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Post history. While shes getting her emotional needs supported by a good man she actively disrespects, she is also looking to be introduced to swinger party friends. Looking for a man that will “Respect her”. I doubt shes hunting for that strange D this weekend though, hence why her problem is with her husband today.
The OP is coming off as self centered? Oh hell no. The guy got so drunk it required a team of people to take care of him through the night between at least one coworker and his fiancé, but his fiancé is the selfish one? All she wants to do is study for her finals. Christ Reddit can be absolutely fucked.
YTA. While I understand you went to help your sister your husband has a right to comfort and peace in his own house. I dealt with a little brother who was like this and it is very hot and does make your mental health suffer. I hope she gets the help she needs.
You did the right thing telling the boss. He knows exactly what the situation is, and can handle it with this knowledge. Now he knows that in a pinch, you told him the truth. Chances are that something similar has happened before. Look around your office tomorrow and try to figure out how many others have had the same experience.
For his gift, you could always pay to have the pants altered by a professional. Not just to teach him a lesson lol but because if he likes the pants, it could actually be a nice gift that he could get a lot of use from.
You definitely don't need to feel guilty. Anyone would be annoyed to basically be given a chore alongside a gift. Professional tailoring is pricey for a reason; it takes a lot of time and practice to do it right.
Another option would be for him to just resell the pants on ebay for the same price as he bought them for, or as close as possible to that. He might lose a little money but at least he won't lose it all and it'll be a useful lesson in not jumping the gun.
That conversation has been initiated, pretty much the same way you suggested here! We're just not talking about it yet today, and I wanted to get some advice on how to proceed for when the conversation continues.
You feel what you feel about her and you're never going to convince yourself that you feel otherwise. It's unfair to her and yourself to maintain any kind of false pretense that you two are together romantically if that's not what you want.
You don't need to be “brutally honest” with her. Be kind, but firm, and just explain that you only love her as a friend.
The other part of this is that it's not your job to “save” her. It sounds like you're tied to her out of guilt or protectiveness or whatever. You can care about her and want to help her, but she needs to be responsible for her own life. You're not her parent.
You ask for the separation after you meet a guy at a work conference? You start texting this person. You tell this guy that you have feelings for him and vice-versa. You are emotionally cheating and you call your husband out for cheating on you while dating? What am I missing here? You are in the affair fog and your marriage is riding on it. Please look it up.
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You are smart to be concerned . All that would be a dealbreaker for be . It’s like you’re a place holder until someone better (in his mind ) comes along . You deserve a man who loves all of you just as you are .
If my guest was staying for a day or two, no expectations for them to help. A week, definitely yes, they are not at a resort but a guest who can also help with the dishes atleast.
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I might try. I actually downloaded Bumble today with no matches yet (literally all the pictures I have are with my wife and then solo gym selfies lol).
You can argue if it's cheating or not until the sun dies, Don't even have an argument skip over it, Ask her if she will commit to Cut off people who repeatedly hit on her After being told no. If your girlfriend says you're being jealous or controlling or it's not cheating, Just agree and lean into it , Say yes I am being jealous or controlling and understand it's not cheating, But please do this for my sake and for the sake of our relationship, To me this is something that will strengthene rather than a weaken our relationship and thats why I need to ask you.
See how your girlfriend responds to that good luck, Just know that in the future your girlfriend gets to ask you Something in the bank of Saint Paul park and you might feel it's unnecessary but this is about indulging each other And a roll of thumb is will it overall strengthen or a weaken the relationship.
For example if your girlfriend asked you something ridiculous like quit your job because your purely professional boss is female you know you will resent your gf if you quit your job that you like so then you should disagree in that case.
Very hot iron mate. For as long as I can think I simply don't even consider dating a girl who has been with a friend of mine before or anything like your situation happened. It is not worth the drama and that is always just around the corner.
I know you guys are young etc so I would maybe try and talk to him about working on himself so he does not cheat anymore – because you know that makes him kind of a huge dick and a bad person. You really want to call a guy like that best friend?
My best friend cheated too. I gave him a lecture like a 10 year old what a fucking idiot he is.
If he is able to betray someone as close as his partner, then you can bet your young ass that he would betray you too.
Oh honey you still are. You’re both in for a whirlwind of change as you go through your 20s and discover who you are. It sounds like you got stuck with a bad decision early on. You can try counseling if you really want, but then you have to ask yourself if you want to be stuck with a woman who disrespects you to the point of you having to slam a door to get away from her….
She's trying to manipulate you in to getting what she wants.
Reserve your sexual attention for your next potential partner. I'd also suggest going no contact with your ex – it's apparent this is going to be a consistent source of pain and confusion for you and you'll probably be better off alone.
He won’t go for that either. He claims it’s unfair I’m asking him to pay our bills due to the fact this money was freely granted to me through my jobs relief fund and that I technically didn’t work for it.
I had to scroll WAY too far to find someone reasonable and not just jumping straight to DIVORCE HIM! The sleeping all day is a classic sign of someone who is depressed. IF they are depressed then they need to get help, and if they refuse OP is completely in the right to seek a divorce. As it stands, regardless of the reason, they're essentially a single parent and that's not fair. OP needs to sit this man down and have a very serious conversation that if things don't change they'll walk.
With the 19 and 15, it sets up the 15er in a very vulnerable spot. A 19 yr old (unless he's a vert special individual) typically don't have the mindset and maturity for long term relationships yet and will most likely end up abusing the 15er in some form and produce scars and trauma.
19 and 40 is not exactly predatory, as a 19er knows more about the world now even if they don't have as much experience. What's wrong is that they're probably unhealthy since what the 40 yr old seeks is not love but validation of dating a younger woman. The 19er might be taken care of physically but not the other aspects one need to grow.
Some advice to answer your questions from a 24 year old woman who has dated men and women. In order:
You both move your tongues! going slowly and softly (don’t fucking jab with your tongue, biggest most common mistake with men in my experience)
Every woman has preferences for how aggressively you feel her breasts but when in doubt, go gently and sensually. Feel up her sides and booty too, not just the boobs.
There shouldn’t be constant contact when kissing, I’d say. Break away when it feels natural to do a lil neck kiss or something.
What makes a kiss good is: good breath, gentle but firm pressure, excitement, moving your hands around in a natural way (feeling hair, back, ass, etc), gentle bites of the bottom lip, confidence and passion. One of my exes was a complete virgin, even kissing-wise, before me. I had no idea because of how natural he was with his hands in terms of just gently running his fingers everywhere when we very first made out, and not being too hesitant or too aggressive when kissing.
What makes a kiss bad is: bad breath/other hygiene, jabbing her with your tongue, exhaling too much through your mouth, biting anything too hot, grabbing too aggressively without permission.
Nope, fuck him. He outright says he wants your forgiveness for himself, not for you, and what he said at the wake shows he's not changed that much. Don't feel guilty for not forgiving your abuser. From what you've said, he's done nothing to deserve it.
Sit down with her and allow her to open up. She might give a dumb reason, she might have a sad story, she might have had a traumatic experiencd. No matter what it is, be supportive of her in what she says, and be loving, caring and gentle to her. Tell her there is no need to be sorry. Just be good to her.
It's never a simple matter to wake up and see that a past fling has sent screenshots of the sext with his now future wife in them. It can be likened to sending revenge porn if OP gets this wrong. It's been 3 years since their break up and 18 months since they last talked. Why is no one considering that a lot could have happened in that timeframe? No one can confirm anyone cheated, no one can confirm if any wrongdoing has even took place. So now we believe in sending screenshots of intimate messages and receipts off of a hunch that MAYBE 18 months ago this person cheated? The lies and drama this creates by interfering with someone else's life is wild. Am I the only person here that can acknowledge that even if OP is incorrect this can still end their engagement. We do not know how her fiance may react to this even if she didn't cheat at all. It's a gamble.
I gotta say, I'm really grateful for this conversation because this is exactly how I feel deep in my bones. I've given up a lot to be here with her, including time with my friends and family, just so we can build a future together. Sometimes, I feel like my time isn't appreciated, but I'm trying to be understanding and see things from both sides, which is why I'm reaching out here.
Willing to bet the friends bf was right. Talk to her before, demand the truth. Only way the trip would be any fun is if she satisfies you that nothing happened. Otherwise you'll be thinking about it on the trip or it will come up while on the trip which sucks either way.
Make ber break up with you, that way its her “choice” And not yours.
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Yeah, I wouldn't hope for that. Given how fanatic they are you're more likely hoping for a child to be mentally abused and abandoned.
Post history. While shes getting her emotional needs supported by a good man she actively disrespects, she is also looking to be introduced to swinger party friends. Looking for a man that will “Respect her”. I doubt shes hunting for that strange D this weekend though, hence why her problem is with her husband today.
He didn’t push her off. You’re just a cheat. He hasn’t told people because he’s hurting and humiliated.
Exactly she's 17, she is not a toddler anymore and should show some sympathy
The OP is coming off as self centered? Oh hell no. The guy got so drunk it required a team of people to take care of him through the night between at least one coworker and his fiancé, but his fiancé is the selfish one? All she wants to do is study for her finals. Christ Reddit can be absolutely fucked.
YTA. While I understand you went to help your sister your husband has a right to comfort and peace in his own house. I dealt with a little brother who was like this and it is very hot and does make your mental health suffer. I hope she gets the help she needs.
You did the right thing telling the boss. He knows exactly what the situation is, and can handle it with this knowledge. Now he knows that in a pinch, you told him the truth. Chances are that something similar has happened before. Look around your office tomorrow and try to figure out how many others have had the same experience.
Ok (I don’t hate religious people)
But Bruhh that’s ducked ? No dating before marriage jesus!(ikr that pun was fire)
Anyways you have to be straight up with her and be like me or religion she can defiantly do both
But the only thing I see is if she wants to follow religion religiously your not gonna have a shot
So I would say make an ultimatum
But before you do (idk about your backgrounds my bad)
May you need to open up her mind a little more with other philosophy’s and ideas (which isn’t manipulative)
So this would be showing her books that align with the idea that the point of life is relationships and having fun
Some book ideas:
Into the wild
The stranger
I’m sure you can find movies but try to change her mind via knowledge (in a nice way)
Or drop her
Sewing is a series of engineering problems.
For his gift, you could always pay to have the pants altered by a professional. Not just to teach him a lesson lol but because if he likes the pants, it could actually be a nice gift that he could get a lot of use from.
You definitely don't need to feel guilty. Anyone would be annoyed to basically be given a chore alongside a gift. Professional tailoring is pricey for a reason; it takes a lot of time and practice to do it right.
Another option would be for him to just resell the pants on ebay for the same price as he bought them for, or as close as possible to that. He might lose a little money but at least he won't lose it all and it'll be a useful lesson in not jumping the gun.
That conversation has been initiated, pretty much the same way you suggested here! We're just not talking about it yet today, and I wanted to get some advice on how to proceed for when the conversation continues.
Thank you for the luck ?
You feel what you feel about her and you're never going to convince yourself that you feel otherwise. It's unfair to her and yourself to maintain any kind of false pretense that you two are together romantically if that's not what you want.
You don't need to be “brutally honest” with her. Be kind, but firm, and just explain that you only love her as a friend.
The other part of this is that it's not your job to “save” her. It sounds like you're tied to her out of guilt or protectiveness or whatever. You can care about her and want to help her, but she needs to be responsible for her own life. You're not her parent.
Move on and find someone who you want to be with.
Buddy, that’s the definition of ego. You’re not behind you’re an idiot.
What about if I come to training him? ???? A few sessions and after you will be obligated to call him ” master ” all the time!
You ask for the separation after you meet a guy at a work conference? You start texting this person. You tell this guy that you have feelings for him and vice-versa. You are emotionally cheating and you call your husband out for cheating on you while dating? What am I missing here? You are in the affair fog and your marriage is riding on it. Please look it up.
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You are smart to be concerned . All that would be a dealbreaker for be . It’s like you’re a place holder until someone better (in his mind ) comes along . You deserve a man who loves all of you just as you are .
Maybe you could be his gym buddy or hiking buddy?
If my guest was staying for a day or two, no expectations for them to help. A week, definitely yes, they are not at a resort but a guest who can also help with the dishes atleast.
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If you’re making a pros and cons list, you’re trying to convince yourself it’s not good. I’ve been there. Just end it now and you’ll feel a lot better
He doesn’t sound well. Kinda bipolar-ish.
It sounds like he looks at the kids as your responsibility. Is that correct? Cuz that would be wrong
Tell the gf about the affair, if she doesn’t already know she deserves to know.
I might try. I actually downloaded Bumble today with no matches yet (literally all the pictures I have are with my wife and then solo gym selfies lol).
You can argue if it's cheating or not until the sun dies, Don't even have an argument skip over it, Ask her if she will commit to Cut off people who repeatedly hit on her After being told no. If your girlfriend says you're being jealous or controlling or it's not cheating, Just agree and lean into it , Say yes I am being jealous or controlling and understand it's not cheating, But please do this for my sake and for the sake of our relationship, To me this is something that will strengthene rather than a weaken our relationship and thats why I need to ask you.
See how your girlfriend responds to that good luck, Just know that in the future your girlfriend gets to ask you Something in the bank of Saint Paul park and you might feel it's unnecessary but this is about indulging each other And a roll of thumb is will it overall strengthen or a weaken the relationship.
For example if your girlfriend asked you something ridiculous like quit your job because your purely professional boss is female you know you will resent your gf if you quit your job that you like so then you should disagree in that case.
i will!? i really thought i was overeating with this guy.
i cant even explain the anxious and sadness i felt in the relationship.
or when id ask for time i felt horrible bc he was busy and stressed blah blah
Very hot iron mate. For as long as I can think I simply don't even consider dating a girl who has been with a friend of mine before or anything like your situation happened. It is not worth the drama and that is always just around the corner.
I know you guys are young etc so I would maybe try and talk to him about working on himself so he does not cheat anymore – because you know that makes him kind of a huge dick and a bad person. You really want to call a guy like that best friend?
My best friend cheated too. I gave him a lecture like a 10 year old what a fucking idiot he is.
If he is able to betray someone as close as his partner, then you can bet your young ass that he would betray you too.
That's not true at all.
Some are like that alot are just good restaurants, I've had 2 Michelin star restaurant food delivered to my house.
If she wants to smoke weed she will. You can join her, or not. You should not try to change her.
Hmm i feel like its kinda bare minimum to not pull away after a night like that
Oh honey you still are. You’re both in for a whirlwind of change as you go through your 20s and discover who you are. It sounds like you got stuck with a bad decision early on. You can try counseling if you really want, but then you have to ask yourself if you want to be stuck with a woman who disrespects you to the point of you having to slam a door to get away from her….
You don't have trust issues, you're married to a cheater who has been gaslighting you about what you know is true for years. Get tested
Go find someone else who will not belittle you, even if its a joke. He's said it too often, it doesn't, it doesn't sound like a joke. Dump him.
Updateme!
I’m looking for the best course of action to get her out
She's trying to manipulate you in to getting what she wants.
Reserve your sexual attention for your next potential partner. I'd also suggest going no contact with your ex – it's apparent this is going to be a consistent source of pain and confusion for you and you'll probably be better off alone.
Welp I don't have to say anything. I had this same thought
even when he’s wrong I tell him he’s right
Yeah, that’s a shitty friend.
Dating his ex in secret is also a shitty friend move.
Both of these tidbits show you can’t be trusted.
And he can treat you however he wants. It comes with being a free person living in a free society. If you don’t like it, stop reaching out to him.
He won’t go for that either. He claims it’s unfair I’m asking him to pay our bills due to the fact this money was freely granted to me through my jobs relief fund and that I technically didn’t work for it.
I had to scroll WAY too far to find someone reasonable and not just jumping straight to DIVORCE HIM! The sleeping all day is a classic sign of someone who is depressed. IF they are depressed then they need to get help, and if they refuse OP is completely in the right to seek a divorce. As it stands, regardless of the reason, they're essentially a single parent and that's not fair. OP needs to sit this man down and have a very serious conversation that if things don't change they'll walk.
See I wasn't even using the equipment she was asking for. Someone else was using it lol, so why is she asking me aha
is her account on private ? If it is chances are he paid for her to accept it.
With the 19 and 15, it sets up the 15er in a very vulnerable spot. A 19 yr old (unless he's a vert special individual) typically don't have the mindset and maturity for long term relationships yet and will most likely end up abusing the 15er in some form and produce scars and trauma.
19 and 40 is not exactly predatory, as a 19er knows more about the world now even if they don't have as much experience. What's wrong is that they're probably unhealthy since what the 40 yr old seeks is not love but validation of dating a younger woman. The 19er might be taken care of physically but not the other aspects one need to grow.
Some advice to answer your questions from a 24 year old woman who has dated men and women. In order:
You both move your tongues! going slowly and softly (don’t fucking jab with your tongue, biggest most common mistake with men in my experience)
Every woman has preferences for how aggressively you feel her breasts but when in doubt, go gently and sensually. Feel up her sides and booty too, not just the boobs.
There shouldn’t be constant contact when kissing, I’d say. Break away when it feels natural to do a lil neck kiss or something.
What makes a kiss good is: good breath, gentle but firm pressure, excitement, moving your hands around in a natural way (feeling hair, back, ass, etc), gentle bites of the bottom lip, confidence and passion. One of my exes was a complete virgin, even kissing-wise, before me. I had no idea because of how natural he was with his hands in terms of just gently running his fingers everywhere when we very first made out, and not being too hesitant or too aggressive when kissing.
What makes a kiss bad is: bad breath/other hygiene, jabbing her with your tongue, exhaling too much through your mouth, biting anything too hot, grabbing too aggressively without permission.
Nope, fuck him. He outright says he wants your forgiveness for himself, not for you, and what he said at the wake shows he's not changed that much. Don't feel guilty for not forgiving your abuser. From what you've said, he's done nothing to deserve it.
Sit down with her and allow her to open up. She might give a dumb reason, she might have a sad story, she might have had a traumatic experiencd. No matter what it is, be supportive of her in what she says, and be loving, caring and gentle to her. Tell her there is no need to be sorry. Just be good to her.
Listen to your friends!!
You need a divorce!! You need to kick BF out!!
It's never a simple matter to wake up and see that a past fling has sent screenshots of the sext with his now future wife in them. It can be likened to sending revenge porn if OP gets this wrong. It's been 3 years since their break up and 18 months since they last talked. Why is no one considering that a lot could have happened in that timeframe? No one can confirm anyone cheated, no one can confirm if any wrongdoing has even took place. So now we believe in sending screenshots of intimate messages and receipts off of a hunch that MAYBE 18 months ago this person cheated? The lies and drama this creates by interfering with someone else's life is wild. Am I the only person here that can acknowledge that even if OP is incorrect this can still end their engagement. We do not know how her fiance may react to this even if she didn't cheat at all. It's a gamble.
Guys, I'm upset I can't force my girlfriend to do this thing that in NO WAY affects my life, but drastically changes part of her life.
How can I convince her that she should take my last name, just like slaves used to in my culture? I'm very traditional.
I gotta say, I'm really grateful for this conversation because this is exactly how I feel deep in my bones. I've given up a lot to be here with her, including time with my friends and family, just so we can build a future together. Sometimes, I feel like my time isn't appreciated, but I'm trying to be understanding and see things from both sides, which is why I'm reaching out here.
Willing to bet the friends bf was right. Talk to her before, demand the truth. Only way the trip would be any fun is if she satisfies you that nothing happened. Otherwise you'll be thinking about it on the trip or it will come up while on the trip which sucks either way.
Yeah I get the feelings she’s not as vanilla as she says. I also think she got turned on by the idea of being a sub. ??♀️
Don't hijack someone else's post, come on….
you didnt do anything wrong. you don’t talk about your future kids when you know you don’t want kids. your fiance fucked up
How do you know it’s fake tho? This stuff does happen irl.