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Date: October 19, 2022
I agreed with everything above and think this was said respectively. I would like to add that having it come to surface later would lead to more guilt on OP's part. Waiting will make it worse if it is OP's kid because they are a deadbeat and a liar. A mistake (such as a unplanned kid) is one thing, but not being able to on-line up to your responsibilities would be what I struggle with accepting.
She seems like she is very lonely and I don't think she has dealt with your father's passing either. She has gone from having you and your father in her every day life to having no one in a very short time. (was she a sahm for a long time?)
I would suggest that you maybe coax her to get some therapy (even if you go with the first few times).
Then also schedule 2 or 3 days a week where you or you and hubby spend some time with her (you can slowly take it down to less days over an extended amount of time, but take it slow). During this time do things that will help her get new Hobbies and friends. This will ultimately help her miss you less when you start cutting down the time you spend with her.
Definitely don't take her on honeymoon with you, maybe ask her to keep an eye on your flat and tell her the grandkids will miss her if she goes. It will make her feel needed and she will be more likely to stay without a fight (if you have pets, that's a great reason for her to pets it because “you don't trust anyone else with your pets as much as you trust her”.
Sounds like his reaction (or lack thereof) gave you the ick. Doesn't matter if somebody else would see it as an overreaction, a breakup is not a punishment.
I'm not going to bag on you for having a 32 year age gap. I personally wanted to date some older cats out there thats around the same ages when i was in my early 20s if it wasnt for judgement from family. I've been in love with someone much older like that too, only because they were a truly good person and i connected with older people much more with music and interests.
however, what i will point out and say: for the next relationship, if its not your kid, dont play mommy. he manipulated the fuck out of you, thinking younger women were just seggsual beings when youre a lot deeper than that. I dont give a shit, their real mother will have a fucking cow over that.
do yourself a favor and take his entire paycheck THEN leave, to pay yourself for damages. If he wont let you leave? call CPS and threaten to get his kid taken he will want to let you leave then.
Ummm i read your other comments on your page. Are they all about the same guy? Are you really still with this guy after all that?
Thanks for your time, I’m definitely going to think about what underlying motives are driving my desires before I make a decision
I have full custody, but every time the cops have shown up, they say I have to take him to Court to keep him from the kids. So maybe I’ll have to do that.
So your friend knowingly was about to fuck a married man and now she’s upset? Lol. She’s only upset because he’d friends learned that she’s a homewrecker.
Sex Panther® is a cologne which is illegal in 9 countries.
It is also made from bits of real panthers.
60% of the time, it works every time.
Now imagine if it was the woman who was working the 36 hours and then coming home and just relaxing and smoking pot all day. I bet you would say “oh poor soul, she has worked her ass all day, she deserves the down time”
I see that you have already been told that this is sexual assault and what people would say if this happened to a girl.
Since it sounded like you wanted different perspectives I would say that there are some.
My first question is if you feel assaulted or violated? I hear that this changed your view of her but you don't really express any averse effects on you like a feeling of loss of power, self doubt, shame or such. If you feel like that, go ahead and read the ones suggesting this is SA.
If you don't feel like that I think you should take care of your gf. It sounds like she is a mess and need someone that can support her and be a bit more stable. The whole idea was kind of stupid. Neither you nor her can take responsibilty for how she acts when is that drunk.
Um, what you did was an honest mistake. The rational solution to this would be to apologize for the misunderstanding and then agree to confirm the day before. This has soooo many red flags and y'all haven't been together that long. I say cut your losses and dump him, go home and enjoy the holidays free of a person who doesn't respect you, will insult you at the drop of a hat, and makes YOU feel like you are the only one at fault here.
Oh, I see it might be time to have a sit down with your boyfriend and discuss how his job is starting to affect the relationship
This sounded like an uncomfortable albeit not too problematic situation until the “nark” comment he made. Your husband is emotionally cheating on you and you’re right to feel betrayed.
How you proceed with this is up to you, but I would be preparing for divorce, especially considering that he is continuing to be dishonest.
Yeah, man children play games all day . Who wants to be with that !!
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Isn't a vasectomy always a safer option?
Lol, why stay with a man who doesn’t care to try?
LOLLLL sry dude, leave this girl. Hygeine is non negotiable
And you think that’s more likely than her playing mind games?
HA no chance. This further shows how untrustworthy he is. He'll say anything to get the results he wants. You were strong, you walked away. Now stick to that decision. This is not the best you can do, not even close. You don't need to listen to his bs anymore, he lost that privilege when he cheated.
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I thought she wasn’t opinionated enough and we didn’t have the same music taste. Her family was also terrible to both of us.
and what changed in five months of not being together? you feel that in less than half a year, she's suddenly become super opinionated, and her music tastes have completely changed?
you do understand five months is practically nothing, no? she's essentially the same person you dumped. if youb thought her family was shit to you before, how do think the news that you– the guy who can't even make up his mind– are back will go over?
and you don't me tonight anything about how you have grown, or changed. have you?
nah, man– leave her alone. have the courage of your convictions. she's probably finally started getting completely over you; it would be the height of selfishness to elbow your way back in now, just because you're bored and haven't found anyone better.
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It makes it worse.
It sounds like your wife has made her decision: she wants this baby. She told you about this decision months ago, before she even got pregnant, and you ‘laughed it off’ and didn’t bother to talk about it any further or confirm that your stance was still the original.
So now it’s time for you to make your decision: your wife, who now comes with a baby, or being child free. You can’t have both your wife and no child – while technically you may be able to have that for a short while if she gets an abortion, your relationship will never be the same and it is very likely that she will come to resent you for forcing this.
If it’s fear of things changing that is keeping you from making a decision, you have to realize that things are going to change now no matter what. They’ve already changed, and you can’t go back to the original plan. You need to choose your path forward.
Okay. You need to take responsibility and tell the wife. Be better.
Why post here if you aren’t going to take advice seriously?
They should have respected your wishes for a private proposal and not done it in front of so many people. I completely understand being overwhelmed by it.
BUT it's a bit unrealistic to have such specific and high expectations. The proposal really doesn't matter (and neither does the wedding tbh). What matters is the marriage.
Congratulations on your engagement ?
Stay through the hospital visit. Distance yourself. Take screenshots of what you’ve seen. When he’s better tell him he owes you your money. If you’re living with him go ahead and get your stuff out now. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Either way your outta there. If he doesn’t make it you’ve learned a valuable lesson. Also, don’t be afraid to show those screenshots to his mom. I’d do it. I wish you the best.
If you think his financial cheating is bad now just wait until you get married.
The unwillingness to let you see his bank account stuff after he pulled this off is a massive red flag that screams that he isn't good with money at all.
1,5 years
Yeah we on-line together. It is his home. Yeah maybe that’s it. But I feel like I shouldn’t have to wait if he can’t. I’m sure he would miss me. But I mean ? Idk
IKR, plus he never says how long the break was and why. He’s gross!
Your job is not to fix her or any girl for that matter. If she knows that she has issues, she needs to see a therapist and fix them and then get back into a relationship.
You need to move on. It really is that simple
Op, I don't buy it.
You say you've never received pics like that. Who are they for then and why couldn't you work on her phone?
He knew he was caught so he's up shit creek regardless so decided to take the fall.
Most likely your wife took those pics fo send to him.
Being raped is never cheating and you really need to get away from these awful people.
If boyfriend had an ounce of self awareness he’d know that part of why you wouldn’t tell him is because he doesn’t show any care towards you. He only cares in relation to himself.
She isn't settling if you are the person she prefers over other people. She might have some needs that are different from yours, but that is the case in all relationship. She wouldn't stay with you faithfully for seven years, if she was settling or unhappy. She simply also has desire to what she has seen on that wedding. Almost all women would like to have big magical wedding when they are center of attention. Keep in mind it's basically the singular instance, single event like that. As for the life itself she prefers the life she has with you, she just might be sad thinking you won't want to have the same kind of wedding with her.
To sum up I think you are wrong and choose to believe a one of comment that isn't even saying what you think it is, instead of 7 years of your life. It's sad that I even have to point it out to you. You might need couple counseling, but not because of her, but your insecurity.
Makes you wonder how many are trolls…
Came here to say that too. Definitely sounds like it and it's weird AF. Flashing red flags all around!
Prenuptial agreements are simply contracts that spell out what happens to assets should a marriage end. Yes a lot of wealthy people use them to protect wealth acquired prior to the marriage but they can also be used to ensure money continues to go to one partner from the other.
Girl, no. You aren’t saying anything that abuse survivors haven’t said. I’ve heard it all. “He’s different” “he’s not always like this” “I made him mad” “He just really loves me and wants to protect me.” Someone who hasn’t had love and affection in their life cannot be an emotionally mature partner at 18. He hasn’t put in the work to be able to deal with his past and learn how to be that emotional support for an SO.
It sounds like from what you’ve said, you’re giving him all the love and affection in the relationship and that’s not fair to you.
I’d re-examine everything that has ever come out of her mouth. This is a red flag.
No
I get nervous because I feel like sometimes I'll express myself and be bombarded with a million questions when I feel like what I'm communicating is really clear.
That right there too. Its behaviour that you're not a fan of. Call it out.
Not telling you to come out guns blazing and attack… but anything that doesn't sit right with you, needs to be addressed.
In a heathy relationship, you tune yourselves to the other.
I've called my GF out on her BS, she called me out on my BS… and the result is happily ever after. Why? Because we understood that it is good intentions behind it for the sake of improving things for the better.
You have to hold yourself AND your partner accountable.
What he is asking you is to respect his and his families privacy and do not post anything about them!!.
This is him setting a boundary that is important to him and you looking for a way to happily waltz over this boundary for imaginary internet points.
So if you want a way to become an ex-gf, you are going about it the right way.
It’s definitely worth trying but you need therapy and to show you can do better even if nobody is willing to see or talk to you.
Then express your feelings calmly and politely in a moment that is not emotionally charged. In other words when she gets mad is not the time to address it, it will just make her more mad.
Before you play explain your feelings get hurt when shes gets angry at you and it makes playing not fun. Address what she needs to not get so mad, or why its directed at you.
Again in a setting where things arent reactive, but proactive. “I like playing with you, but it stops being fun when you get angry with me so what can we do differently to make that not happen?”
She sounds kinda immature tho so I'm not sure this mature approach will help that much. If it doesnt help then she prob needs to grow up and learn how to appropriately express negative emotions in ways that don't lash out at the nearest target (you).
Honestly, if he wants to break up, then that is that. He was probably thinking of it for a while before actually saying to you.
Also, you never want to beg for someone's love.
Right people, not enough time.
My sons just over 3 and its only starting to ease up now.
Its fkn rough
You have become your own wife's side chick.
Right? Okay, she had a crush on the other guy that didn't go the way she wanted. But she fell in love with OP.
So what possible good did she think would come from this? What's the point?
There’s a reason he can’t date women his own age, he is a major red flag
Why would anyone brag about dating someone who looks like a teen?
she established a boundary and you keep disrespecting it. grow up and stop being a perv. here's how many times you ignored her boundaries.
asked if her boobs looked bigger asking if you can kiss them which she shot down by offering her lips cheeks and forehead you replied you wanted to kiss her body after she specified which parts you can kiss telling her you want to do unspeakable things to her
all if this AFTER SHE CLEARLY STATED SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU INITIATING ANYTHING SEXUAL UNTIL SHE'S READY.
she deserves a guy who respects her wishes, it's obviously not you
Wait so you have more of problem with your friend taking hot pics of your wife for you over a total stranger? I don’t know, but if nothing physical happened, I think this would be my preference.
How will you know if he actually have told her? Will he let you guys meet? Or will it be “I told her, but don't ever contact her”?
I wish I knew. I’m asleep for all of it, and the only details I know are from what he tells me. I don’t know whether he’s exaggerating or dreaming himself
I don’t think the issue is that you were met with a woman who is home alone and had no idea you were there and she felt she needed to protect herself. The problem is the fact that he knew and didn’t tell her or you, and then made it out to be nothing
He also did his masters, so I also support him at the same time. I adjust to him the last few years, and ended up having study delay because of it. Because he was not happy in this city, I adjusted my life around him, because he told it would be different after I finished.
You keep saying “i might be delusional” “i might be stupid” and second guessing yourself. Girl. You did NOTHING . And i mean NOTHING!!! Wrong!!! Stop doubting yourself, stop putting yourself down! You were put in a very shocking and scary situation, and went into freeze mode of fight or flight. Extremely proud of you for how you handled this all and taking safety precautions!!! (Hug) I’m so sorry love. Its always painful when a person we cared about changes for the worse. But we are never responsible for the paths people take, we can try if they are Open to it, but ultimately people do what they want to do.
You are so young and I hope this move is a fresh start where you can feel much more safe. Continue to be vigilant and smart ? being a loving friend is not a bad thing, especially if you consider that person like a sibling! But yes be careful and stay safe.
You should do whatever man, you are not going to marry this woman, you both sound super immature, just do what you feel like doing.
Boy is not to bright is he?
You do know he is completely clueless as to what happened and probably thinks you blindsided him after he gave you the ring
I understand I also forgot to mention that he was the one that initiated the kiss with me, so in words he got myself and another M on the go ?
Stupid ass hill to die on
I don't get it, why are you with him? What are you getting out the the relationship? Does he do all the cleaning and pay the rent/mortgage or something?