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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 10 years now and we online together, when we agreed on dating in high school I had warned him multiple times that I didn’t want to have kids, he was completely okay with this and at the time he also agreed on not having kids, however less than year ago he started bringing subtle hints about now wanting children this become a bigger issue once marriage started coming in the picture,I’ve been delaying the idea of it since now we aren’t on the same page when it comes to children.
He talked me into the idea but I’m still not comfortable with pregnancy, my mother had a really really bad pregnancy and my doctor say I’m at risk of having the same complications with honestly terrifies me, because of this I suggested a surrogate mother, he didn’t liked this idea because he thinks that the only correct way for a pregnancy is to be natural and that maybe we should get married now and delay having children until I’m no longer selfish and childish.
His attitude towards the issue really surprised me, we rarely argue, when we do he always keeps his cool, and he’s never been aggressive towards me, this time the more I tried to talk reason with him the more angry he became eventually he said that he will just marry me and get other women to have children with and that he will only financially support them but not be present with them that much so I don’t have to see them or raise them, this for me sounds extremely cruel for everyone involved, i told him how ridiculous his idea is and he said that then maybe I should just endure a little of pain and discomfort so he can have a legacy.
Eventually I suggested breaking up since I’m willing to sacrifice but he isn’t, he started getting verbally aggressive at this because he doesn’t consider our sacrifices of equal value since for him his legacy and fulfilment as man is more important than the possible complications of pregnancy, and that if I was that much against being pregnant then I just had to stay by his side and love him while he gets other women pregnant, I couldn’t take it anymore and I left the house.
I’ve been staying at an hotel for a few days and everyday I’ve been getting messages from his friends and family saying that it’s time for me to grow up and accept that I will eventually need children, I no longer know if I’m in the right, so I wanted advice from people who can see this more objectively,
¿should I break up with him or try to make things work again?
It’s not a revenge. Revenge would be if I take her back and then cheat on her. Now that i’m single, I can explore more options and can let out my frustration. while im exploring, I can have benchmark for comparison and if then I feel like no, she was the one. then I can take her back. The ball is in my court.
Nosireebob as a spouse you have veto rights to friends and people that make you uncomfortable just like she has for your people. If she refuses she is saying that friendship is worth more than he relationship with you.
You could have a real talk about how you're feeling with her. Then you two decide where things can go from there.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 10 years now and we online together, when we agreed on dating in high school I had warned him multiple times that I didn’t want to have kids, he was completely okay with this and at the time he also agreed on not having kids, however less than year ago he started bringing subtle hints about now wanting children this become a bigger issue once marriage started coming in the picture,I’ve been delaying the idea of it since now we aren’t on the same page when it comes to children.
He talked me into the idea but I’m still not comfortable with pregnancy, my mother had a really really bad pregnancy and my doctor say I’m at risk of having the same complications with honestly terrifies me, because of this I suggested a surrogate mother, he didn’t liked this idea because he thinks that the only correct way for a pregnancy is to be natural and that maybe we should get married now and delay having children until I’m no longer selfish and childish.
His attitude towards the issue really surprised me, we rarely argue, when we do he always keeps his cool, and he’s never been aggressive towards me, this time the more I tried to talk reason with him the more angry he became eventually he said that he will just marry me and get other women to have children with and that he will only financially support them but not be present with them that much so I don’t have to see them or raise them, this for me sounds extremely cruel for everyone involved, i told him how ridiculous his idea is and he said that then maybe I should just endure a little of pain and discomfort so he can have a legacy.
Eventually I suggested breaking up since I’m willing to sacrifice but he isn’t, he started getting verbally aggressive at this because he doesn’t consider our sacrifices of equal value since for him his legacy and fulfilment as man is more important than the possible complications of pregnancy, and that if I was that much against being pregnant then I just had to stay by his side and love him while he gets other women pregnant, I couldn’t take it anymore and I left the house.
I’ve been staying at an hotel for a few days and everyday I’ve been getting messages from his friends and family saying that it’s time for me to grow up and accept that I will eventually need children, I no longer know if I’m in the right, so I wanted advice from people who can see this more objectively,
¿should I break up with him or try to make things work again?
He is caring for you. And your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all.
It’s not a revenge. Revenge would be if I take her back and then cheat on her. Now that i’m single, I can explore more options and can let out my frustration. while im exploring, I can have benchmark for comparison and if then I feel like no, she was the one. then I can take her back. The ball is in my court.
Nosireebob as a spouse you have veto rights to friends and people that make you uncomfortable just like she has for your people. If she refuses she is saying that friendship is worth more than he relationship with you.
Because he hasn’t bought me a house… and doesn’t have like hundreds of thousands of dollars.. it’s mainly my mom that’s saying this.
My dad likes him but my dad is always afraid to go against my mom.
My previous post on my profile goes into more details too in case it helps.
You need to kick him out.
This man is abusing you. This man believes his wants are more important than your needs. This man will never, ever treat you like you deserve respect.
Again, not the norm.
Move on, let her and her ridiculous views disappear into the sunset!