I would have had a completely different convo and asked him why he chose “putting fingers in my mouth secretly in the dark while he sleeps next to me” and not let it go until he was mad me
It's weird that he goes there first and not just like a normal person says “hey watcha doing over there”
Thanks. Can I ask how his awkwardness has manifested in the past or what that looks like?
Also, I think I must have edited my comment as you wrote your response. Do you get the sense he was lying about the conversation you had with your friend about her sex life, or does it seem plausible you did talk with her and forgot? Has he ever told you something happened before and you don't think it did?
My guy stop being blinded by love. Actions speaks louder than words. I understand you are hurting but you only going to hurt yourself more if you keep offering excuses for her.
Talk with someone at your free clinic, or your own personal physician. DO NOT provide her with support until you discover if you are the father. If you are, then you proceed with your plans. If you're not, she is using you and no, don't trust her!
Yeah the ask out to drinks was the perfect opportunity. “ of sorry I can’t tonight, I’ve been so busy with finals I promised my BF we would go out tonight”
This girl is using you. All your conversations are her manipulating you for attention. She’s really insecure and has chosen someone else over you repeatedly. It doesn’t seem like she is ever thinking of what is good for you in this relationship. That’s not friendship and it’s certainly not love. She sounds so narcissistic.
It could require ghosting her if you don’t think you are strong enough to deal with her all her bids for attention and manipulation. Or tell her the relationship isn’t working for you and tell her to stop contacting you. Wish her well and don’t look back.
Nah bro she is strait of playing you. She wasn’t assaulted unfortunately one of the bad things that came with people being more conscious of SA is some women have weaponized into a cop out. It is honestly sick. Completely ruins all the progress we have made to make people accountable. I saw it in the military all the time. Anytime a women made a poor choice like cheating or sleeping with the wrong person or just to get out of a duty station they would claim SA. Send her back to the streets bro
Tell her that her husband is trying to chase you off. I don’t know if she’s really oblivious or just ignoring things to keep the peace, but this is something you need to talk with her about. Don’t let him isolate her.
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You know there are these countries that have public health care. You can get all the needed procedures and treatments there and it will cost you almost nothing.
I’d say stop communicating with this guy and move on. He stood you up, shit happens. No use letting it ruin your days, it’s not like you even knew him, and anyways you seem pretty confident so who cares what he does or thinks?
Having a crush is not the same as infidelity. She came to you with it! That's making YOUR relationship the priority and holding herself accountable so it went no further. But ok, SHES the problem, not you.
Well, that's a thing you need to work on then. Let your mind be the decision maker because the mind does the thinking. It's what's logical. Your heart does the feeling, and usually the heart follows itself blindly.
Regardless… someone is going to be burnt in this situation. If you allowed yourself to develop feelings for someone else whilst in a committed reletionship, do you think you are really capable of being in one?
You have to decide one or the other. And once you do, there is no going back. If you break your GFs heart and later learn your new girl isn't as prefect as you thought, there is no crawling back to your ex.
If you decide the new girl, you owe it to your GF to stop wasting her time. Just get it over and done with. Stop this emotional cheating because it's wrong to do.
Put an end to one of the other and get back in touch with what it means to be in a reletionship. You need to be committed in full or not at all.
There was music playing and lots of talking yes. I still am not convinced that you cannot feel someone’s hand on your hip. That is right where I’m stuck on this problem. I hope that she didn’t freeze up and was unable to do anything about it because she is not the type to let that happen. I know she wouldn’t want a scene and that’s exactly why I acted the way I did
Exactly. I guess it's that opening part I need and when to bring it up. The fact that I had to ask reddit is ridiculous because I'm making it a bigger a deal than it is. Lol
I’m a dude. And yes unfortunately you screwed up. Gonna need some grit to power through. In the future this will make a good story and you can learn from this. I’m sure that your future romantic endeavors will be better calibrated thanks to this.
I don't know. I've heard lots of people in abusive relationships say they have a good relationship. I've even done it with my childhood. When it's good it's really good. They love bomb and treat them really well because if it's always bad they'll leave. Some people in that situation tend to block out the bad parts or write them off as one time things or little things without seeing the bigger picture.
I always said I had a good childhood, we were just poor. But really it was horrible. My dad was an alcoholic who ditched us half the time and came home so screwed up the other half. Spent out bill money on himself and never took interest in our lives. My mom was a diabetic and drug addict. I was made responsible for her health at a very young age. When her sugar dropped I had to bring it up or call an ambulance, which she hated. They fought all the time and emotionally abused us. But it was treated as normal so I didn't know another way. It wasn't until I had my own child that I started to really think about how screwed up everything was and then they died so I really spun out. I am actually really lucky I found the partner I did because I was raised to be the perfect victim. I was always scared to make people mad because of how unstable my parents were. They would hurt me or leave.
I do not know in OPs situation. If it is just a one time screw up and he is willing to understand what he did wrong. Or if it's a pattern of him pushing her, not taking no for an answer and not believing her experiences. I hope for her sake that he had a clueless moment but I have a bd feeling about it. The way he kept pushing her and the fact that you don't have to be sick to see how others feel when they are. Like he's never even been around someone sick and heard them complain about their symptoms?
If he uses a well fitting condom he can go ahead and ejaculate while having intercourse. That’s what condoms are for. Otherwise he can have a hand job and nothing more. Stand up for yourself OP, you don’t want to get pregnant or catch an STD.
A hotel sounds nice. You'll figure out what you want to do when you get some good relaxation alone. As far as telling your family, just tell them that you're no longer together. They don't need to know details or anything if you don't want to share. That's your personal business. I'm sure this next chapter will be beautiful for you. Well wishes ❤️
The relationship ended the moment she pursued someone else. It's time to hire a lawyer and get ready for divorce. There is no moving past or recovering the relationship. It's done. She ended it
I am not forcing her in any way. I am just manifesting this in my own mind. She is hanging out with this guy all the time, taking trips, going out and everything. I just cannot believe how easy it is for her to forget the 4.5 years we have spent together. She has accepted she loves me but she says she just cannot love me and respect me the way she used to. I am praying daily to get the last chance this relationship deserves.
Right, I think this all the time when people are like, oh you shouldn't *have* to…I mean, ok but she isn't the one who wrote in, so OP can get on his high horse and think about how he shouldn't *have* to, and nothing will change. Or he can break up, or he can talk to her. Sure if she was writing in I could say, there are ways to show enthusiasm etc etc but without someone telling her that she isn't going to magically realized what she hasn't already.
That’s maybe how the girl felt
Yes. That's rough buddy
I think it's a confusing message.
Might be better to say something along these lines, especially if he's not showing interest:
“Hey, just going back on what I said earlier. I'll be in your area for the wedding in January. If you want to hangout when I'm there, lemme know.”
BRO ??
On your end it would look like
This
And turn into
This
Well she cheated on my the first time before I showed any negative attitudes towards her
Where’s your self respect? Walk away. If she really cared about you she wouldn’t be cheating.
Go get your stuff?
I would have had a completely different convo and asked him why he chose “putting fingers in my mouth secretly in the dark while he sleeps next to me” and not let it go until he was mad me
It's weird that he goes there first and not just like a normal person says “hey watcha doing over there”
don't do it if you find it uncomfortable. your feelings matter, not everything has to be decided on how other feels. prioritize your feelings
You are wanting to tell her to alleviate your guilt. It’s for you not her.
Don't do it again. The more you do it the harder it will be to cut her off. You took her virginity so she'll probably bug you for a while.
She obviously wasn’t black out drunk if she remembers making out with him. So she was obviously present when it occurred lmao.
It's not a win-win. “Pay women to talk with them” sounds insanely creepy.
Thanks. Can I ask how his awkwardness has manifested in the past or what that looks like?
Also, I think I must have edited my comment as you wrote your response. Do you get the sense he was lying about the conversation you had with your friend about her sex life, or does it seem plausible you did talk with her and forgot? Has he ever told you something happened before and you don't think it did?
My guy stop being blinded by love. Actions speaks louder than words. I understand you are hurting but you only going to hurt yourself more if you keep offering excuses for her.
Talk with someone at your free clinic, or your own personal physician. DO NOT provide her with support until you discover if you are the father. If you are, then you proceed with your plans. If you're not, she is using you and no, don't trust her!
Yeah the ask out to drinks was the perfect opportunity. “ of sorry I can’t tonight, I’ve been so busy with finals I promised my BF we would go out tonight”
This girl is using you. All your conversations are her manipulating you for attention. She’s really insecure and has chosen someone else over you repeatedly. It doesn’t seem like she is ever thinking of what is good for you in this relationship. That’s not friendship and it’s certainly not love. She sounds so narcissistic.
It could require ghosting her if you don’t think you are strong enough to deal with her all her bids for attention and manipulation. Or tell her the relationship isn’t working for you and tell her to stop contacting you. Wish her well and don’t look back.
Nah bro she is strait of playing you. She wasn’t assaulted unfortunately one of the bad things that came with people being more conscious of SA is some women have weaponized into a cop out. It is honestly sick. Completely ruins all the progress we have made to make people accountable. I saw it in the military all the time. Anytime a women made a poor choice like cheating or sleeping with the wrong person or just to get out of a duty station they would claim SA. Send her back to the streets bro
Tell her that her husband is trying to chase you off. I don’t know if she’s really oblivious or just ignoring things to keep the peace, but this is something you need to talk with her about. Don’t let him isolate her.
No, it’s crap. And makes me seem desperate, insecure and delusional
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You know there are these countries that have public health care. You can get all the needed procedures and treatments there and it will cost you almost nothing.
She should have at least let you watch!
I’d say stop communicating with this guy and move on. He stood you up, shit happens. No use letting it ruin your days, it’s not like you even knew him, and anyways you seem pretty confident so who cares what he does or thinks?
Having a crush is not the same as infidelity. She came to you with it! That's making YOUR relationship the priority and holding herself accountable so it went no further. But ok, SHES the problem, not you.
Well, that's a thing you need to work on then. Let your mind be the decision maker because the mind does the thinking. It's what's logical. Your heart does the feeling, and usually the heart follows itself blindly.
Regardless… someone is going to be burnt in this situation. If you allowed yourself to develop feelings for someone else whilst in a committed reletionship, do you think you are really capable of being in one?
You have to decide one or the other. And once you do, there is no going back. If you break your GFs heart and later learn your new girl isn't as prefect as you thought, there is no crawling back to your ex.
If you decide the new girl, you owe it to your GF to stop wasting her time. Just get it over and done with. Stop this emotional cheating because it's wrong to do.
Put an end to one of the other and get back in touch with what it means to be in a reletionship. You need to be committed in full or not at all.
Why don’t you ask him?
There was music playing and lots of talking yes. I still am not convinced that you cannot feel someone’s hand on your hip. That is right where I’m stuck on this problem. I hope that she didn’t freeze up and was unable to do anything about it because she is not the type to let that happen. I know she wouldn’t want a scene and that’s exactly why I acted the way I did
Exactly. I guess it's that opening part I need and when to bring it up. The fact that I had to ask reddit is ridiculous because I'm making it a bigger a deal than it is. Lol
I’m a dude. And yes unfortunately you screwed up. Gonna need some grit to power through. In the future this will make a good story and you can learn from this. I’m sure that your future romantic endeavors will be better calibrated thanks to this.
I don't know. I've heard lots of people in abusive relationships say they have a good relationship. I've even done it with my childhood. When it's good it's really good. They love bomb and treat them really well because if it's always bad they'll leave. Some people in that situation tend to block out the bad parts or write them off as one time things or little things without seeing the bigger picture.
I always said I had a good childhood, we were just poor. But really it was horrible. My dad was an alcoholic who ditched us half the time and came home so screwed up the other half. Spent out bill money on himself and never took interest in our lives. My mom was a diabetic and drug addict. I was made responsible for her health at a very young age. When her sugar dropped I had to bring it up or call an ambulance, which she hated. They fought all the time and emotionally abused us. But it was treated as normal so I didn't know another way. It wasn't until I had my own child that I started to really think about how screwed up everything was and then they died so I really spun out. I am actually really lucky I found the partner I did because I was raised to be the perfect victim. I was always scared to make people mad because of how unstable my parents were. They would hurt me or leave.
I do not know in OPs situation. If it is just a one time screw up and he is willing to understand what he did wrong. Or if it's a pattern of him pushing her, not taking no for an answer and not believing her experiences. I hope for her sake that he had a clueless moment but I have a bd feeling about it. The way he kept pushing her and the fact that you don't have to be sick to see how others feel when they are. Like he's never even been around someone sick and heard them complain about their symptoms?
In what way are men not equal?
Your gf is a loser
That poor poor child
If he uses a well fitting condom he can go ahead and ejaculate while having intercourse. That’s what condoms are for. Otherwise he can have a hand job and nothing more. Stand up for yourself OP, you don’t want to get pregnant or catch an STD.
What did techno do to you?
So you're risking 2 relationships and 2 jobs? What a dumpster fire this will be!
Any kids for collateral damage?
Yes counseling is definitely something I've been considering. I imagined you grabbing my husband's ears and cracked up lol
Fast money creates slow problems
A hotel sounds nice. You'll figure out what you want to do when you get some good relaxation alone. As far as telling your family, just tell them that you're no longer together. They don't need to know details or anything if you don't want to share. That's your personal business. I'm sure this next chapter will be beautiful for you. Well wishes ❤️
The relationship ended the moment she pursued someone else. It's time to hire a lawyer and get ready for divorce. There is no moving past or recovering the relationship. It's done. She ended it
So if I told a black person “I never thought I'd be with a black girl” or “you're not white enough to do x” That'd be colorism?
I am not forcing her in any way. I am just manifesting this in my own mind. She is hanging out with this guy all the time, taking trips, going out and everything. I just cannot believe how easy it is for her to forget the 4.5 years we have spent together. She has accepted she loves me but she says she just cannot love me and respect me the way she used to. I am praying daily to get the last chance this relationship deserves.
Right, I think this all the time when people are like, oh you shouldn't *have* to…I mean, ok but she isn't the one who wrote in, so OP can get on his high horse and think about how he shouldn't *have* to, and nothing will change. Or he can break up, or he can talk to her. Sure if she was writing in I could say, there are ways to show enthusiasm etc etc but without someone telling her that she isn't going to magically realized what she hasn't already.
Are you a dictator?
Move out without her for your mental health. She can move in later
Then why are you dating his stupid ass?
You fool.
Is it possible they just had a brain fart and forgot the whole twin thing? I can see myself doing something similar!