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And that's awesome. And healthy. And a good start. But this won't ever be resolved if she won't do the same thing.
Did she know it was a date? Is that how you presented it when you invited her?
Omg the dumbasses in the comments, giving me second hand embarrassment ?
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My neighbor and his wife separated and she refuses to tell him where she's living or spend time with her own kids because she's living with another man.
There is no way to do this if he is against it.
This is not about insecurities, this is about selfishness. Your selfishness to be precise.
You broke every rule when it comes to be poly and I hope your partner comes to his senses, breaks up with you and goes on to find someone wjho won't be as selfish as you are.
Question – why are you not working?
You imply that the problems happened when he started working the horrible hours he is doing now. He obviously is working to get money to support you and the kids.
Your youngest is more than old enough to be in care. Could you get a job that would cover the cost of care and bring in some money for the household?
That would make it easier to tell your husband that he needs to cut back.
Also with 4 days off a month, it is seriously unlikely that you are going to be able to get him to do therapy, so you need him to cut back so therapy can even be an option (if you decide to go that way)
Which is worse – he leaks intimate pictures of you, or you become a news report and statistic? Tell your family he has dirty pictures and might send them. You live together. They know you have sex.
Tell him he has 30 days to get everything out. Put it in writing. Text or a letter. Whichever, you keep a copy. Then you can call the police to evict him. If he’s spent the night anywhere else within the last two weeks, you might be able to kick him out now. Especially if he left with the expressed intention of leaving you, even if he came back.
And now I ask you – do you love him? Or do you love the idea of him? Why do you think you love him? What does he truly do for you, and is that enough to make up for the bad? Love is not enough to endure mistreatment.
“I'm a bad person, am I?” and I have to lie in response
If you don't want her in your life what makes you lie? What if you say “you said it not me and by the way the door is over there”?
Here's what I would do: I'd send your BIL a text or email (whatever you prefer) reiterating the dress code for the wedding and reminding him that a clown suit is not appropriate. Be firm but polite about it. If he shows up in a clown suit anyway, then I think you should ask him to leave. It might be uncomfortable, but you have to stand your ground here. This is your wedding, after all, and you should be able to celebrate it without any unnecessary drama.
It’s def concerning because of the possibility it could manifest in abusive/paranoid ways. Is he going to jump to conclusions when there’s issues in the relationship? Is he going to act out violently if he suspects cheating? This level of hatred towards shows etc is a bit concerning
As everyone else has said, you should drop her. She’s weak, and selfish. You can, and will do better.
In the future, when your girlfriend starts “hitting it off” with another guy, it’s time to move on. Because entertaining anyone else while in a relationship is completely disrespectful. I personally would’ve ended this relationship at that point, but it’s water under the bridge now.
You know what you have to do. So be strong, and do it.