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Assnetta_Sweetpaw_paw, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 3, 2022
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Girl run. He cheated on you. End of story. Doesn’t matter the gender, he lied to you and he’s putting your health at risk but fucking other people behind your back.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it 🙂 I do really acknowledge that he is showing love in what he knows best and I do see that he does. It’s what he’s used to and needs, and I’m not much of a words person. Yeah, sometimes I’ll bring it up in the moment, and sometimes after. It’s been a few months now since we’ve had these conversations and I think that’s what’s leading to this feeling now. Thank you for the resources, I’ll check those out!
I can somewhat relate. I really struggled with the concept that my parents aren't perfect, but neither are they all bad. Mine neglected my mental health and made my school years a living hell due to an undiagnosed illness that could've been very easily treated if they had just had me tested. Instead they tried to fix me with discipline. It was really naked for me to come to terms with the fact that what my parents did was wrong and really harmed me, but that I can still love other things about them.
Your mother did a horrible, hurtful thing to you. She may not understand how much it hurts you or not intended it quite the way it sounded. It may have been triggered by some older hurt she carries herself. It may just be that she's at her wit's end and doesn't know how else to help you. Or maybe those are all just excuses, obviously I don't have the context to judge.
Either way, it is a fact that your mother hurt you through no fault of your own. Nothing you say you did deserves such a response. You can let that statement stand on its own: she did a horrible thing to you this year. You do not need to judge your mom's entire character to justify being hurt, and this horrible thing does not have to redefine every good memory you have of your parents. They do not need to be horrible people through and through to have done something really mean and unfair to you. And if they are horrible people, it does not reflect on your worth as a person in any way.
Try to imagine how you would feel and react if a friend treated you this way. It's ok to be hurt. It's ok to be mad. As adults, we get to reassess our relationship with our parents and decide what shape we want it to have in the future.
Let’s pretend this story is real and let’s pretend the wife actually muted her friend.
wife talking to friend on the phone
OP: “Hey hun, there’s something I need to talk to you about. Can you please put your friend on hold?” Wife: puts friend on hold “Sure baby, what’s going on?” OP: “I’m really concerned about how much weight you have gained. I don’t feel as attracted to you but most importantly, I’m concerned for your health” Wife: “Awe, you’re concerned about me? Thanks babe! You are absolutely right; I will work on my weight. It had not occurred to me that I was gaining weight.” OP: “ok, cool. Thank you for being so understanding babe. You can go back to your friend now. Love you!”
To any man (or woman) out there concerned about your partner’s weight gain, go ahead and just bring it up. I’m SURE these conversations always go as smoothly. Better yet, bring it up while they’re in the middle of something. It’s not like this is a super sensitive topic for everyone, especially women.
it was just first time I made it apparent I saw him as a creep. That's what made him stop.
Yes. When he realised it was distressing to you.
You really need to talk to a psychologist and work through these issues. Having nightmares waking up covered in sweat, and not bring able to walk in front of men (50% of the population) is no way to live. There's nothing anyone on this sub can say that will help you, other than see a psychologist.
It's not really your business ?♀️
Dump her and let her know exactly why.
He is not concerned because he got paid and knows exactly where that money went. He is hiding his money from you and who knows what he’s spending it on. I’m guessing: cheating, drugs, gambling or hoarding it to prepare for a divorce.
Are there? Jk. Kinda…
I don't know if the issue is really forgiving. Are you really sure you're going to want to marry someone who would do this to you? This doesn't sound like a remorseful partner who made a one time oopsie and kissed someone, this is someone who is lacking something from your relationship and looking to fill it with other men instead of communicating with you or working on it. You can't really forgive someone for making the continued choice to keep lying to you and breaking your trust, you just have to go to therapy and learn to love yourself enough to know it wasn't your fault and they don't deserve your time.
Cheating can’t be a mistake, it’s not like she stumbled and landed on his dick. It was a shitty decision that she might even regret, but that’s true for people in prison as well, so she deserves to be dumped. You’re both very young as well and I doubt you’ll even remember each other in a year or two. Just move on buddy.
I think based on this alone it doesnt mean much. Perhaps you could read into it if he promised something but failed to live up to it. Not everyone treats dogs like family members. They are animals and there really is only so much you can do.
“risk” seeing him again. That's placing blame and making OP feel
perhaps the risk is her own mental health. i took that as a “I'm in a very bad place after what just happened and can't risk seeing you again for my own mental health/triggers/etc” not “i cant risk seeing you again bc you might hit me next.”
we do not know OPs gf's story. perhaps her ex put her in the hospital. perhaps she could not afford therapy to get her through that. she has every right to be triggered by whatever triggered her. the people saying she should “just get over it” are whats wild to me
Stop pursuing her and learn how to coparent.
The only person who has the power to let him spin lies at you is you. You know he’s cheating. He knows he’s cheating. You don’t need to worry about whether or not he believes you know. You just tell him you want the divorce and throw him out. Only you can give or refuse the chance for him to spin his lies.
The truth is you’re far too young and clearly far too unprepared to be getting married anyways, not both of you…YOU specifically
Every survey ever conducted show the same things, women are happiest with men 5-10 years older than them who are financially independent. It’s the reason why most women pick only 5% of men on dating apps because they all want the same things at the end of the day
Unless you come from a rich family there’s no chance you’re even financially secure let alone independent and you’re too young to have accomplished anything much
The most successful men spend their 20s focusing only on education, starting their career and becoming established in that career which roughly takes 3-5 years as a minimum. That places you in the 33-35yo range and your best bet is finding a 23-28yo woman
She figured this out so she left, now you’re forced to have to figure this out
But with condoms?