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Date: October 12, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
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Do wolves listen to sheep! Be who you are people don’t respect people who change to please people. The intimidating thing is probably because you don’t entertain foolishness!
No, you’re not acting on it. But, time to work on it because there’s no good reason to feel like that over anyone.
Not really, denial of affection is domestic violence in any setting
Why would you WANT her back? She doesn't allow you to have boundaries or feelings! HUGE red flag! Just let her leave!
OP shouldn't gamble on that
I know.
I think me trying to take it on as an “us” or an issue on my end was honestly just me trying to avoid the reality that she might be depressed because I don't want her to feel like she is not enough. Because she IS she really honestly is. I love her more than anything, and I know that she is “happy” but I sense this veil of sadness or anxiety or overwhelm or just negativity overlaying that happiness. And that's no judgment on her and I would never ever want her to think that it is.
But I think that, its time to call a spade a spade. If she wants to go to individual counseling, that'd be great. If she wants to go to couples, I'm also down. I just would rather we don't try and cover it up with meds.
This entire thing is extremely suspicious, I have never heard of a female university friend being invited and sleeping in your bed so casually. Moreover, he spends all his time with her. Seems like that's his girlfriend. I would have expected him not to continue doing what he's doing once you have already expressed you're against this, but he still is… This just doesn't sit well with me. I would question his relationship with her.
I’ve known a couple of girls who did this – two were pregnant and one who just gained a lot of weight. They were all lying to themselves and not hiding from a specific person.
Women can be strange about their bodies.
Denial, cognitive dissonance can be one hell of a blind spot.
The definition of ‘hoe’ is someone who has a lot of hookups, but the actual issue OP cares about is the safety, the emotional instability and the bad partners.
If she got with 4 different people every week but all of them were safe and normal and the friend didn’t get emotionally distressed, then OP wouldn’t have an issue at all. So OP’s main problem isn’t actually with the promiscuous part, therefore the title is a mislead because it doesn’t address the problem.
Regardless, the title got attention which is the point I guess – so can’t complain too much. 🙂
I did not miss the point. She needs to stand her ground. Her husband is wrong. If she does not stand up for what she knows is the appropriate thing to do and her husband decides he wants a divorce he was not worth being married to.
There are times you need to do the right thing even if it is not easy.
From your post and comments there’s only really one conclusion. She was looking for an exit. She is/has been with someone but it looks like she’s realised that the grass isn’t greener. However there are some questions around all of this.
Did she have an emotional affair or someone in mind to help her reject any attempt to fix things? Is it that she’s realised what she’s leaving behind, no matter her feelings or the status of any other men? Is she returning to be a mother first and a wife second?
Your history together obviously shows you have issues to resolve. Now you have her obvious avoidance of her relationship status while she’s fishing for how you feel. If you want answers, you have a lot of talking to do, she has a lot of truths to tell, so perhaps a counsellor is the answer.
I’m going to say something that may hurt, but you cannot trust her at the moment. She’s not being honest. You rightly suspect something is/has happened with others and you don’t yet know her motives for possibly seeking reconciliation.
Again, if she does want her family life back, that can include you as a co-parent. Remember you have choices and their decisions will last. All the best.
It really is! I'd do the same thing and I'd either keep guessing wrong or not “do it right” and it's so draining on the self-esteem! I constantly felt like people didn't like me and people constantly treated me like an annoying reclusive mistake for performing wrong for them. Besides, most people are so busy living their own lives anyway, why should I live mine on someone else's terms? Life is too dang short for that.
That’s a good point, I do need to work on giving him space. I tend to hammer the point in.
It sounds like your values and aspirations are not aligned.
Personally this would be a dealbreaker for me – I can’t see myself with someone who a) flies business class and b) thinks they can tell me what I should aspire to.
We are pretty open. She would have said of it was that. Or even used as an excuse lol
Seems like she is not interested in an in-person relationship. And her behavior is very catfishy.
You have to ask yourself “do I want a relationship where I never see my partner physically?” Cause it seems that is the relationship you are in.
Good on you OP, you did the right thing
You’re so young. Dump this loser and find someone who won’t cheat on you AND will cry because you’re so beautiful
the typos in this are great
Right??
I've learned from experience not to assume exclusivity until there is an actual conversation about it.
It sounds like she honestly didn’t want to go. I mean she took off Friday for the trip but didn’t leave till 3PM and it’s a 3-4 hour drive to get there. So she would arrive at 7PM. Why even take off Friday then.
Nobody starts with that charm. We all fake it until people think we’re actually that confident!
If someone wants sex, they should use their big boy/girl words. Expecting sex just because you went to their house is incredibly childish and you definitely should not be having sex yet. ??
The fact that she reacted aggressively and defensively when you found a video that might implicate she was cheating tells you everything you need to know man. What a load of shit that she was going to delete it soon but just didn’t. There’s nothing wrong with the video or act itself imo, but the fact that she tried to gaslight you into believing that you were in the wrong for looking at her phone should tell you everything you need to know.
Find someone that has enough emotional intelligence to understand why a partner might possibly be upset if they find a video of a fourway in their partner’s recent videos.
Imagine your wife was going out to eat with and going on date-like trips more often with another man than she did with you. You would be hurt. You're going to destroy your marriage if you keep this up. By not cutting off this woman who you're emotionally cheating with, you're showing your wife even further that this woman is more important to you than she is.
I think it’s less what you are fearing and more he is growing bitter seeing you become successful and take accountability in ways he never could. His life was picturesque (beneficial to him) one moment, and now that ease and “stay at home wife” stereotype he had of you has been shattered. I’d hazard a guess he’s just feeling inferior and instead of doing anything about it, he’s lashing out.
Yeah, that's not okay – that's like grabbing cash our of your wallet to pay for something without asking.
You should demand she pay you back immediately. If she does't, dump her and take her to small claims court – or write it off as a lesson learend.
And don't let her access your cards and payment means – tell her that's off limits to her. If she can't respect that, kick her to the curb.
Decent relationship requires trust – if she's not trustworthy then might as well end it sooner, rather than suffer more and worse later.