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♥Liam♡Milena♥, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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You need to accept that he has walked away. You're not going to get a sensible conversation from him, and you're going to have to rely on yourself, and other support, to make the choices you need to make now. It's terribly naked, and scary, but that's facts. It doesn't feel like it now, but you're far better off without him.
It’s complicated. Your girlfriend is jealous of your deceased wife and expressed it in the worst way possible. Of course she was very wrong and from this point it would be very hot to create a healthy relationship again with both you and your daughter.
But you set yourself up for this too. You saw her showing signs of not being very understanding and you dismissed them. You didn’t ask yourself if she was jealous because it’s her personality or if you actually didn’t let enough room for her in your life as a new partner. It’s normal to think of your late wife sometimes, to talk about her, even to her pictures, to keep some pictures of her. She’s also the mother of your child and seeing her growing, I guess you’re keeping her memories alive for your daughter too. But your girlfriend is the one living with you right now and she should feel at least as important as her in your life. That doesn’t mean you have to erase her. But you should live! in the present and be involved in the life you live! now, keep the souvenirs and the memories for appropriate times, and move forward. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you were doing and your girlfriend probably felt it and she build up resentment.
Honestly, I feel like there’s little to no chance of recovery in this exact relationship. But maybe it was the one you needed to realise you aren’t actually ready for a relationship right now and work with your grief until you actually are. And then you’ll see.
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when it comes to helping me he will help as he did 3 weeks ago. he came over anf helped and that was only after i saved his ass lol. its been so back and forth…
like he would come over and talk to me. on his bday i didnt wish him (october) and he messaged me he saw my car lol.
then a week later he sent me a picture of. me. first day of classes he wanted to see me.
i asked to talk in september and thats when he dismissed it … as he was busy with client stuff.
i give up lol.
as i said very back and forth
last time we met he said his mom asked about me… made remarks of how i move my hands when i talk and mimicked me.
said hes turning into me when he goes shop.
i dunno … maybe he was just being nice.
he said that when his mom comes in march im invited for dinner
and when he left my car he was just starring at me lol it was so long i looked down for 2 seconds and looked up and down again and then looked. up and examined his entire face idk maybe its just me lol…
so yea
People only need one bra
What she does is a trauma response. And she gathers information to try to see your perspective. We can “clearly see something” and not see what the other person sees. I do this, too. And my husband knows this. But it wasn’t his responses or how he acts that makes me react this way, it’s past trauma and so I am trying to do better. But sometimes these questions do alter how I feel about the situation and makes me think “hey, it’s all good. I’ll leave it alone”. And go on about my day.
In your response when you say “hmm, let me clarify” or whatever you said, and then proceeded to say the same thing you posted tells me that you really just want it to stop. But it won’t. And it also tells me you have a tendency to snap at her or repeat yourself back to her in a condescending tone. And being that it’s your only response, it’s your way or the high way. And this is how it is. You aren’t trying to understand why she does it or fix what you’re doing to solve it, you just want her to stop while she just doesn’t want to be barked at. So she is losing, either way. So looks like you’re going to continue in this loop til you decide to have a better understanding of where she is coming from.
I normally would give less of a shit, but I can’t tell you why I do now. I don’t know. I would never ask them about their opinion, I imagine I’m simply going to be shunned from the group. Which doesn’t matter, as I don’t think I’ll ever speak to any of them again. Thank you for the advice. I have been so wrapped up in him, taking care of him, HIM HIM HIM, that I’ve lost all sense in myself. Who I am. I’m sorry for rambling. I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. I can’t bring this up with his friends, obviously, and I haven’t kept up with anyone.
OMG, no, it’s not. A friend would have told him about the relationship before it blew up. You share the good things and the bad.
File for divorce. You didn't consent to this.
“Thankfully we live in a time where if you actually tried to kidnap and sexually assault her as you've just implied you would like, you'd very likely find yourself shot.”
I've dated multiple women with rape fantasies, so, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I dissassociated to get through it, but having done that, I recommend it's not the way to go. A happy and healthy sex life requires consenting partners. You feeling uncomfortable with this is as valid as her desire for you to do this to her.
That being said, you need to sit her down and tell her that, you aren't into it, and even though you're sexually attracted to her, these sex acts make you feel degraded and disgusted with yourself. You love her, but you don't love the way these acts make you feel. You take your job as a teacher very seriously, and, these acts make you feel guilty, as though you are trying to intentionally blur the line. That you would be incredibly ashamed of yourself if anyone were to ever know that you had done what little you have done already, and you can't stomach the thought of going any further.
Your wife developed this kink somewhere, and that might be something you need to address at some point. In my experience, girls with rape fetish were themselves typically victims of rape or sexual abuse. If you can identify the source of the kink, it may be possible to gain additional insight into your wife's sexual needs, and potentially, a less upsetting and more gratifying way to express her sexuality.
The way the kink starts at school, and gradually begins to lower the implied age your wife is mimicking, I hate to say it, but perhaps even her interest in you, from the perspective of you being a teacher, even going so far as to become a teacher herself… I think you should talk with your wife.
I wish you both the best of luck in addressing this issue in a healthy and respectful way.
I feel like small town people would probably be less likely to care or actively confront people over an age gap though? That’s been my experience at least.
My apologies you are absolutely correct.
so decided to meet up with another guy to see if it would “shake” the feelings I had,
Sounds to me like you’re aftaid to admit how you feel and are literally playing with your own feelings. You don’t “catch” feelings you know what you’re doing and the company you enjoy. Stop denying yourself and be true.
I wish this had more! As a society we love to romanticize love which for the most part didn’t go mainstream until like 50 years ago. At the end of the day there’s a lot of “non love” factors that play to a healthy relationship.
A lot of the people talking shit to OP…they say that because they aren’t the one who has to pay $25k each year to keep their debt equal, meaning you better shell out $35k+. At least in my state, someone making $100k flat, brings home $73k. $35k would be half of your salary not 1/3. Therefore OP and GF would be living off of $50k a year(assuming she brings $20k from her $30k salary)and he has $35k remaining.
5 hours a day is a full time job? Where?
What does this mean? I’m starting to notice this “L.” more and more recently.