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Date: October 12, 2022
A baby dog can be just about as difficult to handle as a human baby. The duration for how long it lasts is much shorter, but dogs also can't be neglected during their infancy. Doing so leads to a lot of behavioral problems and when they are young it is the easiest to correct behavior issues but also the easiest for them to pick up bad habits in a very short amount of time. Bad habits for dogs can often be dangerous either for themselves or the humans around them.
Also let's just say for a moment that maybe a puppy is a lot less work than a human baby, if he can't handle something supposedly so simple as a puppy and not a “real human child” then how can he possibly be expected to anything meaningful as a parent?
It is never unreasonable to ask for a partner to handle at least some of the housework, even if one partner is a homemaker/not working. You can call out of work or use PTO from a job if you need a break, a homemaker doesn't necessarily get that benefit. If they are sick they still have to cook, clean, etc while their partner is at work. I bet if the working person calls out sick they get taken care of by their homemaker partner, on top of them completing other household tasks, it must be nice.
Something also has to be said about a lack of personal and financial freedom that comes from being a homemaker. There is a lot of self sacrifice that comes with agreeing to take care of someone else in any capacity, let alone as a full time job plus OT, with no actual money in her own bank account/wallet where he has no access to it. “You get everything handed to you” So we are assuming all of her needs are perfectly met simply by not working a job but it sounds like a lot of her emotional needs are being neglected. She just says he makes enough for them to live! comfortably, I'd hardly say that's enough to act like everything she ever wants is just handed to her on a silver platter. Clearly he can't hand her nice treatment and emotional labor.
I always thought being a home maker must be so easy blah blah blah but I'd rather work. I make my own money and don't have to rely on someone else understanding why I need/want certain things that cost different amounts of money, especially considering I have several chronic illnesses. I don't have to get approval and permission for anything that costs money etc. 9 times out of 10 there is a lot of sacrifice of individual needs when you have no control over the income because now you suddenly have to justify your needs to someone who should be on your side but instead wants to hold it against you because you have it “easy” and should be “grateful” for whatever crumbs you get all while demanding you handle everything on your own and put them on a pedestal without asking them to do much of anything for you in return. I'd rather be treated like an equal partner and a romantic interest in my relationship than a live-in maid/chef/escort. I would be willing to bet he always expects her to be in the mood when he is and expects her to be happy with minimal or no affectionate behavior too all while functioning as a stress relief tool for himself.
You should do this with cheating also
Faaaaaaaaaaaake. Like seriously, this many people believe that?
I don’t think frequency is the issue here. You just told me it’s always been a problem. Why stay with him for six years?
But now that you’re here, regardless of your answer, be it “love,” “he’s a good guy” or whatever else, it’s time to face reality; is this how you want to live! forever?
What’s annoying is that he promised he would you and he didn’t. It doesn’t matter if he was hanging out with his parents, his siblings, his best bros, whatever. That combined with the fact he’s “only” hanging out with her would drop this guy on my priority list because 1) it’s only been a few weeks anyway 2) he doesn’t even see immediately how this wouldn’t contribute to someone feeling insecure.
I have a good amount of girl friends, with 2 of them being my best friends. If I was hanging out with them out-of-town while promising a girl I was seeing I’d call her, I would simply call her.
However, on the other side of the token, you can see this as you getting more invested on him than he is with you, and it’s a call to take a step back. You both aren’t dating officially yet and it’s still early days. No need to do anything in retaliation like hooking up with someone else, but just understand that you both are still single.
You’re going to be ok. I promise! Just love yourself, and know that there are a ton of guys out there who do NOT do this.
Of course you treat that child like another grandchild!!!! Firstly, because she is/was not involved in her mother's relationship choice, but even more important she is a CHILD, not an adult. As for her mom and your son, get them gifts too. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just something so the daughter doesn't feel like they (her mom) was left out. She may end up being your grand and her mom your DIL. Be kind.
I’m sure in the beginning you thought, I would never cheat on my husband, I would never flirt with this guy, I would never kiss this guy. But you did.
You are now thinking “I will never sleep with this guy” well, if you don’t end this, it looks like you will end up sleeping with this guy.
If you don’t tell your husband, and just quit and look for a new job, how do you explain this. The right thing to do is tell your husband.
I’m not married, but remember this quote while you divorce her: “They can cut all of your flowers, but they can’t stop the spring from coming.”
cheating issues in the past? did u cheat on him? he might be insecure and untrusting if you did. nonetheless he shouldnt be acting like this and its damn near abusive. tell him to stop or dump his ass if he doesnt
How long have you been together?
And what do you think possibly changed with her?
You say she's on her phone alot. Think there's an implication in there of another man?
I just have to ask, what is it about cycling that does not mesh with settling down?
I got asked that question before. I also wasn't able to describe why I chose and fought for my now wife. Some guys are just stupid when it comes to those types of questions. I feel he loves you. Whatever his reason is, it should be enough.
Right?! There's no way someone goes to the effort to have fakes made for something they “got rid of.” She sold it, and purposefully hid that she did it. It's vile.
It's ok, Interstellar is a stupid movie anyways.
He can mistreat you because you have nothing you can do about it. He likes mistreating you.
Talk to an advisor at uni and see what you can do about student loans- tell the advisor “I may have my funding pulled, what would it take for me to complete my degree”.
Once you have that ready, you can decide whether your father paying for you to go to uni is worth what he does to you. If you decide it’s not worth it, you get to stand up to him. Then he will either treat you better or you will go it alone, and either option would be better than what’s happening right now.
Get a dna test and then divorce asap
he’s cheating.
Look, I've woke up having sex. Sometimes stuff happens while we sleep, and we don't control that.
Maybe it was a good dream.aybe it wasn't, but his perception was masturbating. But just lay it out, it isn't what happened, and get over it.
You sound like a good guy and certainly deserve better from a relationship!
Seeing it in black and white like this has probably already helped you make up your mind. Good luck and take care!
Better things out there for you!
Agree with everything, including the edit. Lol
Do not marry this man who cares more about having access to your inheritance than he does about what you want.
So he wants to marry you ASAP when he just got divorce, wants control of all your money (that YOU worked naked to save and manage) when he has none, and wants to get your pregnant (so you’ll be even more dependent on him) also ASAP. And argues you are required to lose your individuality when all that happens. Is that what I just read?
Why are you marrying this person?
I think is odd too!
You need to go to therapy to get over whatever this is. Paying for stuff is peanuts compared to celebrating and living your life with your family. Why do you care so much about this? Im not religious but I feel like it sometimes easy to see why our ancient selves made things like pride a sin. You're breaking up your family and hurting your wife over a plate of food. Idk if you have depression or what, but thinking paying for one plate of food is what makes you an adequate human being is ridiculous.
You still made her pay for the meal, but she paid in the emotional toll of not having a good time. You can't get that back. You spent the intangible experience of having a good night with the fam on your dinner instead of her paying $10 or whatever the fuck it was. You still paid, just not in dollars. Why is money more important to you than experienced with your family? I know you will say it's not an you were fine eating at home, but that's very selfish of you. She wanted a normal social interaction, and you denied her that for literally no reason.
You're also being extremely selfish and don't seem to see that. You seem to think that this need to prove your worth is somehow for her benefit, but that's just a justification. It's all for you and making sure your feelings are the ones being cared for.
Whatever you do, don’t wait 3 days or more before contacting her. I gather word on the street is treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen. But You just look like an unkind player or a flake without a backbone if you do that.
Call her the next day to arrange your next meet up. Be friendly and easy to chat to, but don’t gush about her beauty as that may make her feel objectified and is not a basis for building genuine connection.
Obviously when you see her, you can express appreciation for how she looks, but don’t go on about it too much. Put effort into getting to know who she is as a human being and sharing who you are.
Did he have a crush on her before or after you started dating?
Either way, telling him ASAP is the play. He may not handle it well, true, but the longer you wait the worse it could potentially be.
Other people have given good suggestions for what you can say, but I wanted to mention that your focus should NOT be on making sure your boyfriend doesn’t feel upset or guilty. Your focus is to clearly communicate your needs. If he feels a bit bad or uncomfortable as a result of that conversation, so be it – he won’t keel over and die from it. Nobody feels great about hearing they’ve accidentally been doing something that upsets someone they care about; you can’t guarantee he won’t somehow be upset by this conversation. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it. So often we avoid directly speaking up for our needs because we feel like we need to guarantee the other person won’t be too troubled by our boundaries – and in doing so we fail to set limits that they can actually understand and abide by. It’s better to be a little too blunt and ruffle his feathers a bit, than tiptoe around it and keep coming back to the same problem.
It seems people use the word valid as “real”. I didn't think that's the context.
Yep. Most people don’t know they have it for 1. And then a lot of people don’t believe in disclosing anyways. A lot of doctors will tell people that for casual relationships they don’t have to disclose. The CDC doesn’t advise testing for it unless symptoms are present. The medical communities attitude is what you don’t know won’t hurt you.
Lol, “Bye honey, I'm off on that 3 day business trip, btw lets try a open-relationship, mkay cya”
A clear pattern starts somewhere.
It started the moment he ignored you in favor of his own pleasure.
Time to run a thousand miles.
How should I react? He made me cry when he punched the wall and didn't even ask me if I'm ok. He slammed the doors and left the house for an hour and then texted me to ask if it's over.
How should you react? Tell him that your relationship is over. If you don't feel safe saying it face to face, text him.
i’d be interested in an update when the divorce pans out
I would classify this as coercion not rape. You didn’t want it, he tried to get you to agree and then you did. I understand it still feels shitty.
lol buncha fuckin prudes in this sub. can't imagine getting angry at my wife about this
Ignore his text?
If the situation is too messy for you, drop him. But you're not doing anything wrong by being with him.
Same ? Good god I wouldn't want friends who think that's normal
Ask if he has a couple free hours to go to his place and just rip off the bandaid. Waiting will make it harder. Don’t do it in public, it’s ideal if you go to him to do it but if he has to come to your place then he has to. Just be honest. “You’re a great guy, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just genuinely feel we aren’t right for each other, something is lacking, not with you just in the relationship etc.” whatever is right for your situation
And you’re probably going to feel guilty, especially if he doesn’t take it well. That’s normal. It’ll go away, but the guilt doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It’s normal to feel guilty for letting someone down and hurting them, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s right for you. So don’t let the guilt convince you to stay, or convince you to go back. Stay strong in your choice. Because getting back together or ‘thinking about it’ more will prolong the breakup and again make it worse.
Black people as a political demographic hail from the United States as a result of their ancestors being shipped over there from Africa and stripped of their own identity. Due to not having this link to their culture, they created a new one for themselves off their collective identity as “black” people in the eyes of the colonizers and shared histories as slaves.
You’re Scottish so your skin happens to be lighter, just like my Indigenous heritage makes me have brown skin. However I don’t identify or feel any cultural significance from my skin colour, there’s no demographic of people known as “brown”. There’s no brown supremacy or brown lives matter, there’s just my culture as an Indigenous person.
Like I said, who is considered “white” and who isn’t is subject to change whenever convenient for Whiteness (the concept) as a whole
That’s a lot of text to avoid holding black people accountable. Sounds like ‘racism of lower expectations’ to me.
It looks like the 19 year old finally woke up to herself and realised that the 26 yo predator is a huge loser.
Good for her.
Much like insisting on only staying over one night, regardless of the circumstances, this is also a really great hill to die on /s
The thing is he says he is committed just doesn’t think about the future. When I say I’m worried he says don’t be but that’s as far as he will let the convo go…
You are doing fine, kid. It sounds like both of you are learning. Let her guide you. She knows her body, you don’t. As long as your listening and learning, you only get better.
You both have different views , he’s racist and you’re against that , you can spend the rest of your life with a shitty person like your bf .. move on .
We've discussed the future several times over, so much to where we have backup plan after backup plan. She wants this, i want this, its just a matter of when.
Wow. So. She goes on the hunt in bars specifically for male friends? That’s nuts. She cheats on you. She then cheats with you. But, hey, she’s such a lovely human so let’s give it a try. But wait, I am not allowed to speak to a friend that I’ve never been appropriate with because you don’t trust me. Okay sweetie. Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a nice man. Find a nice woman.
Age 10 and gets fussy, na that’s spoilt ?♀️?♀️??
Reply “Fine. I can promise you WILL read the DIVORCE papers when you get them” He is too comfortable. Its just time to loosen the ground which is standing so proudly on
Better, tell her to get used to you cuddling another woman. Make her an ex gf.
I agree, boom it's done. Relationship is done. And rightfully so.
Dude I mean… you already know the answer I feel…
this guy sounds absolutely terrible to be around. Not only are you doing this to yourself but your friends too!
He was married in the past, but went through a brutal divorce, and the next partners he had were abusive towards him. Ever since then, he has been closed off. Although we are together every week, every major life event, and he treats me and calls me a partner.
Dude I mean… you already know the answer I feel…
this guy sounds absolutely terrible to be around. Not only are you doing this to yourself but your friends too!
It's not on you to comfort him. This is happening to you. He needs to be comforting you and he needs to look outside your relationship for whatever issues he's dealing with, be that a therapist, or just a friend.
Can I ask what the symptoms were that ended up convincing you to be tested? My partner dated someone who didn't tell him she had hpv, and I've had some weird period stuff going on the last few months. I've been tested and vaccinated as well, but I always assume the worst
Ah, thanks for the clarification.
best of luck