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Date: November 23, 2022
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He’s intentionally shaming and scaring you into aligning your thoughts and behavior with his. That’s emotional abuse. This reaction was way, way disproportional. It’s only a matter of time before he does start throwing things or hitting you. Trust me.
You don’t have to tell your partner something that everyone else in the world does. It’d be really weird if she was like “hey so I just want you to know I brush my teeth. Is that ok with you?”
That's probably the best thing yes.
That’s a lot of questions ?.
Yes I am more of dad to my step-son than his own and vice versa.
Our kids have known each other since first grade.
The FIL was involved in his grandson’s life when he was very young- before I met my wife. But they had a falling out which never really recovered. FIL met his granddaughter twice and my older daughter never. Once was when we invited him for dinner and my daughter was at her mom’s house.
As for the SAHM I told her I don’t care what she chooses. She could do it forever or not. She said she wants to go back to work after our youngest is in school.
Hang out with your uncle and forget your mom. He knows what is what. The world has shown you your true family.
This has to be a troll lmfao
Why’s she gotta choose one?
Waiting on the results from his covid test. He can even take one at the last minute, so you didn't lie.
This is literally the worst comment section I have ever seen. Not even passing a judgement here. But the age-gappers, the ageists, the misogynists, the misandrists, the friend-phobic and the perpetually clueless are all out in droves.
I disagree with all of you. Emphatically. On principle.
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You really wouldn’t just leave money on the table after he pays no confronting to be had
He’s too fucking old to still not understand what makes women cum.
It’s weird to me that your husband never noticed this about you before you got married. It’s not like you got married and suddenly became anti-social. So, I’m not sure what he was expecting.
The good news is, he’s told you how he feels, he communicated. That’s a bonus. I highly recommend therapy. I’ve had therapy for a number of years and I’ve gotten happier and healthier. I’ve learned how to communicate w my partner without upsetting her or myself. I got to understand what happened during my childhood that shaped certain triggers I have. I did the introspection (thru therapy) that’s necessary to change a habit or trigger response.
No one has “no personality.” I get the feeling that who you are was stunted by your mother and home-schooling. And Your opinion of yourself is really low. And that doesn’t come from nowhere. I suspect there’s a history in your family that helped shape this opinion of yourself. I developed a severe anxiety disorder and I shrunk away from everything. My therapist told me that the more I try to avoid what I’m scared of the more things I will become scared of. THIS WAS NOT EASY. But I’m social again and happy.
I’m not worried about your husband. I’m worried about you. Now is the time to invest in yourself. Invest in your physical and emotional well-being. Get a therapist. Get an online therapist. If they aren’t right for you, leave and keep searching til you find the right one. This is the first step. I’m encouraging you to take it because, sweetheart, I think you deserve to be happy and loved.
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The advice that I’ll give you is walk away. Poly relationships require a lot of conversations/rules/boundaries/expectations before starting the relationships.
There shouldn’t be this big of a surprise in your relationship.
That was my guess. She doesn't even realize she's acting like this.
anyone who says they feel secure in a non-legally-married relationship, and that getting married would make a huge difference in how committed and secure their relationship is, gets downvoted to hell on reddit
But it seems like OPs fiancé didn’t take their sensory needs into account when planning this proposal.
It doesn't sound like the OP did either.
The pinterest board is full of things that would lead you to parks and public spaces unless you have 10-25K on hand. Google getting engaged at a castle ruin and you're going to get parks, monuments and tourist spaces open to large crowds. Forests? Public trails. A private chef for a tasting menu designed to fit you?
I hope these folks are superrich if their pinterest board is any grander than the proposal.
Deferring dealing with this problem will not solve it.
Also, are you seriously going to take her back if she doesn't succeed in her new relationship?
OK then, full points for the attempt Ebbie. LOL
It’s not to seto dedicate my all to her when she didn’t do the same.
Woah woah relax buddy. Saying she’s not “dedicating her all” to you is a pretty huge stretch from here. She’s giving everything she’s got towards the relationship, and she can’t control her past. How was she supposed to know that she’d meet you down the road and that you’d prefer her to be conservative?
And I wouldn’t say that’s “giving it up easy.” She had 5 ONS by the time she’s 24. That’s not particularly a lot; if anything that’s not that much. I know it seems like a lot to you, but I wouldn’t say that she’s easy.
Anyways, nobody can tell you how you can and can’t feel. You’re a virgin, and it’s reasonable for you to want to be with somebody that’s not as experienced too. It’s fair for you to end the relationship, and tbh I think you should. It sounds like you resent and judge your GF for her past, and it doesn’t sound like this is going to work out.
I think you’re in the wrong subreddit if you’re looking for kinky advice
Try r/sex
This post hurts my head
But thanks for clearing out that I didn't cheat…. I've been fighting with myself about that for a while
I will do this and post an update (if there is one). Thank you
I don’t blame you for feeling insecure about her high body count. Honestly, she’s probably downplaying it; most likely, it’s higher.
Am I the wealthiest guy she’s been with? Probably not
Am I the best-looking guy she’s been with? Probably not
Am I the best sex she’s ever had with? Probably not
The best way to break up is to tell her that you’re no longer interested in a long-term relationship. Or you don’t think you’ll be compatible long-term. Sorry mate, but women don’t like to believe there are consequences for their actions and past.
How long are you going to wait around for that to happen?
You stay and you have your own self to blame.
He is willfully stupid. I’m surprised he doesn’t already have a few kids with how he’s sabotaging condoms.
As someone who was written their will and will be rewriting after I'm married and have kids. Don't touch the topic with a twenty foot stick, it's not relationship talk, and it is in no way your place to think you deserve to be in it after four years.
Not a problem. Just thought Id ask.
It's our inside joke. And no, it doesn't get old. We both have a dark sense of humor and it's one of the things that make us jive. There's even a term for it in our language: cariño brutal.
Your insecurities will be the death of your relationship. Get it together. If you don't like your body, take better care of it. Work out alongside your husband. Make it fun for each other.
Talk to her friends and family and see if you can get them on your side – have them talk to her individually and hopefully she will see the error of her ways.
I grew up extremely insecure about my weight. My siblings were healthy and I was far from it.
When I went to college, my ex stayed back to work for a year. I lost a ton of weight and was feeling great. That’s when my ex first told me she would leave me if I started looking a lot better due to the same reasons above.
Her reasoning was that she would feel insecure. Instead what I got from it, was that she would be more comfortable if I resented myself. On the outside I was different but on the inside I was still the same fat guy that she fell for. I can’t describe how it felt. It was a betrayal to me. Know that may be how your husband will feel.
He saw you lose weight and was inspired by you. It sounds like he’s head over heels for you.
a little update: i talked to him and he reacted really well, we talked about our feelings, we've set some boundaries, we promised each other to work on it and i feel our connection became only stronger. thank u ojce again for your help
I'll for your family's illness. Good luck.
This is what I've been thinking all along and why I haven't gone out with him. Like on the date he might ask me why I don't want to be in a relationship. Or he may try to pressure me.
Eye rolling is only disrespectful when a teen does it to a controlling parent. Maybe if you stopped treating her like a child (cause duuuuhhhh people needing a nap need quiet, she's dot a disorder that makes her impulsive and forgetful, not stupid.) She'd stop responding like a frustrated teen.
Idk y'all's dynamic bust as someone with ADHD emotional irregularities are normal and having to mask because someone wants to police how you move your face is exhausting and the type of shit that has me low contact with both my parents. When my spouse did this shit over “attitude” it almost killed our relationship because no one, not even the love of your life, is worth the stress of not being able to naturally emote and respond to the stimuli in your environment because it bothers the neurotypicals in the room. Hopefully youll do what my spouse did and pull your head out of your ass before you get to watch her eye roll with a lawyer.
My husband's cousin's wife is 3rd cousins with Dolly Parton. They never get special treatment at Dollywood, even though they go every year.
Tell her how you feel, when or as it is happening will help.
Start with asking about her anxiety, I think it is likely a big part of the feeling you are having.
Make an agreement to talk and work through any anxious feelings together and you will both grow from this experience.
but as you said “reasonable” force. there would be circumstances in CA where lethal force wouldn't be considered reasonable.
UK also has self defense statutes, however given the lower rates of gun ownership it would likely be harder to argue self defense if lethal force was used.
Yes, leaving right away is a bad idea unless your husband is physically abusive and you are in immediate danger. The wise thing to do is to consult a lawyer. I don't know where you online in the world but in many parts of the world the initial legal consultation is free and from there you can see if you have ways to negotiate payment
Seems she isn't doing treatment or needs more. That's on her.
Everyone seems to overlook the fact that the deep-sleeper fresh out from REM sleep may not have fully woken up or was cognizant of what was happening.
Attributing the “blackout” to blind rage or some deeper psychological problem is blowing it out of proportion.
Thank you. I know I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and see that I have been miserable for most of it.
Right. The fact that OP is afraid to report the break in shows that he knows the dude he used was extremely excessive
He’s sometimes overly friendly to other women
He didn't do anything wrong.
You are just overreacting.
Lol right. It’s bf 101. The only other answer is going to hurt your partners feelings.
Yeah, sexual needs are totally unimportant and irrelevant, right?
I would also make it very clear that you have cut the guy out of your life and do not intend to see him anymore for any reason.
Lol compromise involves at least two people. Op's husband is telling her exactly how is going to go, her opinion is unneeded.
What are you trying to change about her? You mention her body shape at the start but also that’s she’s an athletic trainer. Then you said you’re biting your tongue in disagreements but not why. You say you’re “marinating in your suffering” but not what you’re doing to change topics or create new memories to talk about instead.
Frankly, if you’ve been fighting and miserable for years plus you online 5 hours apart… maybe it’s ok to just admit you aren’t very compatible.
True. Thank you I'll do that. :)))
The title is making me ?. Anyways.. just break up. It's not her thing. Get on FetLife or something and find someone else on the same page as you when it comes to that.
It would be better if she goes to her mothers to get some work done rather than forced to stay in Texas. What is the point of being in a relationship if it is going to hold her back and she is getting mental health issues because she can't move to the place where she can pay off her debt and work?
Let’s be clear, you can tell your colleagues that he isn’t neurotypical. And then if he shows up in clown make up, they won’t be surprised
He says I should not judge him from his past. That he is a different person now and that he didnt love previous girlfriends like he loves me. I was thinking i could write to him: I get confused. I love you soo much with all my heart. I want us to work out in the long run and be happily ever after more than anything else.
We have such a strong connection and you have many positive qualities. On the other hand, there are some concerning issues that have come up and yes sorry my mind remembers. It is because I’m questioning whether these are significant red flags that I should pay attention to.
I don’t want to judge you from your past and I don’t but it does makes me afraid that maybe I will get hurt.
Regarding that time when you read that I wrote casual things in a friendly way to my male friend, it doesnt mean anything. I would never and will never cheat or anything. It was just me being friendly. I don’t feel that you understand my intentions and feeling about this completely.
I deserve to be in a relationship where I feel safe, respected, and valued. We both do of course.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with your behavior and my brains is questioning if it is a healthy relationship. Of course I’m not perfect either, I’m totally aware on that and that it's normal for couples to have disagreements or misunderstandings.
I got hurt when I saw you liked the pictures. And yes maybe I shouldnt have looked it up, which account you follow. The problem was not that you liked random pictures. I found it wierd that you like such pictures on other girls in underwear, kind of hurt me and also that you did it during the time we were together. I would not do that to you, for me that is a bit disrespectful. Maybe we see this differently?
As I said I just felt hurt and I also told you I love you but that it made me confused.
Then you said you haven’t liked any pcitures and you were soo fast on saying I don’t want us cause of the time difference and a lot of other stuff. A lot of conclusions and also a conclusion that I want to break up, which I didnt say.
I’m sorry if I didnt approach this situation with enough empathy or understanding.
I also understand that you have past experiences or struggles that have contributed to how you react. However, it's not my responsibility to fix or excuse that. Its okey for me to prioritize my own emotional wellbeing.
Thanks, kind redditor, TIL
Hey, man.
Breakups are very hot, and there's no time limit on getting over them. So you're having all these really difficult feelings. And since the idea of “closure” is shoved down our throats from god-knows-where, that's where your brain goes. “I'm feeling like shit because I didn't get closure”. You think that, so you don't process the real cause for your feelings, and they stay bad.
Do you know what happens to people who get closure? Usually one of two things: 1. They don't feel better, and they think, “it must be because we're still in love!”, and they chase a relationship that's already dead, prolonging their pain. 2. They tell themselves they feel better, shove their unprocessed feelings down, bottle them up, and go on a manic spree with whatever unhealthy coping mechanisms they can think of. Prolonging their pain.
So here you are. You believed in “closure” like everyone else. That's nothing to be ashamed of. You were fed lies. But then you realized that's not what you need, all on your own. That's honestly awesome. Good job!
You still need to process some breakup shit, and that's not easy… but you've got a strong mind and you're ready to take this on.
At the end of the day, it isn't about the children. It's about YOU. Are you willing to spend the next 15 plus years putting your mental/emotional well-being on the back burner to maintain the peace or “civility”? Do you know how that looks like from his end? Like you're weak and a pushover, he knows that all he has to do is make it slightly uncomfortable for you, and you'll give in.
You're your kids' primary example of what an adult should be. You owe it to them and yourself to show them that a healthy adult is kind and has clear boundaries. Does not give in to manipulation and stands up for themselves and others.
Fair, but I never got annoyed about it because I was out and about and near his place of work doing my grocery runs either way so it never even crossed my mind to tell him to remember to pack it. I would just notice it got left once I woke up and brought it to him bc I didn't want him to be hungry at work since his job involves physical labor.
But after explaining that I realize it sounds ridiculous and I probably should've stopped at fair lol
Nah, this is just something someone with main character energy does. You continue to center yourself in all this. If you were truly unbothered you wouldn’t still be here on Reddit commenting and updating.