So you think she is oblivious to how rude this behavior is? Because I think it's more likely she's taking advantage and knows it.
Why is your relationship “strained”? If you don't mind saying, of course. It feels like that would lend some context. I mean, is she “sensitive”…or “always the victim”. Because someone who gets offended when they don't get their way isn't sensitive.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My bf (22m) and I (22f) often fool around whenever we meet. Just a few weeks ago, it was (supposedly) his first time to try eating down there. We're both VERY much virgins, so this type of stuff is very new to us. He ended up gagging at the smell and said he couldn't stand it before we continued after a short break for him to get back his bearings. It didn't bother me much at the time, but everytime he brings it up whenever we talk (as a joke), I cringe and feel so ashamed of myself.
After that incident, I felt so embarassed that I refuse to let him go near it even after he kept insisting that he wants to try again. He said he might have been put off by the texture of the hair there as well which added to his disgust.
I'm honestly not sure if it's normal for men to gag at the smell of a wet vag or it's my v that has a problem (like infection) which is causing that smell. I searched up the smell of a normal v to check if mine was okay but it keeps saying “musky” smell which I don't understand because idk what “musky” smells like. I personally think its an infection that I'm not aware of (even if it feels fine, nothing irritating) but idk how to check it (I would opt for a doctor, but idk how to bring that up to my parents)
Anyway, any advice (for both me and my bf) would be welcome since we're both kinda lost at this type of thing.
It's never worth ruining a friendship just to be someone's rebound relationship (and dating does absolutely obliterate any chance of ever being platonic again). Maybe pull back on some of this “touchy feelys” so you don't give her the wrong idea. Then if in four to six months she's still seeming interested that might be the time to talk about it (unless she makes a pass and forces you to talk about it sooner). Friendships can sometimes turn into real romances. But this has every hallmark of being someone who just misses being part of a couple (any couple, regardless of whom else is in it). Don't risk the friendship over this, she's just not thinking clearly right now.
Yeah – whether or not he is lying about the lap dance is, quite frankly, irrelevant at this point. You said this was a “deal breaker”. What do you mean by that? If you said it was, and don’t follow through, then that is shame on you. Whatever your line is to cross. He is not remorseful at all. He is just remorseful he got caught – not that he did it. I cannot even imagine what I would do in this situation. It’s easy to say “I would leave him.” However, at the old age that I am. I have learned nothing is that cut and dry. At the very very least – you need to take $200 out, turn off your location for however many hours or all night – go wherever you want – either a hotel/spa or male strippers, and he can stay home and take care of the baby. Dress up really sexy, and just walk out for the evening – or forever – it’s up to you. Then after that, admit you were being petty and got caught. Go to intensive marriage counseling. Make sure you take care of yourself – not just your baby.
You didn't misgender your bf, and your friend is being rude and white-knighting on behalf of someone who doesn't want that. Their pronouns are he/them. If he wasn't acceptable, the pronouns would be they/them, or something similar.
My partner is NB and uses she/they pronouns. Even though they are okay with both, I make an effort to use they as often as possible, because it shows that I'm not just forgetting and defaulting back to she. But I can use she when talking to people who my partner is either not out to, or who wouldn't understand or react well, because that's still one of their pronouns.
BTW, you might want to ask your bf whether they want you to use a different word than “boyfriend”. Might not be an issue, but they might be happier with a gender neutral term, and either way they'll appreciate that you thought it was worth asking about 🙂
A person who is moving that fast is in fact a POS when you have already said you want to take things very, very slow. It sounds like he has mental issues as well. He seems to be love bombing you. You need to leave. Break up by telling him you have too many problems you need to work on to be in a relationship with him. Easier said then done I know, and he will try to change your mind. Just keep repeating the same words over and over again until he leaves you alone. Then block him.
There's nothing else to do with someone like him. I hope you are able to resolve your problems and become healthy.
The relationship is over. He's moved on and wants kids. You can't. Sorry.
Love yourself, irregardless of his thoughts you need to accept yourself.
So you think she is oblivious to how rude this behavior is? Because I think it's more likely she's taking advantage and knows it.
Why is your relationship “strained”? If you don't mind saying, of course. It feels like that would lend some context. I mean, is she “sensitive”…or “always the victim”. Because someone who gets offended when they don't get their way isn't sensitive.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My bf (22m) and I (22f) often fool around whenever we meet. Just a few weeks ago, it was (supposedly) his first time to try eating down there. We're both VERY much virgins, so this type of stuff is very new to us. He ended up gagging at the smell and said he couldn't stand it before we continued after a short break for him to get back his bearings. It didn't bother me much at the time, but everytime he brings it up whenever we talk (as a joke), I cringe and feel so ashamed of myself.
After that incident, I felt so embarassed that I refuse to let him go near it even after he kept insisting that he wants to try again. He said he might have been put off by the texture of the hair there as well which added to his disgust.
I'm honestly not sure if it's normal for men to gag at the smell of a wet vag or it's my v that has a problem (like infection) which is causing that smell. I searched up the smell of a normal v to check if mine was okay but it keeps saying “musky” smell which I don't understand because idk what “musky” smells like. I personally think its an infection that I'm not aware of (even if it feels fine, nothing irritating) but idk how to check it (I would opt for a doctor, but idk how to bring that up to my parents)
Anyway, any advice (for both me and my bf) would be welcome since we're both kinda lost at this type of thing.
With a boyfriend like that, I guess you don’t need enemies. I prefer to date people who are nice to me, but to each their own.
It's never worth ruining a friendship just to be someone's rebound relationship (and dating does absolutely obliterate any chance of ever being platonic again). Maybe pull back on some of this “touchy feelys” so you don't give her the wrong idea. Then if in four to six months she's still seeming interested that might be the time to talk about it (unless she makes a pass and forces you to talk about it sooner). Friendships can sometimes turn into real romances. But this has every hallmark of being someone who just misses being part of a couple (any couple, regardless of whom else is in it). Don't risk the friendship over this, she's just not thinking clearly right now.
Yeah – whether or not he is lying about the lap dance is, quite frankly, irrelevant at this point. You said this was a “deal breaker”. What do you mean by that? If you said it was, and don’t follow through, then that is shame on you. Whatever your line is to cross. He is not remorseful at all. He is just remorseful he got caught – not that he did it. I cannot even imagine what I would do in this situation. It’s easy to say “I would leave him.” However, at the old age that I am. I have learned nothing is that cut and dry. At the very very least – you need to take $200 out, turn off your location for however many hours or all night – go wherever you want – either a hotel/spa or male strippers, and he can stay home and take care of the baby. Dress up really sexy, and just walk out for the evening – or forever – it’s up to you. Then after that, admit you were being petty and got caught. Go to intensive marriage counseling. Make sure you take care of yourself – not just your baby.
You didn't misgender your bf, and your friend is being rude and white-knighting on behalf of someone who doesn't want that. Their pronouns are he/them. If he wasn't acceptable, the pronouns would be they/them, or something similar.
My partner is NB and uses she/they pronouns. Even though they are okay with both, I make an effort to use they as often as possible, because it shows that I'm not just forgetting and defaulting back to she. But I can use she when talking to people who my partner is either not out to, or who wouldn't understand or react well, because that's still one of their pronouns.
BTW, you might want to ask your bf whether they want you to use a different word than “boyfriend”. Might not be an issue, but they might be happier with a gender neutral term, and either way they'll appreciate that you thought it was worth asking about 🙂
A person who is moving that fast is in fact a POS when you have already said you want to take things very, very slow. It sounds like he has mental issues as well. He seems to be love bombing you. You need to leave. Break up by telling him you have too many problems you need to work on to be in a relationship with him. Easier said then done I know, and he will try to change your mind. Just keep repeating the same words over and over again until he leaves you alone. Then block him.
There's nothing else to do with someone like him. I hope you are able to resolve your problems and become healthy.
that is why you dont get married with a 21 yo