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Date: October 4, 2022
AmateurPub
It’s always weird for me when SOs dismiss a conversation like this. Just shows they don’t have a the need to communicate which is really important for relationships to work. Anyway, Good luck OP!
You need to take care of yourself. Statistically this relationship won't last so I would NOT uproot your life for her. You guys don't seem very compatible. Are you an introvert and she extroverted? I'm introverted and dated a guy who wanted me to become more extroverted, dress more provocatively, make more friends so we can all party together. That relationship didn't last (we dated a year and then he ghosted me).
Can't she buy her own car and drive herself? She sounds codependent. You said you're a recovering addict. Relationships involving addictions (even if recovered) tend to involve a lot of codependency. I know you feel you won't relapse but I would be very careful. There have been people who were sober for years and a life event caused them to relapse. Stress can be one reason. She also sounds a little abusive and controlling.
This is great thank you! I think that is a great way for me to start thinking of what to say and how to say it
i dont really want to put a timeframe on it but also how many dates or how long would you say is a good time to be official?
Possibly, but the fact you ask that in the chance it leads to speculation that’s why she is influenced or is a brainwashed over the top feminist? It’s insulting to women it’s your approach to it that’s insulting by the question you asked that fits a stereotype of women and why her behavior is being intensive like this. I don’t not agree with you but without further context we don’t know and you’re assumptions are insulting to women asking that shit as your first response not even anything gave you context in a conversation with replies or from the post gave you the context to ask that, how do you even know she’s enrolled in college? See nothing like that was mentioned so it’s safe to infer your approach is slightly biased and misogynistic if your intent wasn’t this please understand by your approach firing this off with no other context than all the sudden she wants autonomy over her body and all the sudden does this with no further context it’s insulting to make this reference. Do you understand?
Doesn’t appear anyone is laughing or got the joke. What was the funny part?
The men who are smarter than women are smart enough to not say dumb shit like that.
Yes, I figured if she doesn't care to do that, then she must not care that much about saving it, so maybe I shouldn't
I say get over it. You're being controlling and over reacting
The dude is a troll
I imagine faithful men in relationships won't show much interest in you, because they are buys being invested in their partners. In fact if they found time to get to know you it might damage their relationship depending how secure their partners feel.
SIngle men meanwhile might misinterpret your signals, that or they realise you aren't interested in having relationship with them, while that is what are looking for so they move on before they get “interested” in you. Time is very limited resource for adults so they rarely will invest it you for non-romantic reasons. They probably have enough difficulty managing time to maintain their established frienships
In general though, what do you want men to show interest in you for? I (for example) guess I can enjoy talking to my female colleagues about different things from things socio-economic all the way to books. What are your interest that you can realistacally bond with your coworkers over? Drinking together and going to bars/clubs doesn't count.
Yeah how long ago was that? It’s not the same the last 5 years as it was when they came out.
As someone who just spent a year on them, it’s not bad advice.
Perhaps because the stranger is asking the world to accept them as one thing, when in reality they are another. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being trans, but pretending like misunderstandings such as the one in this post are the OP’s fault is intellectually dishonest.
To Be fair, I still unfortunately had rose tinted glasses on when I made that post. Then we broke up less than a month after that and then I realised I didn't actually love him as much as I thought I did and I was just holding on to the mental and emotional investment I'd put into the relationship. The love for my ex is gone, I don't find him attractive anymore, he is literally just a work mate/friend now.
No secrets. That is the cheating.
If it was just innocent comforting another human being then why keep it secret?
More went on. That is why the hiding. The secret.
So yes you cheated
The solution is simple. but simple isn't easy, and easy isn't simple.
You can't move in with her, she can't move in with you.
You have to both move to a NEW location TOGETHER.
That's what's only fair.
no worries I say this because your MIL sounds like one of my SIL's where she talks about her adult children's business to the point she didn't know one of her sons had gotten married and he didn't tell her about the pregnancy till a month before the baby was born.
Too much for a 4 week relationship. Nope outta there.
Why is it that society in general has a more visceral reaction to adult men in care roles in relation to female kids be they young or old, able bodied or disabled.
Wait for an outbreak first
Such an important observation! Please listen to this, OP.
Thanks, but how would I notice? I consider myself aware if the efforts die down, or if the person generally loses interest. But I have read a story where a girl (she was using a guy as rebound) went on for over a year, until backing out.
I don't think you have NPD, you are too self aware, but I do think your self journey is to learn how to love yourself, a get yourself some therapy to grow and grow, if it's meant to be, it will happen in the future, if not, another love will come about. This seems like a growth period for you! You have a loving heart so spend it on you so that when the time comes around you can love someone else good x
Yeah that’s a good one
Buy an AirTag from Apple and place it in your husband’s jacket pocket next Saturday. That way you can track where he goes and see what he’s up to.
If you've done nothing wrong, then yes you deserve this. You deserve to be freed from this person. You deserve to find someone who doesn't put their insecurities on you.
Take this as a blessing in disguise, because it is what it is.
She didn’t want to celebrate your anniversary because you didn’t look good enough for her social media.
What does that say about the future?
Is she gonna cancel your (possible future) baby’s first birthday party because they tripped and got a bruise on their forehead and can’t look cute for photos?
This is ridiculous. I’d think real long and naked about this honestly.
This information belongs to her client. Husband has no business knowing it. How would you like your doctor, or therapist or banker discussing your private issues with their spouses? In many professions confidentiality is essential. Husband shouldn't pry .
They'd rather not rock the boat than admit your husband has some serious issues that could hurt you.
You are in a weird situation. Because you are young and do not know your future with your GF. I understand both of your perspectives. If there is a chance that she is going to be living with you for a long time I get her perspective.
If you are planning on a LTR with her than you should consult her about the house and housing style. However, find something that you both like. After that you need to go forward alone when it comes to buying the house and putting your name on it. What often goes unsaid in situations like this is that the party not paying would like to be co-owners. Which is not fair or a good idea.
Stop dingleberry clinging in the hopes she'll change her mind. Unclench and let go.
That needs to be on a tapestry!
Dude, she didn’t ask you to give her all of that stuff or do all of those things. In fact, she even told you she doesn’t like it and was possibly too afraid of coming off as mean to flat-out tell you to stop.
So what I’m reading here is, regardless of the mistake she has made (which is a mistake totally separate from your relationship issue here), it sounds like you decided on what the boundary was and tried to manipulate her into rushing this romantic timeline you had in your head, and now you resent her for it not working. Even if she said “I’m interested but I just got out of a relationship, let’s see what happens,” that doesn’t mean you’re her boyfriend. At all. And that doesn’t really open you up to do all this crap for her when she didn’t ask for it, especially when the circumstances now make it seem like they’re just attempts to garner favor.
Regardless of how you feel about it, she told you you were just friends and she behaved as such. YOU are the person who decided there was more and you would treat her like a partner. So while she made a mistake in terms of something bad that will no doubt negatively affect her life in the aftermath, she doesn’t owe you anything. And if you were really that uncomfortable talking to her about intimate things, you should have said so. But I’m figuring you didn’t, because her confiding in you made you feel like she’ll fall for you if you listen.
I recommend looking into codependency issues a little. I’m definitely seeing that here, but I’m also seeing a lot of possession, emotional projection, and immaturity on your part that you really need to work through if you want a healthy relationship with someone.
The way I see it it’s the lesser of two evils. Sure he’ll be out a few dollars but if he pressures her to get an abortion things could messy and a child could die.
Such traditional values for a cheat – Yes, are knowingly helping someone break their vows. Interesting how you try to moralise the child and yet are committing adultery with her and are condoning her paternity fraud. Seems like tenuous ground to be moralising from.
On the off chance this isn’t trolling (adding in the service element of the husband, and needless political orientation for additional hypocrisy bingo), then you are, as you put it, the “dumb dumb”. Many cheaters claim all sorts of fabricated justification for their actions, much of which is exaggerated or downright false. Even if any of it is true, it in no way provides a reason for her behaviour. Divorce is an option – and considering how flexible she is on adultery, there cannot be religious grounds for it.
Enjoy paying for your affair baby when the husband calculates the conception window. She sounds very trustworthy and happiness is sure to follow!
Wtf did i just read?
First of all im sorry this happend to you.
But his behaviour has nothing to do with you “being too loose”!
He sounds controlling and insecure, i sugget HE sees a doctor.
He is the problem not you. *
He did anal without your consent, means he * raped * you!!!
If he complains the next time, tell him that you are thight enough, his dick is just too small!! *
You deserve so much better than that dbag. Dont have sex with him anymore!
It isnt on you to fix his behavior/him!
Okay sorry my bad
You were raped and that changes everything about the reasoning you broke up with your ex. If your honest, and she can see that you were assaulted and taken advantage of, she might want to reconcile
I should have read the comments. I didn't realize this wasn't the case of two people both being super drunk at a party, but literally date rape (which is what it 100% is any time a sober person has sex with someone who is impaired). That's horrific. And yeah, in this case he should tell his ex what happened. Thank you for correcting me, genuinely. I agree with you. That isn't cheating. That is rape.