Has she said she's poly and wants to date other people while dating you, or simply that she's poly?
If the former, then definitely split, as it won't be a healthy relationship for you.
If the latter, then you need to have a conversation with her about what that means for your relationship. Some people who are naturally poly can happily be in a mono relationship without dating other people, much the same as a bisexual person can happily be in a mono relationship with a person of one gender without needing to date / sleep with someone of the other gender. This needs to be a key point of the discussion – what does she want your relationship dynamic to look like going forward, and does that match what you want?
That’s the thing, right now I do think he’s stopped he told me he’s uninstalled tiktok and that he knows he won’t do it again. I’m worried that when a few months go by he and it’s not so much in the limelight he’ll just go right back to doing it. I just don’t understand what made him look at girls he sees/knows in real life when he could easily go watch porn. I asked him what he was looking at and he just said “them.”
You followed what was best for you. And the next relationship when your ready starts with the clear boundries and none of the bullshit possibilities already laid out in wait.
Hope you get yourself where you want to be in the shortest and healthiest path possible.
The only real way to find out is to ask. If he knows you are interested, he's kind of playing with your feelings, but if he doesn't who knows where it may lead.
The gym won’t help when the UNDERLYING PROBLEM IS THE DRINKING DUMMY! She could go to the gym, do all of the workouts….and then go home to drink more alcohol. That is NOT productive. She needs a DOCTOR. Not a goddamn gym. He mentioned the alcohol in a COMMENT not in the actual post. Why didn’t he mention it in the post? This screams “my girlfriend is fat and I don’t want her to be anymore but she’s refusing to deal with me being a jerk when I talk to her about her own goddamn body”
I've had a lot of experience with boys who did not treat me right and me making excuses for them, and you know what I learned? If he ain't treating you right, he just ain't right. It's that simple. Despite what all the romcoms dictate, he won't miraculously change in the end and on-line happily ever after with you, because you stuck in there and compromised the hell out of yourself
This is simple: stop feeling guilty and start saying no. That is the solution, and it is the only solution.
You are not obligated to accept every invitation. You, as a grown adult, can in fact just say, “I prefer to play this game by myself as it’s my downtime I need to recharge.”
If both of you would prefer to stay home one Saturday night, why on earth are you going out instead?
It’s true that friendships need to be nourished, and we introverts and homebodies need to be mindful that we’re not disappearing on people entirely. But this does not mean we must be constantly engaged in social activities we really don’t want to be engaged in — what on earth would be the point of that?
You’re in this situation because you’re not standing up for yourself. I also see it as not taking care of yourself — you need downtime and you need time alone with your partner, yet you’re deliberately depriving yourself of what you need out of a really misplaced sense of obligation.
Why would you say that? I need advice and how to solve this thing and find out the truth. I have acknowledged my mistakes and I'm trying to get better, but you can't say that. You just wanna work me up.
So here's the thing. I feel like a lot of people are telling you that it's unreasonable for you guys to have to abstain because he suddenly found religion and I agree with them. However…
It's really not a good sign if no sex leads directly into fighting. There are other ways to be intimate and communicate affection but it doesn't sound like that's happening. It's also not great when people respond to situations that should make them sad with anger, and that anger certainly shouldn't be directed at YOU. It's not like you're the one who spontaneously decided to do your engagement on very hot mode.
Yes this whole arrangement is unnecessary and stressing both of you out more than you otherwise would be. However, his reaction wouldn't give me a ton of confidence regarding long-term prospects since marriage will inevitably include stretches of time where you can't have sex.
The problem with going younger…especially this close to being a teen, is that you're now waaaaay more mature than your boyfriend. What he's doing is a learned behavior. He needs to be in therapy.
You forgot to include the part where you have cheated on her with 7 women to make things “fair”and you feel no remorse and plan to continue cheating. STFU man, you posted this yesterday and got roasted and are now posting it without that tidbit of info. Guess what, you're still a disrespectful, insecure little worm.
This made me tear up because it’s to true. I got her medical insurance so she can get better mentally and physically. But she’s so anxious to take any actions. One thing I left out she had an emotional breakdown and left me and went home with someone else at the bar. I’ve been cheated on my previous relationship so I can’t get over it. She said she didn’t do anything but my gut says otherwise. My gut and brain tells me to leave her but my heart tells me to stay. I’m just so hurt and I know I’ve done wrong with her during our arguments but it was from past experiences. I don’t know why it’s so very hot to leave. I’ve never felt such a deep connection but it all feels like a lie. Thank you so much for responding, I’m just hurting.
No that's not what that means…he's saying let nature take it's course…if it's meant to be then you will get pregnant and if it's not meant to be then you won't. He doesn't want to force the issue but to let it happen naturally when it does happen..
It’s just so strange to me how we were so important in each other’s life’s and now it’s like we never existed
Yes, it's so strange indeed… He said he would not take you back and.. uh.. he's not taking you back? That's very strange indeed. It's as if I can ALMOST see a connection there but… it ends up evading me! I guess we will never know the truth of this strange mystery.
But sarcasm aside, how sad, to see a person that lives 10 years in the past. He has moved on and is living his life, he most likely hasn't thought of you in years and you're so desperately trying to come back into this man's life. He's a literal stranger to you now. Accept it and move on.
All I can suggest is therapy. Your wife might have a personality disorder or she might just be a manipulator, hopefully therapy can help you figure that out.
It is manipulation. She's not allowing you to be upset, she makes everything about herself, she turns herself into the victim when you're hurting and is literally trying to frame you as an abuser.
True but at the same time he could Also have à hot time with the fact she was not at the same place in the relationship. Mondane communication issue yet it's à bit more troubling than oups i forgot to buy breas misshaps.
Man either you can reasonable get yourself convinced it was nothing and Now you both are clear you are exclusive and will be happy ever after… Or you already know you can't get the image of her with someone else and you cut it out Now.
She suffers panic attacks that keep her from associating with people but was able to ask you out and continually ask you to do things.. you will have to distance yourself from her. Stop giving rides and placating het unwanted behavior.. hate to say you may have to get rough in delivery of your message.
You guy’s obviously need to talk. Tell her you are sorry and didn’t mean it. Ask her why she is changing her tune about kids. There are plenty of reasons. Some people don’t want kids, some people don’t want kids because they are scared or because their parent was shitty growing up.
If she's a quality person, she won't resent you. Good people don't feel entitled to other people's money just because they have more, especially when the person in question is already paying for a lot of fun/incidental stuff for them. Adults with a sense of personal responsibility and work ethic want to pay their own bills, at the very least until they live with and/or marry someone.
This. There are so many versions of this, we should just clone/ressurect Joseph Campbell so he can write “The Rebound/Side-Piece with a Thousand Faces” at this point.
This dude knows he should walk away and sounds like he's known for 7 months.
You don’t own the “year”. And you’re not engaged and how would he know it’s planned for this year?
Lots of people will get engaged and married this year and the next. Maybe you’ll be one of them. But you’re being ridiculous right now. The world does not revolve around you:
Did you go thru ALL possible paths of help. I'm talking about therapy, sitting with ur son yourself, sitting ur new family together, getting other adults involved to sit and talk, and sitting down with ur ex and ur son.
Is this new behavior for him, or has this been going downhill since the divorce? Or did it just happen when a new wife came into the picture.
What does the situation look like between ur ex and your new wife. Was there cheating? How old is the new wife? How long after the divorce did you start dating a new wife than getting married?
All these questions need answers & those answers will point you into the direction of the answer as to why your son got this bad in that moment.
There’s a difference between a freak accident and going out of your way to endanger your life and other people around you.
I’ll add “in the US” to my comment.
Has she said she's poly and wants to date other people while dating you, or simply that she's poly?
If the former, then definitely split, as it won't be a healthy relationship for you.
If the latter, then you need to have a conversation with her about what that means for your relationship. Some people who are naturally poly can happily be in a mono relationship without dating other people, much the same as a bisexual person can happily be in a mono relationship with a person of one gender without needing to date / sleep with someone of the other gender. This needs to be a key point of the discussion – what does she want your relationship dynamic to look like going forward, and does that match what you want?
That’s the thing, right now I do think he’s stopped he told me he’s uninstalled tiktok and that he knows he won’t do it again. I’m worried that when a few months go by he and it’s not so much in the limelight he’ll just go right back to doing it. I just don’t understand what made him look at girls he sees/knows in real life when he could easily go watch porn. I asked him what he was looking at and he just said “them.”
You should consult with an attorney before making any decisions. Sometimes property is protected if one person owned it before they married.
If he’s really worried, he can text or even call you to make sure you’re ok. Otherwise, he’s just looking for a reason to bust your chops.
Luck and struggle. A lot of struggle.
Good choice.
You followed what was best for you. And the next relationship when your ready starts with the clear boundries and none of the bullshit possibilities already laid out in wait.
Hope you get yourself where you want to be in the shortest and healthiest path possible.
Your marriage is definitely over but I'd highly recommend couples counselling to create a new foundation for coparenting going forward
I had this conversation with someone at work the other week.
I feel that after you're over the age of like 25, age gaps aren't as much of a factor.
If you're happy and he treats you right, there's no problem.
If he start's pulling out the experience/age card to manipulate you, then you should leave.
The only real way to find out is to ask. If he knows you are interested, he's kind of playing with your feelings, but if he doesn't who knows where it may lead.
Thanks for the advice
Nah, disgusted was your first instinct and that’s why you posted it first.
He showed me the video a few months ago ?
The gym won’t help when the UNDERLYING PROBLEM IS THE DRINKING DUMMY! She could go to the gym, do all of the workouts….and then go home to drink more alcohol. That is NOT productive. She needs a DOCTOR. Not a goddamn gym. He mentioned the alcohol in a COMMENT not in the actual post. Why didn’t he mention it in the post? This screams “my girlfriend is fat and I don’t want her to be anymore but she’s refusing to deal with me being a jerk when I talk to her about her own goddamn body”
I've had a lot of experience with boys who did not treat me right and me making excuses for them, and you know what I learned? If he ain't treating you right, he just ain't right. It's that simple. Despite what all the romcoms dictate, he won't miraculously change in the end and on-line happily ever after with you, because you stuck in there and compromised the hell out of yourself
This is simple: stop feeling guilty and start saying no. That is the solution, and it is the only solution.
You are not obligated to accept every invitation. You, as a grown adult, can in fact just say, “I prefer to play this game by myself as it’s my downtime I need to recharge.”
If both of you would prefer to stay home one Saturday night, why on earth are you going out instead?
It’s true that friendships need to be nourished, and we introverts and homebodies need to be mindful that we’re not disappearing on people entirely. But this does not mean we must be constantly engaged in social activities we really don’t want to be engaged in — what on earth would be the point of that?
You’re in this situation because you’re not standing up for yourself. I also see it as not taking care of yourself — you need downtime and you need time alone with your partner, yet you’re deliberately depriving yourself of what you need out of a really misplaced sense of obligation.
No. Wedding is over and done.
She might be the one for him, you’re doing this for the wrong reasons ( revenge) not to help her
Why would you say that? I need advice and how to solve this thing and find out the truth. I have acknowledged my mistakes and I'm trying to get better, but you can't say that. You just wanna work me up.
So here's the thing. I feel like a lot of people are telling you that it's unreasonable for you guys to have to abstain because he suddenly found religion and I agree with them. However…
It's really not a good sign if no sex leads directly into fighting. There are other ways to be intimate and communicate affection but it doesn't sound like that's happening. It's also not great when people respond to situations that should make them sad with anger, and that anger certainly shouldn't be directed at YOU. It's not like you're the one who spontaneously decided to do your engagement on very hot mode.
Yes this whole arrangement is unnecessary and stressing both of you out more than you otherwise would be. However, his reaction wouldn't give me a ton of confidence regarding long-term prospects since marriage will inevitably include stretches of time where you can't have sex.
The problem with going younger…especially this close to being a teen, is that you're now waaaaay more mature than your boyfriend. What he's doing is a learned behavior. He needs to be in therapy.
You forgot to include the part where you have cheated on her with 7 women to make things “fair”and you feel no remorse and plan to continue cheating. STFU man, you posted this yesterday and got roasted and are now posting it without that tidbit of info. Guess what, you're still a disrespectful, insecure little worm.
Exile yourself from the group. They've made it clear they do not value you. Focus on your peripheral friends and develop a new friend group.
You need to tell her beforehand in case she doesn't want to see you.
You need to tell her beforehand in case she doesn't want to see you.
You need to tell her beforehand in case she doesn't want to see you.
This made me tear up because it’s to true. I got her medical insurance so she can get better mentally and physically. But she’s so anxious to take any actions. One thing I left out she had an emotional breakdown and left me and went home with someone else at the bar. I’ve been cheated on my previous relationship so I can’t get over it. She said she didn’t do anything but my gut says otherwise. My gut and brain tells me to leave her but my heart tells me to stay. I’m just so hurt and I know I’ve done wrong with her during our arguments but it was from past experiences. I don’t know why it’s so very hot to leave. I’ve never felt such a deep connection but it all feels like a lie. Thank you so much for responding, I’m just hurting.
No that's not what that means…he's saying let nature take it's course…if it's meant to be then you will get pregnant and if it's not meant to be then you won't. He doesn't want to force the issue but to let it happen naturally when it does happen..
It’s just so strange to me how we were so important in each other’s life’s and now it’s like we never existed
Yes, it's so strange indeed… He said he would not take you back and.. uh.. he's not taking you back? That's very strange indeed. It's as if I can ALMOST see a connection there but… it ends up evading me! I guess we will never know the truth of this strange mystery.
But sarcasm aside, how sad, to see a person that lives 10 years in the past. He has moved on and is living his life, he most likely hasn't thought of you in years and you're so desperately trying to come back into this man's life. He's a literal stranger to you now. Accept it and move on.
Your poor dad.
That’s insane. Why do you need the “friend”?
All I can suggest is therapy. Your wife might have a personality disorder or she might just be a manipulator, hopefully therapy can help you figure that out.
It is manipulation. She's not allowing you to be upset, she makes everything about herself, she turns herself into the victim when you're hurting and is literally trying to frame you as an abuser.
True but at the same time he could Also have à hot time with the fact she was not at the same place in the relationship. Mondane communication issue yet it's à bit more troubling than oups i forgot to buy breas misshaps.
Man either you can reasonable get yourself convinced it was nothing and Now you both are clear you are exclusive and will be happy ever after… Or you already know you can't get the image of her with someone else and you cut it out Now.
The reaction you described screams trauma.
She suffers panic attacks that keep her from associating with people but was able to ask you out and continually ask you to do things.. you will have to distance yourself from her. Stop giving rides and placating het unwanted behavior.. hate to say you may have to get rough in delivery of your message.
You guy’s obviously need to talk. Tell her you are sorry and didn’t mean it. Ask her why she is changing her tune about kids. There are plenty of reasons. Some people don’t want kids, some people don’t want kids because they are scared or because their parent was shitty growing up.
If she's a quality person, she won't resent you. Good people don't feel entitled to other people's money just because they have more, especially when the person in question is already paying for a lot of fun/incidental stuff for them. Adults with a sense of personal responsibility and work ethic want to pay their own bills, at the very least until they live with and/or marry someone.
This. There are so many versions of this, we should just clone/ressurect Joseph Campbell so he can write “The Rebound/Side-Piece with a Thousand Faces” at this point.
This dude knows he should walk away and sounds like he's known for 7 months.
He literally was raised with her as his sister you weirdo
I'm also not madly crazy in love I feel a little bit like I'm settling but I'm ok with that to have someone like her with me.
You can tell her now and she should be fine.
The bit above would be a real concern to me. But you know yourselves better.
You don’t own the “year”. And you’re not engaged and how would he know it’s planned for this year?
Lots of people will get engaged and married this year and the next. Maybe you’ll be one of them. But you’re being ridiculous right now. The world does not revolve around you:
Someone had to do it :D!
First before completely giving up.
Did you go thru ALL possible paths of help. I'm talking about therapy, sitting with ur son yourself, sitting ur new family together, getting other adults involved to sit and talk, and sitting down with ur ex and ur son.
Is this new behavior for him, or has this been going downhill since the divorce? Or did it just happen when a new wife came into the picture.
What does the situation look like between ur ex and your new wife. Was there cheating? How old is the new wife? How long after the divorce did you start dating a new wife than getting married?
All these questions need answers & those answers will point you into the direction of the answer as to why your son got this bad in that moment.