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Date: October 11, 2022
AmateurPub
Yep…it's time to walk away. Let him go get his life experience all he wants and you go find someone who's ready to commit.
How “quick” is the car ride and does he always come back with the merchandise after the shopping trips? My cheating ex always picked fights so he'd have an excuse to leave and go cheat.
Open communication, respect, loyalty, honesty, selflessness.. it seems he's missing at least half of the major fundamentals when you need all of them for a healthy relationship. OP might actually be afraid of getting into an argument or him getting mad at her.
According to Dr Phil it is appropriate for a very close long time confidant and friend (like you described ) to express judgmental advice opinion ONE time.
It sounds like you already know what you should do. Breaking it off now gives you both time to heal before she leaves, and it’s always ideal to leave on good terms.
So you should definitely leave him, but I appreciate that you don't have a support network.
Let's start with your parents. I think you just tell them: This man is putting my future at risk- not finishing school- and I am leaving him. If you won't help me, you will never hear from me again because you are putting the “value” of staying married over the “value” of loving and caring for your child. I need to leave this man, he is ruining my life now and my future, so you can either help me, or show that you care more about the appearance of marriage than of actual family.
Second, go talk to your school. They have all sorts of counselors and may be able to get you a pro bono attorney/legal aid, as well as career and financial help.
Third, get a job. Fuck what your parents and husband think, no one is helping you, so they don't get an opinion.
Fourth, look for roommate situations or campus housing. Sure, you might be crammed in to a tiny apartment, but you will be free.
Start with your parents, then get a job/talk to your school, then get legal advice, then leave your husband.
Your gf is immature
he sought out their advice regarding his dissatisfaction with our sex life during brunch with them and their wives
This on it's own isn't particularly bad, different people have different comfort levels with this sort of thing and unless you specifically told him beforehand that you're not comfortable with him sharing these details I can see why he thought it might not be an issue, but I imagine it would have been nice if he'd asked first anyway.
I expressed my discomfort with this and that I felt disrespected
Totally reasonable boundary to lay down. This is the part where a partner who cares about you would normally apologize for making you uncomfortable and open a dialogue to figure out where the line is so that he can continue to feel supported by his friends without feeling like he's betraying your trust.
He says this is the way he and his friends have always hashed out issues and that he won’t accommodate my request
Here's the big issue. You've told your partner that his behavior hurts you and you want him to stop and he's basically told you that he's going to keep doing the thing that you specifically asked him not to do.
To me, this is a pretty clear indicator that your partner does not respect you. Instead of respecting that you have a say in this relationship too and meeting you halfway, he's decided that what he wants is more important. How often does this sort of thing happen? Because something tells me this isn't the first time.
How would you explain why this is insensitive and disrespectful?
Honestly? I wouldn't, I would just full on bail from this relationship. You tried to set a very reasonable boundary with your partner and they told you to your face that not only will they not respect the boundary, but they'll just lie to you about it (lie of omission is still a lie) going forward. Someone who supposedly loves you basically told you to go fuck yourself after you made a perfectly normal request.
I'm not sure why you think you deserve this sort of treatment, but you don't. If your partner needs support or relationship advice then he can get a therapist, otherwise he's just prioritizing gossiping with his friends over your privacy which really says a lot about the state of your relationship.