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Room for on-line sex video chat xxxSandyCheeksxxx
Model from: us
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1997-11-28
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityMixed
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlack
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Date: October 9, 2022
I believe the same thing you do, if he truly wanted to be with me, he would try and fix our issue. But alas, I will not force anyone to be with me if they don’t want to. Yes, he definitely has financial motive, but I’ve come to terms with that knowing that I’m also taking advantage of that by still having him here which in turn is allowing me to grieve the relationship while still being able to see him and be with him when it’s too naked for me to be alone.
You’re right, she’s not lazy. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me that I think that.
And I think you are right, I needed that wake up call. It’s not invasive thoughts from adhd (like throw the glass, yell a dumb phrase, etc) it’s thoughts stemming to the fact that I don’t feel worthy of love. How can I respect someone who loves such a piece of shit so unconditionally? Like if she broke up with me I would respect her and want to get back together. What an idiotic thought pattern.
I need to be honest again with my fiancé and tell her where I’m at but that I want to get help. She needs to decide if she is willing to ‘waste’ another bunch of years to see if I can get better, or to just end this now. I can’t make that decision for her. Part of me knows that she will stick with me because she always has, and that makes me feel awful. How did such a kind, amazing person end up with such a shit person like me? I hate myself for all of this.
There's a lot to unpack here, and you've mentioned a lot of things that I want to address specifically in the context of someone who had been certified and worked as a personal trainer, been fit for most of my life, and have some concerns with the way you're framing some of the things you're saying. You seem like someone who is interested in details, so I'm going to be detailed in the feedback I'm providing.
She has led an active lifestyle in terms of daily lifestyle (walking for commuting or errands etc.) But is not an exercise.
It sounds like she is active in the sense of active vs sedentary, but not active in the sense that she's doing enough exercise to maintain health and function. Obviously walking is better than doing nothing, but walking doesn't help you maintain function beyond the ability to walk.
If she say, wants to be able to play with and chase grandkids around once your child is grown, her current routine is probably not going to be sufficient.
To be fair, she is very conscious of healthy food and makes sure we are all eating healthy. She is also a foodie.
“Healthy food” and “all eating healthy” are very vague, nebulous terms that honestly make me question if this is a “make sure you eat your vegetables” sort of focus on healthy or an “I follow all the media trends about what is healthy or not” sort of focus. Neither is particularly useful or effective as a measure of healthy eating.
Since her pregnancy, she has had a hot time losing weight.
Unless she has some sort of medical condition, this suggests whatever strategy/program she tried fundamentally wasn't effective.
Restricting food has never been her thing
Kind of hearing some alarm bells here in terms of her relationship with food. Something as basic and benign as portion control falls under the umbrella of “restricting food”. I'm suspecting that whatever she was doing to create a calorie deficit wasn't a very scientific approach and probably conceptualized as self-punishment.
The mental energy it takes for her to exercise is draining on her and she doesn't have the time to walk as much as she used to.
1) In terms of exercise and time efficiency, walking is about as inefficient as you can possibly be. Half an hour of walking for most people will burn approximately 100-150 calories, which is like an apple to an apple and a half, or 2-3 Oreo cookies.
2) Exercise is not the primary driver for weight loss. You cannot out-exercise a bad diet.
She often says it's one area she wants to deal with by herself.
The problem here is that it doesn't appear she's capable of dealing with this by herself, it's making her unhappy and you're unhappy because it's impacting your relationship. Any way you slice it, you're 3.5 years later, she hasn't lost the baby weight and is frustrated.
I see her try (on) clothes every 6 months and just be miserable as she doesn't feel good. The other part of me selfishly things if she feels more comfortable and confident it will impact our relationship and sex life.
It's not selfish to want your wife to be comfortable, confident, and happy. It's also not selfish to want your relationship and sex life to be strong. You should let go of your guilt in that domain since you want better for both of you.
One of our most common fights is I try to talk to her about her behaviors around exercise and she feels I don't accept her for who she is and I am critical and judgemental. I think she feels a lot of pressure and guilt and so anything I say is just not the right thing.
What I'm hearing here is that you want to be supportive, but she's not feeling supported and instead feeling judged. Maybe she's feeling guilty and embarrassed because she's failing to accomplish something she wanted to accomplish. It doesn't seem like your wife has the knowledge/tools/understanding to be able to do this on her own. A potential solution in that case would be to engage a professional (dietician perhaps) that can help your wife close that gap and identify lifestyle changes to help her make progress, and it sounds like having a third party would significantly reduce friction between the two of you on this topic.
Sustainable weight loss is about making small, maintainable lifestyle changes that as an aggregate get a person to where they want to be. It's not about drastic or extreme changes, massive amounts of effort, endless hours of exercise, or being hungry all the time.
TL;DR
1) Your wife hasn't made progress in the last 3 years, it appears to be bothering her and she doesn't have the knowledge/tools to make that progress. She appears to be unhappy about this lack of progress.
2) Your efforts to encourage her haven't been effective and have caused additional conflict and stress between the two of you.
3) I believe that some sort of professional (dietician, reputable personal trainer, etc) could help give your wife the tools to make the changes she wants and be comfortable in her skin.
I want to believe otherwise, but unfortunately I agree with you
Yeah I know. It just sucks that I did what was necessary but yet this till happened.