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Room for online sex video chat ChloeTayaa
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Date: October 8, 2022
It has only been a month. The fact that your husband does not see that he has A LOT more work to gain back your trust is very concerning. I don’t think he understands that you have to sit there every day while he is at work wondering “is he talking to her”, “are they alone”, “what if he’s lying to me again”, “does he still want us/does he still on-line me.”
If the situations were reversed and you had had an emotional affair with a coworker would he be over it? No, I would surmise he would not. I would even venture to say that he would have demanded you either changed jobs or completely cut off that friend group and her.
Telling someone to “dial it down” is not telling them to back down. It is not telling them to stop because you aren’t interested. It’s not telling them that your wife and marriage are more important to you than this relationship.
You deserve more OP. You deserve better!
Then you’re not. He seems to agree that it isn’t your concern if he can’t be bothered to reach out with consistency — no one is that busy.
Regardless this arrangement shouldn’t be triggering unpleasant feelings like that so maybe he’s not the right match for you.
Here's the thing though, even though what he did wasn't “wrong” and he couldn't help that he ended up going full berserker mode doesn't mean that she can unsee what she saw and doesn't feel safe. It's not really fair, I'll agree with you there and men should be able to protect what's theirs, etc without worrying about someone else's trauma but this is a real world situation and her trauma was triggered and it freaked her out.
I am not really sure if there's anything he can say or do to change her mind which is too bad. I understand where both of them are coming from totally. He's not to blame but the sad truth is she may not be able to move past it even if she logically knows it's not totally rational. Trauma doesn't care about rationality.
This is not your problem to worry about. The are more than grown. This is their problem and their relationship and not your responsibility. I can see that you care about them, but it is not your job to fix anything in their relationship. Nobody (your mom) ever should have bitched to you about their problems or involved you at all, that was very unfortunate and unhealthy. It’s time to let the grown ups handle their lives and if they call you to share their problems, kindly tell them you really want the best for them but please don’t share any more details.
My advice would be to look over your lease, if both of your names are on it, and consider what your next steps could be.
Hopefully some therapy will really help you to understand what’s going on for you in terms of why you can’t physically leave. If possible, I would draw yourself a plan (even mentally) for what steps you could take to leave, and I would seriously consider doing it no matter how hot it is.
You really do deserve better than this. I’ve been with abusive partners who have been hard to leave before and that trauma can run deep, but sometimes that horrible step is the one we most need to take to protect ourselves.
That’s the point. It’s his boundaries and she did something for HIS enjoyment so we must reflect on the situation based on his perception.
I feel for this guy. Clearly it's compulsory. He means well, and may infact mean that he disassociate a great deal of it. But if it's a deal breaker for you, you have to do what's best for you.
Remember marriage is about committing for life. If you see this as a serious grievous, better to pull that bandaid now. Separating during marriage will be worse.
Worse yet, if he can't stop, imagine him getting caught by a family member or (heaven forbid) your child.
Do what you think is best for your future.
Best wishes.