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Artem & Nika, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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Your husband is a pu**y leave him. He doesn’t care to defend you and he didn’t seem to care that his own friend was trying to hook up with his wife enough said. Get the lawyer and hit the ground running.
Would it carry the same connotations if it were the woman saying this?
very true
Yeah, I stand by my initial assessment. You’ve got to have standards, people can’t just be in your life even if it’s not working for you.
I’ve definitely been there and I know how badly it hurts, but you’ve got to have the guts and self love to expect more from your friendships. You’re carrying the whole thing, here. If he won’t step up and reciprocating you need to face the fact that he doesn’t care enough and let him go.
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But her husband has been for at least 6 years. ?
A divorce sounds like a good compromise to me
Please don’t believe it.
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Insulting this very present internet stranger is different than analyzing bf behaviour from their description.
He sounds immature and possibly lacks emotional intelligence.
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The only solution is to leave the relationship altogether. He has kids and they have to come first period. They don’t deserve to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around them. Going forward, do not date someone with kids and do date within your own age group!
Exactly ? even if it's out of budget. She is asking for half of his rent money.
He knew she loved something he owned. Something he probably loved
Stuff like this makes me believe in the worst about gift giving.
So it sounds like you've been waiting for your sex life to get better – but not doing things to make it a priority? Do you take your wife on dates? Do you go on vacations together jsut the two of you? Does she get enough time to relax and feel like everything at home & with the kids is under control so she can actually want intimacy? More importantly – what would a good sex life look like to your wife? what is she interested in?
I would actually recommend you guys sitting down and watching the Goop Love & Sex show on Netflix, it had some really interesting stuff in it, and maybe watching it and talking about it could start some conversation about how you can improve your physical intimacy over time.
I know how nude it can be to feel like you're begging for even a crumb of physical affection (BELIEVE ME I KNOW) I would recommend asking questions, and not asking FOR things. Find out how she's feeling, what you can do to support, how can you build an even better marriage for both of you.
Ask him. Communicate
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Cut the whole lot out of your life. They're toxic to you and they don’t give a damn about you. If they did they would treat you the way they are. Go make a real family with people who actually care and leave these assholes in your dust.
When they finally notice you’re gone have them blocked everywhere and moved on to a new location far from them. Your fake family doesn’t deserve you or your time.
Good luck and stay strong. You’ll find the love you want and deserve. You just have to go find it.
Just curious is he religious or just fucked up from some shit that happened to him because those things make a difference in this type of behavior? Either way if he can't fit your needs you should explain you can't do a relationship like that. I would really recommend breaking up after a good convo about needs, wants, and goals if he won't compromise. Which it sounds like he won't. Doesn't sound like a bad dude at all just sounds like he's working through some stuff and you're on another path. It happens.
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Expecting someone to ask to do something you don't actually want them to do and being mad when they don't isn't a reasonable ask, IMO. Yes, she isn't meeting your expectations, which you feel is rude, but from her perspective, how embarrassing is it that someone is mad at you because you were supposed to know what they wanted you to do, so they could tell you not to do it?
I’ve done mdma lots of times, and while it doesn’t always make you feel aroused, it is very common for it to make you feel very affectionate towards people. She’s dressing sexy and going out and taking the “love drug” for years but has no sexual interests in her bf, they’ve not had sex for 2 years lol
I find it very nude to believe she’s not fucked anyone in two years of raving and doing Mandy.
I might not know for a fact but you can look at evidence and work out the odds for yourself. Still, regardless of whether or not she’s cheating, he’s been unhappy for years, and she has shown no interesting in helping change that. How many years is the correct amount of years to waste, being unhappy with someone who doesn’t want to even try to make you happier?
So the natural progression is to meet. Asking to meet up for a date is not unreasonable and it shouldn't be seen as you pressurising things; most relationships start that way.
So tell him you want to go on a face to face date and pin him down to some firm plans.
If he won't then you know he isn't really interested
Stop making excuses for him. What he’s done is very very weird and possessive.
It's like telling someone they can't have cake because they just ate a full meal. The full meal was definitely satisfying, but there's nothing wrong with wanting cake. Let me put it this way, sex with a partner is a full on activity that you need to focus on someone else's needs and wants, and masturbating is a mindless activity that allows you to explore your own. Not letting him masturbate is like telling him he can't have his him time. You don't see him as an individual, only as your partner, but he's both.
She was gone for two days tho, so hence why he was pretty upset
Then again, women should probably not flirt with their male friends if they don’t want this kind of thing to happen.
Yeah in my opinion it definitely is. We are unbelievably close and have supported each other through so much. More importantly we drive each other to be better. It’s a very supporting relationship. This is why I’m really concerned at how angry she is
Just save yourself the heartache. Call it quits. He just doesn’t want to be the bad guy. But he’s got goals that involve other girls.
Bro please respect yourself like you should have the first time and move on from this trash
I mean, this is exactly where my mind went too. but what can you do when you’ve already confronted the person and they’ve denied anything weird and provided an excuse (albeit a weak one)? just keep nagging until they confess? ask for couples therapy…?
Never thought of it as me bragging. I should have provided context – he didn’t like that I had so many guys on snap but I can see where he could have felt attacked
You know you’re over thinking. So there’s really one option unless you want to get paranoia in the way of this relationship.
One kiss that didn’t mean anything three months before yous even considered a relationship. There’s nothing to be insecure about. Seeing him “everyday” also doesn’t automatically make him a mutual friend. Doesn’t seem like he’s an actual friend if you didn’t even know he was in a relationship three months ago so to me, this looks like you’ve over exaggerated the relationship on purpose to make your gf look worse and feel worse.
Alright reddit go to sleep now. You're done.
It sounds like you have a lot of shame surrounding this fantasy of yours. Almost everyone has a sexual history and everyone has different opinions on what is considered way too much. For some people, oral is considered degrading. For other people, your fantasy wouldn't even make them blink. So what I'm trying to say is that it's not so black and white of what would keep sex 'sacred' and what would taint that image.
There's nothing wrong with your fantasy and there's nothing wrong with her not being into it or feeling insecure over it. She's probably feeling your self hatred and insecurity and its making her more insecure. What if you could accept that you have this fantasy and not apologize for it? Why are you hating yourself so much for having a fantasy?
I think that you need to keep showing her how much you love her and want to be intimate with her. It's not your fantasy that's getting in the way, it's both of your insecurities. You can't let your insecurities rule your life or ruin your happiness, that goes for her too. She's worried that you don't think she's enough so prove to her that she is.
And i really hope that you can come full circle and realize you can respect the importance of sex and love, and also be a little kinky.
He’s doing this to control you and make you feel self conscious. Suggest he put a dab of vapor rub under his nostrils and get over it or live! alone.
Reddit is older than 12 years. And the guy was released, it says right there in the title. He's not using a phone from prison
Walk the f@@king dog. Sorry I really dislike people like you. Animal abusers.
Jeez…Let me be the friend that says GIRL… Don’t even waste any more of your time with this man!! I dated a guy exactly like this and I am SO glad he’s my ex! Someone who truly cares about you cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. He has shown over and over again he only cares about himself. I’m willing to bet he’s selfish outside the bedroom as well. Dump him. Also he’s way to old to be pulling this.
That sounds scary as hell.
This is kind of silly – also fast food is generally best when it’s right out the fryer, I don’t blame him for eating his food immediately? I do this too. If you want a sit down meal, that’s one thing? But say that. Making stipulations about where someone can eat food they’ve just purchased… idk.
That girl is thinking the exact same shit as you.
What’s the guy say when you ask him about it
Grooming alert! ? Grooming alert! ?
No one ever thinks the textbook signs apply to THEIR situation.
Besides the fact the age gap is a clear sign that he groomed you… tell your bf to have the person your dad cheated on his mom with to take care of him. It's not your job to do so.
Man I feel bad for you. You’ve put up with way more than anyone would in this relationship. I would feel so damn sad in your situation (not sad pathetic, sad beaten down), and reading your post just made me feel so bad for the position you’re in.
She may be a great partner “otherwise,” but in this case, her actions and behavior leave a big, gaping hole in your relationship that does not sound normal. I’m all for polyamory if people are doing it respectfully and with consideration for their primary partner, but she is going about it in a really bad way. That, compounded by the fact that you’ve been neglecting your own needs/sexual tastes for her makes me think this cannot last, for your own sake.
You’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her wishes, but why are you settling for dissatisfaction for yourself? If you marry her, this is what your life will be forever. You gotta know you deserve better than that.
Oh hell yeah. I don't give myself the flowers I deserve often, but hell yeah I know my worth. I know I'm fucked up and I refuse to project so I'm gonna go seek the help I need to continue growing.
She's depressed 1000%. We've talked about it, I'm completely supportive, and that's why I'm willing to do everything I do. I pay the bills, our mortgage, and even her gas so she doesn't have to worry as much. I'm up for the challenge, but I can't say I'm interested in losing every single metaphorical battle, which I have been so far.
You won't be friends with him after this. He and his son won't heal from the heartbreak easily enough to remain friends after.
Regardless, if you want to leave you should, but understand that they will likely go no contact with you. And if they don't it will become a dragged out drama that escalates to you and them splitting on the “friendship” on even worse terms than if you just leave and say you are leaving because you want to.
It sounds a lot like your Mom gets anxious and then has to attack you to have a solution for her anxiety. It’s not you, it’s her. There’s nothing you can do except boundaries and changing your reaction to the circumstances. Your parents have serious issues and are being very unfair to you. They’re set in this pattern unless they suddenly wake up (extremely uncommon) or until they get really shook up some how which is exceptionally nude for someone to do.
Please read a book on toxic relatives and establish good and appropriate boundaries and guidelines for when and how to walk away when they do this.
I don't even want to look at either of them, I'm so fucking disgusted. That's the least he owes me.
yeah thats true
Yup, we already do couple's counselling for some other unrelated issues and her body image had come up before but I don't think anything was particularly solved or addressed indepth. She has been to individual therapy before but from what she's told me I don't think they focused on body image at that time. I think we'll need to find a therapist that specialises in that.
People can go at different paces though. The idea of going to someone’s place on a first date is not only dangerous, but for some people… to fast?
I mean. Maybe that worked for you. But what is it Linda said in bobs burgers… “you haven’t even smelled each others farts yet?!” Granted she changed her mind at the end. But that’s cause the show needs a moral. She was right in the beginning by Lmao that’s just WAY to fast for most people
You really don’t need her agreement to break up, and it’s pretty clear from your post that you’d rather just cut ties and move on with your life.
Here’s the thing: when you ignore your wants and needs in favor of someone else’s, you start to lose sight of how to care for yourself. You spent this whole post explaining what she wants and how it’s completely different from what you want, but you’re still worried about disappointing her. The fact is that she’s not worried at all about how she’s affecting you. She wants you in her life on her terms no matter how unhealthy it is for you.
Break up with her for good, set your boundaries about friendship (whatever you actually WANT them to be) and mean it, and start living your life the way you want.
Exactly this. Never go where one is not invited. Remember never take it personally.
My ex found out in his 40s that he was an affair baby. So yeah, I think DNA tests are a great thing.
It's been a year. You've done couples counseling. And you still don't trust her at all? I get why you don't, but if you still don't trust her and won't unless she finds herself in a very similar situation and acts differently…you need to pull the plug while you're still amicable.
You not having any trust in her, regardless of whether it's founded or not, will erode your relationship. It will be messy when she finally can't on-line with you not trusting her anymore or you finally accept you'll never trust her and by then it might be really naked to coparent together well.
An 8 year gap in your 20s is way bigger than in your 40s or 50s ??♀️ regardless of whether people consider that formula to be the convention, i think most people would agree that it’s kinda gross/creepy for a 40 yr old to be dating 27 year old. I think it’s more helpful to think in terms of how big of a percentage of the younger person’s life the age gap is. In other words, the bf has lived 33% more time on earth than she has. That’s a lot.
You are an idiot.
You can (and should as a good person) respect and support her finding her sexuality.
But unless you are in an open relationship, then she does not get to sleep with someone else. She can be Bi without sleeping with someone else.
You have basically made a situation where you have to either close up your relationship, or allow her to sleep with someone else. And whether you like it or not, if your friend doesn’t have morals, your GF will sleep with them.
Tell her that while you thought it was the right decision at the time, you have since learned that sexuality is who you are attracted to, not who you fuck. And that by giving her a pass to explore, you were in effect opening the relationship without any boundaries or rules in place, and that you do not want an open relationship.
So you need to choose – tell her that her sexuality has nothing to do with sleeping with someone else while in a relationship with you, and possibly have her end the relationship
Or
Allow her to sleep with other, and as I said regardless of what you want unless your friend says no she will sleep with them as she already has little to no respect for you in this regards
Or
You end the relationship.
idk im all for giving your partners kinks a go if you’re comfortable, but if you’re asking here then it seems you’re unsure, so don’t do it.
if you want abs and to lose weight, that is your business, when it comes to your actual body i wouldn’t change it; a partner can take you or leave you as you come
He said he was aroused that someone he liked seemed to be interested in him back and she was touching his thighs so that made him excited so he masturbated. Does that make sense?
1 week
Plenty of people don't have the time to keep up with mainstream celebrity drama. If I hadn't seen it on a local IG page, I wouldn't have heard about it.
Not surprised that a working mom isn't up to date on who Leo is currently dating.
Oh God, you're right ?. And the ex is in her streams?! ? Yeah, ok. I need to use the restroom really quick. climbs out the window and runs
I mean… your question has the answer right in it, my guy.
Honestly from past experiences be hoping and being around people that have behaved like this it sounds like they’re hiding something and it’s why they’re quiet and awkward. Knowing the bar scene (where I on-line at the least) I’m guessing they do coke normally when you’re not there. Which would give further reason they’re quiet. You’re killing the vibe of doing coke and drinking. Or the less likely option imo but still very possible or even a combination of the two they’re picking up girls. Then I remember reading about the forest and well hopefully that’s as serious as it gets. Best of luck.
You got this bro!
Women do it too! Your fantasy is just your fantasy. Unless you have an unhealthy obsession with masturbating or porn, you are fine. You can think of whatever you want without hurting other people. Touching people without their consent or masturbating in public like you experienced however is illegal and immoral. This way you are hurting people and making them uncomfortable. That is sexual abuse.
But what he is doing is normal. I’m a healthy woman in a committed relationship and I probably fantasize about sleeping with half of the people I meet, men and women. Some of us are just horny. You are entitled to your own fantasies.
?♂️
Who knows.
She could be doing that whole 'batting the eyelashes' move trying to entice you into putting things back into motion.
Anyways, why are her friends so obsessed with commenting negative things on your posts? What sort of things are they saying?
This is my thoughts
No need to be polite about it. Be coldly rational, explain how disrespectful and entitled he's asking, then leave him.
Ok you’ve kind of mentally put yourself in a corner her by taking some type of high road and instead of confronting this issue head on you keep trying to make concessions.
Is there a reason this didn’t start with “I have told her I don’t feel that my needs are met”. I didn’t see that anywhere…
Your first point is so untrue it's almost sad. Do some reading about geriatric pregnancies and the risks they carry. Then you'll understand why women try to have kids before their mid 30s. That's why women don't want to wait. It has nothing to do with looks.
And “might I add”, do you understand that you can get married without the big expensive wedding you keep referring to? It's called eloping or a courthouse wedding.
Your 1st point is based on a lack of basic understanding of biology and fertility. And your 2nd point is pushing the notion that huge expensive weddings are the only way to get married. Do some reading then try again, bud.
Is it wrong that he can be so loving and affectionate and I'm still fixating on these issues and not trying to fix them? Honestly I'm so enervated that I've mentally decided against being with him, but sometimes I really question my own decision and thought process.
OP if it didn’t happen after 5 years it will never happen 🙁 they are stringing you along
If he is a perfct boyfriend he understands a “No, I'm not comfortable doing this. Don't ask no more.” He also doesn't go and cheat or leave you because one of his sexual fantasies didn't get fullfilled.
You need to get out now girl
I agree, he needs to break up with her. And then he needs to attend therapy because he has absolutely no right being in a relationship.
He didn't warn her, he threatened her. And then he carried through with said threat and continued the attack when she dodged.
Yeah, I personally agree with that (and again, what matters is what you think). I guess I would just focus more on that, less about the actual action. Secrets are a problem.
Also I didn’t see the messages you did. I guess if it went beyond just exchanging pictures and got more real in the actual communications, I could see how it’s more than a harmless kink, or foreshadows actual cheating.
You get over it? ?♀️ or date someone else who is willing to end friendships for their new date (which is unhealthy).
Chastising someone for doing something is a way to control their future behavior.
Would I be thrilled if I found out my partner was talking about our sex life to his friends? Of course not. That said I trust that if he’s so he has is reasons. I’m also not ashamed of anything I do with him. She’s not blasting it on social media oe telling his mother. She’s talking about her life to her friends.
That's going to have to be a no for me dawg
Wait, so he still hangs out with a lady who thinks you’re complete shit? I figured that he had stopped seeing them!
I begin to see the problem here. He doesn’t want to move in because, as he says, “you might break up”. What he means is he doesn’t see himself with you and would break up with you if he wasn’t such a coward. Instead, he is going to drag this out, and you’re going to let him, because you equate having long, unproductive talks about a problem with solving a problem. He is, at this point, hiding behind the talks.
Take him to the gym. Let him meet the trainer, let him be there when he wants. Don't hide your phone, don't be secretive, respect his feelings as you would expect yours to be respected. Maintain a professional only relationship with your trainer. He's not your friend, he doesn't need your number, snap, or anything else.
I juste don’t want to end up with nothing and he is literally everything I’ve been asking for – paper wise ?
So, give yourself some grace here. This isn't just your mom's life it is affecting you as well.
She makes shit decisions for sure and it sounds like you have experienced a lot with her. You have the right to evaluate her decisions in how the impact you and your life.
Now she has a grandchild and you need to protect that child from her. I would go LC for sure with her. Children are very impressionable and the lies, alcohol, and maybe even drugs will leave their mark.
You sound super smart and intuitive. Keep that up and protect yourself and your child.
For the sake of your mental health you need to cut her off. You are pregnant and that’s is already stressful as it is and you mom has been lying to all these years if she wanting to change well you need to put your foot down and focus on yourself and the child