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stella, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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Alright, OP. Time for some tough love:
1) Break up with your fiancee. She sounds selfish and horrible, the furthest thing from a good partner. She doesn't make you happy now. I can guarantee she won't make you happy after a wedding. Rip it off like a bandaid and then completely block her from your life.
2) End things with A and DO NOT PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. She doesn't have any self respect whatsoever to keep wasting her time with shitty men; furthermore she asked you to wait for her while she pursued a relationship with a trash person. Repeat after me: THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
Dump both these women and ask yourself why your standards for a partner are so disgustingly low. Do you not have any pride? Any dignity? Do you not love yourself even a little? Get therapy and learn to be single in a healthy way first. You are not ready for any relationship right now. You certainly choose absolute losers as far as women go. You need to fix this problem first and aim way higher in terms of finding a quality partner.
Don't post this here
It's a massive trend in those under 30
More like legally covering his ass do to proximity of this exact problem.
You can actually trump this later on, and if and when you two decide to get pregnant you can tell them to go F themselves.
It's the long game, but so, so satisfying
End the relationship.
I was in an extremely abusive relationship, before meeting him. Im used to getting yelled and screamed at, if I spoke up, it would make it worse. He doesn’t like not being told what he is doing wrong, with everyone acting like its okay. Yet, he did the same thing to me. He just yells when he gets mad, which makes me stop talking because getting yelled at scares me.
This si something you and her need a serious discussion about…reddit probably not the place tbh.
It’s concerning that she doesn’t believe you. What else will come up in the future where she won’t believe you and it’ll become an issue?
I think that needs to be the main topic of discussion between you both. She needs to dig deep and figure out why she doesn’t trust you about this.
Bro wut the hell goin on in yo relationship.
They don't use condoms and it was an open box of condoms on the driver's side door in a car that he bought in February 2022. But that doesn't prove cheating. What makes it more likely is his reaction to it.
Yes I agree with you in a general sense. So?
Rule of thumb that I’ve used myself and have heard other women echo for dating younger men when you’re 30+ is that “you must be at least 25yo to ride this ride”. The older-woman-younger-man thing is a classic for a reason it works in a lot of ways, for fun or longevity, in ways the reverse just never could. BUT…below 25 is such a vastly different phase of life, the likelyhood it’s either going to feel predatory (eww) or parental (eww) is just way too high. Basically inevitable. No matter how mature, smart, responsible, or accomplished you are…it doesn’t change that you haven’t walked the earth in adult shoes for enough years to be viable for someone over 30.
Yes this is also key. Physical violence is never ok or deserved but she herself put the baby at risk by deciding to bring the child anywhere near a man who had just struck her. Like, what the hell are you thinking, are you worried for your and the kid's safety or aren't you?
On one hand it is a little weird. I can see it from her perspective. If you're only watching porn of white guys with Asian women, does that mean you have an Asian fetish? Are you only dating her because she's Asian?
Otoh there's the whole “is this a new porn interest because of GF's race” thing. And if that's the case, you should just talk to her and explain it.
I don’t agree with the generalisations about age gaps argued by many in this thread. Context of the two people involved is very important. However, there is a trope about an older man and a younger woman that points to an established pattern of creepy or predatory behaviour and it is important to look out for red flags.
You are allowed to make your own decisions and part of being an adult is making decisions your parents might not agree with. However, your mum knows you well and she might have a good sense of character about any guy that is taking advantage. I would consider her advice but ultimately the decision is yours.
I think the best you can do if you want to pursue the relationship is tread carefully, take it slow and if you feel like a power dynamic is emerging that makes you uncomfortable, set boundaries, don’t let it continue. Trust your gut about his nature, and don’t ignore any red flags. And keep your support system around you. If he is a great guy then he won’t object to any of that.
That’s a weird controlling hill to die on. Honestly makes you wonder what else he’s been controlling about maybe a little more slyly. Are you sure he’s actively paying for it? It’s possible he paid the one month and then stopped, and didn’t tell you.
I have, but I don't take it out on my husband. If it was a nightmare, I'll ask him to hold me.
He never said you can't defend yourself.
As someone who has glaring insecurities in their relationships, as a result of relationship related trauma, I can assure you that constantly allowing him to breach your privacy is never going to do anything other than continue to feed into his paranoia.
I don't look at my wife's phone because I don't need to know what she's up to. It's nice to know sometimes, but it doesn't matter.
My wife and I have been through a lot, and that's how she's won my trust, but even at my worst I never went as far as your partner has.
The vicious character assassinations you endure are disturbing to hear about. It implies that your relationship isn't close at all. If all it takes is an hour or less of missing time to receive vicious criticism, then that is toxic. Nothing about the situation warrants it.
I understand you love your partner, but if you really love him, then you will set reasonable boundaries which are not to be violated. You don't cultivate trust by breathing down someone's neck. If you look for signs of infedility, you will keep looking until you find them.
He is expecting and anticipating your betrayal. There is no privacy you can permit him to violate that will assuage these fears in him.
You basically need to explain, that your relationship as it has stood so far needs to speak for itself. That if you had plans to leave him, you would have already done so. Then you need to put your foot down, with hard rules and boundaries. You lose access to eachother phones. You lose access to knowing what's happening at work outside of emergencies. I would even go so far as 2-4 hours a day where you can expect to be left to your own devices, outside of work.
All you can do, is be the partner you want to have. And understand that not everyone is fixable by you, and sometimes, some people need to work on themselves first before anyone can help them.
I wish you good luck, but you need to set boundaries, and prepare for a possibility that the relationship might end over it. Because if boundary setting “ruins” the relationship, then it was always toxic.
That is going to hurt him no matter what you do.
And it looks like he is in denial.
It is better that you try to have a clean break than staying in a relationship where you are unhappy.
By the way, the other person has the same feelings for you?
THOUSAND!!! Not dollars. Insane lol
Is she homeless?
Trust your gut. Doesn’t sound like he’s super interested.
There’s a certain song I know of that would help him out…
I think you need to be a lot more proactive than this. Ask her to stop texting because you've got something really important to say. Tell her how this is all making you feel and maybe tell her how insecure it's making you and ask to look atbthe messages. You'll pretty soon find out where you stand.
My god. Seek therapy. ASAP. What a sorry excuse for a mother you are. Your husband is spinning in his grave, no doubt. You are beyond being an awful person, you’re also an awful mother, widow, daughter in-law, and employee it’d seem. You should be ashamed of yourself.
IF it really has nothing to do with their behavior or appearance then its a personal issue that you need to work on yourself. Either seek counsel from family or good friends or possibly therapy.
Prepare for the waterworks after handing her the d-papers
That is called insecurity not preference. Stay single and spare a lot of women the time dealing with you and your insecurity.
Is the same GF that ended it with you 8 months ago?
You mean ex-boyfriend right?