attacher” then it might be time to revisit if this relationship is something you want to invest more of your time and heart into. At the end of the day, the best relationships are the one's where both parties are wanting it to work. And that requires a >50% effort from both sides. If those scales are perpetually tilted where you put in more of the effort, then I am afraid the heartbreak is inevitable, and will only be worse with time! Good luck and I wish you well 🙂
If he is hiding his drinking he has a problem. No you can not fix him. And you will lose your family to the trauma that will eventually come anyway. I was married for 24 years to a man who struggled off and on with abusing alcohol. My regret was not leaving sooner. A marriage with no trust isn’t a marriage.
I wonder if the drinks caused her to 'loosen up' and be 'touchy feely.' Perhaps next time, if she's not someone touchy-feely when sober, make sure she doesn't drink too much.
Or is she generally touchy feeling to other people? If she is, and you're not comfortable, please talk about it to her.
Everyone has different level of 'boundaries'…maybe you guys can come to a compromise?
The whole story reminds me when I was still dating my husband…this is at a church's gathering–after the mass, kind of like those wine and cheese gathering.
A girl (she's just recently married, by the way) showed up to chat us up (just being friendly), during the whole conversation, she kept touching my husband's forearm. She even got close enough to touch/tap at his chest, laughing at his jokes. My husband was looking awkward because he's uncomfortable (he is friendly/outgoing but he's not touchy feely generally)…and I was not sure what to think lol.
I did chalk it up to….her being one of those 'touchy feely' people since I've been here in the US, I have had to 'loosen up' on that front. People do give hugs (I was not a hugger to begin with), it's so different, how friendly and talkative and 'touchy-feely' people are over here…
“I don't think this date went very well”..well no shit Sherlock..
What exactly should she be grateful for?
You already talk to him, why are you wasting your time talking to him again?
“When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time.” This is who he is. Why would he change when you are all talk, no action. He can do whatever he wants, you just accept it. There is no accountability.
“Talking” about issues is part of a healthy relationships, it is not holding someone accountable. You seem to believe that “talking” to him is the same as accountability. Talking about issues is the bare minimum for people in healthy relationships.
Read you post, make a list of all the actions YOU took, to solve HIS problem. He's didn't do anything because he doesn't want to change. His mother is also doing whatever she wants.
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Pretty pissed but I'd a ask him about it before messy making any big decisions.
I think about my son every day. I don't care if some of you say I didn't because at the end of the day, many of you know I did, saying otherwise is just a flat-out lie. Did I make the best decisions? No, I didn't, but not a single day has gone by in his life where I haven't thought about him. I messed up, and I always follow this up with accountability. If he asks, I'm going to tell him the truth.
You married a broken human being. And rather than fix herself, she broke you too.
There are a few scenarios where a drugs effect is delayed by a lot. For an example, there's a drug called 1,4-BDO, it metabolizes into GHB in your body, however that can be delayed for a long time if you have a bunch of alcohol in your system.
Either they had those fights a while back or she figured there's no point in trying and checked out emotionally. Shockingly he didn't notice that either.
as long as you deem the man worthy which ot sounds like you do!
Imagine thinking you can get your sexual kicks elsewhere, external to the relationship (which I agree with) but your partner cannot (which I disagree with). Couldn't be me, or anyone remotely reasonable. And your use of the term “making porn” is pretty misleading, she's not filming gangbangs after all (although I'd find it quite funny if he stumbled across that ?)
Yeaaah any guy thats older than 25 who prowls the local high school graduates for a wife is a dirtbag.
I think you’ll see just how creepy and gross that is soon enough. Can you imagine dating a freshly graduated high schooler at your age right now? What about in another 10 years? I’m 32 and high school seniors/college freshman are like… children basically.
I’m wondering if there is a history of trauma with OP. Sounds like that kinds of response. With that said, there is no excuse to ever put hands on your partner, and it merits a serious conversation and significant changes for the relationship to even continue. Substances are definitely not helping OP.
He’s lying to you and wants to use you for sex. He didn’t respect your boundaries and didn’t ask your consent before spanking and slapping you. I’d end this before he puts you in another uncomfortable situation.
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I made an edit to my original comment with details. Short answer, Amazon.
Please remove this person from your life in every way possible and find a therapist.
Great advice on how to waste your 30s.
“you have to be afraid of them for it to be sexual assault” now, huh?
That's not better.
You can't kidnap your child by leaving, as long as you let him see the child, wow he got you scared good ??♀️ files for divorce and set up custody arrangement for your child
Whenever it came to his emotions, he never said anything until we were at the point of ending things or after that. When I suggested the break he agreed, but later on (when he wanted to end things) I found that he didn't want to take a break even though I told him my needs weren't being met. I probably would've decided against it if we could've worked on a solution but he didn't tell me, so I didn't know. I did try to discuss him shutting me out, I told him all he did was talk to me when he was felt like it and how much it hurt but all he said was that he was sorry and it must've been frustrating. I tried to be understanding because he told me he trauma and found it difficult to open up about his feelings. That's why I thought giving him some space and time would help.
I've been trying to get back into my hobbies, hanging out with my family more, possibly getting a job much closer to home and will eventually be going back to school too! It's been slow progress but hopefully if I can get a new job closer to home I'll be able to get back into my hobbies more.
This entire situation has been very overwhelming these past few weeks if I'm being honest. A small part of me wants to wait it out and see if he'll actually visit but another part, the more rational part just wants to save myself the disappointment and end things. Either way I'll probably try to get into therapy since this has taken a larger toll on me than I originally thought. Honestly, thank you for the kind and genuine advice. I really do appreciate it!
Dont ever change yourself for someone else.
It leads to unhappiness, resentment and bitterness.
Love the piercing and find someone who sees you for you, not what's on the outside… Though there are plenty of men out there that get hot for piercings and tats.
This is really mean to tell you this while having sex. He should’ve been more sensitive. ‘On the other hand your husband goes to the gym and probably sees a lot of fit women. He puts more and more pressure on you to be fit because he gets attracted to these women’s body but he really wants is you.
Run
sorry if i confused you but i don’t bring it up regularly. i apologized after the snap and then stopped talking about it as a whole. but i understand he needs his time. to be frank, maybe i’m just upset that he hasn’t forgiven/forgotten when he’s done me wrong multiple times. in which i’ve forgiven completely but somehow he can’t afford me that same grace. it feels super selfish to say but it’s my (secret) truth.
Stay away from the ex. If that was a keeper relationship you would still be in it. Thank the 30m for letting you know about the no kids now instead of stringing you along. Get out there and find someone who checks 80% of your boxes.
It could be about your pubic hair comment or not. People who are overly clingy and who overly compliment are sometimes trying to convince themselves things are working out while knowing they’re not really into their partner.
Maybe she was never that into you and seeing her friends and family back and home and talking to them convinced her you weren’t the one.
I’d still ask her for a chat, to clear the air and make sure there’s no bad blood between you guys as you’re classmates
she sounds like an asshole fr. she sees you as a safety net and is using you. not only that, but when confronted, she gaslit you. and the fact that y’all got engaged pretty quickly because she kept pushing for it a month or two after y’all got official?? aw hell naw. thats toxic asf.
my advice is to call off the wedding and break things off with her. she’s disrespecting you. you deserve better. i’m wishing you the best.
OMG, you're right. what was I thinking. I'll just head back on over to the 50s and 60s and stuff those feelings right on down.
I don't know WHAT I was thinking.
Thanks for straightening me out.
That was crazy right?
Does it really matter if it’s a joke group or not? (Of course he’s going to make light of it, you really expected an honest answer?) You feel disgusted and disrespected, and he was disrespecting you by not shooting down the hot requests or letting them call you ugly. Besides that, you said he caused trust issues elsewhere in the relationship.
Doesn’t matter what you call it. As long as it is between freely consenting adults it doesn’t matter. He is just acting like a really insecure guy and I guess watches a lot of porn so he is imagining something that is different than the reality. Most straight couples that I know where they have discussed threesomes, the guy has requested to bring in a girl and the girl has requested to bring in a guy. He doesn’t know what he is talking about.
I had to recheck the ages because I swear everyone in this post sounds 16
Firstly, breasts don’t sag from breast feeding alone. Pregnancy causes them to sag whether you breast feed or not. Also, you’re 38, and aging is a part of life. It’s tough to deal with but making negative comments about ourselves in the presence of others shows a lack of confidence and if we can’t be confident in ourselves, they won’t be other.
However, your bf should not have made a comment on your appearance if it wasn’t a compliment bc that is even more damaging and entirely unnecessary. I’m sure he’s got his own issues, as well, and shouldn’t be commenting on something as normal as sagging breasts. I’d tell him how hurt you feel by his comments and see if he offers an apology or any sort of remorse.
Your value isn’t tied to your appearance. Bodies change and we all have to accept that. It’s difficult but something we just have to do. Many, many women have saggy breasts and still find enjoyment in life, their bodies and with their partners. Best wishes!
Thanks…
Yeah this girl is clearly wasting your time
If she can't block someone from a foreign country who clearly has unresolved feelings for her then what chance do you have
It was a good choice to break up with her , now you just have to stick to your decision.
She had no reason as to why she didn't with me
Really? She needs a reason to decline anal?
Are you sure you're 40?
She doesn't owe you this type of sex.
Ever thought that it's damaging and she's not into it right now, no? Maybe it's your attitude that pushes her away.
What, you think she owes you all your porn kinks?
Early 20s, dating, and sharing a bank account? Lol
If you must share do it this way.
Joint account for bills and separate accounts for “fuck you it's my money so mind your business what I use it for”.
It's how my wife and I do it. 13 yrs and not one argument about money
That's why I said a trans person's gender. And I also meant “respect that they are that gender” not “respect the gender itself”.
Her asking repeatedly and using manipulative statements is shitty. You're correct. If SHE doesn't want any more children SHE should do something permanent to fix the issue.
All she has to do is sleep. He's not fucking anything up for her, she can sleep all day long (and professional does).
…and end relationship.
idk but it would be a hell no for me
Just tell them. There will never be an easy way and there’s no way she won’t get mad. Either way it’s your wedding. Sure Rodger is your bio dad and blood is thicker than water blah blah blah but if it was he wouldn’t have fucked off most of your life. I would make that VERY clear. I mean crystal clear. Regardless of what he had going on nothing justifies it. Ask your dad and be sure of your choice. People will try to bully you but this is YOUR wedding.
Yeah. I’m kind of sick of pointing that out and not seeing improvement. This is all just one more thing on the list I’m realizing.
Lmao congratulations on finding a good one. Just because you’ve got a great one doesn’t mean everyone does.
There is tons of literature out on it now, and quite a few stories from people who took it on their doctor’s recommendation and ended up with serious issues.
Also, OP says further down that her bf offered to help her wean off and she took him up on it. She’s a grown woman, she made a choice. Doesn’t sound like her BF pressured her or threatened her or gave her an ultimatum.
If I knew someone I cared about was using antihistamines every day I’d give them the same warning.
Obviously the man isn’t a shining beacon of medical knowledge, as evidenced by his gallon of chocolate milk every night. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, and OP doesn’t sound too bright herself.
She needs something besides antihistamines if she wakes up when someone so much as drops a pin in her driveway.