Dump him. Why waste time trying to convince a man to care about your sexual gratification while you bust ass on top and he lies there looking at you like a log with hair. Nah. Why is it up to you to encourage him to see you as an equal? If you want to stay with him, you should sit down and have a proper conversation about it. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties involved, your partner should care about your experience and pleasure, and they should also be willing to communicate through issues. You are not being unreasonable whatsoever sweetheart you are being a doormat.
Have you tried therapy? Couples therapy? I think the only way to deal with it, is to find a way to not care about it, or let it bother you. That involves a lot of work. Good luck hun. I hope it all works out for you.
I am probably a bit old fashioned and definitely claustrophobic, but I don't understand the choking and how it became so mainstream? Was it Brazzers? Is it their fault? Why are these adults choking one another?
You shouldn't have gotten pregnant with this mans child again after the first miscarriage incident. You should absolutely under no circumstances get pregnant with this man ever again. Not only does he put his job above your health and safety he puts it above your children's safety.
my sentimemts changed on prenups when it was explained similar to a life insurance policy or any insurance policy. You're not saying itll go bad, in fact you dont ever want it to go bad, but it's safe to have a safety net set up just incase. Some people see prenups as a sign u have no faith in the relationship. Really its just a safety net that prevents the state from determing the proceedings if worst case scenario happens.
Will just blow up your entire life bro, she’ll leave u and you’ll both be miserable. Be thankful u got away with it and it was only a kiss (unless you actually have strong feelings for neughbour), don’t be martyr, she won’t thank u for it
JFC. If you want your family and friends to hate someone, then yes, go rant to them about private details of your relationship, constantly. I'm sure they have a wonderful opinion of her after hearing only your side and they hear you bitch about her all the time.
Or, act like a grown human being and communicate w your gf and don't bad mouth her or the relationship to anyone. Because when you decide to stay together and your parents are AH's to her, it's because of you. It will always be because of you.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s really unfair to ask a child to choose between their parents. You are not responsible.
What you can say is that: your dad isn’t her ex husband and she cannot take your relationship from you. But you can separate those moments and never discuss it with her (which could imply lying and hiding things but it’s not like she’s giving you any choice…).
I am in a situation where my father is really unfaithful, always have been. Parents still together and sometimes my mom snaps and gives me a call to trash him and tell me what a POS he is. And then out of the blue she’ll be like « you should call your dad more, we only have one dad ». It drives me kind of cray but I’ve decided to just do my life and not listen. Even if it’s hard. It’s somehow harder for her. Healing from this kind of betrayal can be a lifetime job… but it’s not my journey to judge. Maybe you can identify where you’re at and how you feel and what you need and discuss it with your mother.
I hear you. But I truly don’t think that is the case here. In this situation. I think there are some things that have been said or have happened between us these past 8 years that have caused her some anger and to loose faith in the person she loves. I have some work ahead of me to right this ship. For now I’m giving her space to breathe… but with a watchful eye…
As a night owl myself, I don’t think her sleeping habits necessarily suggest she’s cheating. If everything else seems normal then I wouldn’t worry. Hopefully, once she has the responsibility of school to deal with she’ll developer a healthier sleeping pattern and you two will create a new routine that works for both of you.
This is very bizarre behavior. He must be very mentally ill to say the least. For the record, I have suffered from depression most of my life, and it never even occurred to me to pee anywhere other than the toilet. I don't get it at all.
I would say it's a valid assumption based on what I've seen of these things in my life. Do we know? No we do not. But it was a constant realisation reading the story that this is what could have happened.
Omg why did you let her keep getting animals when NO ONE takes care of them?!! Horrible environment for a dog. A dog is a pack animal. You all are neglecting and abusing these animals. In most cases that is a crime.
The thing about feelings is that everyone has them and everyones entitled to their own feelings . What we're not entitled to is anyone actually caring about our feelings or someone putting their own feelings below or above someone else's.
I'm not really getting a full picture of the issue here, so i can't really give decent advice.
Basically though, he has every right to game for his own interest or stress relief as you do to have your feelings heard. You cant force him to talk. However you can end the relationship, if this isn't the type of person you want to be with
I had this rule too, because I had a history of dating men who didn’t follow through. Then I met my fiancé and I just knew it would be ok. We lived together about 10 months before he proposed. Trust your gut ❤️
Can you keep feeding and housing him without doing his chores for him? Find a balance where he is safe and healthy but still independent and doing his own Landry and chores
No… he is a fcking loser. Any man who can’t or won’t give you head, or satisfy you sexually before taking his pleasure is a loser that is not worth having sex with.
Jeez sis. Toss him out already? This ain’t boyfriend material
Literally like if it wouldn't have mattered then why does it matter. Yeah it's wrong she lied but if she was being safe and using protection then it's not really his business as they had not communicated otherwise
I've tried once already so idk how to go about it without it immediately blowing up at this point.
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't it seems.
He may be the father of my stepson, which I know she has a desire to talk to him about, in person. Her ex husband has my stepson and has been anything but reasonable about visitation (we haven't seen him in nearly 4 years) so part of me wonders if she kinda hopes this guy is the actual father for some legal upperhand or something along those lines. Or at the very least I get just wanting to know if he is his father or not.
Her reason for hiding her talking to him from me was because she knew I would “overreact”. I'm not gonna fly off the handle simply because she has conversations with a male. I'm pretty laid back all in all, so if I was going to “overreact” then it is probably something that I have every right to feel however I feel about it.
The way I see it, we are both our own individual, but we have built a life and a relationship together for the past 8 years of our lives, we have children together, so if there is something being discussed in conversation with someone of the opposite gender, it PROBABLY isn't a conversation that should be taking place out of respect for our spouse. I've always known she felt the same as I do in this regard, along with believed she is the most honest person I know, so this whole ordeal has really messed with my perception of everything.
I quite frankly feel like I'm going to have a fuggin stroke from stress.
Stop telling people to fast that's soooo bad for you also if you won't tell us how much weight she has gained we can't tell you if it's concerning or just normal with age
No you wouldn't. You'd feel the same way, hurt that your wife wants to have sex with someone else. Just because the other person is a woman, doesn't make it not cheating.
My friend got one when she was twenty three. Super liberal city. Awesome female doctor, and my friend was just like “Yo, I'm a sex addict, fix this shit!”
Honestly you needed to know that he was wanting to hurt you. That he enjoyed it. He has mental health issues, and now you know that. People who enjoy hurting other people and do it intentionally are mentally ill. I hope that you now understand you were not crazy, but he was gaslighting you to doubt yourself.
You also know that this can happen with other guys as well. Also some friends can be like this. You know you need to protect yourself from those kinds of people. But you also need to learn how to find people who are not like that. There are many good people in the world, and those are the kinds of people you want in your life. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's something everybody needs to know. You have been psychologically abused by this man, and now you can finally heal from it. Therapy would help you. Take care.
I've found the only way my girlfriend commits to cleaning/tidying anything is when I inform her someone is coming over. We will both then spend a good few hours cleaning.
Other than that, I'm in the same boat to be honest.
It’s not you it’s me. That’s what she’s said to you. And it’s a perfectly legitimate reason to end something with someone. It could be she cheated. It could also be she just doesn’t like the way she is with you.
Good news is that he is interested, but still not completely sure yet and doesn’t want to hurt his good friend. That’s the resistance you gotta burst through with your good looks and charm. Charm him, tell him he’s handsome when you see it and mean it. Guys do have girls who are friends, but when it crosses over it usually is about sex. If you really want him, get pretty, dress sexy and stay confident . You got this, have fun and flirt with him, take him out or ‘accidentally’ bump into him at the pub. Get ruthless!! Find him on the open Serengeti dazed in your beauty, then eye fuck the shit outta him. if that doesn’t work back off and let him simmer for a while. Play hard to get and forget his call for a day or so. Times running out you guys probably only have a few months until he gets defensive or you may get frustrated and hurt.
just the tip of the iceberg fr, calls me sensitive or dramatic for being upset because of the way he treats me. maybe im just not cut for relationships
Noooo, you need to keep your money separate from his. Before bills need to be paid, transfer what you owe into the shared account. If he wants to loan hundreds of dollars to HIS friends, HE can be the one to deal with it. Don't let him use your money like that. He stole almost an entire paycheck from you. Nope, red flag.
This is all very sketch. Keep your money in an account he has no access to. Don't even keep cards in your wallet. Transfer what you need to the shared account. This sounds like financial manipulation. You don't just forget that you're going to give away hundreds of dollars more than you initially agreed on. Plus, if the $800 was for rent and the rest was for groceries, what the fuck is his friend eating to need $700 in groceries? My husband and I don't even spend that much on groceries between the two of us in a high cost of living city.
Something beyond loaning money is going on. I wouldn't trust him.
he didn't want to hurt you….but he didn't think it would make a difference? what kind of logic is that?
Does your wife think you should friend this lady?
Dump him. Why waste time trying to convince a man to care about your sexual gratification while you bust ass on top and he lies there looking at you like a log with hair. Nah. Why is it up to you to encourage him to see you as an equal? If you want to stay with him, you should sit down and have a proper conversation about it. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties involved, your partner should care about your experience and pleasure, and they should also be willing to communicate through issues. You are not being unreasonable whatsoever sweetheart you are being a doormat.
It's all good, fam. Your age difference I'm positive has nothing to do with it.
I dont see a particular question. Maybe you are worried about things before they even happen?
Relationships change all of the time.
That is normal.
I suggest you stop trying to analyze everything and let things happen naturally.
Have you tried therapy? Couples therapy? I think the only way to deal with it, is to find a way to not care about it, or let it bother you. That involves a lot of work. Good luck hun. I hope it all works out for you.
Don’t even listen to this moron
I am probably a bit old fashioned and definitely claustrophobic, but I don't understand the choking and how it became so mainstream? Was it Brazzers? Is it their fault? Why are these adults choking one another?
…because any hangout between a man and a woman is a date?
You shouldn't have gotten pregnant with this mans child again after the first miscarriage incident. You should absolutely under no circumstances get pregnant with this man ever again. Not only does he put his job above your health and safety he puts it above your children's safety.
my sentimemts changed on prenups when it was explained similar to a life insurance policy or any insurance policy. You're not saying itll go bad, in fact you dont ever want it to go bad, but it's safe to have a safety net set up just incase. Some people see prenups as a sign u have no faith in the relationship. Really its just a safety net that prevents the state from determing the proceedings if worst case scenario happens.
She doesn’t have to be pregnant? It doesn’t excuse shitty behavior either
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My dad was a serial cheater and he always accused my mom. Ask to go through his phone
Yes, you're an idiot if you get back with her.
Do they have an art room?
Seriously though, he's showing you who he really is. The first few months were “best behavior” him, and wasn't real.
You are not compatible long term. End it now.
Will just blow up your entire life bro, she’ll leave u and you’ll both be miserable. Be thankful u got away with it and it was only a kiss (unless you actually have strong feelings for neughbour), don’t be martyr, she won’t thank u for it
JFC. If you want your family and friends to hate someone, then yes, go rant to them about private details of your relationship, constantly. I'm sure they have a wonderful opinion of her after hearing only your side and they hear you bitch about her all the time.
Or, act like a grown human being and communicate w your gf and don't bad mouth her or the relationship to anyone. Because when you decide to stay together and your parents are AH's to her, it's because of you. It will always be because of you.
I never said I wanted to use force. Just to win over his heart.
Out of context, but what does “AP” mean?
I’m guessing age preference
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s really unfair to ask a child to choose between their parents. You are not responsible.
What you can say is that: your dad isn’t her ex husband and she cannot take your relationship from you. But you can separate those moments and never discuss it with her (which could imply lying and hiding things but it’s not like she’s giving you any choice…).
I am in a situation where my father is really unfaithful, always have been. Parents still together and sometimes my mom snaps and gives me a call to trash him and tell me what a POS he is. And then out of the blue she’ll be like « you should call your dad more, we only have one dad ». It drives me kind of cray but I’ve decided to just do my life and not listen. Even if it’s hard. It’s somehow harder for her. Healing from this kind of betrayal can be a lifetime job… but it’s not my journey to judge. Maybe you can identify where you’re at and how you feel and what you need and discuss it with your mother.
Good luck with everything.
I hear you. But I truly don’t think that is the case here. In this situation. I think there are some things that have been said or have happened between us these past 8 years that have caused her some anger and to loose faith in the person she loves. I have some work ahead of me to right this ship. For now I’m giving her space to breathe… but with a watchful eye…
Not all family feels like they should be paid to watch the kids of their family.
“It just happened”
“He’s just a friend”
“You’re the first guy I’ve done this with”
“I don’t like muscly men”
“He’s my sugar daddy but we don’t have sex”
“I don’t fuck on the first date”
“He pressured me”
AHT nope she broke your trust and shared your nudes. Sounds like a warrant for break up. If you were to share hers she’d be all over the police by now
As a night owl myself, I don’t think her sleeping habits necessarily suggest she’s cheating. If everything else seems normal then I wouldn’t worry. Hopefully, once she has the responsibility of school to deal with she’ll developer a healthier sleeping pattern and you two will create a new routine that works for both of you.
Thank you. OP sounds like an absolute wank.
This is very bizarre behavior. He must be very mentally ill to say the least. For the record, I have suffered from depression most of my life, and it never even occurred to me to pee anywhere other than the toilet. I don't get it at all.
I would say it's a valid assumption based on what I've seen of these things in my life. Do we know? No we do not. But it was a constant realisation reading the story that this is what could have happened.
He’s definitely seeing someone. He loves hurting you because it means he has power over you.
Stop letting him hurt you. Cut him out of your life.
Omg why did you let her keep getting animals when NO ONE takes care of them?!! Horrible environment for a dog. A dog is a pack animal. You all are neglecting and abusing these animals. In most cases that is a crime.
Abusers are great for minimizing what they did to seem more normal.
So is he abusing substances or are you?
The thing about feelings is that everyone has them and everyones entitled to their own feelings . What we're not entitled to is anyone actually caring about our feelings or someone putting their own feelings below or above someone else's.
I'm not really getting a full picture of the issue here, so i can't really give decent advice.
Basically though, he has every right to game for his own interest or stress relief as you do to have your feelings heard. You cant force him to talk. However you can end the relationship, if this isn't the type of person you want to be with
You obviously haven’t seen two males fighting.
I had this rule too, because I had a history of dating men who didn’t follow through. Then I met my fiancé and I just knew it would be ok. We lived together about 10 months before he proposed. Trust your gut ❤️
Can you keep feeding and housing him without doing his chores for him? Find a balance where he is safe and healthy but still independent and doing his own Landry and chores
Winner????
No… he is a fcking loser. Any man who can’t or won’t give you head, or satisfy you sexually before taking his pleasure is a loser that is not worth having sex with.
Jeez sis. Toss him out already? This ain’t boyfriend material
Literally like if it wouldn't have mattered then why does it matter. Yeah it's wrong she lied but if she was being safe and using protection then it's not really his business as they had not communicated otherwise
Well, don't hurt her then.
True but generally a stance on whether you want children is something I do at the start cuz why build up feelings if youre incompatible
You totally have PTSD from the first pregnancy. Don’t blame you at all.
I've tried once already so idk how to go about it without it immediately blowing up at this point.
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't it seems.
He may be the father of my stepson, which I know she has a desire to talk to him about, in person. Her ex husband has my stepson and has been anything but reasonable about visitation (we haven't seen him in nearly 4 years) so part of me wonders if she kinda hopes this guy is the actual father for some legal upperhand or something along those lines. Or at the very least I get just wanting to know if he is his father or not.
Her reason for hiding her talking to him from me was because she knew I would “overreact”. I'm not gonna fly off the handle simply because she has conversations with a male. I'm pretty laid back all in all, so if I was going to “overreact” then it is probably something that I have every right to feel however I feel about it.
The way I see it, we are both our own individual, but we have built a life and a relationship together for the past 8 years of our lives, we have children together, so if there is something being discussed in conversation with someone of the opposite gender, it PROBABLY isn't a conversation that should be taking place out of respect for our spouse. I've always known she felt the same as I do in this regard, along with believed she is the most honest person I know, so this whole ordeal has really messed with my perception of everything.
I quite frankly feel like I'm going to have a fuggin stroke from stress.
I didn’t like my husband’s mustache. He doesn’t have it anymore. I had him grow a goatee.
So you need to dump him and cut him off. Block him.
Stop telling people to fast that's soooo bad for you also if you won't tell us how much weight she has gained we can't tell you if it's concerning or just normal with age
No you wouldn't. You'd feel the same way, hurt that your wife wants to have sex with someone else. Just because the other person is a woman, doesn't make it not cheating.
My friend got one when she was twenty three. Super liberal city. Awesome female doctor, and my friend was just like “Yo, I'm a sex addict, fix this shit!”
Honestly you needed to know that he was wanting to hurt you. That he enjoyed it. He has mental health issues, and now you know that. People who enjoy hurting other people and do it intentionally are mentally ill. I hope that you now understand you were not crazy, but he was gaslighting you to doubt yourself.
You also know that this can happen with other guys as well. Also some friends can be like this. You know you need to protect yourself from those kinds of people. But you also need to learn how to find people who are not like that. There are many good people in the world, and those are the kinds of people you want in your life. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's something everybody needs to know. You have been psychologically abused by this man, and now you can finally heal from it. Therapy would help you. Take care.
!RemindMe 1 week.
Makes things so much easier….and you’ll get something you want.
I've found the only way my girlfriend commits to cleaning/tidying anything is when I inform her someone is coming over. We will both then spend a good few hours cleaning.
Other than that, I'm in the same boat to be honest.
It’s not you it’s me. That’s what she’s said to you. And it’s a perfectly legitimate reason to end something with someone. It could be she cheated. It could also be she just doesn’t like the way she is with you.
Oooo….kaaayyy.
Well, first and foremost, he needs to get a paternity test. Full stop.
I'm not going to make assumptions or offer advice or opinions.
Paternity test. NOW.
Good news is that he is interested, but still not completely sure yet and doesn’t want to hurt his good friend. That’s the resistance you gotta burst through with your good looks and charm. Charm him, tell him he’s handsome when you see it and mean it. Guys do have girls who are friends, but when it crosses over it usually is about sex. If you really want him, get pretty, dress sexy and stay confident . You got this, have fun and flirt with him, take him out or ‘accidentally’ bump into him at the pub. Get ruthless!! Find him on the open Serengeti dazed in your beauty, then eye fuck the shit outta him. if that doesn’t work back off and let him simmer for a while. Play hard to get and forget his call for a day or so. Times running out you guys probably only have a few months until he gets defensive or you may get frustrated and hurt.
just the tip of the iceberg fr, calls me sensitive or dramatic for being upset because of the way he treats me. maybe im just not cut for relationships
Noooo, you need to keep your money separate from his. Before bills need to be paid, transfer what you owe into the shared account. If he wants to loan hundreds of dollars to HIS friends, HE can be the one to deal with it. Don't let him use your money like that. He stole almost an entire paycheck from you. Nope, red flag.
This is all very sketch. Keep your money in an account he has no access to. Don't even keep cards in your wallet. Transfer what you need to the shared account. This sounds like financial manipulation. You don't just forget that you're going to give away hundreds of dollars more than you initially agreed on. Plus, if the $800 was for rent and the rest was for groceries, what the fuck is his friend eating to need $700 in groceries? My husband and I don't even spend that much on groceries between the two of us in a high cost of living city.
Something beyond loaning money is going on. I wouldn't trust him.
Break up.