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Ashlie, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 18, 2022
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She says that she’s that way with me because I’m her safety
That’s it. Right here. You’ve become the safe option for her when the fantasy flirtation ends with the other guy after they’ve had sex, you find out, and she comes back to you, love bombing you.
Nope.
You’re being taken advantage of. He gets the benefits of your naked work, and you get the cold shoulder from her.
No one is saying they are more likely to cheat. It's that before only 50% of the population was a threat to your relationship and you likely didn't associate one on one with them in a close friendly manner.
Vs now 100% of the population is a potential threat, and most of his close friends now fit into that threat zone.
It's the same 65-82% of women.who don't lile their BFs having close one on one female friends.
Trapping someone into parenthood is NEVER okay. But as far as a paternity test goes, if you're demanding one… are you planning on paying for that? Because it's insanely expensive, about $2000 from what I understand. Also getting a paternity test while she's still pregnant is even more expensive, not to mention really painful for her. I understand why you want one but you don't get to make those sorts of demands without 1) offering to pay for it, and 2) allowing her to do it in a way that's comfortable/not painful. Be reasonable.
Maybe instead of spending money on gifts, you spend it on a good therapist. Honey, you need to get out of this crazy relationship for good.
I've recently gone through something similar and trust me it gets easier every time. The first night is the hardest! I had to ignore texts from my alcoholic ex that increased in intensity, all the way up to claiming she was assaulted, then raped, and then lost and unable to find her home. (None of it was true, she never even left the house). I was in tears on the phone with a friend of mine who'd luckily had experience with an alcoholic ex and she was coaching me through it saying it would escalate and sure enough it did. I saw this pattern happen every time she drank and wanted my attention, she pick a fight and it would slowly escalate if I didn't engage.
If I didn't have that friend holding my hand on the phone constantly reminding me that I set my boundaries and breaking them now will just ruin all the naked work youve done to disengage
I totally agree! But my friend and her bf decided to wait until after the baby is born because it’s only a couple hundred.
You are being incredibly selfish. Not wanting to break up with him because “he is your only happiness.” You’re kidding yourself if you think he deserves someone like you as a partner. Do the right thing and let him go.
Tell him, apologize, break up.
You can stop cooking if you like, but your boyfriend will just find someone else to guilt trip you over.
Let me explain. He's picking your favorite hobby, something that you do simply because you enjoy it and turning it all around to be something selfish you do for compliments. Why would he assign a selfish reason to your cooking even though you clearly do it because you enjoy it?
Here's the thing with cooking. Cooks often solicit feedback from the people they cook for. You might have tried a new recipe or made a substitution you thought would make the dish more flavorful. There is nothing weird about cooking for someone and having a conversation about the food you made. To attribute that behavior to “fishing for compliments” is deplorable.
This is the kind of behavior people exhibit when they're secretly jealous that everyone enjoys their girlfriend's cooking. He sees cooking as an expression of love not just that you love cooking and wants to make you feel some kind of way about doing it for other people.
Tell him that you're not buying his load of BS, recognize it as a mechanism of control. Make sure he understands that if he continues to act weird about you cooking for others, that's going to be a deal breaker for your relationship because it's incredibly disrespectful. He needs to get over himself and let you online your life they way you want.
You’re a drama queen
It's probably your best bet. I mean, one of the problems with Reddit is that people talk about these super complicated problems with other human beings, and the answer is that they're still carrying scars of childhood trauma. There's no way that someone can resolve another person's trauma in a few sentences on a Reddit thread. The person who has the scars has to be willing to do the naked work.
He knows this and thats why he chose you. Predator. You are vulnerable with no support. He can take you away and how would you ever escape? He'd make you feel like you “owe” hom something for all his charity. Do you make enough to support yourself if you need to leave?
You will cringe at ppl like this by mid 30s. He's a creep.
Also know the possibility of wiping ass 2x a day by your forties as he will be 65+
A generation of women didn't want him, why do you?
He sounds like he's one drunken night away from cheating on you, frankly. If he's not ready to be committed, cut him loose. If he were all in on this relationship he wouldn't be expressing these doubts to you. Very disrespectful IMO.
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She thinks he's out of her league, meaning she thinks he's too naked for her. That's generally how people use it, at least.
Could you not have quit the job?
How long have you guys been together?
Hey, I'm pretty much giving up on her but thanks!
Phaaaaaaaaa Q.
Thank you for this gift.
No idea. It’s so frustrating too
Sorry…..I can't do this weird we broke up, kept sleeping together and she picked up a side peice deal…..oh, lets put in some boundaries because she was being railed by a friend. Is this just some made up shit for Reddit? Who goes all through that for a relationship and is ok with it??? Reddit is some of the best people watching places in the world, but my god some of the stuff that comes up here….
Your friend called you to come help them look for their wallet at a club? Lol ok.
She didn't ghost you.. you clearly mention she told you she needed space and the reason why. You also aren't her husband- y'all have only been dating 8 months.. Everything she came to terms with was a lie in her eyes, she's allowed to feel anytype of way. It was almost a decade long relationship and she wanted to marry the guy.. if I found out it was a lie the reason we broke up- I'd be hurt and confused too. Definitely break up tho because she deserves someone understanding.
the only question i have is are you fat?
They would have to be knee-length in order to be completely sure and very loose. So basically a normal pair of shorts.
My partner has popped out of his on several occasions. But he never goes around in nothing but boxers when my teenage kids are home unless it's in the middle of the night and he's making a bathroom run.
It is on the clock, she told me she has thoughts to tell me, but prefers to say it in person. It's pretty obvious to me what it's gonna be but I'll wait till then.
Because it's a crazy reason to get mad. If it affects you this much then you should let this dude go be in a healthy relationship with an adult.
Suddenly I have JailHouse Bounce stuck in my head.
Also bring up if in case something wrong happens during the pregnancy and childbirth (which will be increased) and she's not around anymore, how the hell can OP take care of them all and also leave the child without their mother??
If she doesn't want to see it from your pov, have her see it from the living, breathing children in front of her. How they'll miss their mom and not have her around and experience such grief at such an early stage? How their new siblings could also possibly not make it?? Why put them all through that. What she wants is (imo) kind of selfish and she shouldn't just have kids because she can. Throw her the phrase just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Yup me too, dated a tool for 5 years…similar to this situation…I got the courage to break it off and I couldn’t be happier now. Lived a great few years being single and now have an amazing partner to share my life with. It’s scary but once you actually do it…u will be so glad u did. U can do if OP. U won’t regret it.
Don’t believe her. Girls don’t poop
Not always. Sometimes a booty call is just that; casual sex without needing to former some deep trust bond. I’ve had partners I’d feel comfortable having over for sex but not to freely roam my place at 3am while I’m asleep.
I would agree at this point in my life I would not put out without a guarantee of a trust bond, but I can’t say I was so careful in my 20s.
Wait your going on a 2 month vacation?
She has never met this friend?
How long have you been together?
It sounds like the two of you have different views on manners. There are plenty of compromises, like muting yourself to blow your nose and stepping into the bathroom to pass gas. He doesn’t need to hang up on you for blowing your nose, you don’t need to make him hear it when you’re on a call. You don’t need to hold your farts in for days at a time, you just need to step away for a moment. This doesn’t need to be this complicated.
The post: She posted something in her social media questioning if long distance relationships work; For context we have not always had a long distance relationships and its something we agreed on. since we share a lot of mutual friends and family, most of them called or texted me about the post and asked if I did something.
The blow out: I got annoyed because all friends and family member assumed I did something. So I confronted her about the post and said it didn’t sit well with me. Since everyone is pointing fingers at me.
We always talk about our issues, but not this time. After the fight she just pulled away slowly I barely noticed until she dropped the “Break”.
I didn’t got into all these details!
This is a really childish thing to get upset over
How is this real life? He's jealous because someone helped break your fall so that makes you disrespectful.
This relationship is not working, and this guy does not want to be with you You can't force him to not want to take a break. Staying around the house will not make you not on a break and will not make anything better; it will just be you refusing to give him the space he requested. If he reacts rationally, he will do so by leaving. If he reacts irrationally, he may try to physically throw you out If you are on the lease, you have a legal right to stay in your apartment. You would be within your legal rights to stand your ground and insist that if he wants space, then he needs to be the one to leave. Doing so may cause things to get very messy very quickly, and many people would probably decide it wasn't worth the confrontation, but he doesn't have right to unilaterally kick you out like this unless you're not a legal tenant. Personally, if you were my friend or family member, I wouldn't want you to risk a potentially violent or dangerous confrontation, but it's up to you Generally speaking, throwing someone out is not an expression of love or consideration. And generally speaking, refusing to give someone space when they've asked for space is also not an act of love or consideration.
As someone turning 20 soon
I have so much respect for you seeing how this is creepy. I wish more men were like you
Well, you’ve been clear about where you stand. I think given everything that’s happened, the onus is on her now to reassure you that her affections lie with you.
Your job here is to keep good boundaries and observe her. Her actions will prove her intent more than her words. She can decide to keep flirting with this guy is she chooses, but you also have the right to decide that she is not being a loyal enough partner for your preferences.
You have been very clear. I wouldn’t say too much more than that as more words will just create more drama and dilute your message.
I’d pull all the way back if I were you. She needs to bridge the distance to make it right. But given her behaviour, I wouldn’t be holding my breath. She’s already shown a high degree of shadiness, and it’s ok if you don’t want to keep her in your trust circle at this stage.
My boyfriend and I both have ADHD and there are times where we’ll jot quick notes about what we’re talking about to respond after the other is finished talking. We both have a tendency to interrupt even though we try not to and this sounds silly to do, but our brains are wired weirdly so whatever lol
I do love a sense of perspective!
No I am not asking for it every day. I would be happy if it was twice or three times a week. The frequency is around once every week or every other week. I do see your point on not playing games with sex. Appreciate the advice on that. I know an adult conversation is better, but how do I do it without her misunderstanding me or feeling like I am pressuring her?
?
It’s so sad that you’re waiting for a man to make a decision about your life and where it’s headed and you’re even changing things about yourself to help him make the decision.
There's no respect for you. They just don't want what they did to go public. They want to online in peace with no ridicule or public shame. They could care less about you, if they did care they would not have done what they did.
Wont stop the cheating….
100% I missed that key part obviously. I figured she would wanna be an aunt to her nieces/nephews.
We will have then agree to disagree then that she is, in fact, an insecure woman. That is fine, as people offering insight from diverse lenses gives her much to ponder over.
Don't forget she was also sad.
I'd be hurt she didn't hit me up first. Then she gets drunk with a random dude instead.
I love brunch too damn
You were wrong. Period.
You blamed her because you (wrongly) thought you were right.
See the top comment
Maybe you need to grow up and realize you don't know everything and aren't always right?
You were wrong. Period.
You blamed her because you (wrongly) thought you were right.
See the top comment
Maybe you need to grow up and realize you don't know everything and aren't always right?
Trying to change isn't enough. You will repeat the behavior. Get into counseling. You don't have to tell people when you have changed, they will see it. I'd keep in touch with him but not be too forceful.
Well, congrats on being used so she could say she had plans/a date for Valentine's day. Based on the preceding few days, this should have been a naked no. Or, if you did decide to do something, there should have been no flowers, no candy, no dinner, etc. A card maybe. I'm willing to bet she didn't get you a card.
Don't let her play this game. It is over. Cancel it.
She checks all 18 of those boxes. She needs professional help.
I need to get out of this situation. Maybe I'm an ass hole but I can't help her while I'm barely holding on myself.
I can't even tell you how much it means that you wrote all of this out for me, I've got an internet stranger looking out for me and for once I don't feel like a horrible failure of a person.
I can't afford a psychologist but I'm gonna try to save up once I can get a new place to online and get out.
I don't even think I can tell her I suspect BPD because of how she will react. I'm at a point where I might even ghost to leave. I hate it but I just need to try and take care of myself here.
Are you actually okay with it for now? Because it doesn’t particularly sound like it. It sounds like you’re hanging in there because, like you said, you’d “rather have her in some capacity than not at all”.
I’ve been in relationships and “situationships” like that before, and I’m telling you now, they’re not good for you. If you ultimately want a monogamous relationship, then staying in this one is just stopping you from meeting someone who is on the same page as you. Don’t let your naked polyamorous fiancée who you share with her ex get in the way of you meeting your actual future wife.
“Settling” doesn’t only mean settling for someone we’re not in love with. Sometimes we settle by being with someone we’re in love with, but in a relationship we don’t want. Never settle.
I disagree, i know this girl before lockdown we used to hangout, we are also physical. Her college been of 3 years and mine 4 years , so we got seperated because of that.
I disagree, i know this girl before lockdown we used to hangout, we are also physical. Her college been of 3 years and mine 4 years , so we got seperated because of that.
No, I'm actually getting more than what I have right now. I have WAY less space, no backyard, and am in an unsafe area. There's 3 things I can think of off the top of my head. Plus the companionship and not being lonely ??♀️
Agree with this. From the other side, sometimes it’s not worth it or I don’t value it enough to say something. I don’t ghost or cut off, still on good terms, but i adjust the friendship.
He’s lying. Nobody needs to search for that to find porn. Not only is he lying but he thinks so little of you that he thinks you’re stupid enough to believe his laughably pathetic lie. The disrespect.
Well … it seems pretty clear that whatever friendship you had earlier in your life has, in his head, turned into “this is the right girlfriend for me”
There’s a high likihood that if you try staying friends, he’ll once again shove a bunch of “I feel so much for you let’s be together” stuff on you. And then when you (understandably) back off from him, he’ll act all offended that the friendship is one sided and you’re selfish … and then when you rekindle your friendship, he’ll again throw himself at your feet hoping for love.
Point is: he is not acting like a good friend. He’s acting like a shitbag who is entitled to have you as his girlfriend simply because he’s been friends with you for so long.
Maybe he can be a good friend. But for that to happen, he needs someone to tell him, plainly, that you do NOT want a romantic relationship with him, but do want to be friends, and nothing more than friends.
My point of view is he’s a child.
Thanks. I had been drinking when I asked this. I regret it now tbh. It made me feel sad at the time but now I feel a bit stupid…I am a bit insecure and I’d admit I have a lot to work on with that but I guess I just wanted to hear sometimes other than no comment. It’s dumb. I know :/
Unfortunately I relate. I got treated like shit and ott used to it. Im now with a “nice guy” and it scares me. I feel vulnerable all the time. Two years ago I broke up with a guy for being too nice but I finally realized I deserve a nice man. We (abused women) get scared of nice treatment. After a lot of therapy I understand im deserving.
Shes not ready. It sucks. Ive hurt people not being ready either. Find your person. But if you want to wait for her please be patient. It took me a restraining order to be ready. Every process looks different.
Seriously, I caught that too!
your friends are right the minute he attacked your senior dog ..the dog should have been gone..and if your husband was a true dog lover he would have agreed…three options…1 the dog goes …2 husband and dog go 3…baby ..your dog and you go…you would be an irresponsible parent and dog owner if one of these don’t happen soon
Have you considered running? Now before your first thought of “Who in the world makes friends running comes up”. Take a moment to think about what makes a friendship.
Friendships come from having some type of shared interest be it health, sports, etc. And a lot of cities have various running groups on Facebook pages and your local Fleet Feet stores. Running is always a way to connect with people both verbally and non-verbally because we runners make long runs enjoyable by talking to each other.
He mentioned in a text with his friends that his therapist was pretty. OMG, call the police!
How is that even an issue? Yikes.
I’m going to play devil’s advocate. I bet that on occasion, it’s possible to catch a glimpse of the bottom of the food bowl. That’s no way for a cat to online.
If your husband knocked up your friend, I doubt there would be anyone telling them to get rid of it. They would all be happy for him.
And, as someone who is now 35 weeks pregnant after a long long fertility journey, let me say that you owe yourself this happiness.
If your husband knocked up your friend, I doubt there would be anyone telling them to get rid of it. They would all be happy for him.
And, as someone who is now 35 weeks pregnant after a long long fertility journey, let me say that you owe yourself this happiness.
He had me kidnapped from my apartment by 3 big men and put into a mental facility illegally to make me 'stop smoking weed', luckily I was out within a week as it was very obvious I didn't belong there but the things I saw and went through being the only 'normal' person there will stick with me the rest of my life. As soon as I got out I asked him why would he abuse me like this and him and his new wife simply blocked me everywhere. They are the purest definition of chicken shits.
I never pressed charges because it's a long process, I just wanted him away from me for good. Words can not articulate how badly I never ever want to see his face again.
It's not supposed to be birth control
Who said?
You'd probably be surprised that alot of people around the world aren't comfortable with the idea of the person they are with having history and more so sexual history with people they know.
On the “sex” board of a place like Reddit it may not seem like a big deal but generally people aren't a fan of it.
I didn’t know he was that young at the beginning, and I don’t think he knew I was that much older at first either… I wasn’t trying to hit on him and told him bc it was giving me so much mixed messages and anxiety and had to know for sure, I needed him to tell me no so I could move on, and I have but he keeps giving me attitude whenever he can and it annoys me, I try to ignore it for the most part but I feel like he’s testing me, pushing my buttons, asserting dominance or something and I don’t like it
I’m going to ask you the question I ask myself this kind of situation:
What do you want to have come out of this in the end?
Followed by: What outcome is actually likely to happen?
If all you want is the catharsis of telling him off and want to make him feel bad… then telling him how much he hurt you is going to accomplish that. But if you do it then you need to block him immediately after because nothing but more pain and frustration will follow that.
If you want to feel better – this isn’t going to do that for you. You’d probably be better off blocking him without responding and leaning into the joy of your current partner and upcoming wedding.
If you want him to know that his reach out was triggering and hurtful then the best response would be to calmly address just that: “While I can appreciate that reaching out to apologize probably had good intentions, I just want you to know that finding you in my in box after a decade was actually incredibly triggering. I also find it creepy that you are telling me you know where I online. I appreciate the apology but I’m not in a place to accept it and would just like to keep moving in with my life, please don’t contact me again.” And then block him. The value of this is potential catharsis without creating more drama or regret for you.
Basically, you need to know what you want, do what will best get you that result and then block him because there’s no scenario where not blocking him makes sense or offers value to you.
It’s such a long story. We have two autistic young kids. I have a really bad back. I am just not in in a place where I can physically take care of my kids without help. I don’t make enough money and don’t have the earning potential to hire help, even with child support. He mentally is not in a place where I would trust him to have primary custody. I have thought about it believe me. If he doesn’t make any effort long term it will likely end in divorce when the kids are older. In the meantime I just don’t want to fight you know.
How does he drink or eat? Does it get it all through IV????? Because that's not healthy
Don’t get drunk, you clearly did something you wanted to do even if you don’t remember it.
My friends always
That's your friends, that's clearly not her friends. It's nice to have people you can trust, but for a lot of people out there, they end up with shit like OP's situation, and I'm sorry this is happening to her, but the fact is that it happened. She was straight up betrayed by her best friend.
My point is sometimes people betray you and the best way to avoid that is to minimize the chances that someone gets to do that.
As for this…
Have you considered getting better friends?
That's pretty loaded. In my case, with my friends, if one in the group gets too tired, we all decide to call it a night, or if some people still want to hang, they leave and go somewhere else to continue, and everyone checks in to make sure everyone got home safe. I think they're pretty good friends.
I suggest using an app that records your sleep. I use Sleepcycle, and have fun listening to the snippets it's recorded over night.
I want also to add that just because he may think it sounds like a “sensual moan,” it doesn't mean that the dream is sexy; in fact, what you're dreaming about could be absolutely nothing. It's BS that someone would confront you about things you have zero control over.
I suggest using an app that records your sleep. I use Sleepcycle, and have fun listening to the snippets it's recorded over night.
I want also to add that just because he may think it sounds like a “sensual moan,” it doesn't mean that the dream is sexy; in fact, what you're dreaming about could be absolutely nothing. It's BS that someone would confront you about things you have zero control over.
I suggest using an app that records your sleep. I use Sleepcycle, and have fun listening to the snippets it's recorded over night.
I want also to add that just because he may think it sounds like a “sensual moan,” it doesn't mean that the dream is sexy; in fact, what you're dreaming about could be absolutely nothing. It's BS that someone would confront you about things you have zero control over.
Definitely tell your BF you lost the ring at the gym.
Definitely DO NOT engage in some sitcom-esque shenanigans trying to surreptitiously replace it with a new one or any such nonsense.
Just buy proper earplugs… there are ones that are made for your ear specifically.
How do I know if I’m a mess or not?
“Turns out I've been trickle truthed”
No one says this.
“Turns out I've been trickle truthed”
No one says this.
“Turns out I've been trickle truthed”
No one says this.
Yes. By the time re realized what he had and let go he was re married and I’m happier with someone else. Sometimes things just don’t work out- and it’s for a reason. You aren’t going to be 24 forever, don’t waste your youth on someone who doesn’t appreciate it.
Yes. By the time re realized what he had and let go he was re married and I’m happier with someone else. Sometimes things just don’t work out- and it’s for a reason. You aren’t going to be 24 forever, don’t waste your youth on someone who doesn’t appreciate it.
It’s really not though. This was a brand new relationship. She didn’t have to keep dating him, for any reason whatsoever, and he didn’t have to give up the friendship to pursue her. He a chose a brand new romantic relationship over a 2-decade friendship. Dude either doesn’t value his friend that much or was blinded by his infatuation.
Wow, good for you what a pig. I'm honestly used to these posts ending up in “so I decided to give him a second chance” into “so turns out he cheated!”. It's so predictable.
Don’t move past anything except breaking up with this cheating woman. She certainly doesn’t love you. Do better for yourself. No forgiveness for cheating
Yes you’re right. I just wanted to hear a nicer way of a NO from him or that he would take the test an laugh about it and forget it, like I intended to.
I’m not dumbing anything on him. It’s the same as if I were to send him a meme. Like pls laugh or tell me nicely you don’t enjoy things like that.
So he is acting like most girls?
There is no such thing as “coming out as poly.” It's not an identity, it's a lifestyle choice. It simply means she's either already cheating, or wants to start, but doesn't want to deal with the guilt. Lawyer up.
Why are you even playing into it? Next time he “corrects” you don’t even bother looking it up, tell him he’s wrong like he’s always been. Make him feel stupid like hes done to you
Your gf is 37 and broke. How long has this been the case?
Regarding the friend situation, it sounds like a total disrespect. Even the amount offered is an insult as it's no doubt that you'll probably be bankrolling it all. Firstly it should have been mentioned to you and for you to state your opinion.
I guess he’s not..
I guess he’s not..
So… 10-15 minutes of PIV sex is both a long time compared to the median “intravaginal ejaculation latency time” (the technical term for the time it takes a person with a penis to ejaculate from penile-vaginal intercourse) of about five and a half minutes and a perfectly normal time in the context of the full range of times (upper bounds on the studies I just looked at tended to be around 45 minutes, but I know I've personally taken over an hour a few times – both on and off of SSRIs – and there are times when people simply never ejaculate and eventually just stop without doing so).
It's possible you'd ejaculate from just vaginal stimulation if you went longer,cand it's also possible you wouldn't – but neither of those really has much bearing on your actual problem. Your actual problem is that your girlfriend is just not into having sex with you, at least not PIV sex, and doesn't sound especially interested in doing it simply for your pleasure.
“Its been this way ever since I started jerking off when I was like 14 so its always been the normal for me and i didnt realize it was a problem until I started dating.”
That's probably because taking longer than fifteen minutes to come isn't a problem unless someone makes it a problem, which your girlfriend is.
This sentence is the key sentence of your post: “When I have sex, after like 10 or 15 mins my gf gets tired/disinterested and i have to finish myself and it makes her feel like its just not worth having sex, which really sucks cuz its something I enjoy a lot”. What's going on here? Does your girlfriend enjoybsex at all? Why wouldn't the process be worthwhile just because it doesn't end in orgasm for you? Is she not enjoying the sex itself at all? Alternztively
Yep. This is BPD. This is how it is. She doesn't have it under control at all. It's all about her controlling you to make her feel happy. Only it won't make her happy. NOTHING WILL MAKE HER HAPPY. Dude. You need to open up your eyes and realize that being in a relationship with someone who has BPD may be causing your depression and anxiety. It certainly did for me.
We both don't see any meaning of life, aside us being that to each other. A lifeline
This isn't a relationship. This is just awful, miserable co-dependancy with someone who has BPD. Is this what you want for your life??? For the rest of your life?? Moving from drama to trauma to anger to totally unrealistic demands, to wild spending sprees, to breakage and love bombing. But no ACTUAL love. No real relationship.
You might be right. I am committed though. We have blended our families and I am committed to it working. I would like to know how to build some resilience so that I’m not taken down with every fight.
Her husband likes beating the shit out of people. Read OP’s comments. It’s all fine to have a guy whiteknighting for you with his fists until one day he does it to her or their future kids. Can’t believe people are applauding this meathead.
Maybe, but you are not in a relationship with them. It's not what they say or do that matter, it's the fact that your boyfriend is at best not defending you/listening or at worst give them the information that lead them to say or do those things.
And then you have the much more clearer issue of his hometown. It's not his friend that forced him to lie to you so you would go out with him even if he had never any intention to living in your city. It's not his friends that make you feel guilty and breaking your boundary to go online in his hometown.
That’s tough.
Is there anyway you can setup a meeting at a park or a restaurant?
Maybe if they see how he treats you and how he really wants to be a part of your family, they will understand.
Maybe….
But it sounds like they’ve put their heels in the sand and aren’t budging.
I’m sorry that you are having to go thru this.
Your young and should be out having fun and experiencing life.
I’ll be as kind as possible: If your life goal is to be a sahw then you should find someone who wants a sahw. It’s that simple.
Your bf doesn’t want to pay off your loan (very understandable). Were you open with him from the beginning? Sure, there are men that would be ok with you not working after marriage and kids but I think you’ll have a hot time finding a non-abusive bf who wants you to stay home (+ pay off your loans) although you just dated for a very short time. Those expectations need to be communicated.
And I don’t get your last sentence: you think you shouldn’t have to contribute financially because you are NOT married?
Is it really the married part, or are you just resentful that you heard detailed accounts of her past sexual experiences and there is some insecurity? “She was some guys sex toy” holds such a negative connotation and definitely implies insecurity. We as men often want to imagine we have the best sex with our partners and past experiences don’t exist, but that isn’t the case.
Even with the cheating part, she was 21. People online and learn. I think you should get over it unless you want to ruin it for something that happened 5 years ago. We all make mistakes.
People are allowed to change their minds. That doesn’t make her a manipulator.
I’m sorry; it appears you’ve broken the irony meter.
OMG that is so funny. Op you are beautiful and your husband is a big Asshole. He works out 3-5hours a day. 5-6days a week. When does he even spend time with the family?it seems that he only cares about himself. I'd like to see what he would look like after having 3kids and no help around the house. He has no respect for you or your marriage. The 14year difference in age is worrisome. He wanted to have a girl who he could control. Please get yourself to a Doctor and maybe you will be able to feel better. Good luck ?
I like the idea and it might work. But even if she uses a vpn or something to hide who she is, I'm pretty sure the ex still knows who told her.
so, he broke up with me at the end of january. he said we need to work on ourselves to better one another type of thing lol. he said we were with eachother a lot of the time so he wants to see me be more independent
Poor dog. A dog always sees the good in its owners, it’s a shame the dog got stuck with a piece of shit owner
Me too.
If you aren't already, seek therapy for your own sake. A trained councillor will be able to help you far better than a reddit comment.
They may be able to offer strategies for repairing the relationship with your daughter as well. However, you need to own this mistake and allow her to set the pace for any repairing of the relationship. That may mean she does not want that too. Maybe for a long time, maybe forever. Frankly, that is her prerogative.
All you can do is set the framework for change in yourself and show up in the way she needs from here on. Whether that's by being there or staying away is up to her.
I commend you for coming forth with this, it's hot to be the bad guy. Please seriously consider therapy if nothing else.
Good luck, stranger. Online as best you can from now.
Unfortunately no. We live in the country.
He himself said she was sober. He was black out drunk. That’s r’ape. But hey why don’t you ask Rapist Brock Turner if that’s SA or not.
Why do you need him to block you when you are perfectly capable of blocking him? Don’t let all his flip flopping around confuse you: he wants out of the relationship and he also has some sadness and regret. That’s normal, everyone feels that way when they end a relationship and it isn’t a sign there’s a chance to make things work. When one person wants out you have hit a dead end.
The bare minimum for a romantic relationship is both people wanting to be in it and your boyfriend wants to be out. That’s it. Game over. Gather your self respect and leave.
When you are ready to tell everybody—including your ex, your relationship status, let me know. Until then we are both single. Once you let me know, I’ll let you know if I’m willing to try again.
You seem obsessed with the fact they haven’t had sex yet. So what, because you swooped in and slept with him first, you somehow imprinted on him? Not how it works. She clearly liked him, even if they hadn’t had sex yet. You ruined that for her.
You’re so awful, and your justifications are the worst.
“Hey, i know it’s been awhile but I heard you moved back to town recently and I’d love to catch up sometime. Would you be interested in getting lunch?”
I think you might make some headway in marriage counseling.
But there's a possibility that you will never get that feeling back, and you have to be willing to take that risk. It will be very hot for you to stop feeling resentful of the way you've been treated. Not impossible – just hard. Good luck.
Lock the fucking door and get a lawyer. Don't move out, is there a prenup? He can't kick you out just because you don't let him watch you in the bathroom. The fact he threatened that is a huge red flag. Maybe take a look at other parts of your relationship, you don't jump from fine to ” youhave to move out if you won't do what I say”
That’s why you’re alone ?
People always disguise someone's shitty behavior by saying the relationship isnt all bad and they love them.
So because u love them they get to treat u like shit?
She can Apologize sure.. but she did tell u to ur face ur being silly didnt she? That ur overreacting by being upset?
That she got basically hot and had other dudes who u know btw… touch her like she was a stripper performing for them?
I don't get it. Does she need to explicitly sleep with someone infront of u for u to see it as a red flag and that she doesn't respect u.
I wouldve never disrespected my husband like tht even when dating. Having someone's hands on u in a sexual way other than ur partners is disrespectful, crossing a boundary and yes it can be seen as cheating. The fact she is downplaying it and telling u ur being ridiculous is hilarious because ur allowing it.
She will do this shit again. So good luck.
Someone doesn't know as much about the American dental industry as they think they do btw denture crowns and bridges still count as artificial teeth
If his worse case scenario was getting someone pregnant behind his girlfriend’s back, then I’m not too sure why he’s going around having unprotected sex with other woman.
Yeah, I agree that there's more to this story. Why doesn't he feel like part of the family? When do the kids tell him he isn't their parent and what is his and mom's response?
Also what is he expecting in return for parenting? What are his expectations for the kids? Why don't they want to have a relationship with him in the future? That is a huge red flag if kids want to sever a relationship they've had for a majority of their lives. Kids don't want to do that unless the relationship is shitty or they've been alienated by someone else.
Right?! I set my self up for failure, tho. Had no business snooping. ?
The idea of paternity testing by default is something that's very popular in certain corners of the internet. Have you noticed any other options he has about women or masculinity that you were uncomfortable with? I'd be worried that this request may be a canary in the coalmine.
Why would anyone take an entire day off to meet your friend? That makes no sense. Her taking a couple of days off to go on a weekend trip makes perfect sense. They went away for the weekend.
So, he tried to manipulate you to be the girl he thought he wanted, went 5 hours without you, then realized what he had thrown away and suddenly went 180 and said “walk around naked for all I care”? Listen to the relief you felt after you were done crying. He had his shot and he blew it. Maybe he did change his views in that short amount of time, but more likely he’s just doing what he said he did in high school and go along with your free will until he gets comfortable enough to show you his Andrew Taint side again.
So what makes you think he wasn’t taken with Mariah when he met her and spent a night hanging out with her? You never even gave him your number, so it’s pretty clear you two don’t have a close relationship or even know each other that well. This guy obviously gets crushes quickly, for all you know he was asking another girl for her number the day before he met you. For all you know he’s been asking girls for their numbers for 6 months. He may have a whole calling list of girls for all you know.
Why are you so obsessed at proving that he liked you? You should try to understand that he is allowed to like someone else, especially if he just met this person.
Exactly. Shading AF. Like if you’re bored and wanna look at girls pick up instagram. Like why is he on a whole ass dating app, talking to people, AND he didn’t even bring it up before this because he knew it wasn’t okay.
I went to treatment with a man who was a sex addict and his wife went to Al-Anon. In his case, he was not harrassing teenagers and women so they were trying to salvage the relationship and a kid was involved. But I think it is a great suggestion to go to Al Anon and find support from other people who have been through this.
why yall keep downvoting me. for being suicidal and just wanting somone to be there for me.
You are beingdownvoted because you refuse to take responsibility for what you did. Understand, no one is downvoting you for being suicidal. The downvotes are because you refuse to understand that what you did to your girlfriend was manipulative. Yes it was. Being there for someone who is suicidal is getting them the professional help they need. If there is ONE thing your girlfriend should have done differently, it would have been to call 911 so they would send an ambulance to your house.
Now, had she done that, would you have felt supported?? No. Nope. Because you were not serious about ending your life. You were trying to manipulate her into coming over and coddling you. Even if you had been serious, you likely have been upset that your plan to end your life was thwarted. Either way you need professional help. Someone you are dating, it is not right nor fair to place the responsibility of your life! onto them! It's a terrible thing to do to someone. Don't ever do this again and get some real help. And please break up with her, you need to leave this young lady alone unless and until you take responsibility for your own mental health.
He just broke up with me cause I am being childish and no one asks for a heads up and my expectations are fantasy.
The Bible is basically a thick deck of Uno Reverse cards when dealing with Christian hypocrites.
Typical ignorance of human anatomy.