I don't have much to add on top of the other comments, but I have a question. Had your fiancé brought up how the eyes of all of this had been making her feel? had she in any way attempted to talk to you about this/ find a solution for this before giving you a sudden ultimatum? if not, I find it extremely unfair of her. I don't think it's okay to skip straight to an ultimatum and not even attempt to fix it first.
Treats you like a Princess huh? I never saw that in any Disney movie. You posted here because you know it's not right. Leave him before he kills you. You're heading in that direction.
That’s how men are taught (culturally) in most of the world. If someone messes with your family you make damn sure it doesn’t happen again in whatever way you can.
It goes back centuries at least and is very hot to change. I felt and feel the same way when someone hurts my partner and sure most guys do too but doesn’t necessarily mean we would actually do what the husband did.
We would use what we are able to do to make sure our family is safe by paying for protection or seeing that they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and everything in between. It’s a natural instinct and very similar to when a mother does what it takes to protect their kids or family.
That’s why a lot of men don’t n here understand and support the husband's actions in this post. They feel they would do the same thing or worse in a similar situation.
You have to speak up in the moment (again). When he next makes a joke, sigh, and say “haha” very dryly. And then say something like, “I know I've said it before, but I guess I didn't sound serious. These divorce comments only remind me of a sad time in my life, and I don't want to be reminded of sad times in my life. So let's not bring it up as a joke anymore, ok?”
Hopefully that'll end it. If he does it again, call him on it. If he does it again, you’ll know you're with a guy who doesn't care, and does what he wants.
The way she addressed it very much suggests she wanted to address it maturely. Even through OP’s lens, she appears nervous to his reaction, and that this very well may lead to a major disagreement. And who knows, maybe she did very well see him as a fantasy, and her disclosure of this was her coming out of that and trying to fix/address it. This is all speculation, of course. But of the two parties here, she addressed it with the gravity it required, and OP reacted impulsively and cruelly.
It isn’t determined whether his case is or not. The original person said go get him evaluated or do a week program at a hospital for that. That’s what would determine it. Not sure what you’re so morally up in arms about
“right. Im absolutely sick of your attitude. Youve been disgusting to me. Ive let you treat me likr shit for way too long. You might wander round thinking your jack the lad right now but i swear to god, if you dont sort yourself out. Treat me with respect or at least be civil towards me and stop treating me like literal shit, I'll not only be lettint everyone, and I mean everyone, know you fucked me. But ill be letting them know just hos bad you were at it as well as what youve been doing to me since thabjs to your oen internalised homohobia.
I dont wanna hear one more put down, threat, snicker, anything from you because im hapoy to let our tutors know why youre acting this way at this point
Eind your neck in. Leave me the hell alone”
And walk away
Make sure someone like the counsellor knows of whats happening or of nay threats he has made so as it anything does happen its been talked about before
Thank you very much for this reply. It has been insightful. Truly!
I don't have much to add on top of the other comments, but I have a question. Had your fiancé brought up how the eyes of all of this had been making her feel? had she in any way attempted to talk to you about this/ find a solution for this before giving you a sudden ultimatum? if not, I find it extremely unfair of her. I don't think it's okay to skip straight to an ultimatum and not even attempt to fix it first.
Treats you like a Princess huh? I never saw that in any Disney movie. You posted here because you know it's not right. Leave him before he kills you. You're heading in that direction.
That’s how men are taught (culturally) in most of the world. If someone messes with your family you make damn sure it doesn’t happen again in whatever way you can.
It goes back centuries at least and is very hot to change. I felt and feel the same way when someone hurts my partner and sure most guys do too but doesn’t necessarily mean we would actually do what the husband did.
We would use what we are able to do to make sure our family is safe by paying for protection or seeing that they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and everything in between. It’s a natural instinct and very similar to when a mother does what it takes to protect their kids or family.
That’s why a lot of men don’t n here understand and support the husband's actions in this post. They feel they would do the same thing or worse in a similar situation.
You have to speak up in the moment (again). When he next makes a joke, sigh, and say “haha” very dryly. And then say something like, “I know I've said it before, but I guess I didn't sound serious. These divorce comments only remind me of a sad time in my life, and I don't want to be reminded of sad times in my life. So let's not bring it up as a joke anymore, ok?”
Hopefully that'll end it. If he does it again, call him on it. If he does it again, you’ll know you're with a guy who doesn't care, and does what he wants.
The way she addressed it very much suggests she wanted to address it maturely. Even through OP’s lens, she appears nervous to his reaction, and that this very well may lead to a major disagreement. And who knows, maybe she did very well see him as a fantasy, and her disclosure of this was her coming out of that and trying to fix/address it. This is all speculation, of course. But of the two parties here, she addressed it with the gravity it required, and OP reacted impulsively and cruelly.
It isn’t determined whether his case is or not. The original person said go get him evaluated or do a week program at a hospital for that. That’s what would determine it. Not sure what you’re so morally up in arms about
Yeah he can do so much better than you.
You don't deserve him.
If you actually care about him, end it so he can find someone who won't lie and deceive him.
Don’t
I would never normally suggest this but –
“right. Im absolutely sick of your attitude. Youve been disgusting to me. Ive let you treat me likr shit for way too long. You might wander round thinking your jack the lad right now but i swear to god, if you dont sort yourself out. Treat me with respect or at least be civil towards me and stop treating me like literal shit, I'll not only be lettint everyone, and I mean everyone, know you fucked me. But ill be letting them know just hos bad you were at it as well as what youve been doing to me since thabjs to your oen internalised homohobia.
I dont wanna hear one more put down, threat, snicker, anything from you because im hapoy to let our tutors know why youre acting this way at this point
Eind your neck in. Leave me the hell alone”
And walk away
Make sure someone like the counsellor knows of whats happening or of nay threats he has made so as it anything does happen its been talked about before
Four strikes? She’s out.
You have to draw the line somewhere with people that don’t show up/flake/ghost.