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???????, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
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There's a lot here, but I want to focus one particular issue:
I don't feel that emotional connection to feel steady in our marriage to do anything crazy..
This is a potentially very problematic statement by you. The reason is that it could be interpreted as you saying, “This is something I would do, if the conditions were right.”
Is that true? Is a threesome something you are willing to do (provided the conditions are rights)? Because that statement makes me think your ARE willing to have one, under the right circumstances. The rest of your post, though, makes me think you are not–under any circumstances. Either way is fine, and your decision alone, but your decision needs to be clearly communicated.
I suspect you only said maybe because you were uncertain and didn't want to risk losing the relationship by saying no. That, by definition means, it won't happen. If you feel secure, you no longer feel the pressure so won't do it (which is fine). If you don't feel secure, you're certainly not going to do it, (which is fine). But that means he's been drawn in by a false expectation–it is something you open to when you are not. Best case scenario is it looks like you are always moving the goal posts, which would make any reasonable person upset.
You need to be clear. Will you or won't you–really (pre-conditions that are never going to happen aren't a part of the analysis). You then need to communicate that to him. If it is possible, based on realistic, concrete preconditions, then let him know what they are. Note: expectant future feelings are not via pre-conditions.
Lol, you’re welcome!
It was like a weirdly ornate little Victorian style porcelain tea cup, delicate flowers painted on, defined foot to go on a fancy saucer, swishy ornate handle, the works! It was really a lot. Only the finest for his “chi!” Lol
And, I think it wasn’t even his cup because we were at his mom’s house… and this guy definitely didn’t have his own tea service stored there (double cringe! ??)
Yes we're in a monogamous relationship. I guess she saw no harm in it because “she's made it clear that she doesn't like girls anymore”.
I would be worried that your gf joyfully sent nudes and continued to flirt with this guy while knowing that he was married. Joking about his wife not finding out? These are not things that someone who has an issue with cheating or respects monogamous relationships would do. I wouldn't be ok with her continued relationship with him and I wouldn't trust her not to cheat on you if I were you.
Well, you could always move out.
OP- You don’t know that your dad doesn’t know. This is between your mom and dad. NOT YOU!!
The thought of you having sex probably offends/makes him uncomfortable. Lots of people have the view that a woman having sex is giving some “social value” away, while the guy having sex with her is taking it. That makes a lot of dads territorial over their daughters – they feel like if their girls have sex, these strange men are coming over to their house and “taking” their “value”. On the flipside if their sons are having sex, it means their boys are the ones taking the value from others, which is a “good thing”.
It's toxic and deeply misogynistic, but that's how it is for a lot of people. It's not even just a male thing, a lot of women hold the same beliefs. It might be different with your dad, but from what you wrote that's the vibe I get
But like if you were in her shoes, wouldn’t you have just straight up asked “hey is that bracelet from an ex? If so that kind of makes me uncomfortable” instead of creeping up to her as she is sleeping with a sharp object?!? Lol that girl is a nut job. Good on you for running
IMO, no. You’re grieving, and you get to do that however you need to. You aren’t being disrespectful of her, you aren’t hurting anyone, so it’s okay. It may take a while, but doing it your way is the quickest, most effective route to healing your heart.
She makes more because I am an early retiree from Police Department. I do around half the chores. My listening skills suck. My mind wanders in the middle of the talk and I completely misunderstand on a regular basis. My 5 year old kid adores me as we play a lot. I don't have many friends and sometimes bother her too much to do things together. I may be dependent on her too much.
It’s two little words. It takes 5 seconds.
Why are you making this a hill to die on so early in the relationship?