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❤️Awgustina❤️, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 15, 2022
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This relationship is over. You guys are kicking a dead horse.
Are you sure he hasn't been cheating and just keeping you as a safety net until he's ready to monkey-branch? He's showing quite a lot of signs of infidelity.
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for high school sweethearts to stay together in the long run. As you become adults, you grow and change, and quite often, you start to move in completely different directions. It is also common for overweight people to revel in the attention they get after losing weight for the first time, and they may start to think “wow, look at all these options! I wanna go explore!” It sucks, and it's incredibly shallow of them, but sadly it happens.
But even aside from all of that, he's made it clear that he wants out. At this point, he's just stringing you along and using you for sex until the lease runs out.
Getting the car refinanced under your name won't be too hard. I think you just get the required forms from the MVR/DMV/State Services office and get him to sign it over to you, and you may need to pay a fee, but that's about it.
On the practical side of things, make sure to get your ducks in a row. Get all your stuff packed, arrange a place to on-line, even if you just stay with a friend until you can get your own place. Hire a storage shed for any furniture or items you can't bring with you right away. Get a financial plan going, and make sure those closest to you know what is going on so you can have a good support network while you grieve the relationship. If you don't have that, try finding a support group. If you go to meetup.com, there are loads of support groups for all kinds of struggles (including breakups and divorce) at all hours of the day.
Once you have all that sorted, it will be time to start REALLY tackling your mental health. Is sounds as though you were heavily dependent on him. The codependency needs to be addressed because it could lead to a long string of toxic relationships, and it will not be helpful for anybody. Its important that you learn to be independent and strong within yourself. Another person can bring you additional a joy, but only YOU can truly make yourself happy, as long as the right tools and strategies.
Getting the right tools will involve seeing a GP and getting referred to a psychiatrist, as well as a weekly therapist (if not twice a week). Make sure to do everything they tell you, even if it feels too hard. It is important to follow their instructions to the T because that's what will help you get better. Its also okay to find a new therapist if you don't get along with the one you're seeing.
Be patient with yourself. This will be a grieving process, much like a death, and it will take a long time to fully get over. You’re going to be very sad, things are going to feel very weird/surreal and scary for awhile, and you may also become very angry as the sad feelings subside. It's all completely normal, and you're not alone, even though it feels like you are.
DO NOT take him back if he tries, and do not remain friends with him. You can't be friends when you're still in love and feeling so much hurt. You need to cut him out of your life completely and permanently. Thats the ONLY way you'll be able to get over him. I strongly suspect he has someone else on his mind, or he just wants to play the field with his new physique. But either way, if you allow him back into your life, you're lowering your own value, and you're showing him that he doesn't have to treat you with respect because you'll always be there, ready to accept his mistreatment with open arms.
If you take the easy option (trying to keep him around), you're going to end up regretting it. Cutting him out and moving on is going to be very very hot, and very scary. But that is exactly what needs to happen in order to live! a better life in the future. Trust me, I've been in your situation, too.
I know you love him, but this is too broken, and you need to cut him off so your love can fade, you can heal as an individual, and eventually move on to a better relationship. Nobody is completely good or completely bad. If they were, breakups wouldn't be so difficult. I've no doubt that he has some good points. But there are dealbrealers that negate those. Playing with someone's heart like a yo-yo, like he's doing, is more than enough to break trust, and if he can't be trusted, there is no way for the relationship to work. You need to leave him and start learning to be emotionally independent. You can do it, and you're going to be so much better for it.
If you need to talk to someone, you're more than welcome to message me. Like I said, I've been where you are, and I'm happy to provide support however I can.
I wonder why he would talk to a family lawyer and his mother about this, if he didn't think it was necessary. Maybe he mentioned to his mom that you were moving in, and mom asked about the agreement, which led to a talk with the lawyer.
Is there some major income disparity in this relationship? This sounds a lot like someone trying to protect financial assets through contracts, instead of two people deciding to live together. They seem worried that you would “take over” the property somehow.
It isn't clear if he owns the property in question, or rents it. If the latter, the solution would be to see if your name can be put on the lease. This not only clarifies your residence there legally, but also gives you some protections (as well as obligations).
If he owns it, he could always just have you as a tenant. Get a normal lease, with a nominal rental fee of $1 per month or something like that, which spells out all the stuff that may or may not be done.
The way I see it, you have the following options:
Refuse, because you were invited, multiple times, with the condition that no agreement would be involved. Therefore, he is doing a bait-and-switch, no matter how sound his reasons might be. You wouldn't want to live! with someone who changes conditions on you like this; but you'd have to ask yourself if you even want to stay in a relationship with someone who changes conditions on you mid-stream. It sounds a bit like him inviting you to go on vacation with him where he covers the costs, and once you are on board the airplane he demands that you pay for half, or at least for all the meals. Go along with it for peace. Your relationship with your boyfriend may be just fine, and he's doing this to pacify his mother. (Again, whether you want to be in a relationship with a guy who has to deal with a mother like that is a separate question.) HOWEVER, if you decide to go along with an agreement, get your own lawyer to make sure that your rights are protected, as well as his. Given that a family lawyer is involved, it sounds more like you'll be faced with a legal contract instead of something like a list of house rules the two of you just agree on.
If you don't know your boyfriend's financial situation, or his family's, you probably need to know. If he were of a wealthy family, I could understand the desire to avoid someone after him for his money. You've been dating for two years, though, and I would think you'd have met his family by now. If your objective was matrimony and lots of pricey gifts and such, that should have already been clear.
On the face of it, your situation seems more like his mother's doing. Two people living together can work out things like “no pets” or “we take turns cleaning the kitchen” and such. The fact that there are stories out there of crazy girlfriends (or boyfriends) who become squatters and kick out the original occupant doesn't mean that's a common thing that happens, and I suspect that there would be some red flags on the way to such a situation.
If the family isn't wealthy, this may say more about his mother's paranoia than anything else. Again, you have to talk with your boyfriend about what's going on, and how much his mother's wishes apply in a relationship he has with you.
As someone who occasionally has to stop himself from looking up his ex, I'd say that he's looking at your feed because of a lingering sense of longing.
It isn't easy to throw away all the feelings you've ever had for someone, even if you absolutely don't want to get back together. Sometimes you just want to check in and see how they're doing.
That being said, that doesn't mean you have to let it continue. You can (and probably should) block him if it bothers you. However, I'd say that there doesn't seem to be anything sinister or weird about it, just that you're part of his brain chemistry and he hasn't fully detached yet.
Send a photograph of your scar with the words ” never contact me again”.
It's not like I'm getting any fancy show of affection either. I'm trying to react to what she has asked of me. We have gone on dates, I do make compliments that are authentic. Do you have kids? There's not a lot of time for “the chase.” If we're lucky, we go on a date twice a month.
She is being difficult and ungrateful but also painfully blunt. She is telling you what she likes.
You both lost. Both of you get tickled. Sorry.
You are good. Your wife is borderline trustworthy (giving her the benefit of doubt here), but this guy cheated on his wife to bang yours. It is not a coincidence that he contacts your wife now that he is single. He wants to fuck.
You realize that he did this because he doesn't consider the effects of his actions on you, right? Frankly, assuming it's available in your area, you should be telling him outright that he's financially SCREWED you both, and he needs to download gig delivery/rideshare apps, sign up immediately, and do that at night while spending ALL DAY applying for jobs, and any time he's not spending applying for jobs, he needs to be doing uber/lyft/doordash/grubhub/etc., because he's REALLY screwed up big time. Anything other than “yes dear” should be met with divorce papers because he has REALLY screwed up. This is nearly as bad of a betrayal as cheating would have been.
OK, calling you a moody bitch deserves a major apology or even a break up, which ever suits you. But I don't foresee him making you feel better any time soon.
My big sister used to always do this to me. If I had a treat or made myself a sandwich, she wanted a bite. “Get your own,” I would say and she would reply “I don't want a whole one.” I didn't cave though. In cases of sibling rivalry, a girl has to be strong. Equally true with a boyfriend.
A month?
If you're really going to go through with this, all three of you need to sit down together in an unsexy location and talk through every scenario. Where can you touch, are you penetrating the friend, is kissing on the mouth allowed, who is each person going to be focused on, how do you signal you each feel uncomfortable and want to stop, what happens when you stop, what kind of protection are you using, how to make your guest feel welcome and fully involved but not used, how to make your wife feel fully involved and not left out. You all need to be on the same page about this stuff. I think it would also be a good idea to break this up into pieces – one time that's just flirting and making out, then the next time you progress to just hand stuff, then if everything has gone well you can do more on a third day. If you actually have a perfect relationship where you agree on everything, she should be up for doing whatever you need to make sure you're comfortable.