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Angel, 18 y.o.
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Date: January 4, 2023
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Just because roles being reversed wouldn't bother YOU, doesn't mean it bothering HER is any less valid. You are each two different people and you're going to have to make a choice for the long-term on this one.
Maybe for laypeople, but it won't be for professionals. Give it a go and see what you can find. Reach out to a few people and see if they know of resources that can help you. If you don't go looking you'll never find support and answers. There's also free stuff live for global people.
Could you have a little ocd? Like your not sure stuff is done right unless you do it?
Time to hit the road
How did you find out? Did she confess or did you catch her? It wasn't a mistake if she did it multiple times over the week. Ask her to make an action plan, what is she going to do to earn back your trust? Take the time you need to figure out if this is something you can even forgive or not.
You should let her know and then she also knows not to mention anything inappropriate again. Make sure you mention husband found it really inappropriate too, just in case she’s into the old partner swapping.
Cut bait and break up with her. Who knows how long she's been with this guy or maybe even multiple guys. If someone is so careless with your heart why would you allow them space in yours. You are young, you will find someone who respects you enough not to cheat on you. Sorry brother, good luck.
First off, deep breaths my friend. Take a second to calm down.
You mention “adultery is a huge problem” in your culture. Genuinely asking, does the definition of adultery in your culture include having a child out of marriage? (It doesn’t in mine but that may not be true in yours, as I believe you are implying)…Unfortunately, since you are having sex before marriage then you are putting yourself at risk for this no matter what contraceptives are used (always a small chance). So I believe that ship has sailed.
To figure out your next steps, this now leaves you at looking at the situation at hand and not what you wish were happening. First step would be to confirm if you’re the baby’s father. If not, you can proceed freely. If you are, well then you are responsible for your actions. I hope you don’t leave a child that you conceived in love to deal with abandonment by a parent (even if this baby wasn’t conceived in love, and just in fun, I would feel the same way). You are an adult and this is an innocent being you helped to create. Don’t let them suffer over social pressures (when those social pressure weren’t enough to actually stop you from having sex to begin with). Also if you ever loved this woman, then know this will effect her too.
You say you feel compelled to run right now. That is your choice and one that many other people have made over the history of humanity. But have no doubt that is the cowards choice and you can never run from your own reflection in the mirror, and the knowledge that reflection is a weak man. You can try though, that is absolutely your right/your choice to make. I just am warning you that it may not be as “easy” as it sounds…
He could have left to cool off.
He tried, though. She picked up the baby, followed him, and tried to push her way into the room where he tried to barricade himself away from her.
Hitting is never justified, but they both sound toxic.
Please do not move in with her if you ever want any peace. She is insecure and controlling. This will not get better.
I can't reply to that. You're worried he'll kill you. You either need to cut contact and talk to your Mum or live with the risk.
I mean there's the option that if he hits you again you call the police, but i know you're going yo say when he gets out it'll be worse.
If he's this abusive, I don't know what advice you think you're going to get, other than stay away.
Like I said, trust your instincts.
Honestly it was such an odd topic to bring up out of the blue during a morning commute that she was probably so startled she laughed…
Thing is, most women can’t come just from penetration. If you are giving her an orgasm from oral stimulation before penetrating her, I doubt she really cares how long the penetration lasts. She gets hers, then you get yours.
We have the opposite problem. It takes my husband forever to come. (Because of a med he takes.) A lot of the time he never does, because he keeps going until he can tell it is uncomfortable foe me and then we stop. So he doesn’t get off, and I feel like it is my fault that I couldn’t keep going, and get sad he didn’t finish. Honestly, I would love it if he was done quickly!
It was very helpful to hear it this way. It really does feel like he doesn't want to put in any effort, even though now he's saying he does. It just feels like even if he does magically put in all the effort to fix everything it's too late
That's honestly what I'm expecting too, I'm really bad with avoiding conflict especially with loved ones. Probably some fear of abandonment or something but that's a whole other thing.
I don't really expect her to be super mature we're barely adults. she can't even buy her own alcohol yet. We've been married for a little over a year but it's still all very new to both of us and she's probably very stressed being so far away from home and family and all that.
She really is an amazing person and has gotten me through some dark patches and has always been there for me, I love her and want to try and resolve this without harsh words.
He is completely remorseful and wants to work things out and he’s trying so naked I’m the one still not able to get past it
You’re probably not going to get much useful advice here as most people aren’t cool with cheating. Maybe check out other forums that are less negative towards cheating like sugar baby subreddits. But since you came to this subreddit, RELATIONSHIP (not cheating) advice would be to stop cheating or break up with your partner, then figure things out with the new guy.
Don’t ever mention anything about this to your sister.
Tell your dad that you really don’t want to discuss this, and end the conversation if he can’t behave.
That’s it, those are the only things that you need to do.
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this. Don’t feel bad. It is what it is.
That part about him just finding out about the ex is killer. If you spring that on him he's going to dump you.
Maybe not today, maybe not until after the trip, but you hid a holiday with your ex from him – that's how he's going to take this.
Girl – make good decisions.
Dude just leave her and learn to be single for the rest of your life.
I don't think you're overreacting, that is weird. But we can't think of infidelity just out of this. Perhaps offer to buy her some cute pijamas and see what happens.
That’s his own personal problem. You cannot be the reason another perosn stays alive.
Don’t go to therapy with someone you suspect is manipulating.
It’s weird like she can’t be cool with me but cool with other dudes it’s almost like she CANT interact with me for some reason
Yeah this is a really good point, this part should be the easy part. What happens with more difficult compromises?
I think that the relationship changed is a reflection of your ability to connect and see the good in people.
I think everyone being harsh about how you could expect anything other than misogyny is missing the point. That people connect and want to empathise, and its a credit to you that you see him as worth more than just a transactional relationship, though it doesn't mean that he actually is. I know its naked once you feel connected, but maybe breathe easy in that even if you can't break it off now, you will arrive at a decision and that will take time.
You need to give yourself time to detach, it doesn't mean you are being foolish or idealistic or anything wrong. Obviously I think his behaviour warrants a dumping, but you are also allowed to feel unsure about that and even change your mind for as long as you need.
I mean, ignoring your SO for 3 days is pretty childish
Thank you so much! The way we met is kind of weird yet cute (and very specific so i can't tell you). Our relationship has not been perfect but its unique and ours and I appreciate it so much.
go to a clinic if you can. explain your situation, they tend to work with people from many economic standings and are often more than willing to help you work something out!
don't be afraid or embarrassed, you did nothing wrong and are not alone
go to a clinic if you can. explain your situation, they tend to work with people from many economic standings and are often more than willing to help you work something out!
don't be afraid or embarrassed, you did nothing wrong and are not alone
go to a clinic if you can. explain your situation, they tend to work with people from many economic standings and are often more than willing to help you work something out!
don't be afraid or embarrassed, you did nothing wrong and are not alone
Why do you assume its fiction… I have seen people mess up their lifes far worse than this.
Did they even sleep together to begin with? What if this all happened and he didn’t even cheat
You can also tell how to eat s*** and die