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Alyssa, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 22, 2022
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I can't comment for all men, personally I (33m) don't judge how much my partner (34f) loves me based on how often we have sex, we support each other through the good and bad, our last 2 years have been terrible for us both health wise, I spent 6 months in hospital this year and she has lost family members in the last 2, relationships are built on trust, if he's basing everything on sex that to me suggests that he doesn't value your relationship on an emotional level, if his “emotional connection” with you is based on intimacy in the bedroom and you are OK with that then crack on, if you feel that there is a need for more than that with you, bring it up and talk to him, we haven't had sex for a few months and that's OK, we have an emotional connection, intimacy isn't just about sex, it's about being OK with feeling vulnerable, talking about things that are important and sometimes difficult to hear.
but I don’t even feel an ounce of sadness, more like relief and I’m not totally sure why.
Because you know you did the right thing for you.
I have said this before, age gap relationships can work if both people are at the same stage of their lives. Some people are ready to settle at 23 and that's great for them, but it's not for everyone. Your ex decided to ignore your wants and only focused on his. To have spoken to your family, ignored their advice, organised a party with only his family in attendance is just wrong on so many levels. This man did not hear you, once. Enjoy your twenties, travel, have fun, build your career and find someone who actually listens and respects you.
She needs to get an abortion and you need to break up
No, it did not magically disappear. Someone else was cleaning it, was doing labor, for you.
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Hi, I am making note of everything small thing because:
These things have happened just 2 weeks back.
I am not used to being touched by people (especially men) even accidentally, frequently. Usually people try to avoid touching again by moving back. They even say sorry for accidental touching. Even in my family we don’t walk this close. Same with friends. Maybe it’s different for him. We have pretty different educational backgrounds. People around me have been some what conservative. Maybe in his college it was normal. Keeping this in mind and that he was really decent, otherwise, I ignored it and maintained some distance when I could. I mean in non-conservative places, friends can walk close together. No harm in that. But yes, I definitely noticed.
About his girlfriend: In my country, if people in their mid to late twenties are in a relationship, they are usually serious about it and want to marry their lover. When he asked me about sharing a room, I was so busy rethinking my own decision. I completely forgot about her. She obviously doesn’t know. Which is not fair. Maybe he forgot he told me about her, once, and didn’t mention her so that I wouldn’t think negatively about him.
And most importantly, he is IGNORING my texts again. If he had not being doing that I would ignore and forget the above-mentioned things and just live! my life.
Other than the above, his behaviour matters to me because:
He is the only like-minded person I know. My thinking, interests, beliefs etc. are quite different from people around. They match with him a lot! I have good acquaintances like my colleagues. I get along well with them, but the connection is superficial, not deep.
I agreed to share a room with him which is a big deal for me. I would not think to do this with any other person on the planet, except my father, brother, and maybe my cousins.
I have been sexually abused. This part is important because I am traumatised for life because of my experiences. I don’t want to be in that situation. Even if the person is a gentleman, truly loves me, and means no harm, I still can’t be intimate with any man. I just don’t know how I will react, if I am put in that situation.
When I say I think of him as a brother, I mean I trust him like I trust my brother and I treat him like my brother. I am not sexually attracted to him. He is many years younger than me. It doesn’t work that way for most people. Of course, there are exceptions.
We have been in touch for more than 3 years. He never asked me any personal questions. He was purely interested in talking about sports. And I thought he had a good, pure heart. That’s why I trusted him with my safety and agreed to share the room.
Only thing that bothers me is him ignoring me. People have many contacts. I am slow at texting, I don’t use WhatsApp that frequently. Still I always respond. If I am not okay with someone texting me, I simple block them.It’s rude to ignore texts! I text only when it’s important.
He had severe viral infection, still he decided to walk with me to the bus stop at 4:30 am. He had not slept at all , had hardly eaten anything whole day, was ill. Still he came just to say bye. I had a bit of cough and cold. It was not severe but he looked concerned.
Now he’s ignoring messages.
I don’t interact with many people. I never had guy friends. Only guys I know well are my brother and cousins. I honestly don’t know why he is behaving this way. I can’t ask him. He won’t tell.
I don’t want to lose this friend. But his behaviour has confused me.
I need advice on how I deal with him in future? What’s points to keep in mind?
Please tell someone that your wife is threatening to commit suicide if you leave, as well as the anger issues. I say this for your safety more than anything.
Ultimately, you need to leave. What she is doing to you is abuse and you cannot and should not be held hostage over her threats. If she attempts anything, do not go back. If she follows through, then it is not your fault. You cannot be held responsible for her well-being. If you do not want to be with someone, you have every right to leave.
Maybe get rid of husband as well
You're not considering all the possibilities. Let's go ahead and assume google had a MASSIVE F-up and it's 100% certain that it's wrong. Let's take that out of the math equation. Now consider all the possible locations that Google could have returned, given that it's wrong. It could have show the house up the street, the coffee shop at the end of the block, that cute little breakfast spot across the way, the library, the dump, city hall, a mechanic's shop, that weird guy down the road with the eye thing, but NO. It showed her co-worker's house. HOW STRANGE???!!! Of all the possible places for google to show when we're assuming google is wrong it's here????? Come on. You know what you know, I get that you want to hold onto the shred of a belief that it's all a misunderstanding, but the math doesn't add up. I'm sorry, FWIW.
I really hope I haven’t left anything out I could understand if he was ashamed of his living situation
Don’t let her brother move in with you
Yup exactly! Just seems like an unnecessary hassle at this point haha.
Have you considered speaking to your partner about it? You should be able to do that.
I believe the OP is more asking for ways to get out safely than asking if they should.