His gf lives in another state – not that far though, about an hour away. He's mentioned that she's more conservative than he is and “doesn't let him go out” – not sure if that means she doesn't even know about him clubbing then?
I'm seeing every red flag it's amazing. The person I thought she was and the person she really is has been on my mind a lot lately. I was manipulated for the majority of the relationship and she deserves a loser just like her. I have to be careful lol
In my experience; trust it the second they tell you, without any suspicion or paranoia; if it turns out not to be true, it will eventually be revealed in your favour, meaning that they slipped too much. Please don't let the fear of getting cheated on with old your efforts to build an amazing bond; as long as you try what you can, you'll have to regret nothing and they will forever and ever lose their best option. In latam, Bye, me Fui by bad bunny is sung a lot because of similar cases. Hope this helps!
This is not a matter of him reasoning with her, he needs to inform her that he doesn't want her to be disrespectful with his girlfriend and that's it. This situation will not be resolved easily if she's like he say, but will be way more simple for you to deal if you know your boyfriend is on your side.
Dude she is already cheating. She showed you she is for the streets. You just have to grow a backbone and put her there. There is nothing to salvage, she obviously thinks you are muster right now until she finds a better option
Give him some time. If he doesn't get past it fairly soon, though, he probably never will. Really, there was no reason to tell a more reasonable person about an ancient relationship like the one you described. The main reason to tell a potential partner would have been to weed out someone like him before you got in too deep. What you really need is a time machine, but I guess that's not happening. I hope it does blow over.
“To dwell on the past, is to kill your future” is a quite a healthy mindset to have as it eliminates insecurities and guilt. However give yourself the time to fully process what the relationship taught you and allow yourself to grieve if you need. If you’re avoiding doing that sooner or later it’ll bleed into your life unexpectedly.
If you’ve already grieved and processed the last relationship, I’d say why not give it a shot. Ask them if they’d like to out on a date if it’s not too soon. Beware that everyone processes things differently too so make sure you don’t get yourself into a trauma bonding, rebound relationship, and that they’re emotionally available and have processed their past relationship as well. You might think that they’re ready, but be sure to exit if they show signs that they need time to process and deal with past feelings.
I read a lot of stories on here and I just snapped. It was cruel to be kind. I hope that one day we can be friends but I totally understand if she doesn't want to be
Plus, who wants to have a partner who gets turned on when they shit and piss on you and put their fist inside of you while under influence ? You can literally die from internal bleeding.
It was almost a year ago when my gf just vanished from my life without a goodbye
I can't say I was crushed cuz there was no me to crush
I thought I was handling it at first but I was a hopeless romantic, I was exactly that guy who'll love-bomb the other person, go out of my way to learn all I can about relationships for years ((till you can se me giving advice in this subreddit ))
but when she left, I felt… empty… there was no drive, no motivation, to do anything, I have faced heart breaks before her but this one changed me so much and I hated it.
It's been a year and I found myself and my happiness and I think you can too.
I'd highly advise you to talk to a therapist if you know a good one, I tried it and it went really bad for me, so find a god one.
if you can't, I'm not sure how it's gonna work out with your gf cuz even if you find yourself back, she made it clare that she don't want that amount of love.
maybe ask the friend who's like your sister, what exactly you did that made her feel bad, what exact actions and why it made her feel that way, then try to learn about how to fix those and the mindset that making you do those things (also she can totally wrong and she could the problem not you)
and you said it, self love is key,
learn about it live! and take actions to growing your personality
I wish you find your way to happiness brother
also, I'm not live! here a lot but I offer you to text me and maybe get things off your chest
I find it interesting that you’re prepared to lose the person who’s actively helping you for the person who’s actively hurting you. Make it make sense.
If you really don’t agree with it, then don’t do it. Don’t lead him along. That’s not fair to him. But as far as him being the best boyfriend you ever had? You got together when you were 18? So, how do you even know? You’re both still very young.
My first move would be to make an appointment with your doctor for testing. Beyond that, I’m sure others will be able to suggest a good plan of action. You seem to have good instincts, so I would take them seriously.
If he’s lying to his wife why do you think he’s not lying to you.
His wife cheating on him is a cliche many men use and it’s not always true.
You feel like you’re on the sidelines because you’re his SIDE CHICK. That is the position you agreed to. It’s like choosing to stand in the rain with no umbrella and wonder why you feel wet.
He says that he and his wife will stay together but also talks about having babies with you. He’s not even trying to hide his lies from you.
Not to mention this guy is 13 years older than you.
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you’re right. i’m probably just overthinking things! i guess i’m just feeling guilty because that situation happened close to us finally meeting up and hanging out. and he possibly believes he’s the first person in a long time that i kissed or been intimate with. i guess what matters the most is that he’s the only one i want to be with since our first meet up after such a long time
Went to it because of Covid. Still having the same issue with the real world. Everything seems great until they Google (or ask) what demisexual means and then poof.
I had actually met who I thought was a really nice guy and we had been dating for a month. Went to pick him up last night for our date and his girlfriend answered the door. Apparently they are long distance and she surprised him with a visit? We were both surprise and she was extremely livid so I imagine he did not have a fun night. Anyway, that’s the reason I asked this last night.
He is trickle truthing you. He has already lied about situations. You have no reason to trust him. I would save yourself the headache of dealing with him atp.
Also Becca cheating is what would/could ruin her marriage. You wouldn’t be ruining anything. I mean it already is ruined if she’s been having sex with other men like that
My boyfriend was the first one to know lol. He thinks I am overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal at all, which is true looking back on everything.
I have social anxiety and it can be very hot for me to read people. I would rather put myself in discomfort than confrontation, but I obviously have my limits and I hope I never have to test them. I posted to have more opinions so I can feel confident in how I respond. It’s insanely rude for you to assume all of that about me, and I sincerely hope you can recognize the difference between a hug and sex.
Ok I’m glad other people pointed out that there’s no way she killed his battery just by charging her phone. Maybe don’t accuse your girlfriend of things and state it as fact. She didn’t respond well but I have a feeling the way you accused her wasn’t as cut and dried as you’re making it sound.
We’re working on saving as much as we can right now and looking as very hot as we can to get an affordable place together it’s just difficult in the area because lots of the affordable places are dangerous areas and safer places are way too expensive
The big breach is It’s doing it behind my back. The posting nudes part is a kink I could support IF he had told me about it. But the exchanging nudes with other ppl to get off while we’re married is a form of cheating in my books, and his, he labeled it cheating before i said it.
Go to s doctor and tell him to completely stop drinking and consuming porn if he does either of those. See if that helps and the doctor can test for low T among other things. If it still isnt improved, have him see a therapist who has experience in sex therapy
You have known each other for 6 months. Give her more space and time and she probably will open up more. No need to rush just enjoy being with each other and be mindful. Don’t let the unnecessary stuff cloud your thoughts
I'm so sorry that you're in a situation like this. Grief is certainly complex and unpredictable.
I hope you have support through this.
I've got an individual therapist already and I'll talk to her in the week to come. I reached out to Reddit in the interim because I feel quite overwhelmed with what's happening.
If that hurt your GF feelings, then she needed to have them hurt. She needs to grow up, this is nothing to get your feelings hurt. It’s not different, if my GF parents had asked me to shave for the homecoming dance photos, I would have done it without complaint- it’s not a big deal, and if it is a big deal m, that’s a bad sign.
If that hurt your GF feelings, then she needed to have them hurt. She needs to grow up, this is nothing to get your feelings hurt. It’s not different, if my GF parents had asked me to shave for the homecoming dance photos, I would have done it without complaint- it’s not a big deal, and if it is a big deal m, that’s a bad sign.
People are allowed to change their minds. I know we are supposed to find our own versions of happiness but the way you emphasized “hurts ME” appears pretty selfish. I am going to assume you don't mean to come off as being so self centered. All of you are at a big point in life where you can start being honest about what makes you happy and trimming away the fat. Just have that honest conversation as a group all at once and make hot decisions. You are adults now. Live! strangers don't know you or your friends so our solutions won't be fair to everyone. Talk it out.
You’re separated and he’s going to a concert with his work friend. You made an assumption that the plans fell through rather than asking him and then got pissed at him when your assumption was wrong.
Sooo, my dad says he cleans but he sucks at it, my parents have been married for years and neither my mom and I think he does it on purpose but god, it just sucks. After he “cleans “ we always have to clean again, it’s just not good work, my mom cleans amazingly, everything is spotless, so she would rather have my dad fix stuff around the house etc. instead of cleaning, their standard are different, maybe the work you do is not up to the standard of your husband. Idk how this helps but maybe it’ll show you a different pov because you sound like my dad when he swears he cleaned but it looks just less messy, not clean
OP instead of offering more things, begin to do the opposite, if he keep refusing your promise, then tell him you are not going to pay for the sitter, if he keeps doing it, tell him you are only going to leave your kids in your MIL house, if he keep pushing low to get the kids ready to be picked up and finally offer to go but you are going to give an speech about loyalty and cheating.
Wow. Welcome to your future. The challenge of an LDR, been there, is that when you get together every day is a vacation. You save up and you do all the fun things. Real life isn't a vacation. Sure it should be fun but it is based on making it through the day and being supportive when things are challenging. LDR is very hot. Phone calls and video calls aren't the same as being in the room. You know this.
I could go into a long essay of the challenges I see here but suffice to say you have a lot of life in front of you and you jumped into an engagement with a guy who shows warning flags and who you probably don't know as well as you think you do…
My god man, I am sorry you are in an environment where you have been treated like absolute shit and you actually think this is somehow your fault. Your gf is horrible and doesn’t deserve you at all. You really need to break up with her if this is a reoccurring situation. You did nothing wrong at all, she is 100% at fault here
“I'm smart, do something that implies I'm probably stable, wealthy and kind, and want a sincere and faithful relationship”.
Yeah I don't think you're going to have a lot of trouble with this. If anything you should be selective.
This does make sense, thank you.
His gf lives in another state – not that far though, about an hour away. He's mentioned that she's more conservative than he is and “doesn't let him go out” – not sure if that means she doesn't even know about him clubbing then?
I'm seeing every red flag it's amazing. The person I thought she was and the person she really is has been on my mind a lot lately. I was manipulated for the majority of the relationship and she deserves a loser just like her. I have to be careful lol
This didn't happen
My bad.
In my experience; trust it the second they tell you, without any suspicion or paranoia; if it turns out not to be true, it will eventually be revealed in your favour, meaning that they slipped too much. Please don't let the fear of getting cheated on with old your efforts to build an amazing bond; as long as you try what you can, you'll have to regret nothing and they will forever and ever lose their best option. In latam, Bye, me Fui by bad bunny is sung a lot because of similar cases. Hope this helps!
This is not a matter of him reasoning with her, he needs to inform her that he doesn't want her to be disrespectful with his girlfriend and that's it. This situation will not be resolved easily if she's like he say, but will be way more simple for you to deal if you know your boyfriend is on your side.
Dude she is already cheating. She showed you she is for the streets. You just have to grow a backbone and put her there. There is nothing to salvage, she obviously thinks you are muster right now until she finds a better option
Give him some time. If he doesn't get past it fairly soon, though, he probably never will. Really, there was no reason to tell a more reasonable person about an ancient relationship like the one you described. The main reason to tell a potential partner would have been to weed out someone like him before you got in too deep. What you really need is a time machine, but I guess that's not happening. I hope it does blow over.
“To dwell on the past, is to kill your future” is a quite a healthy mindset to have as it eliminates insecurities and guilt. However give yourself the time to fully process what the relationship taught you and allow yourself to grieve if you need. If you’re avoiding doing that sooner or later it’ll bleed into your life unexpectedly.
If you’ve already grieved and processed the last relationship, I’d say why not give it a shot. Ask them if they’d like to out on a date if it’s not too soon. Beware that everyone processes things differently too so make sure you don’t get yourself into a trauma bonding, rebound relationship, and that they’re emotionally available and have processed their past relationship as well. You might think that they’re ready, but be sure to exit if they show signs that they need time to process and deal with past feelings.
I read a lot of stories on here and I just snapped. It was cruel to be kind. I hope that one day we can be friends but I totally understand if she doesn't want to be
'I know that YOU invited ME out, but I'd still like to split the bill.' And I'd never expect a date to pay my way.
First delete the video, it doesn't matter that you're a manor it is still child p*rn. Please delete it of everything.
Plus, who wants to have a partner who gets turned on when they shit and piss on you and put their fist inside of you while under influence ? You can literally die from internal bleeding.
It was almost a year ago when my gf just vanished from my life without a goodbye
I can't say I was crushed cuz there was no me to crush
I thought I was handling it at first but I was a hopeless romantic, I was exactly that guy who'll love-bomb the other person, go out of my way to learn all I can about relationships for years ((till you can se me giving advice in this subreddit ))
but when she left, I felt… empty… there was no drive, no motivation, to do anything, I have faced heart breaks before her but this one changed me so much and I hated it.
It's been a year and I found myself and my happiness and I think you can too.
I'd highly advise you to talk to a therapist if you know a good one, I tried it and it went really bad for me, so find a god one.
if you can't, I'm not sure how it's gonna work out with your gf cuz even if you find yourself back, she made it clare that she don't want that amount of love.
maybe ask the friend who's like your sister, what exactly you did that made her feel bad, what exact actions and why it made her feel that way, then try to learn about how to fix those and the mindset that making you do those things (also she can totally wrong and she could the problem not you)
and you said it, self love is key,
learn about it live! and take actions to growing your personality
I wish you find your way to happiness brother
also, I'm not live! here a lot but I offer you to text me and maybe get things off your chest
I find it interesting that you’re prepared to lose the person who’s actively helping you for the person who’s actively hurting you. Make it make sense.
If you really don’t agree with it, then don’t do it. Don’t lead him along. That’s not fair to him. But as far as him being the best boyfriend you ever had? You got together when you were 18? So, how do you even know? You’re both still very young.
My first move would be to make an appointment with your doctor for testing. Beyond that, I’m sure others will be able to suggest a good plan of action. You seem to have good instincts, so I would take them seriously.
You are being manipulated.
If he’s lying to his wife why do you think he’s not lying to you.
His wife cheating on him is a cliche many men use and it’s not always true.
You feel like you’re on the sidelines because you’re his SIDE CHICK. That is the position you agreed to. It’s like choosing to stand in the rain with no umbrella and wonder why you feel wet.
He says that he and his wife will stay together but also talks about having babies with you. He’s not even trying to hide his lies from you.
Not to mention this guy is 13 years older than you.
Wise up. Block him.
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It is a well-designed lie, with collusion. How about the next time, will you know or get played. Save yourself a lot of troubles.
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Yeah and hopefully that is soon
you’re right. i’m probably just overthinking things! i guess i’m just feeling guilty because that situation happened close to us finally meeting up and hanging out. and he possibly believes he’s the first person in a long time that i kissed or been intimate with. i guess what matters the most is that he’s the only one i want to be with since our first meet up after such a long time
Ultimatum? Try a big fat dumping. This is your life forever if you stay.
BTW, is it definitely other women he is talking to? Kinda weird with the non face to face sex potions????
You don't know what to do? The same thing keeps happening over and over. At some point you have to acknowledge reality and stop entertaining it.
Went to it because of Covid. Still having the same issue with the real world. Everything seems great until they Google (or ask) what demisexual means and then poof.
I had actually met who I thought was a really nice guy and we had been dating for a month. Went to pick him up last night for our date and his girlfriend answered the door. Apparently they are long distance and she surprised him with a visit? We were both surprise and she was extremely livid so I imagine he did not have a fun night. Anyway, that’s the reason I asked this last night.
9 months and you've been to couples counselling?
Just call it a day lol.
You have been betrayed. Either by your friend and your wife or by your friend alone.
I don't beleive your friend or your wife for thst matter.
I'm sorry this happened.
He is trickle truthing you. He has already lied about situations. You have no reason to trust him. I would save yourself the headache of dealing with him atp.
Also Becca cheating is what would/could ruin her marriage. You wouldn’t be ruining anything. I mean it already is ruined if she’s been having sex with other men like that
I genuinely don't understand what the problem is, all the people I know who are involved in this are just dorky. It's like being a Boy Scout.
This reminds me of that post where the woman found out that her boyfriend that she lived with had been blending up slugs and putting them in her food.
It's 100% what this is. The comments blaming him are so toxic!
My boyfriend was the first one to know lol. He thinks I am overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal at all, which is true looking back on everything.
I have social anxiety and it can be very hot for me to read people. I would rather put myself in discomfort than confrontation, but I obviously have my limits and I hope I never have to test them. I posted to have more opinions so I can feel confident in how I respond. It’s insanely rude for you to assume all of that about me, and I sincerely hope you can recognize the difference between a hug and sex.
Ok I’m glad other people pointed out that there’s no way she killed his battery just by charging her phone. Maybe don’t accuse your girlfriend of things and state it as fact. She didn’t respond well but I have a feeling the way you accused her wasn’t as cut and dried as you’re making it sound.
Did you end the relationship?
You do divorce because he is unhinged and paranoid.
Or if possible, ask him to get help with his mental state. His behavior is borderline scary.
We’re working on saving as much as we can right now and looking as very hot as we can to get an affordable place together it’s just difficult in the area because lots of the affordable places are dangerous areas and safer places are way too expensive
Just do your thing, my guy. If it's meant to work out, it will. Whatever you do, don't start ramming texts down her throat.
UpdateMe!
thank you for the kind words
The big breach is It’s doing it behind my back. The posting nudes part is a kink I could support IF he had told me about it. But the exchanging nudes with other ppl to get off while we’re married is a form of cheating in my books, and his, he labeled it cheating before i said it.
super weird that she wants to have 1 on 1 sleepovers with a male coworker… i’d be jealous too
You will have to end the obsession.
Like any escapism, it’s time to quit it. All the following done.
It’s something you like or want to do but you need to do. It’s affecting your life. Maybe therapy would also be helpful.
Go to s doctor and tell him to completely stop drinking and consuming porn if he does either of those. See if that helps and the doctor can test for low T among other things. If it still isnt improved, have him see a therapist who has experience in sex therapy
You have known each other for 6 months. Give her more space and time and she probably will open up more. No need to rush just enjoy being with each other and be mindful. Don’t let the unnecessary stuff cloud your thoughts
He is not your BF. You've ever met. Most of this rship is in your head. Please stop wasting time and energy on it.
Damn you sure he's 33 or 3?
I'm so sorry that you're in a situation like this. Grief is certainly complex and unpredictable.
I hope you have support through this.
I've got an individual therapist already and I'll talk to her in the week to come. I reached out to Reddit in the interim because I feel quite overwhelmed with what's happening.
Take care of you friend ?
Your bf sounds like an ass, he’s likely negging you
If that hurt your GF feelings, then she needed to have them hurt. She needs to grow up, this is nothing to get your feelings hurt. It’s not different, if my GF parents had asked me to shave for the homecoming dance photos, I would have done it without complaint- it’s not a big deal, and if it is a big deal m, that’s a bad sign.
Yes, you are. Enjoy your life as an indulgent adult. Be smart and don't have kids.
If that hurt your GF feelings, then she needed to have them hurt. She needs to grow up, this is nothing to get your feelings hurt. It’s not different, if my GF parents had asked me to shave for the homecoming dance photos, I would have done it without complaint- it’s not a big deal, and if it is a big deal m, that’s a bad sign.
How does this convo come up 5 years into a relationship?
Again! Context clues, “no one BUT YOU” implies you are the only one who read it that way. Not that absolutely no one read it that way.
People are allowed to change their minds. I know we are supposed to find our own versions of happiness but the way you emphasized “hurts ME” appears pretty selfish. I am going to assume you don't mean to come off as being so self centered. All of you are at a big point in life where you can start being honest about what makes you happy and trimming away the fat. Just have that honest conversation as a group all at once and make hot decisions. You are adults now. Live! strangers don't know you or your friends so our solutions won't be fair to everyone. Talk it out.
She got horny and flustered remembering how she actively and knowingly participated in infidelity and she clearly doesn't feel remorseful.
I had unknowingly had sex with a married woman in my early 20s. Once she told me I cut all ties with her and never saw her again.
Why? Cause I couldn't live with myself if I knew some poor guy was at home or at work while she was getting off.
She showed you her true colors and now you know she enjoys the thrill of cheating.
I'm almost 100% sure she will do the same to you when she gets that “spark” again.
I hate to say it but it's probably best to write the money and her off. She's definitely using you.
This is what therapy is for. Find a therapist.
You’re separated and he’s going to a concert with his work friend. You made an assumption that the plans fell through rather than asking him and then got pissed at him when your assumption was wrong.
Sooo, my dad says he cleans but he sucks at it, my parents have been married for years and neither my mom and I think he does it on purpose but god, it just sucks. After he “cleans “ we always have to clean again, it’s just not good work, my mom cleans amazingly, everything is spotless, so she would rather have my dad fix stuff around the house etc. instead of cleaning, their standard are different, maybe the work you do is not up to the standard of your husband. Idk how this helps but maybe it’ll show you a different pov because you sound like my dad when he swears he cleaned but it looks just less messy, not clean
And boredom… What does she do all day??
OP instead of offering more things, begin to do the opposite, if he keep refusing your promise, then tell him you are not going to pay for the sitter, if he keeps doing it, tell him you are only going to leave your kids in your MIL house, if he keep pushing low to get the kids ready to be picked up and finally offer to go but you are going to give an speech about loyalty and cheating.
wow, you really don't have much going on!
Wow. Welcome to your future. The challenge of an LDR, been there, is that when you get together every day is a vacation. You save up and you do all the fun things. Real life isn't a vacation. Sure it should be fun but it is based on making it through the day and being supportive when things are challenging. LDR is very hot. Phone calls and video calls aren't the same as being in the room. You know this.
I could go into a long essay of the challenges I see here but suffice to say you have a lot of life in front of you and you jumped into an engagement with a guy who shows warning flags and who you probably don't know as well as you think you do…
My god man, I am sorry you are in an environment where you have been treated like absolute shit and you actually think this is somehow your fault. Your gf is horrible and doesn’t deserve you at all. You really need to break up with her if this is a reoccurring situation. You did nothing wrong at all, she is 100% at fault here