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xiao & xoia, 20 y.o.
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Date: September 20, 2022
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Married to someone whose family was/is beyond abusive. They ghosted us the day after the wedding. As someone who comes from a family with about the healthiest dynamic, my advice is that do not think that you have the ability to truly understand ANYTHING she's gone through.
Listen and get the facts, but you won't have any understanding of what this feels like until you experience it first hand (and even then that doesn't help you empathize with them when they were 6 and totally reliant on these assholes).
My first visit to her folks' was about 4 months into our relationship xmas morning. Had a totally pleasant trip, was fully myself and they seemed to enjoy me. As soon as we left, my now-wife told me that it was such a shitty trip and that there'd be some fallout from it. She was right, and it lead to a DM from her Dad telling me to never contact his wife directly again.
Just know that you cannot understand. But try to anyway. What you need to do is be careful of is not doing anything that triggers those childhood traumas. One time, I handled an argument in a way that caused her to feel like I was manipulating her. She acknowledged that I wasn't attempting to manipulate her, but it caused her to react more defensively than she would have otherwise.
Be consistent in showing that you're trustworthy and meeting their emotional needs. Trust is very hot to mend in any relationship, but when they have trust issues rooted back in childhood, it's a whole different level.
Oh my gosh I’m sorry you’re experiencing this! Is this something you’re open to discussing with him? My gut reaction (from the outside) is there’s nothing to discuss here. That is so disrespectful and alarming. I’d be outta there as fast as I could.
I’m wondering if there is something going on mentally? I know there are illnesses that cause people to lose their impulse control and they have no power to stop it.
She also sounds dangerous though, so for on you for reporting her and cutting contact.
Bull! It's very simple. He's a control freak with 19th century views on women's roles. You are young. Leave him and find a more enlightened man.
You think adultery should be punished with incarceration. I don’t think you’ve got much of a grasp on anything to be giving advice.
If I'll be perfectly honest, I know for a fact that I'm mature for my age. I'm a post-grad degree holder and I do have a stable job.
Also, thank you for reassuring me that this could work out.
As an American (“colonial refugee” sarcasm) myself I think he cares way too much about that and is being a asshole (is “right git” the same thing in UK English or is “git” more like idiot?).
Me? I'd be ecstatic to have a Brit as a girlfriend and couldn't care less how words like methane are pronounced. I'd probably be simping after the sexy accent myself.
Anyways, he's being dumb. Just tell him like it is. He'll either sort his shit out or he won't. If he does, great. If not, it's probably better for you in the long run.
Hopefully this made sense. 🙂
Yeah, make it your mission to be a better lover than he ever was.
Size is important but that's only part of it.
Like the story was too unbelievable when the video just happened to catch her also bad mouthing the bf
Well now you have left you need to get therapy , to heal from your past and improve your future.
You need to get stronger at making decisions that are in your best interest
All the best
Lol fuck i love this sub sometimes, these stories are ?☠️