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Halli_n_lover, y.o.
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Date: September 25, 2022
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I don't want the reason for us to move in together be just about bills and saving money.
We do spend nights together, as many as we can during the week.
I think it's best if we don't move in just yet, though.
My apologies for misinterpreting your post. But the rest of it stands. He is a twat. He expects you to report to him but he refuses to report to you? He is jobless and sponging off your income? He allows himself freedoms that he denies to you?
I guess all relationships involve a choice: leave, or spend one more day of the rest of my life here.
Time, I think, to spend your life somewhere else. You’re worth so much more than this, OP.
Stop being a doormat You are wasting your time.
What are you doing in this phone you dumb bitch?
Cause he doesn’t care about the woman…just physically.
It reads like he has similar emotional problems to me. Mental problems and abusive family can lead to even tiny issues feeling like the end of the world, and its nude to see the problem from your partners perspective when you cant handle your own emotions.
He absolutely needs help so its good that he is seeing someone.
I think you need to decide whether you want to stay with him through it, or if it is causing too many problems for you. Both are valid options. Either way it seems like his family are people you may wish to stay away from.
Well, I’ve never met a family lawyer who was a decent person lmao… I suspect most family lawyers end up there because they’re not very good (also in my experience lol)
Voting for you to bail as well, if he isn’t just doing this as a manipulative tactic to gain control over you, he is way too far emotionally disturbed to live on his own, and at that point nothing you are capable of doing will help the situation.
Damn ok, this is a little more troubling then because I know she was out of town this week for a work trip.
(I don't drink) but is weed and shrooms IMPORTANT to me? no, but I enjoy them. sometimes i take them daily for a month and then go without touching em for 4-6 months, sometimes I take em once a week for 5 months, sometimes it switches between the 3 in terms of usage. I stopped smoking weed for 2 years simply because I just didn't want to. (I had an ounce of weed that went to waste because I had no desire to smoke)
if I wanted to I could quit today with no problems. but if I had a partner that BANNED me from it? we'd be over. same thing if a partner banned me from chocolate/mcdonalds/anything really. a relationship isn't where you BAN things for each other, thats control and controlling someone creates a power dynamic and makes it no longer a partnership – and I only want partnerships.
your partner can request you don't offer him drugs every hell he can even request you don't do drugs in his presence – thats totally A-OK. HOWEVER to ban you outright from it (or anything for that matter of fact) is down right controlling and abusive. doesn't matter if he paints it like he's trying to save you/or do whats best for you, you're not a child.
Honestly you two have big difference in view points in life – and when you give someone control over your viewpoints/life they WILL take more. this isn't a “I love him” or not, this should be a “am I willing to control my life or not” because today its alcohol/weed, tomorrow it's certain outfits, then its going out late, then it's cussing, then its having guy friends, then its posting to social media etc etc. it ALWAYS leads that direction, I've had dozens of friends who ended up with controlling Partners and IT ALWAYS leads to that point, you give someone with a need for control an inch and they will ALWAYS take a mile.
Dump him, or if you stay with him the bloke needs therapy (you do as well to set boundries/see his red flags)
I would get any proof possible, pictures, vet visit notes, etc, and call the cops on your sister.
She needs consequences for her actions, before she starts abusing people or worse.
They may come around
What does your wife say when you ask her Why she has changed in this way?
Two of you need to go to a couples counselor and figure out this issue, because you are clearly heading for divorce.
It’s not unlikely that your wife wants to have a baby of her own, and resents your daughter for that reason. It sounds to me like she’s being incredibly immature about it though especially if she hasn’t brought this issue up to you verbally.
Don’t not buy your daughter presents or not spend time with her simply because you’re afraid of what your wife will say. She’s still your daughter.
Go to couples counseling. The sooner the better.
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Leave and let him play his game
It sounds like you and your new bf aren’t ready for a committed relationship. So let him know you’re dating but not exclusive as neither of you seem ready, he hides girls on his phone and you’re not over your ex. Then do whatever. You may lose them both in the process, but better to be honest than sneak around because if you sneak around then you will truly lose them both.
Red flags, multiple.
He’s abusive. Don’t stay with him. He’s manipulating you. You’re doing him a service working for him without pay and he’s screaming at you. You take care of him and he hits you. Don’t doubt your sanity. Never let it slide when someone screams at you and start to hit you. It’s time for you to go.
He doesn’t respect and love you anymore
I am very sorry that your mother is this way. I had a less crappy situation, but my father made it clear he was never going to choose me. Cut your losses now and it will help. Remember that it is not your fault she doesn't love you. She is an abusive parent and that's completely about her and not because you are very hot to love or not worth loving. Let her go, see if you can find a support group that doesn't cost money whether in person or live, and let the good people out there show up for you.
It’s obvious he doesn’t gaf and you don’t need him so get rid of him.
I don't believe he is assuming you're wrong. I think he's assuming he can mess with your head by pretending like he believes that you're wrong. Both if the worst gaslighters/emotional abusers I ever knew used “I'm not perfect” as a defense and had many other people convinced that they were wonderful people.
If you're not ready to consider that, I would turn it back on him a bit. Act like you really believe that he's incapable of remembering the very simple fact that accents exist. Repeat it all slow and overly sympathetic. Pat his hand or his cheek kindly. If he dares to correct you in front of people, “yes, and” that sucker. “He's such a wonderful person, but he gets so confused by my accent! Why, the other day he was completely flummoxed when I said aluminum, isn't that adorable?” I bet he'll stop “forgetting” right quick.
You suck as a parent! Please don’t have any more kids!
He does all that and yet you can't muster up even a basic enough desire for intimacy for him? News flash, men like sex. Keep rejecting him until he quits trying and quits doing ANYTHING for you. He's your husband, be physically available to him. Do better.
My best friend is Romanian who grew up under communism in the 80’s and I’m an American who grew up in Southern California. Very, very different cultures but we get along really well. She has a great sense of humor but it’s much dryer and darker than other people. I find shows like The Office funny but she’s like “these people are whiners and should appreciate having such easy jobs.”
And you know what? She’s right! I appreciate her perspective and her ability to see the humor in dark moments. When my father died she kept me laughing with a hilarious commentary on the funeral preparations.
You dont lack a sense of humor, it’s just different.
This sounds like a hope for the best and prepare for the worst type of situation.
You won't know the type of bridges you will be faced with until they present themselves.
Logically, if both of you need to move to seperate cities for the sake of career development, the relationship (from the sounds of it) will be challenging to manage.
Establishing your career can take years… and that will put a strain on any relationship. There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
However, you two should be developing a rough draft of scenarios and possible outcomes.
You sound like you would be much happier staying where you're at, regardless of the relationship. So, that should be high on your list.
Personally, I think it would somewhat foolish to break up over a hypothetical scenario. If he was dead set on moving and you weren't, I could understand that break up. But to break up over something that you're not facing and could potentially not face…sounds disappointing to me.
Partly, I bet it was the entire reason. OP you were almost homeless because of how verbally abusive you bf is. Dump him now before you do actually end up homeless.
“Im just a silly naive little woman, a clever man tricked me into these things. Without men telling me what to do im lost. I have no agency for myself.”