“He said he thought I said yes” after a whole day of her repeatedly saying no. There's simply no way this is true, and by framing it as “OP said yes”. He wants her to mistrust her belief in her consent and question if rape even happened. This is gas lighting.
You seem to have no idea how abnormal and unhealthy this situation is for you. Under no circumstances should you be playing marriage counsellor for your parents. This is so unbelievably unhealthy for you. In this case, it isn’t warranted. Your mother doesn’t want to be with him. Let him go. You are under no obligation to go back and forth to see him. The more time away from him- the better. Let your dad move and help your mom clean up the house. Stay out of their relationship.
So tell me this… since you seem very tit for tat when it comes to marriage/ finances.
My parents made investments and they now live a modest life off of those investments. It seems unfair cuz my parents could easily sell their investments and live! their best life and burn through their cash before they die and then come ask us to support them.
Instead ill most likely be inheriting the investment which I would love to share with my spouse but since his money is his money and mine is mine should I just keep the inheritance for myself and for my own pleasure and not give him a say in what we do with it?
Your concerns are not that he can't be trusted, but that some situations predispose themselves to bad behavior.
I see three issues:
1) 4 people he doesn't know. This is not great
2) 3 couples except V and C aren't.
3) this is a party/hookup local
Talk with your bf. Ask him to think about the situations that will be going through your head while he's there. Tell him you trust him, but some of that is that you trust him to not put himself into compromising situations. There will be no way for him to refute a charge of hooking up. How would he feel if he came back to see you crying at a picture of him holding someone else?
The first scenario is that it turns out 1 of the other couples isn't a couple. C hooks up with the guy, and the odd one out hangs with V all weekend, just being sweet, then kisses him.
The second is that C and V are having fun (innocent) and a group spots them. C likes a guy in that group and makes sure it's OK for here to peel off. V is now alone when some attractive women come hang out with him. Soon he's tagged in a photo he thought was innocent… or one of them is drunkenly ugly crying on his shoulder. Where is his gf to attest that it was innocent, because here are 5 photos with these girls, and in one… one of the girls was practically in his lap.
Shirley Glass PhD wrote “NOT 'just friends' “. It is about how people in situations that allow infidelity often cheat.
How can you protect each other and your relationship? You make broad rules that the two of you don't break. Some ideas: 1) no going to alcohol serving or 'pick up' places without the other. 2) no overnight mixed company trips without the other 3) no parties without the other
Sounds like this trip would be against all three of those. These rules would not be to restrain each other, but to instill confidence and a sense of security. “Because I don't want to cause even a seed of doubt, I'll not put myself in a position…”
“He said he thought I said yes” after a whole day of her repeatedly saying no. There's simply no way this is true, and by framing it as “OP said yes”. He wants her to mistrust her belief in her consent and question if rape even happened. This is gas lighting.
You seem to have no idea how abnormal and unhealthy this situation is for you. Under no circumstances should you be playing marriage counsellor for your parents. This is so unbelievably unhealthy for you. In this case, it isn’t warranted. Your mother doesn’t want to be with him. Let him go. You are under no obligation to go back and forth to see him. The more time away from him- the better. Let your dad move and help your mom clean up the house. Stay out of their relationship.
So tell me this… since you seem very tit for tat when it comes to marriage/ finances.
My parents made investments and they now live a modest life off of those investments. It seems unfair cuz my parents could easily sell their investments and live! their best life and burn through their cash before they die and then come ask us to support them.
Instead ill most likely be inheriting the investment which I would love to share with my spouse but since his money is his money and mine is mine should I just keep the inheritance for myself and for my own pleasure and not give him a say in what we do with it?
I bet you’d feel salty if your wife did that.
Your concerns are not that he can't be trusted, but that some situations predispose themselves to bad behavior.
I see three issues:
1) 4 people he doesn't know. This is not great
2) 3 couples except V and C aren't.
3) this is a party/hookup local
Talk with your bf. Ask him to think about the situations that will be going through your head while he's there. Tell him you trust him, but some of that is that you trust him to not put himself into compromising situations. There will be no way for him to refute a charge of hooking up. How would he feel if he came back to see you crying at a picture of him holding someone else?
The first scenario is that it turns out 1 of the other couples isn't a couple. C hooks up with the guy, and the odd one out hangs with V all weekend, just being sweet, then kisses him.
The second is that C and V are having fun (innocent) and a group spots them. C likes a guy in that group and makes sure it's OK for here to peel off. V is now alone when some attractive women come hang out with him. Soon he's tagged in a photo he thought was innocent… or one of them is drunkenly ugly crying on his shoulder. Where is his gf to attest that it was innocent, because here are 5 photos with these girls, and in one… one of the girls was practically in his lap.
Shirley Glass PhD wrote “NOT 'just friends' “. It is about how people in situations that allow infidelity often cheat.
How can you protect each other and your relationship? You make broad rules that the two of you don't break. Some ideas: 1) no going to alcohol serving or 'pick up' places without the other. 2) no overnight mixed company trips without the other 3) no parties without the other
Sounds like this trip would be against all three of those. These rules would not be to restrain each other, but to instill confidence and a sense of security. “Because I don't want to cause even a seed of doubt, I'll not put myself in a position…”
Ok