Uh your gf is being fucking ridiculous. What are you supposed to do, transfer to a new college? Switch to a new major? This shit happens. As long as you don't go about forming a special study group with just her, then you have done nothing wrong.
Like this is absurd! Would she expect you to quit your job if your ex got a job with your company? Would she expect you to move if your ex bought a house in the same neighborhood by coincidence? I would get it if you and your ex were buddy buddy lab partners, but that is not what is happening here. Your gf is being unrealistic, and extremely controlling. Maybe you are better off being single for a bit so you can focus on your classes?
You’re entitled to your feelings but I’m guessing that if you went he would feel like he needed to be with you the whole time. Or feel guilty if you’re alone in the hotel and it would ruin his time. If it were me I’d plan a fun weekend when he gets back just the 2 of you.
If a 50 year old man started dating the 19-year-old daughter of his employee, who he has known since she was 14, we, as a society would light that motherfucker on fire.
Yes, you can delete matches so that they don’t show, and yes you can delete messages.
The only question you need to ask yourself here is “Do I still trust him?”. If the answer is no, then you need to break up. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust (and you already say it’s “toxic”, whatever that means).
Talk to him. Tell him you appreciate him letting you decide but you are not 100% sure and need his opinion.
You don't need to mention anything you overheard.
You guys can come up together with a plan, be the decision to have the baby or not.
As a guy I think you have an awesome partner that is ok letting you choose what you think it's best for you, even if that is not what he would choose. I feel like he gave you full authority to decide even though deep inside he has his preference.
Thank him for giving you power to decide but ask him to help you with the decision. It's a life changing decision for both of you and it will be much easier if both of you are onboard with whatever the decision is.
I can't tell you what to do, but I think this should be a 2 party decision. Don't be afraid either way.
You are either incredibly naive or have a lack of empathy. You are on a very slippery slope, and now being untruthful by admission with your lady. She has problems because of her past, but you essentially antagonize her by ignoring her concerns. You don't deserve this lady. Hopefully, she comes to this realization and ends it with you.
I’m stuck between not really loving him and telling myself to just wait and hoping I eventually will.
I’ve been here before and ended up staying for wayyy too long, never feeling truly fulfilled by our relationship. I never really felt that love you want to feel with someone with him, but I did become more codependent, and it became more and more difficult to disentangle my life from his.
If I could go back in time I’d have trusted my gut and left him in early days instead of wasting YEARS settling for good enough.
While lashing out is, in hindsight, wrong I don't think it's fair to blame you for doing so. You have been together for 5 years, the topic of children has been brought up before, and it doesn't seem like your fiancée has mentioned her wish to be child free till now. What is that other than manipulation? Don't listen to some commenters saying things along the lines of “Oh don't worry, she'll change her mind” no one can tell if she will change her mind. If this is a deal breaker for you, then it might be time to look for someone with a similar stance on children, someone new.
I've talked to her about how she's talks to him a lot and how I feel that I might lose her to him, she's reassured me that they're just friends who have things in common to talk about. She kind of doesn't really have that many friends outside like me and like 2 other people (besides family), whereas I have a good amount of friends that I talk to on a regular basis (definitely not as much as her and her co worker, since I've been friends with my friends much longer than she has with him).
But I mean I guess I let it stew up for a bit before it came bursting out, to give to time to collect my thoughts on the situation. But I have not brought up this gift situation thing (Assuming that it is a situation).
i know a person in the country I was staying at with my friend. my friend and I added them on instagram so that we could message them and ask them for places to go. not even 30 minutes later my boyfriend has noticed that I was following this person (i follow 1100 people so that’s crazy that he would even see that) and started saying “i hope it was worth it” and then called me and asked me if we had hung out with them (we didn’t). I said no and told him that I just wanted to be able to have a good time here and if you can’t trust me not to fuck every person I talk to then there’s nothing I can do about that. ?
Yes! I fake punched my bf making weird sounds and his reaction was to pretend my punch was so hot that he was propelled backwards and then we both laughed and carried on with our day.
Similarly he was being affectionate and was rubbing my neck but it was a bit of a trigger for me growing up in a household with IPV. I calmly explained to him that it made me really anxious even though what he did wasn’t wrong. He appreciated me being vulnerable and let him know, and he hasn’t done it since.
You can have calm, boundary setting conversations. His behavior seems out of control and a big red flag.
It’s not my back up.. it’s his. In fact, when I came to the conclusion of keeping this child entirely at first, I even decided that right afterwards, I was going to get my tubes tied.
Exactly! Especially with something this intense and after no prior ramping up session. Like, maybe start with a “hey can I blindfold you with this soft cloth?”. Nope, first ask is straight to the fully bound, gagged, and TAPED eyes.
And then the “aftercare” is being ignored on the couch with zero context, gentle contact, or dialog. No emotional or physical support.
OP, this sounds traumatizing. Again, you were not treated as a friend here, but a thing to be toyed with and your health was in danger. Please be cautious!
It’s one of those things that seems like a good idea but the reason someone wanted it opened in the first place was to test the waters before actually leaving.
Uh your gf is being fucking ridiculous. What are you supposed to do, transfer to a new college? Switch to a new major? This shit happens. As long as you don't go about forming a special study group with just her, then you have done nothing wrong.
Like this is absurd! Would she expect you to quit your job if your ex got a job with your company? Would she expect you to move if your ex bought a house in the same neighborhood by coincidence? I would get it if you and your ex were buddy buddy lab partners, but that is not what is happening here. Your gf is being unrealistic, and extremely controlling. Maybe you are better off being single for a bit so you can focus on your classes?
You’re entitled to your feelings but I’m guessing that if you went he would feel like he needed to be with you the whole time. Or feel guilty if you’re alone in the hotel and it would ruin his time. If it were me I’d plan a fun weekend when he gets back just the 2 of you.
If a 50 year old man started dating the 19-year-old daughter of his employee, who he has known since she was 14, we, as a society would light that motherfucker on fire.
Integrity is how you act when you think no one is watching.
Yes, you can delete matches so that they don’t show, and yes you can delete messages.
The only question you need to ask yourself here is “Do I still trust him?”. If the answer is no, then you need to break up. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust (and you already say it’s “toxic”, whatever that means).
Talk to him. Tell him you appreciate him letting you decide but you are not 100% sure and need his opinion.
You don't need to mention anything you overheard.
You guys can come up together with a plan, be the decision to have the baby or not.
As a guy I think you have an awesome partner that is ok letting you choose what you think it's best for you, even if that is not what he would choose. I feel like he gave you full authority to decide even though deep inside he has his preference.
Thank him for giving you power to decide but ask him to help you with the decision. It's a life changing decision for both of you and it will be much easier if both of you are onboard with whatever the decision is.
I can't tell you what to do, but I think this should be a 2 party decision. Don't be afraid either way.
You are either incredibly naive or have a lack of empathy. You are on a very slippery slope, and now being untruthful by admission with your lady. She has problems because of her past, but you essentially antagonize her by ignoring her concerns. You don't deserve this lady. Hopefully, she comes to this realization and ends it with you.
I’m stuck between not really loving him and telling myself to just wait and hoping I eventually will.
I’ve been here before and ended up staying for wayyy too long, never feeling truly fulfilled by our relationship. I never really felt that love you want to feel with someone with him, but I did become more codependent, and it became more and more difficult to disentangle my life from his.
If I could go back in time I’d have trusted my gut and left him in early days instead of wasting YEARS settling for good enough.
How long have you been together, and how old is your daughter?
You asked for nudes I’m sure your husband might consider that cheating
You asked for nudes I’m sure your husband might consider that cheating
You should send them this link so they can read all the comments of why they’re the immature ones.
While lashing out is, in hindsight, wrong I don't think it's fair to blame you for doing so. You have been together for 5 years, the topic of children has been brought up before, and it doesn't seem like your fiancée has mentioned her wish to be child free till now. What is that other than manipulation? Don't listen to some commenters saying things along the lines of “Oh don't worry, she'll change her mind” no one can tell if she will change her mind. If this is a deal breaker for you, then it might be time to look for someone with a similar stance on children, someone new.
It's IT
I've talked to her about how she's talks to him a lot and how I feel that I might lose her to him, she's reassured me that they're just friends who have things in common to talk about. She kind of doesn't really have that many friends outside like me and like 2 other people (besides family), whereas I have a good amount of friends that I talk to on a regular basis (definitely not as much as her and her co worker, since I've been friends with my friends much longer than she has with him).
But I mean I guess I let it stew up for a bit before it came bursting out, to give to time to collect my thoughts on the situation. But I have not brought up this gift situation thing (Assuming that it is a situation).
i know a person in the country I was staying at with my friend. my friend and I added them on instagram so that we could message them and ask them for places to go. not even 30 minutes later my boyfriend has noticed that I was following this person (i follow 1100 people so that’s crazy that he would even see that) and started saying “i hope it was worth it” and then called me and asked me if we had hung out with them (we didn’t). I said no and told him that I just wanted to be able to have a good time here and if you can’t trust me not to fuck every person I talk to then there’s nothing I can do about that. ?
Yes! I fake punched my bf making weird sounds and his reaction was to pretend my punch was so hot that he was propelled backwards and then we both laughed and carried on with our day.
Similarly he was being affectionate and was rubbing my neck but it was a bit of a trigger for me growing up in a household with IPV. I calmly explained to him that it made me really anxious even though what he did wasn’t wrong. He appreciated me being vulnerable and let him know, and he hasn’t done it since.
You can have calm, boundary setting conversations. His behavior seems out of control and a big red flag.
It’s not my back up.. it’s his. In fact, when I came to the conclusion of keeping this child entirely at first, I even decided that right afterwards, I was going to get my tubes tied.
Exactly! Especially with something this intense and after no prior ramping up session. Like, maybe start with a “hey can I blindfold you with this soft cloth?”. Nope, first ask is straight to the fully bound, gagged, and TAPED eyes.
And then the “aftercare” is being ignored on the couch with zero context, gentle contact, or dialog. No emotional or physical support.
OP, this sounds traumatizing. Again, you were not treated as a friend here, but a thing to be toyed with and your health was in danger. Please be cautious!
It’s one of those things that seems like a good idea but the reason someone wanted it opened in the first place was to test the waters before actually leaving.
Jesus christ I am ready for your coming, wipe us out