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Date: November 3, 2022
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You just listed all of the reasons maybe someone who is trans would not want to disclose that. Trans women are literally KILLED by angry partners. If she passes and her genitals match her gender presentation, what the fuck is the issue?
If you want to get married talk about marriage before buying a house. Someone can say yes I want to get married & string you along for the ride. Just make sure you aren't wasting your time if your long term goal is different.
He has things to figure out with a therapist about his ADHD, his relationship with his parents, his capacity to take on academic goals. But none of that is an excuse to lie to his life partner.
He didn’t communicate any issues to you for over a year, and is sitting around playing video games while you go out and work. He’s treating you like his parents.
You communicated that lying is crossing a line for you, and he’s kept it up for a long time. At the least you need to leave him to figure things out on his own for a while and commit to making some changes. Otherwise you’re just enabling his waste of uni fees and delaying the inevitable.
men should stop dating and marrying teenagers.
It was the same for me. In my 20s, and to a lesser extent into my 30s, I would sleep through my alarms at least 2-3x per week. I’m honestly not sure what the cause was – I was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea, but the problem lessened the older I got even without using a CPAP regularly. He needs a sleep study. Hopefully he has insurance that will cover it.
I feel like this is a very good and logical idea. Assuming they're as in-love as OP says, they can certainly work through this. Being open and honest about the huge mistake, showing that you want to be better, these are good ways to deal with issues like this as adults. Hopefully she believes that OP is being sincere. If she loves him just as much, they can talk through this and decide the best path forward.
OP, couples have disagreements. It happens. This was a poor reaction, to say the least. I know I've behaved poorly at times in my own marriage, but we're all human and make mistakes. Working as a couple to keep your relationship strong, even when mistakes were made, is a foundation to a strong and lasting marriage. All relationships hit a bump here and there. It's how you both deal with it that really matters.
Own up to it. Sincerely apologize. Say you'll do better. Then actually do better. And have an honest discussion about having kids. Is that a deal-breaker? Or are you okay spending life together just the two of you? You can decide where the relationship goes from there.