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I like what you said!
i didnt call you crazy, i tried to make it clear why i have such little tolerance towards jealousy – i have suffered greatly under that shit for years.
Really?
It's gross because once you break up, those pictures are no longer for you. Once upon a time, they were, when you were in the relationship, and she sent them to you. When she was getting intimate with you, you were meant to see her body. Once that intimacy is gone, its just weird and awkward, and gross to continue wanking it to her image.
Keeping sexy photos of your ex to masturbate to is creepier than leaving a lovey dovey photo of you guys on the wall for months/years after the break up. Which I also find disturbing…
Sure, they were sent consensually, just like a lovey dovey photo was taken consentually. But most people get rid of their couples photos after a break up – just as they should with the sexual ones… it also wouldn't be healthy or help you get over them to keep gazing at their photos, anyway…
Good idea to break up.
Jfc stay in therapy and leave all of these people alone
3 times a week and you teased him to the point ifbhim being done? You sound like my ex husband. No regard for what I had going on, wanted what he wanted.
I wonder if instead of seeking reassurance that relationships can last forever you might instead focus on acceptance that even if a relationship ends, you will still be okay and there's more to life than romantic love. A relationship ending is sad, but not the end of the world, and being able to love despite the possibility of breakup is the only real way. Nothing in life is a sure thing. But the beauty is in allowing yourself to try anyway.
Asking a partner to only masturbate to you is unreasonable imo Both of you are blowing this up into something way bigger than it needs to be. Maybe couples counseling could help here if it’s affecting you both so much.
It seems odd she doesn’t have any personal photos and there are no kid related things in her house. Does she talk about him and their day to day life? Like, how was your day? Oh, I took little Johnny to his soccer game, and then we had donuts…. If she doesn’t talk about him, maybe she just lost custody.
Imo, this is something you need to find out yourself. Did you really break up with Mary because your own feeling ? Or because you actually enjoy Morgan companion as a friend (and maybe more). Take deep thought, do you think if you don’t meet Morgan, will your relationship with Mary will end as well ? I don’t think you will need to explain anything to your friend if this is happen because your feeling is gone. But if this Morgan actually triggering your adventurous side, you won’t find any justification for your decision here. One more thing, let say if your boss turn out to be some old middle aged unattractive person, will you still break up with Mary?
Another thing, you shouldn't have to tell a guy that you will want to have sex with them to get them to do more around the house. It's bad for both parties. No one wins in that situation even if it is true. It is always a better position to say that while it will probably make you feel better it probably will not help your libido. A guy that cares about you will do it for that reason without the libido concern.
he’s emotionally cheating on you, you deserve better, break up
This is a bot and it stole this comment from u/Dr_nacho_
Your heart hurts because you were vulnerable and he crushed your soul.
You have only been together two months. Move on. Let him get the help he needs while you heal, separately. If things change or improve in a year or so, you can reconsider your relationship. I would consider it over for now.
There’s no way this is real.
I think going back to her place to wait for an Uber is reasonable – if I were drunk, I wouldn’t want to be on a bus or walking around alone. It sounds like he thought he had a chance to hook up with your girl, she kept the vibe platonic so the awkwardness set in quickly, he Ubered home, and that’s it. If they keep hanging out and it happens repeatedly, sure, that’s a little weird. But, I don’t think she’d tell you all about it if she were trying to hide something from you. I think he made her feel weird so she called you to talk about it as soon as she could.
The only thing that makes me think he may not be a total asshole is the fact that you were friends for so long and he waited so long to be with you before the relationship began.
What your relationship really needs is for you to initiate and take the lead with sex to create trust and make it better for both of you. You need to deal with this issue you’re having of not being able to climax. Have you gotten therapy to discuss your inability to climax and deal with the trauma of your rape?
He could certainly be better, but I do think he cares about you and may be a good person for you to work through these issues with. There is no crime in him wanting a sexual relationship. For all the people bashing him here, I bet he could write a post about his side and fears that he’s in love with a woman but is scared he will wind up in a dead bedroom one day because she doesn’t enjoy sex. Sex is a part of life and should be enjoyed. He’s definitely not doing things exactly right, but OP, I really think you need to do some independent work (therapy and masturbation) to learn how to get through your issues.
Btw, I am a woman in my 40s who has been with my partner for 20 plus years. A mom of three kids. And this is the advice i would give them. Work on you OP. Don’t allow your rapist to take away the joy of sex from you for the rest of your life or hurt your future relationships. Don’t give him that power. Work to recover from your trauma, no matter what happens with current bf.
A lot
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Or any of his friends who dislike you and have started trouble?
I would keep talking to him in and tell him that you’re not only want it but you need it that bond you’re closer. I think he thinks you’re fragile also. The other thing is maybe you guys should do a little bit of counseling while you’re going through this. The best of wishes for you and prayers for your recovery.
thank you so much!
yeah i worried i was being too needy. ? but also in the beginning of the relationship there was a perfect balance. i even felt happy to go on walks by myself cuz i new he was there when i needed him. after a while i grew anxious and every time weekend would hit i would get anxious bc he would always just go out. i felt sad either going out w my friends or staying in by myself
Either try to explain to her exactly that, that she’s single because she couldn’t find a guy that meets her standards. You were single because you couldn’t find a girl who’s standards you met.
And if she says something about you being wrong, ask why you two never dated, and when she doesn’t have a legitimate answer, point out that she proved your point.
Then, on-line the life you want to on-line, trying your best not to hurt anyone in the process- eg if you want to sleep around, then do it, but he honest with the girls you sleep with. If you want to date casually, then do that, but be honest about it.
If you meet someone you do like, date them and see what happens
What more responsibilities do I have as a married adult?
No you shouldn't. Be polite. Be kind. Tell her you are going to take a step back as requested then do it. Don't initiate any convo for seven days. It will help you gain clarity. And don't be passive aggressive about it, if you care about this person you have to realize that this maybe the end of the relationship or they just need you to do what they are asking.
That’s totally where I’m coming from instinctively, I think. It just feels a bit unnatural for me personally, to feel like I’m controlling any aspect of his life. But you’re right though, it was necessary to make a big deal out of.
So work as in continuing to cheat/keep doing what he’s doing. He cheated. Is he even doing therapy yet? Its not smart to be getting back with him until therapy started, and he’d have to earn back the trust he broke which he clearly isn’t considering his new privacy screen protector for “work”
I am a hyper sexual person. This is an ongoing issue for me in my personal life. Don't have sex with them until you are in a relationship. Marriage is even better. That's the answer. You need to let go of the need for sex and establish a stable relationship with him first.
Dude, this has completely broken you, it's pretty cl;ar. Forget focusing on her mental health and wellbeing; focus on your own. Trying to get her to improve isn't noble; it's just stupid, and it's something that has to come from her internally in any case..
He broke up with me
Your bf needs to grow up, imo. You haven't done anything wrong. This is his own hang-up to deal with; he shouldn't be taking his discomfort about it out on you in any way, and I don't think there's anything you can do to help him resolve his feelings on this. If I were in your position, when he brought it up, I would tell him to decide if this is something he can get over or not, but I don't want to hear about a meaningless ONS from two years ago again.
He's not worth it. Tell him no hugs or kissing until he gets his teeth and his own smells in check. No more sex with this kid either.
Honestly? Over, immediately. Unless he has some really good qualities this is a red flag for about 3 types of abuse and 5 types of asshole. Be you never complained to him about smells down in his area cause they usually smell soooo much worse.
No, you’re not overreacting. You just married him and promised your life to him and he kind of betrayed you. You’re going to have to decide whether you can get over it or how deep it runs for you. I would make it clear to him that if it happens again, there’s gonna be some thing you’re gonna have to set that some thing whatever that is. And he needs to know you’re really serious, so stop consoling him what you did as you took away all your power that night. It was you that were wrong, not him, and you set up the thing that he can take advantage of you.
Not sure what you mean by “intimate soap” but you should not be using anything other than unscented soap and water. Anything else will throw off your ph and make you smell. I’m not saying your bf isn’t an asshole for making you feel bad or nasty for not brushing his teeth (he is), but if you’re using one of those products marketed to make women smell like flowers and sunshine he may have been correct.
I find it to be incredibly disrespectful that she repeatedly turns it back up and doesn’t turn it down upon request.
It’s also a bit of a dick move to turn off the music, but also what choice do you have at this point when she is using your property to actively make you uncomfortable?
A normal person with any common courtesy or concern for another person’s comfort would wear headphones if it bothered someone.
I would not listen to loud music in a way to disturb a stranger on the street, let alone someone I loved or was friends with
Does she habitually show you less concern than you would a stranger on the street, or is it just with hurting your ears?
I find it to be incredibly disrespectful that she repeatedly turns it back up and doesn’t turn it down upon request.
It’s also a bit of a dick move to turn off the music, but also what choice do you have at this point when she is using your property to actively make you uncomfortable?
A normal person with any common courtesy or concern for another person’s comfort would wear headphones if it bothered someone.
I would not listen to loud music in a way to disturb a stranger on the street, let alone someone I loved or was friends with
Does she habitually show you less concern than you would a stranger on the street, or is it just with hurting your ears?
He sounds abusive and unhinged. Maybe he's on drugs or steroids or just an abusive arsehole vitimising a much younger woman. Either way, it's not you, it's him. Dump him and find someone who respects you and treats you right. No doubt he'll try and suck you back in with promises to change. He won't.
Have her text him on the spot with you there. No time for her to give him a heads up. See how he responds.
Well I proved how you were wrong. How am I wrong?
Well I proved how you were wrong. How am I wrong?
I should really stop rubbing my fiancé’s back now and then. I’m marrying the guy sure but there’s absolutely no implied consent for us two who love each other and want to marry each other. That makes perfect sense I agree.
I should really stop rubbing my fiancé’s back now and then. I’m marrying the guy sure but there’s absolutely no implied consent for us two who love each other and want to marry each other. That makes perfect sense I agree.
IMO, this sounds like long-distance relationships aren’t for you.
So we all were at a house party, the host was another friend from college and our group isn’t as close to them as we all are. The house party I got black out drunk and ended up kissing the host’s husband. I didn’t mean to and it was terrible, it was to a point where I didn’t know what was happening. I discussed this one my friends from the group( the birthday person) because she was in a similar situation before and I thought I could talk to her judgement free and she would know how I feel. I told my boyfriend after that and he lost it and wanted to talk to these people because they also were at the house party. My bf is a very emotional person.
If your wife isn’t producing milk, there’s absolutely no benefit to the baby. It’s not the baby’s responsibility to help relieve her dysphoria.
I have never felt dysphoric, so I can’t say I understand how she’s feeling — but it’s not something that will be resolved the way she’s going about it.
This country is very.. traditional. Women cook and clean on top of working and taking care of kids (we dont have kids but I do almost all the cleaning and I have no problem with it. I like cleaning) and men work even longer hours. My bf's work schedule is unpredictable too. Sometimes he wakes up as early as 5 am and comes home in the evening at 7. He sort of expects me to cook because of his work and it is expected of women.
His mother is a hot worker that took care of 2 kids basically on her own, on top of her own job. Her husband worked day and night at his little company that he built. She did all the cooking and cleaning in a humongous huge house and she wears this all as a badge of honor. It seems like my bf is expecting the same lifestyle in our relationship…
Harden yourself, if not for you but for your kids.
He obviously has issues that make him harass you for some reason. But thing is regardless of feelings, it shouldn't be your problem anymore.
Some things might be more appropriate to discuss with your lawyer.
wow this is amazing insight , spot on thank you so much
Tell him to fuck off. Wear your hair how you want!
Tell him to fuck off. Wear your hair how you want!
To act like it's no big deal is wild.
Your boyfriend has made his choice. He’s not going to stop. He doesn’t want to change, despite your pushing. I’m sorry, but you’re either going to stay with him and suffer, or you’re going to have to find someone who shares your outlook on health.
Lmao until recently you “knew” she was loyal.
Just because the husband of the person you replied to has decided he's alright with looking over his shoulder for his entire life doesn't mean that you have to. There are plenty of people out there who would sooner hurt themselves than do something this bad to even a stranger.
I think these posting are all very strange. If they are true – you behave in a very codependent way. For starter your boyfriend sound very callous and controlling. The first rule is that forcing yourself on anybody is a big no no.
So even if he is fun and charming – the fact that he is a sexual predator should be the BIGGEST RED flag you could find. Sorry about being direct – if this will not get you to react – ask for support from a professional therapist at your school or through your medical services and talk with them. See what they are saying. Of cause the risk is always that they say “but you did not say NO”. That is “old fashioned thinking”. The fact that people do not say no – is a bad excuse. Usually people will signal that they are not cooperating and if people discard these signals that shows they are predators by heart. So start preparing to get out of this relationship. Sorry about it!
Secondly – your friend sounds she has some serious issues. Indeed it sounds like she has female autism (very much different from male autism). There is something seriously wrong. I would nearly have said hand your bf over to her and be done with it. Still I would never suggest to let a girl over to a sexual predator – so do not do that. It sounds like she has (among other things) a complex towards not having a boyfriend. Maybe if you split up – this “need” might lessen.
Regarding yourself. You need to take a VERY sharp look at yourself. You seems having a high degree of codependency towards your friends and bf. Look at your self very seriously and figure out why you are running around with people that physically and emotionally are behaving seriously badly towards you!
It sound to me that you are a seriously good person – so get support!! Please!
I’m wondering if he would use props to bring more attention to himself
Bro she can say all the excuses about how you’re emotionally available. It don’t matter. She cheated and she’ll cheat again if you don’t leave her. It’ll be naked but please leave her.
Also for your next relationship I’d advise not letting her get so close to male friends or have no male friends at all because this always happens as a consequence since the guy always wants her.
Leave her. Don’t give her another chance she doesn’t deserve it. She destroyed your 3 years. Don’t let this slide. It’s cheating Fgs it’s the worst thing you can do to someone. Cheaters never respect you if you give them a second chance and she will do this to you again. Next time she will be extra secretive you won’t even know.
She talked behind your back to this guy and mocks your mum. Someone like that is lying to you when they say they still love you and want you.
She is just scared of losing you now and good. She deserves it. Your gf don’t deserve you. Leave her or face the harsh consequences.
You’ll get over her knowing you left trash
lmao love this
And would he even have time to use it if he got the kids on the weekends?
That's what I ment I spelt it wrong. Sorry on phone
Date people your age.
Don’t have a child with someone you know for less than 4 years.
People over 25 dating people under 25 is always suspicious, rarely innocuous. The end.
Downvoted for speaking sense. Never change Reddit.
Yup, he went for the one with a lower self esteem. We aren't being rude, you're just not being real with yourself. You're given facts and seeing patterns yet you still on-line in denial. How can you do all that and say your mature?
Let me paint a picture considering I've dealt with POS men like your boyfriend. He went for the young one, sure maybe not the prettiest one, but that was the point. He showed denied two other girls and told you he likes you. He knew what he was doing, he was setting up trust and flattery.
5 years go by, and he's looking up pictures of barely legal girls who are actually attractive. Why? Because that's how he is… disgusting. And you want to act surprise? It was in front of you the whole time but you allowed him to brain wash you into thinking he's in it for your personality. No, he was in it because he could get his way easier than he could with anyone else.
I wouldn't say anything now. The next time she asks, the answer is “no, that isn't something I can help you with”.
She IS using you if you are lending her money with the promise of her paying you back and she isn't paying you back.
Holy run on sentence Batman!
Y’all need to mature up and talk things out with the intention of hearing each other.
Don’t cheat, it’s never good.