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Alejandro-Alejandra Public Chat Channel
Date: November 2, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
Alejandro-Alejandra Public Chat Channel
Dude sounds like a psycho
It does sound like your man might be the target of attention from that friend and that he is oblivious to her (potential) advances. It's not to say that it is necessarily the case but that there is a chance that she might be into him and flirting.
I find it a bit odd for you to be going on such dates and not even spending that much time with your boyfriend. Maybe try to go on more date switch just the two of you being there, without that girl being present there?
Something that a lot of people believe is that men and women can never be friends. And that some women in relationships will keep men that are 'maybes' in their friendzone for when things don't work out with their boyfriend and some men will befriend women that they are attracted to, wanting more than just friendship and using that as a stepping stone for something more. As a guy, I think that when you get friend zoned it is over but not all operate like that
I'd recommend that you say to him that you would want to spend more time on dates together, as opposed to with other people. It's not even needed to mention her specifically when you say that to him, so you don't come off as “jealous” – even if there are reasons for you to be, give what has happened. I would be pissed off in your shoes too, if someone was flirting with my gf in front of me
If you are not comfortable with it then leave. You don’t have to stay.
Sex is an important part of any relationship. If both partners aren’t getting what they need, eventually it will drive them apart. It might not be “just sex” that drives you apart, but eventually you’ll start to resent his treatment of your needs and you’ll grow distant. If you don’t want this to happen, he needs to understand that this is important to you. It can’t always be about what he wants. And if you need oral, too, you need to tell him. Don’t just let it go. Tell him that it’s something you need and you aren’t receiving any in that department but you’re definitely giving. Also, if him being on top is uncomfortable for him, maybe you all can lie sideways and try that. That can be a new and fun way to play. Either way, he needs to open up and share with you what’s really going on in his head so you can understand. How can you understand something you don’t know?
Condoms! You control them.
Yeah jfc, the fact that this guy has traveled with women friends but somehow stewed for years over an innocent friendship and snapped (or just suddenly snapped, I don’t know which is worse) and ended an engagement— a declaration you want to spend the rest of your life with someone— over a day of movie-binging and snacks and hangouts with a childhood friend who’s around so rarely this was the first in-person contact for their entire relationship.
People can voice concerns about anything. People can even voice insecurities that don’t make sense as long as they own them in a mature way and communicate like an adult.
I’m in a monogamish relationship— we’ve both dated open before and are open to it, but are monogamous now. We’re comfortable with having sex with other people, actively have light sexting-buddies (that’s monogamous to us, lol), the whole thing. We also have to communicate and ask questions, and it’s no-stakes, no-penalty if we’re both being fair and honest about our feelings and boundaries.
There is no valid reason to flip out and break off an engagement based on unfounded jealousy and embarrassment at other people’s gossip without having had a single level conversation in the lead up.
That’s a lot to ask to expect OP to be able to come back from that. I wouldn’t, personally, because the trust I have with my partner is founded on our stability and care in how we relate to each other. If I suddenly found my partner might chew me out and break things off because he jumped to conclusions, that trust would be toast even if he admitted the conclusion was wrong.
If you don’t think there’s anything going on between them, I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t think he really has a choice. Are you allowed over there while she’s staying?
Do you both work and contribute to the household equally? Does he have his own vehicle? Are the pets just his? I would tell him he can't drive your car anymore. It is also bad for the cats health to not be doing their box often enough. I also get the vibe that your partner is mooching off of you and playing the victim card. It seems like they can do no wrong. There are two parts to play in a relationship. There will always be something wrong on both ends in conflict but it seems like you are the only one trying. This sounds exhausting. Have you tried having someone mediate?
Hahahhahahha ???? I am SO SORRY that he is so poorly educated in how to pleasure women and so insecure!!! There are smarter men out there, I promise!!!
Doesn’t sound like he loves you. If he did, he would consider learning how to pleasure you. He’s being selfish over his hurt ego.
(It never helps to lie about it though. Reinforces their delusions.)
You’re popping off on every comment that disagrees with you or provides advice that you don’t agree with. Why did you post here if you don’t actually want advice? You’re just seeking validation.
Get on proper birth control. There are non hormonal or low estrogen options. There is no excuse to be sexually active and not properly protect yourself. He’s also trying to make sure that he’s properly protected, albeit he may have fucked up with the condom. His desire to make sure he’s not stuck with you for 18 years is understandable, he might have just gone about it in the wrong way.
It’s a drag that he doesn’t trust you, but you also don’t trust him. Five months ago you posted that you broke up with your boyfriend because he had girls twerking on him, one of them being his ex and he didn’t tell you. Unless you were cheating on him, this is the same boyfriend. Neither of you have any business being in this relationship. You both need to move on.
She wasn’t doing this before though, that’s the issue. If she had a group of friends she would go out with before kids, stopped while the kids were young, and is now going out again when they get a little older, I would completely agree with you. I wouldn’t find it weird at all
But she’s 39 going out drinking until 2am with new girl friends in their 20s (and it’s not once, OP makes it clear it’s now happening regularly, probably once a week like he used to). That’s weird in my book and I would be very suspicious.
Combine all of this with the fact that she can’t admit that she was wrong for how she treated OP all those years and she tells him to just get over it? Come on now. Something’s up
You know if the genders were reversed, the top comment would say he’s cheating.
But we agree on the hypocrisy aspect.
Changing your phone number may be a good investment here. It sounds like he may be able to find you on social media using your phone number.
While I understood that he didn’t need these items and didn’t want them cluttering his apartment, I was offended and accused him of not knowing proper gift-giving etiquette. I now cannot get him any gifts because I am afraid they will be regifted,
Once you give a gift, it is no longer your possession, it is the recipient's possession. I think that's commonly held to be “proper gift-giving etiquette”.You have no right to try to control what he does with gifts after you've given them!
If you understand that “that he didn’t need these items and didn’t want them cluttering his apartment,” but you are still hurt when he packs them away or asks you to return them or passes them on to someone else, maybe consider focusing on what kinds of gifts that he can use up that he would actually enjoy getting. Consumables can be great and don't need storing: special snacks, his favorite beverage, candy he loves tucked into his sweatshirt pocket with a love note, foods that he can enjoy alone or share with others? What about gift certificates to his favorite barber, or for a professional massage, or to get his car detailed?
It’s VERY naked to get tested as an adult at least it was for me. Almost all places I contacted either only took children or had multiple months long waiting lists
1 is because no woman his age wants him, they have all learned not to date men that dictate what they wear. I'm sure he dresses comfortable at home too but doesn't think the same standards apply since he's a man
In my personal opinion, if there's no other issues, it's making a mountain out of a mole hill. The hiding wasn't cool, but no one thought that she was an idiot. It wasn't some major, ongoing thing. And usually these concerns stem from a place of insecurity.
Only easy answer
Thank you
Because I’m wondering where their point of view comes from. If they’re also Indian then it’s good to see how they feel about it as a POC themselves. These types of incidents affect people differently. A white person can’t speak on the feelings of a POC though. It’s just not their place to invalidate it.
You aren’t fooling anyone. You want to spend time with this woman and you desire this 25 year old woman. You are downplaying platonic. You have a crush on her and finding any reason to spend time with her. Wishing that she can reciprocate the same feelings for the old guy. And of course be there for her if things don’t go well with her BF. You are more concerned about looking like a hero in her eyes instead of looking like an AH to your wife. This woman has a job and can pay for her own Uber. No one is believing this game you are playing and thankfully not your wife.
Go sit with them.
Tell them that you won’t take the note , but you would like to read it.
That you are mourning and hurting. That he was very dear to you and that you are struggling with making sense of it all.
That you loved him and cared deeply. Say nothing but incredibly positive things about him.
This will help to lower their guards and they will see that you care.
Be open and humble.
Go sit with them.
Tell them that you won’t take the note , but you would like to read it.
That you are mourning and hurting. That he was very dear to you and that you are struggling with making sense of it all.
That you loved him and cared deeply. Say nothing but incredibly positive things about him.
This will help to lower their guards and they will see that you care.
Be open and humble.
Your post history is just sad. This whole thing is doomed.
She presents totally different in society and that’s what got me hooked. She’s angelic looking, blonde hair, blue eyes Jennifer Lawrence look alike with the nicest smile. I met her at a networking event. She’s a dog walker/dog sitter and everyone in town thinks of her as the sweet woman who loves animals. She was also training to be a post partum doula who works with moms and newborns when we met. All of my friends and their wives love her and think she’s the sweetest woman. I found out all these things about her in late June ‘22, we met in January ‘22. She was already living with me at this point but the honeymoon stage was waning. She’d act entitled and I noticed she had an almost harem like following of men from back home in L.A. rich real estate brokers, random men from college, her ex boyfriend all kinds of men. She made a new Facebook in June because she said she didn’t want her ex to feel like she was rubbing her new engagement in his face, since they got out of a 7 year relationship 4 months before we met.
I noticed that her love language was gifts and praise, whenever we’d get into a disagreement her ex was waiting in the wings and I would buy her dinners or something on Etsy to pacify the tension if we had a disagreement. Then she told me she was on a podcast with her sisters on Spotify talking about their SA. I listened to it and heard her little sister say she was jealous of my fiancé growing up because she was the golden child. The podcast was her olde sisters and she had her younger sister that was also abused on the show and my fiancé the middle sister. It was so weird because my fiancé acted like she was the victim and the entire podcast was almost centered around her, it was so weird. Then I’d notice whenever we’d have a disagreement and I was right she’d get emotional and cry and say, I just need comfort I have ptsd and have been through a lot. I’d end up apologizing. It started feeling manipulative recently within the last couple of months
The advice is to tell him exactly this. I was going to say that it might just not happen, but when you said he doesn’t do anything you want to do, that changed everything.
That's an interesting perspective. I'm not sure if his fixation on anime is a result of a mental health issue or just a strong interest that has turned into an addiction.
Damn. This is gold.
Shouldn’t his job consist of, like, finding another friggin’ job?
During my last job search — a six month process — I spent eight hours a day (M-F) focused on that task. When I wasn’t on that, I was doing house work, cooking, cleaning, washing, doing laundry and raising my kids just like when I was employed.
Your man thinks this is some kind of vacation. He needs to grow up a bit.