92 thoughts on “Aanttonella live sex chats for YOU!”
So, in the lesbian community we often refer to a person who primarily wants to give (instead of receiving) as being “stone” or “stone butch”. This is really common thing, actually, much the same way gay men might be top or bottom (or verse). If you want to understand her better, maybe look up lesbian forums where this is discussed and read about it? Even if you're bi, I'm sure you'll find your experiences reflected there. That way, when you ask her about it next time, she will feel more understood.
Call his family and let them know what your mom’s plan happens to be . Especially, if your friend is attracted to your mom and accepts her invitation. After calling his family, call your family members and let them know what’s going on.
Break up with him, block him on everything, and call the police if he persists. One doesn't get to refuse when one's partner wants to break up. Break ups are a one yes two no situation.
Yeh I agree, I was planning on replying when I felt comfortable but her message I guess triggered me. I personally think we’re both detrimental to the mental health of each other.
We both have some exams coming up so I’ll message her something along those lines after we’re done
You talk to weird people. Yeah it is a red flag. Maybe more common in some communities.
Any way, most of the research I've seen on this point this kind of fetish to be more common in women and man have the majority in incest (in the weird fetish categories) but it's still a minority of people.
Jfc, this is the kind of stuff I expect from teens, you are in your 20s. Why did you wake up today and decide to start drama in your relationship for no good reason? Exhausting.
I understand that this is a cultural thing and he has to follow these rules. This relationship is over. Accept it and move on. His loss anyway.
However, there’s a piece of advice I’d like to give for your future relationships. Regardless of their background and culture, as soon as you sense that the family of the guy you’re dating has SOME control of him, RUN! Especially if he’s complying and is acting as merely a puppet. That’s a huge red flag and guys like these would never ever make their own decisions, let alone fight for you and what’s best for YOUR relationship.
Find someone that has a healthy and loving relationship with his family, that allows him to be an independent individual with clear boundaries and mutual respect.
This is a good point. Technically he is not in all of the videos, because we have some before he was born. But then the videos where my whole family are in them (and his immediate family who were born after him) definitely include him. I guess I was worried that by maybe showing some of the videos without him (and by extension, his siblings) that his siblings would maybe feel isolated and not represented as part of the family. Genuinely would love to know your perspective on that.
I guess I was trying to be respectful of that fact that at least according to his mom (my aunt) he told her it would make him uncomfortable. But I think you all are right and I should just speak with him directly. I definitely plan to make more videos with everyone while we are together this holiday 🙂
You need to talk to the health department, they can notify her partner. Or they can advise you who to report it to. It’s possible they are using condoms, but some sperm got through without him getting infected. But this is now a concern for them if she is endangering others
Well, you seem to notice your faults and also want help. A very narcissistic dude would never accept that he is at fault here and would never ask kindly for help. I know people who drew their whole life into the dump and I really mean that. There is a dude who had to sell his house, bought a car which are too expensive even tho he knew hw gonna lose his license because he did crap. But still bought it and sold it for 50% after 3 months!!!. He let his animals die from hunger because he ia careless. He spend 10k for fake sex chats because everything this dude is interested on ia on how to stimulate his small brain. He has 200kg overweight, lost all the money he got from the selling of the house which his dead dad left for him and now he is homeless. Guess what who is at fault? Not him…. thats what he is saying. Its always the others. “XY didnt helped me” “police didt helped me” “my neighbour wanted to help me to feed my horse and now its dead” (it was his dads horse and in his huge garden. The neighbors had nothing to do with it. He just assumed that it gonna be feeded because he one of them saw the animal getting thinner and wanted to help). Every female contact he has gets a D-Pic after just 5 minutes. 3minutes was the personal record. Yes… just after freshly chatting.
You see? This is what I call narcissistic, lol. Its kinda normal for your gf that she is distant and dosnt answers you as much. I did the same fault with my first ex. All my world was this girl. I let everything else down because love was like everything I always wanted and misses in my life. Never got it from my parents ans I was single for 25 years. Thats why I also got obsessed. That was my biggest fault. I thought Im doing something good with lovebombing her but girls always start to get distant and in worst case, starting to run the hell out. In their eyes, we need to be strong. We need to have nice goals in life. We need to be active like going work out and stuff. Concentrating on our lifes. Which is not wrong tho, we should do all that for also ourselves, because the person who gains the most of these activities, are we.
You will lose her and trust me, that is the moment when 2 earth weights gonna crush on your back. Because the girl you was so obsessed from is gone now. You gonna feel like an empty shell…. and thats for sure, because I did. Try to change that before its too late. Start working out. Dont bomb her like that. Me and my gf sometimes dont chat for 1-2 days when we are busy af but we both know, the love didnt went for a single % down. That behaviour is unhealthy, especially for YOU bro.
Well the daughter made a reddit post asking for legal advice on this and another reddit user linked this post under her post. I think she's aware and that's why she's asking for legal help now
1 get a DNA test, as the dad you have the right to find our, a normal pregnancy women wouldn't block the father of her baby
2 don't sign anything
This includes getting her a loan, signing a house or paying rent for her It will screw u over for years
3 if ur in the US do NOT have your name on the birth certificate as that traps so many men and if it turns out that rhe baby isn't yours… u accept parental right and in some states you could face jail time if u don't pay child support
4 done EVER give her cash
If she needs something, get it for buy never give her cash… u end up as her personal cash cow
5 don't marry her
Dispite what some people think…..marrying the mother of your future child rare goes well now a days
6 have all commutation through text
If she's the petty kind be wary hence text communication, one day it could save your ass
7 if the kid is you're open a trust fund for your kid and don't tell her about it, especially if she's in financial trouble
8 you can physically buy a range of baby products from dummies, tapppies amd loafs I mean loads of baby wipes
9 ask her to send you amazon wish list and see what to can do
10 save money
Again she might be petty snd easily jealous… especially if you get a new GF and stops letting you see the kid… with the money you saved you can lawyer up more easily also if there's a health emergency you can cover the cost with less hardship on yourself
I'm a 32 female and so many people give alot of men crap for not sticking around and I applaud you for wanting to provide
Chose your partners more carefully, use protection and expect at least 18 years of drama
If you can reach out to her parents that you want to support her they might kick her up the ass
Both of you need therapy or something to improve your relationship as being on terrible terms isn't good or heathly
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I'm wondering… Because your wife's story does not add up.
Let's recap:
She was “seeing” this other woman with your permission. Eventually, something happened that had several consequences: Your wife being very much shaken, her being blackmailed with a video involving her, that other woman and her BF. Considering that the message was “come back for more” (the latter of which was implied), this points very strongly towards that other woman and her BF not having any problem with trying to blackmail your wife into more sexual encounters that she does not consent to. Which, incidentally, is rape. Unless, of course, that message was another lie? Your wife claims to have been raped – which, to be honest, fits in perfectly with #2. She does not want any consequences for a number of very valid reasons, and does not want you to get involved, either. Or so she says. Which, sadly enough, fits in with #3. You take it upon yourself to get involved against your wife's wishes. Your wife now claims to never have been raped. Which absolutely does not fit in with #2, quite a bit of which is verified fact.
My honest opinion? I think your wife now claims that there was no rape because she does not want you to obsess over it, and still does not want to involve anyone. But it did happen.
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Play dragon ball z until i have to either go to work or make dinner. Usally i play the game with him between ads if im watching tv or whenever he's done playing gta.
Everyones made great points. Im very emotional, I cry easy. It wasnt super bad when I was a kid but if ever I cried in front of my dad, even when I was incredibly young, even if it had nothing to do with him he was immediately angry enought to scream and call me manipulative. Its given me alot of issues. Crying isnt a tactic its just an uncontrollable reaction, stop making all of her feelings about you. You dont have to change the whole argument becsuse she's crying and she probablt doesnt expect you to. Shes crying because shes hurt, you're also hurt you just dont show it the same way. You can both express that hurt.
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After your edit, sounds like you need to get her to accept treatment for her ADHD.
She's not operating at a functional level if she really can't be left unsupervised without a meltdown. You've been enabling her by overfunctioning in this relationship.
Exactly, she can keep the car if she can get a job to actually use it. But if she’s that paranoid that she can’t get a job, there’s no reason for her to need the car and absolutely no reason for her to be on the road omg.
So put yourself into your coworkers shows. What would you think if the ex of your current gf came and started talking bad about her? Does that sound like he is right or might it sound like he is petty? This can also cause problems for you at the workplace. Imagine him telling everyone you spoke bad about your ex. It is a wierd thing to do I think.
Also its everyones own fault to stay with a person that behaves badly. Everyone can leave at the first or second time this happens.
yes, i have been using this method i’ve been distancing myself slowly. but yeah the next hurdle is actually leaving which seems to be the biggest one for me. thank you for your advice
Life is almost never black and white, and usually operates in the Grey. Anyone that tells you to break up or stick it out unequivocally is either pulling from personal experience or discerning too in depth from your post.
First, you all are both very young. I can’t speak to relative maturity levels. However, life experience wise, you’re both immature. Is this your only “real” relationship thus far? How about for him?
Second, have you considered his side of things? I’m not condoning bigotry towards others or his asinine commentary towards you. I’m also not saying you’ve done anything wrong. However, he loves you as you are right now. The future of you becoming different than you are currently is most likely frightening and very hot to imagine for him. He may have issues with transgender people. But he may also be struggling to cope with the idea of his partner fundamentally changing. Not to mention the drastic shift in relationship dynamics, sex life, his individual conception of gender and sexuality.
Third, while it is important to plan, we have to online in the present. If he makes you happy while also being supportive, then it isn’t a negative situation necessarily. Unfortunately though, a lot of relationships have shelf lives. When you do have gender reassignment surgery, you might need to reevaluate or surround yourself with positive people.
At the end of the day, be yourself and surround yourself with people that support your true identity. However, if you truly care about him, it’s important to realize this is a complex situation with many different factors. He may be transphobic. Or he may just be struggling with the idea of you being different and your relationship changing. Or he may love you regardless of your gender, but no longer be attracted to you physically once you transition.
Just communicate. Involve a third party if necessary. Set boundaries. Be yourself. Strive for joy. And online in the present.
I know you have many replies. But I want to warn you that Reddit has a tendency of only assuming the worst in people.
Breakups are naked. I’m sure your ex is missing you and her child missing you broke her heart. She shared it with you because she missed you and used it as an excuse to connect.
Was it mature or right? Maybe maybe not. But human beings have emotions. It’s ok for her to not act 100% rationally when a month out from a multi year relationship breakup. And she shouldn’t be expected to tbh. People cope in different ways.
Up to you if you want to respond or not. Or how you want to react to it.
This whole post is so weird. Who greets other people giving a relationship status of their children? Is this some cultural thing, where people are single unless they are married and dating is not recognized by older generation? Is older generation expected to matchmake their children? It makes zero sense otherwise.
Things like that simply don't happen where I'm from.
i agree with this, although, to start of with he didn’t want a relationship but just casual sex. after some time he said he didnt want to lose me and said he wanted a relationship with me. i think it almost has everything to do with the levels of intimacy and him not actually wanting a relationship?
The boundary isn't about other people's behaviour – it's about your choices when your boundaries are broken.
Your partner wants you to come over. Reasonable.
You don't want to be in a room with someone actively smoking. Reasonable boundary.
Your partner refuses not to smoke in their own home. Reasonable, but not compatible with your boundary. So they can either choose to smoke not to smoke while you are there, or the two of you can meet outside (you don't need a garden to do this, surely there is a street, pavement, sidewalk, or park nearby) where you can see each other, he can smoke, you can not be trapped inside with it.
But also, think about the future of this relationship when one person won't give up smoking indoors and the other person can't be around smoke indoors. This seems like a fundamental incompatibility to me.
You have a 10 month old who isn’t sleeping more than 2 hours at a time? Time for you to attend the next pediatrician appointment (he should have one in the next 2 months anyway) and straight up bring this up with the pediatrician in front of your wife. If she won’t listen to you, perhaps she’ll listen to a professional.
This is very good advice. I am also older and look back at the time I spent in a variety of relationships that weren't terrible, just very unsatisfying, and smh. What a waste of time.
I know it sounds cliche to say because yes their relationship was already a walking red flag. However, who he told does not matter. That breach of trust is enough. If you are going to leave just start packing. If you aren't, wake him up now. Screw his sleep he does not deserve to sleep comfortably after this.
Also she has to go period. It isnt about their past. It's about the fact he obviously can't be trusted to prioritize you over her. Period, end of the conversation. You are a couple and your most private moments should be be between you and him. No one else. He prioritized his relationship (even if it is just a friendship) with her over your safety and security. She can never be his friend again. That is if you stay, which frankly you are safer just leaving.
My best friend's daughter now 21 got together with her boyfriend when they were in fifth grade, as boyfriend and girlfriend (not sexually until late highschool), so 11-12. They've been together ever since. Sometimes it just works out that way.
You don't stop being a parent when your child turns 18, the role just changes. She has put her son in an impossible spot, he either loses his mother through her own decision or he loses his father AND younger siblings, he shouldn't have to make that decision and I'm glad he didn't.
Some men do the right thing by letting the mother of their child stay in the home that his daughter has lived in for stability. He’s being a great co- parent and providing for his child. It’s very sad that you couldn’t look at it through a different lens. If I were him I’d break up with you too.
She isn’t really capitalizing of him though. Her parents are paying her rent, but it doesn’t sound like they own the apartment. Rent money is lost money. If it were my parents paying my rent they wouldn’t want me to let anyone else online there rent free. They would expect me to collect rent and use it to put towards my other expenses to lessen their financial burden. That being said, if she wants him to online with her and isn’t just doing him a favor, expenses should be divided a bit more proportionally. Asking him to divide it 50/50 doesn’t seem fair when he is already working and going to school. It sucks that she expects him to pay so much that he has little left over to spend recreationally and then also expects to go to expensive restaurants where all he can afford is a side dish. He shouldn’t expect a free ride just because her family has money, but she should treat him when she insists they go to restaurants he can’t afford or she should try to stick to doing things with him he can afford.
From what you wrote, I have the impression that the household duties are not shared equally… and for once, despite all the shared “SHAM life is hard”, she might be the one not pulling her weight.
The book gives arguments of how to measure the effort, and tools to decide how to distribute the tasks. I think it may benefit you.
Your thoughts are valid. In fact, you're spot on. She wants to cheat ethically ?? I'll bet she already has a guy in mind. I would probably break up because she will cheat eventually anyway
I have multiple female friends and my best friend is a girl. I have never had the intention to sleep with them , even when I was single. My girlfriend has multiple guy friends and even had lunch yesterday with one. I am sticking with my idea that you are a 12 year old who is super insecure.
OP, this actually says a lot about you. You think guys can not be friends with the other sex because they want to fuck them. So in that state of mind you can not be friends with guys because either A you want to fuck them or B they want to fuck you and you know it.
He has read too much propaganda from the internet. I am not certain what counts as “objectification” but sexual partners absolutely supposed to do something like that to each other.
Kids/no kids is an absolute deal breaker for any relationship. It ruined my first marriage before I even got to our one-year anniversary (well, that and my ex wife cheating). We were both young, early twenties, and had that “maybe someday” approach to kids. For me, kids was “someday” and for her, kids was “maybe”. Completely incompatible, and by the time she left me we were very resentful of each other. Me to her because I felt like she pulled the rug out from under me and her to me because she felt like I was forcing her into a life that she didn't want.
I doubt any court will look at this negatively. It is very common for moms to spend the first year or two with a newborn. Also, she could make a case that she would want to get more education, the child is bonded with her, and so on. This way, she won't have to go to work and will get primary custody.
Come clean. Then break up and let her go. She deserves better.
You have got some major growing up to do. You overstepped her boundaries, lied to her, went back on a promise, disrespected her autonomy, went behind her back…. You’re feeling guilty because you know what you did was wrong.
I wrote that for two reasons: I don't believe that it is helpful and I'm obviously wanting to sort this out between us, not just call it quits because that's throwing away something great for something that isn't necessarily a deal breaker.
Secondly: I copied and pasted my post from a girls group on Facebook, to which every relationship post I just see things like “leave him girl”. Again, links into the not actually being helpful.
I am a very flexible team, I don't believe in strong expectations I tell everyone “a relationship can't ALWAYS be 50/50, there are going to be days where you feel like a 10 and as long as your partner is there to support you and pick up that slack and you for the same for them when they feel that way then that's a team”.
I guess my problem is always being the brain, always being the demanding one. (Not his words, just how it makes me feel.)
I do believe we need to sit down and lay it all down. Others have suggested a physical chart of expectations between us. I think this could work great, and be something that could work for us because we can both place expectations on the other.
I was also working fulltime up until about 9 months ago, and yes as you said the childcare is insane. 3 kids that aren't 4 yet, it wasn't worth what we were paying.
I can assure you this is the only current pressure spot in our relationship and I definitely don't want divorce, I just wasn't sure how to break this circle. Thanks for your input!
She doesn’t owe you a response at all let alone an instantaneous response. A few months is not enough time to be demanding her constant attention like that imo. You’re being controlling towards her. You also have no idea if she’s busy or if she saw your message.
So, in the lesbian community we often refer to a person who primarily wants to give (instead of receiving) as being “stone” or “stone butch”. This is really common thing, actually, much the same way gay men might be top or bottom (or verse). If you want to understand her better, maybe look up lesbian forums where this is discussed and read about it? Even if you're bi, I'm sure you'll find your experiences reflected there. That way, when you ask her about it next time, she will feel more understood.
Call his family and let them know what your mom’s plan happens to be . Especially, if your friend is attracted to your mom and accepts her invitation. After calling his family, call your family members and let them know what’s going on.
Sure seems like it Very disrespectful to you
Break up with him, block him on everything, and call the police if he persists. One doesn't get to refuse when one's partner wants to break up. Break ups are a one yes two no situation.
I don't really see the big deal tbh
It’s always the guys that say something to the effect of, “I wouldn’t ever” mmmhmmm bud, sure.
Yeh I agree, I was planning on replying when I felt comfortable but her message I guess triggered me. I personally think we’re both detrimental to the mental health of each other.
We both have some exams coming up so I’ll message her something along those lines after we’re done
You talk to weird people. Yeah it is a red flag. Maybe more common in some communities.
Any way, most of the research I've seen on this point this kind of fetish to be more common in women and man have the majority in incest (in the weird fetish categories) but it's still a minority of people.
Jfc, this is the kind of stuff I expect from teens, you are in your 20s. Why did you wake up today and decide to start drama in your relationship for no good reason? Exhausting.
the Hamilton conversation is one I just may consider
yeah this is the vibe i was getting, i just don’t think she knew how to communicate it.
unfortunately it still affects me and makes me feel guilty though. but i don’t wanna have horrible feelings each time something like this comes up
Ok but she wasn't muted so it isn't the friends fault.
I understand that this is a cultural thing and he has to follow these rules. This relationship is over. Accept it and move on. His loss anyway.
However, there’s a piece of advice I’d like to give for your future relationships. Regardless of their background and culture, as soon as you sense that the family of the guy you’re dating has SOME control of him, RUN! Especially if he’s complying and is acting as merely a puppet. That’s a huge red flag and guys like these would never ever make their own decisions, let alone fight for you and what’s best for YOUR relationship.
Find someone that has a healthy and loving relationship with his family, that allows him to be an independent individual with clear boundaries and mutual respect.
Divorce that monster!!!
He isn’t respecting boundaries, keeps asking after you haven’t reciprocated
If you had the exclusive talk already and she wants to have her options op
This is a good point. Technically he is not in all of the videos, because we have some before he was born. But then the videos where my whole family are in them (and his immediate family who were born after him) definitely include him. I guess I was worried that by maybe showing some of the videos without him (and by extension, his siblings) that his siblings would maybe feel isolated and not represented as part of the family. Genuinely would love to know your perspective on that.
I guess I was trying to be respectful of that fact that at least according to his mom (my aunt) he told her it would make him uncomfortable. But I think you all are right and I should just speak with him directly. I definitely plan to make more videos with everyone while we are together this holiday 🙂
You two need therapy and a strong naked look at your life. You’re going to ruin these children. Wtf?
Look my husband pees in the shower and I’ve never seen it as a problem, it’s not hurting anything??♀️
This post is a good example of why many girls prefer to date older guys. Grow up, or lose her.
You need to talk to the health department, they can notify her partner. Or they can advise you who to report it to. It’s possible they are using condoms, but some sperm got through without him getting infected. But this is now a concern for them if she is endangering others
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How she isn't in a pine box for delivering 18 stitches is beyond me.
Well, you seem to notice your faults and also want help. A very narcissistic dude would never accept that he is at fault here and would never ask kindly for help. I know people who drew their whole life into the dump and I really mean that. There is a dude who had to sell his house, bought a car which are too expensive even tho he knew hw gonna lose his license because he did crap. But still bought it and sold it for 50% after 3 months!!!. He let his animals die from hunger because he ia careless. He spend 10k for fake sex chats because everything this dude is interested on ia on how to stimulate his small brain. He has 200kg overweight, lost all the money he got from the selling of the house which his dead dad left for him and now he is homeless. Guess what who is at fault? Not him…. thats what he is saying. Its always the others. “XY didnt helped me” “police didt helped me” “my neighbour wanted to help me to feed my horse and now its dead” (it was his dads horse and in his huge garden. The neighbors had nothing to do with it. He just assumed that it gonna be feeded because he one of them saw the animal getting thinner and wanted to help). Every female contact he has gets a D-Pic after just 5 minutes. 3minutes was the personal record. Yes… just after freshly chatting.
You see? This is what I call narcissistic, lol. Its kinda normal for your gf that she is distant and dosnt answers you as much. I did the same fault with my first ex. All my world was this girl. I let everything else down because love was like everything I always wanted and misses in my life. Never got it from my parents ans I was single for 25 years. Thats why I also got obsessed. That was my biggest fault. I thought Im doing something good with lovebombing her but girls always start to get distant and in worst case, starting to run the hell out. In their eyes, we need to be strong. We need to have nice goals in life. We need to be active like going work out and stuff. Concentrating on our lifes. Which is not wrong tho, we should do all that for also ourselves, because the person who gains the most of these activities, are we.
You will lose her and trust me, that is the moment when 2 earth weights gonna crush on your back. Because the girl you was so obsessed from is gone now. You gonna feel like an empty shell…. and thats for sure, because I did. Try to change that before its too late. Start working out. Dont bomb her like that. Me and my gf sometimes dont chat for 1-2 days when we are busy af but we both know, the love didnt went for a single % down. That behaviour is unhealthy, especially for YOU bro.
Well the daughter made a reddit post asking for legal advice on this and another reddit user linked this post under her post. I think she's aware and that's why she's asking for legal help now
What's the cost on those?
I would leave her alone for now
Also she's acting immature
Don't fall for her tricks
1 get a DNA test, as the dad you have the right to find our, a normal pregnancy women wouldn't block the father of her baby
2 don't sign anything
This includes getting her a loan, signing a house or paying rent for her It will screw u over for years
3 if ur in the US do NOT have your name on the birth certificate as that traps so many men and if it turns out that rhe baby isn't yours… u accept parental right and in some states you could face jail time if u don't pay child support
4 done EVER give her cash
If she needs something, get it for buy never give her cash… u end up as her personal cash cow
5 don't marry her
Dispite what some people think…..marrying the mother of your future child rare goes well now a days
6 have all commutation through text
If she's the petty kind be wary hence text communication, one day it could save your ass
7 if the kid is you're open a trust fund for your kid and don't tell her about it, especially if she's in financial trouble
8 you can physically buy a range of baby products from dummies, tapppies amd loafs I mean loads of baby wipes
9 ask her to send you amazon wish list and see what to can do
10 save money
Again she might be petty snd easily jealous… especially if you get a new GF and stops letting you see the kid… with the money you saved you can lawyer up more easily also if there's a health emergency you can cover the cost with less hardship on yourself
I'm a 32 female and so many people give alot of men crap for not sticking around and I applaud you for wanting to provide
Chose your partners more carefully, use protection and expect at least 18 years of drama
If you can reach out to her parents that you want to support her they might kick her up the ass
Both of you need therapy or something to improve your relationship as being on terrible terms isn't good or heathly
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I'm wondering… Because your wife's story does not add up.
Let's recap:
She was “seeing” this other woman with your permission. Eventually, something happened that had several consequences: Your wife being very much shaken, her being blackmailed with a video involving her, that other woman and her BF. Considering that the message was “come back for more” (the latter of which was implied), this points very strongly towards that other woman and her BF not having any problem with trying to blackmail your wife into more sexual encounters that she does not consent to. Which, incidentally, is rape. Unless, of course, that message was another lie? Your wife claims to have been raped – which, to be honest, fits in perfectly with #2. She does not want any consequences for a number of very valid reasons, and does not want you to get involved, either. Or so she says. Which, sadly enough, fits in with #3. You take it upon yourself to get involved against your wife's wishes. Your wife now claims to never have been raped. Which absolutely does not fit in with #2, quite a bit of which is verified fact.
My honest opinion? I think your wife now claims that there was no rape because she does not want you to obsess over it, and still does not want to involve anyone. But it did happen.
She also said that he doesn’t want her hanging out with him at a different time or place either. Which makes the beach totally irrelevant
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He could have done it in a joking way.
Play dragon ball z until i have to either go to work or make dinner. Usally i play the game with him between ads if im watching tv or whenever he's done playing gta.
Everyones made great points. Im very emotional, I cry easy. It wasnt super bad when I was a kid but if ever I cried in front of my dad, even when I was incredibly young, even if it had nothing to do with him he was immediately angry enought to scream and call me manipulative. Its given me alot of issues. Crying isnt a tactic its just an uncontrollable reaction, stop making all of her feelings about you. You dont have to change the whole argument becsuse she's crying and she probablt doesnt expect you to. Shes crying because shes hurt, you're also hurt you just dont show it the same way. You can both express that hurt.
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There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory.
i was thinking of just ignoring!
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If that’s the case you should have brought this up long before having multiple kids frankly
Yes, read my post history. Did you?
???
After your edit, sounds like you need to get her to accept treatment for her ADHD.
She's not operating at a functional level if she really can't be left unsupervised without a meltdown. You've been enabling her by overfunctioning in this relationship.
Exactly, she can keep the car if she can get a job to actually use it. But if she’s that paranoid that she can’t get a job, there’s no reason for her to need the car and absolutely no reason for her to be on the road omg.
So put yourself into your coworkers shows. What would you think if the ex of your current gf came and started talking bad about her? Does that sound like he is right or might it sound like he is petty? This can also cause problems for you at the workplace. Imagine him telling everyone you spoke bad about your ex. It is a wierd thing to do I think.
Also its everyones own fault to stay with a person that behaves badly. Everyone can leave at the first or second time this happens.
not enough context here. Unless you tell us what they were saying, we have no actual understanding of the situation.
“Said” it wouldn't bother her….
It depends on the STD. Some can be pretty dormant for a long time before showing symptoms so it's entirely possible it's from an old partner.
It is sadly more likely he's cheating on you.
Third option is a friend decided to play a pretty bad prank on him.
Either way the only way to know is to ask him. And given that it refers to STDs, get tested ASAP for your own protection.
yes, i have been using this method i’ve been distancing myself slowly. but yeah the next hurdle is actually leaving which seems to be the biggest one for me. thank you for your advice
Life is almost never black and white, and usually operates in the Grey. Anyone that tells you to break up or stick it out unequivocally is either pulling from personal experience or discerning too in depth from your post.
First, you all are both very young. I can’t speak to relative maturity levels. However, life experience wise, you’re both immature. Is this your only “real” relationship thus far? How about for him?
Second, have you considered his side of things? I’m not condoning bigotry towards others or his asinine commentary towards you. I’m also not saying you’ve done anything wrong. However, he loves you as you are right now. The future of you becoming different than you are currently is most likely frightening and very hot to imagine for him. He may have issues with transgender people. But he may also be struggling to cope with the idea of his partner fundamentally changing. Not to mention the drastic shift in relationship dynamics, sex life, his individual conception of gender and sexuality.
Third, while it is important to plan, we have to online in the present. If he makes you happy while also being supportive, then it isn’t a negative situation necessarily. Unfortunately though, a lot of relationships have shelf lives. When you do have gender reassignment surgery, you might need to reevaluate or surround yourself with positive people.
At the end of the day, be yourself and surround yourself with people that support your true identity. However, if you truly care about him, it’s important to realize this is a complex situation with many different factors. He may be transphobic. Or he may just be struggling with the idea of you being different and your relationship changing. Or he may love you regardless of your gender, but no longer be attracted to you physically once you transition.
Just communicate. Involve a third party if necessary. Set boundaries. Be yourself. Strive for joy. And online in the present.
I know you have many replies. But I want to warn you that Reddit has a tendency of only assuming the worst in people.
Breakups are naked. I’m sure your ex is missing you and her child missing you broke her heart. She shared it with you because she missed you and used it as an excuse to connect.
Was it mature or right? Maybe maybe not. But human beings have emotions. It’s ok for her to not act 100% rationally when a month out from a multi year relationship breakup. And she shouldn’t be expected to tbh. People cope in different ways.
Up to you if you want to respond or not. Or how you want to react to it.
I get experiences that I would never get with anyone else through her, and I love that, but yeah most of the time I’m in tears.
Next time he says “why don't you divorce me?” Look him in the eye and ask him if he'd be happier that way.
This whole post is so weird. Who greets other people giving a relationship status of their children? Is this some cultural thing, where people are single unless they are married and dating is not recognized by older generation? Is older generation expected to matchmake their children? It makes zero sense otherwise.
Things like that simply don't happen where I'm from.
i agree with this, although, to start of with he didn’t want a relationship but just casual sex. after some time he said he didnt want to lose me and said he wanted a relationship with me. i think it almost has everything to do with the levels of intimacy and him not actually wanting a relationship?
They were “just friends” to her last bf too until she cheated. Shes “just friends” now bc hes not readily available
I don’t think you quite understand what i’m saying. I don’t think i’m supposed to shut up. I think i’m supposed to NOT overly nag him.
The boundary isn't about other people's behaviour – it's about your choices when your boundaries are broken.
Your partner wants you to come over. Reasonable.
You don't want to be in a room with someone actively smoking. Reasonable boundary.
Your partner refuses not to smoke in their own home. Reasonable, but not compatible with your boundary. So they can either choose to smoke not to smoke while you are there, or the two of you can meet outside (you don't need a garden to do this, surely there is a street, pavement, sidewalk, or park nearby) where you can see each other, he can smoke, you can not be trapped inside with it.
But also, think about the future of this relationship when one person won't give up smoking indoors and the other person can't be around smoke indoors. This seems like a fundamental incompatibility to me.
It's okay if you don't like it. Her hair isn't for you, though, it is for her.
I appreciate your lengthy response, really. You're right. I think i have some work to be done on myself.
Yeah I get that
You have a 10 month old who isn’t sleeping more than 2 hours at a time? Time for you to attend the next pediatrician appointment (he should have one in the next 2 months anyway) and straight up bring this up with the pediatrician in front of your wife. If she won’t listen to you, perhaps she’ll listen to a professional.
You're not abusive, you were being honest. He however is a big stupid baby and you should show him the door.
Your husband has 0 say in this. Dont have a kid you don't already want
Grow up and stop playing games. People have lives, jobs, friends, etc. You are not the sun that everyone revolves around.
This is very good advice. I am also older and look back at the time I spent in a variety of relationships that weren't terrible, just very unsatisfying, and smh. What a waste of time.
Seeing as wife usually ignores / flat out refuses his request, she 100% deserves being spoken to like that
I know it sounds cliche to say because yes their relationship was already a walking red flag. However, who he told does not matter. That breach of trust is enough. If you are going to leave just start packing. If you aren't, wake him up now. Screw his sleep he does not deserve to sleep comfortably after this.
Also she has to go period. It isnt about their past. It's about the fact he obviously can't be trusted to prioritize you over her. Period, end of the conversation. You are a couple and your most private moments should be be between you and him. No one else. He prioritized his relationship (even if it is just a friendship) with her over your safety and security. She can never be his friend again. That is if you stay, which frankly you are safer just leaving.
My best friend's daughter now 21 got together with her boyfriend when they were in fifth grade, as boyfriend and girlfriend (not sexually until late highschool), so 11-12. They've been together ever since. Sometimes it just works out that way.
You don't stop being a parent when your child turns 18, the role just changes. She has put her son in an impossible spot, he either loses his mother through her own decision or he loses his father AND younger siblings, he shouldn't have to make that decision and I'm glad he didn't.
He was like this before you started living together and hasn't done anything after you've made your discomfort known.
No. He won't change.
Some men do the right thing by letting the mother of their child stay in the home that his daughter has lived in for stability. He’s being a great co- parent and providing for his child. It’s very sad that you couldn’t look at it through a different lens. If I were him I’d break up with you too.
She isn’t really capitalizing of him though. Her parents are paying her rent, but it doesn’t sound like they own the apartment. Rent money is lost money. If it were my parents paying my rent they wouldn’t want me to let anyone else online there rent free. They would expect me to collect rent and use it to put towards my other expenses to lessen their financial burden. That being said, if she wants him to online with her and isn’t just doing him a favor, expenses should be divided a bit more proportionally. Asking him to divide it 50/50 doesn’t seem fair when he is already working and going to school. It sucks that she expects him to pay so much that he has little left over to spend recreationally and then also expects to go to expensive restaurants where all he can afford is a side dish. He shouldn’t expect a free ride just because her family has money, but she should treat him when she insists they go to restaurants he can’t afford or she should try to stick to doing things with him he can afford.
Neither, it's emotional cheating.
Should I just deal with it?
You could always get up and move to somewhere you can't hear him talking.
From what you wrote, I have the impression that the household duties are not shared equally… and for once, despite all the shared “SHAM life is hard”, she might be the one not pulling her weight.
The book gives arguments of how to measure the effort, and tools to decide how to distribute the tasks. I think it may benefit you.
Your thoughts are valid. In fact, you're spot on. She wants to cheat ethically ?? I'll bet she already has a guy in mind. I would probably break up because she will cheat eventually anyway
Seriously. I can’t make sense of what her question even is at this point. It’s like:
“Reddit, I’m concerned my husband is eating my half of the block of Gouda late at night while I sleep. What can I do?
P.S. I know he also hunts the local homeless population for sport during the NBA off season. I’m doing my best to leave.”
She's def responding like a bot
I have multiple female friends and my best friend is a girl. I have never had the intention to sleep with them , even when I was single. My girlfriend has multiple guy friends and even had lunch yesterday with one. I am sticking with my idea that you are a 12 year old who is super insecure.
OP, this actually says a lot about you. You think guys can not be friends with the other sex because they want to fuck them. So in that state of mind you can not be friends with guys because either A you want to fuck them or B they want to fuck you and you know it.
I don’t want to be a homewrecker and whats with this “get help” shit everyones tossing at me idefk what that means
He has read too much propaganda from the internet. I am not certain what counts as “objectification” but sexual partners absolutely supposed to do something like that to each other.
Inner qualities also can be objectified, btw.
He should discuss it all with somebody.
This sub is ridiculous. ReLAtiOnShIP iS oVeR
Kids/no kids is an absolute deal breaker for any relationship. It ruined my first marriage before I even got to our one-year anniversary (well, that and my ex wife cheating). We were both young, early twenties, and had that “maybe someday” approach to kids. For me, kids was “someday” and for her, kids was “maybe”. Completely incompatible, and by the time she left me we were very resentful of each other. Me to her because I felt like she pulled the rug out from under me and her to me because she felt like I was forcing her into a life that she didn't want.
Oh, I see. My heathens would say the same, but they become absolute animals without rules. All three of them are a bit mad…and their offspring? Jesus.
He's cheating on you.
that simple huh! lol
I doubt any court will look at this negatively. It is very common for moms to spend the first year or two with a newborn. Also, she could make a case that she would want to get more education, the child is bonded with her, and so on. This way, she won't have to go to work and will get primary custody.
Come clean. Then break up and let her go. She deserves better.
You have got some major growing up to do. You overstepped her boundaries, lied to her, went back on a promise, disrespected her autonomy, went behind her back…. You’re feeling guilty because you know what you did was wrong.
I wrote that for two reasons: I don't believe that it is helpful and I'm obviously wanting to sort this out between us, not just call it quits because that's throwing away something great for something that isn't necessarily a deal breaker.
Secondly: I copied and pasted my post from a girls group on Facebook, to which every relationship post I just see things like “leave him girl”. Again, links into the not actually being helpful.
I am a very flexible team, I don't believe in strong expectations I tell everyone “a relationship can't ALWAYS be 50/50, there are going to be days where you feel like a 10 and as long as your partner is there to support you and pick up that slack and you for the same for them when they feel that way then that's a team”.
I guess my problem is always being the brain, always being the demanding one. (Not his words, just how it makes me feel.)
I do believe we need to sit down and lay it all down. Others have suggested a physical chart of expectations between us. I think this could work great, and be something that could work for us because we can both place expectations on the other.
I was also working fulltime up until about 9 months ago, and yes as you said the childcare is insane. 3 kids that aren't 4 yet, it wasn't worth what we were paying.
I can assure you this is the only current pressure spot in our relationship and I definitely don't want divorce, I just wasn't sure how to break this circle. Thanks for your input!
She doesn’t owe you a response at all let alone an instantaneous response. A few months is not enough time to be demanding her constant attention like that imo. You’re being controlling towards her. You also have no idea if she’s busy or if she saw your message.
Okay yes OP when you decline this is the message^