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Date: October 10, 2022
AmateurPub
Take my award. Yes.
So, when I was in college at about your age, I dated a guy about that age. Here are some of my thoughts.
First, 23 is still pretty young for a guy, but they don't realize that. So they think they're grown ups and have all these ideas that, once you really are grown up, you realize are actually shite. But then they expect you to just fall in line with their ideas because they're the “grown up” and you're “still so young!”
One thing he used to do was ask me to marry him and then “change his mind” the next day because HE decided unilaterally, that I “wasn't ready.” One time he asked me, and the next day I mentioned it (yeah, moony eyed) in front of a mentor figure of his. He pretended he had no idea what I was talking about, and his mentor lightly scolded me for embarrassing him. That was decades ago, and I still think sometimes about how shitty that was of him.
Also, I don't know what country you live in, but the fact that I wasn't old enough to drink or get into bars at the time, played into it as well.
He also often refused to visit my family “because we aren't engaged or married,” but didn't like it when I visited my family alone. He said it showed immaturity that I was so connected to my family, and that he should be my priority – even though we weren't engaged or married.
The other extreme is that he could ask you to marry him too soon, and mean it, but then use it to manipulate and control you.
The important thing is for you to always follow your dreams and go after what YOU want in life. Watch the situation carefully and listen to your gut. If he shows signs of jealousy, run. If he shows signs of expecting you to give up important parts of yourself (or even what seems important- you're 17, you should still be figuring that out without male interference!!) – run. If something is important to you, and he says it shouldn't be, do it anyway. Don't allow yourself to be controlled or manipulated. Read up on the subject so you know the signs.
Oh, what happened to that relationship, you ask? Done before I graduated college. I, who wasn't ready to marry him, have been married and widowed. Still very connected to my family, and he to his. He moved back in with his parents “to help them.” It was easy for him since he never married!!
Nearly every betrayed spouse trusted the other. That's sort of the prerequisite to a betrayal.
I'm not saying she will betray him. Even strong swimmers can drown. Some people are the most loyal in their own minds because they were never tested. Some people think that no matter what they do, the results of their actions have no consequences.
“I came home from a great workout at the gym today and found my husband's suicide note. He had seen me chatting with my trainer and had a 3 second video of me laughing at a dumb joke. The police just arrived. What am I going to do? I never cheated, but those 3 seconds were on loop. The last thing my husband saw was me laughing at another man's joke!”
No affair, no worries.
Thank you so much for that tip, I will definitely try that next time. I’ve always been on the other side of this, so yes of course I’ve been in that situation. The absolute best reaction possible is simply, “no big deal.” While still prioritizing sexual connection, just at a time when it feels good for both people. Intellectually I fully get that. Maybe trying to imagine that scenario in the moment of having those feelings will lessen their intensity.
Definitely a deal breaker. What a piece of shit human you are with right now.
What is holding you back from breaking up?
It would bother me that she disrespected you and your relationship and all for a free shot.
my ex is one of the only three cops in my town
Edit this into your post OP
Neither scenario is reasonable if there's no communication about what's happening and it sounds like OP's husband has never said anything about this. A lot of women ask their partners to help out more, or whatever, and then get ignored.
Don’t raw dog.