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Date: October 8, 2022
You want her ??? like how or what that means?
I'm not deciding not to give the boyfriend gifts to clarify. I don't buy my parents gifts either. Next year I plan on it.
Sounds like he's not picking up her I don't want to kiss right now cues. Just because you want to kiss sometimes, doesn't mean you want to kiss someone all the time. Also maybe he is a bad kisser.
Won't have children but I am not going to stay with her either. I'm getting things figured out. Thank you
Could you give me a few ideas of somewhere neutral? Like just go to a cafe?
Also while I do understand that it would be ideal to meet somewhere neutral, I would feel more comfortable in his town or the next town over since I know the area incredibly well. Plus the towns closer to me, are more rural so theres not much to do and I dont know them that well.
I didnt think of social media researching, good thinking. This advice has been helpful
Tbh, it might be best for your gf to grow up a bit first and rent with others than with her bf.
For yourself, have you considered using a bike to get to work? More and more people commute that way since it saves them a few bucks.
Is 10 pounds already considering TLC going up with their fares soon?
Nobody should be your everything. It’s not healthy. Therapy can help so much.
Yeah the cynical part of me feels you are right. I even asked him to move out for a week (to stay with his parents) while I cleared my head then we could talk more – if he wanted me to consider more time.
He point-blank refused and said he didn't see how that would work.
Then last night he got annoyed because I was texting a (male) mutual friend of ours. And basically accused me of cheating.
Your post about the sandwich makes him sound manipulative and this post isn't any better. He doesn't care about your feelings.
Good thinking. Good luck!
Just buy proper earplugs… there are ones that are made for your ear specifically.
I avoid bringing people problems that have no solutions. Just say you only see her as a friend and leave it alone.
pretend
so in your solution we still hear the information but we lie about it.
He needs some therapy but there is no reason to be concerned unless you see him irrationally blaming women and falling into the manosphere/incel groups (the same would go for anyone irrationally blaming all members of a certain group for the actions of one person).
He's not wrong that a lot of shows and movies depict cheating as a sexy relationship and it is pretty disgusting. Cheaters are terrible people, it's not a crime worthy of lockup (that's a touch extreme) but I would absolutely cut someone out of my life entirely if I knew they cheated on their significant other. There is just zero reason for it, it's not hot to break off the current relationship before starting something else. And it should never be romanticized so I can understand not wanting to watch that media.
You tried to pick it, confirmed there was enough for a few days and she yelled at you.
You didn't think it was worth it to bother her at work, after you made sure there is enough for right now.
I think she jumped on you for not calling her is a bit much. If they didn't have it, how would she have sorted it out?
I think the 2 of you can use some therapy to learn to talk to each other better., but if she refuses to, may want to pay closer attention to what family and friends are saying.
There's more going on. I feel there is some kind of addiction to something other than weed, but it could just be the weed messing him up. I would say you need to leave to give yourselves space to figure things out. You need to prioritize yourself and your own happiness, you have given him chances to do that there. If he suddenly wakes up when you're gone and you can work on things great, but if he doesn't, you have at least taken a step to get out of the Toxicity and move forward with your life. In this life your happiness is the important thing, always.
Well, I suppose it's a confusing situation. Interestingly, your boyfriend has pretty similar kinks (not the same) to some of my own, but it's clear he's much more involved. I would suggest that he back away from the groups he's in and just keep this within his relationship.
I’m not a very kinky person, but I agreed to meet him halfway and have something of a compromise
It's very kind of you to do this for him but understand that playing into his kinks will only further make them feel like they could be realities. He'll want to keep doing it more in bed, is what I mean. Finding some of the lighter kinks (bondage, latex, and submission seem to be enough for him) to introduce to the bedroom, without involving the more complex ones (slave, robot, or brainwashing) will save you a lot of hassle down the road.
he often has issues with respecting boundaries, especially physical ones
Set clear boundaries and have a safe word. If he goes too far and you're not comfortable in bed, invoke the word. You have every right to end a sexual situation if something feels off. If he tries to shame you for stopping or even keeps going when you say to stop, that's a large red flag to get out of the relationship.
being messaged by these people but never responded.
It's actually a bigger issue on discord than you would expect. I had to put “taken, so don't bother” in my bio so people would stop trying to ask me out on there. Let him know there's an option to turn off DMs from non-friend accounts, it'll save him some hassle. Also, I'd encourage him to not use discord for his porn sourcing. There's websites for that stuff, and they don't come with the additional community. Just seems like a weird place to be if he's not talking to people, but I'll trust his word if he's willing to consider leaving them.
Let me know if there's anything else on your mind, I'm sure I didn't answer all your questions!
He has and has apologized
In my opinion, without kids in the picture, leaving her would be a no-brainer.
However, with 3 small children, that definitely involves more to think about. Sorry you're dealing with this.
What do you want her to do about it?
It is a good thing that his name isn’t on her birth certificate. Because if his name is on it and I leave with her and not come back, I would get kidnapping charges and would get arrested. That’s why he can’t do anything legally if his name isn’t on it. And I say “every girl needs her daddy” because I needed mine as a little girl and I don’t want her to deal with not knowing if daddy loves you or not.
There might be overseas students in the same boat. Just walk that walk, hold your head high and enjoy your special day. It isn’t anyone’s business why your family isn’t here. You are not the star of the show at the wedding. Since they usually last all day and into the evening, I reckon you can do both. Just tell family you will be there, once you have gone through the ceremony.
Thanks for your input. It does sound like couples therapy might offer one last glimmer of hope, and if not then at least I could have some professional guidance with closing out the relationship. Yes we talk a lot about having kids but have been delaying having them because of the relationship issues not being resolved.
ugh, that's hot then since you don't really know his normal behavior day to day. I would probably hold off on getting married until you find out more.
OP, you're both so young. I would guess you haven't been exposed to the idea of working on your relationship together – you both have a lot to learn. You're just starting adult life, together!
So, look up John Gottman's books, and go to the library and browse the section on relationships and such. Get your boyfriend to go over some of this stuff with you. Gottman is good. I also like Stosny & Love, 'How to improve your marriage without talking about it.' One of my favorites.
See if he'll engage this way. Or work with a chaplain or such. Hey – it's worth a try. If he doesn't get interested, you'll learn more about where he is in terms of being ready to be a good partner.
Yes, if I was that serious about someone I'd exhaust all my options before giving up over student loan debt.
This went poorly for OP, lol
To answer your question… go volunteer somewhere else that is less dangerous.
You why life your “identity” and be in a safer place. The only reason you'd disagree is if you don't think volunteering at your cities soup kitchen will get you as many FB likes as going to Tijuana.
stop listening to Reddit, “divorce him or ask him to change.” just stop, this are mostly keyboard warriors and first solution that Reddit wants do do is scream divorce.
For what you described you guys had a wonderfully relationship.
Communication is what you really need.
Look, you changed, he didn't
He is felling pressure, even if you don't want him to change, you want to keep changing, and he might think that he need to change or he will lose you and he doesn't want to change or he might want to have more time with you.
you didn't outgrow him, his life style doesn't look unhealthy, it's just different, you guys might have grow apart, it doesn't mean that you are superior or he is, and you might just need to reevaluate your relationship dynamic, this might mean divorce, but it looks like you love him and he loves you, and this is worthy fighting.
one way or another, talk to him tell him how important this conversation are to this relationship, looks like you guys have a little extra budget, demand that both go to therapy, not a couples therapy, single therapy, each with they own therapist, so you can decided how you want to proceed. maybe after that couple therapy. but always first individual therapy for both.
Time to drop the weight sis. And I’m talking about the boyfriend not you. This is begging behavior and you don’t need that shit in your life. You’re naked as ever before and he’s projecting. Drop him and go have a very hot girl summer