How do I know if she genuinely wants to fix it? She said she shouldn’t be fighting for me since I had sex with 2 diff people but I should be fighting for her since I hurt her for what I did. I feel like we both should be fighting for the relationship to work.
I have worked in a brothel and yes you can come and just sit in the bar you are not required to see any of the ladies…. that being said you will be approached by women and are required to but a drink, also there usually are girls stripping and pole dancing in the bar…..
Where did OP say that? She only assumes it, Op doesn’t even want to accept the fact that Nick groomed Amy. She is on his brothers side so no matter what she says it doesn’t count. How do you know nick wasn’t violent? Amy is obviously afraid because she was GROOMED. I think you don’t realize how traumatizing that is. How do you guys know that she wants to hurt him? Again, she was GROOMED. Their family knew each other before they even started dating so he probably dated her before she was even legal.
So your predator brother preyed on a teenager? He was in a position of power over her, of course she was gushing, she was young and thought that abusive relationship was normal. She wanted to get married so he dumped her. HE IS A BAD PERSON!
Now she is with and seems happy with someone closer to her own age. I hope he treats her well.
For example, you match with someone on tinder. There is the reward of a fun date and potentially meeting a partner vs. the risk of a boring date / wasted time / dangerous weirdo. So you'll try do things to minimise the risks like talking on the phone first or meeting up for a coffee date instead of a big dinner. But you still decide to go on the date based on the risks Vs rewards.
With coworkers the same dynamic exists except the risk is higher due to workplace drama if it doesn't work. You have to ask yourself if the reward is worth the risk. If it's a one night stand then definitely doesn't seem to be worth the risk. But potentially the love of your life / a long term partner? That's a big big reward, and it would break my heart if a souless corporate job got in the way of true love.
You'll have to assess the potential risk Vs reward for the situation based on how you feel about him and what the employment risk to yourself looks like. For what it's worth I know so many happy couples that got together at work, and many that amicably broke up without it affecting their jobs.
Jesus, how long would this have been if OP hadn’t made it as “short as possible.” I have no advice other than try harder to make it short next time. I have no idea how the story ended because I got bored two paragraphs in and quit reading.
If you and your husband are both blond with fair eyes (blue or green) your children cannot, by basic genetics, have dark hair and dark eyes. If this is the case I am very sorry but your daughter is not your own. Blonde and fair eyes are both recessive genes. It is impossible to people with that phenotype to have a dark hair/dark eyes genotype
Hey OP, first I want to send my sympathies to you in this extremely difficult time. What Betty did was not what being friends is in the slightest. I personally believe that you should explain how hurt you are that she would betray your friendship like that then cut any and all contact with her. Also if you're not already, I suggest therapy to help out with how you're feeling.
he makes you doubt yourself not in a good way like telling you things so you can reflect on them but to put you down. He likes to destabilize you. Eventually you would only rely on what he says because like you do know questionning everything you say and do. He’s not good for you.
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I was being so sarcastic. It's a cat. The least involved pet of all. If that's the line in the sand for you, just one thing too many for you to handle… just go back to your old apartment and let this girl who pays all the bills enjoy her pets
Google emotional support skills as that sounds like what you want from her that she’s not doing, though you are doing it for her. And here’s the thing, emotional support is the bread and butter of a healthy relationship as it helps increase empathy, bonding, and trust. So the fact that you’re not getting it is a bit of a red flag especially since you’re doing it for her. And though you could ask her to learn the skill, and it is learnable, usually people who don’t do it already, don’t think it’s needed, and so it’s often a struggle to get them to even consider learning.
And even if she would be willing to learn, it often takes months if not years and often therapy to learn the skill, and sometimes even then some people just don’t get it. And even if she does get it and learn, you’ll be still giving her way more emotional support in the mean time than you get in return. It’s just not worth it my guy. Let this one go and find one that has emotional support skills already, you’ll be so much happier if you do.
She betrayed your trust and has shown no remorse. You sent her the nudes for her eyes only. Sharing them without your consent crossed a major boundary. She should be your ex girlfriend.
He is essentially saying, its more important to keep peace with the guys, than to protect you and have you feel safe.
This is not someone you can trust in a dangerous situation where you are risk of harm. He showed you that. A guy literally puts his hands on you and he just watched. Yuck.
False. If the person does not want you to keep intimate photos after a breakup and they do with the possible potential to share, then that is in fact illegal. It becomes non-consensual. The exes deserve to know he is keeping them and that they were exposed to others, accidental or not.
Might consider telling her stepbrother (her dad's first child), as they seem to have better and more trusting relationship. Her mother and father can be judgmental and say it was her fault for being in such situation.
Ask her if she wasn’t disabled would she be advocating for you to sleep with other women. If she would not, she is monogamous and this will destroy her, but she will pretend for your sake.
This feels like an extrapolation. Her being unable to have sex, or not wanting it, innately changes things. “If you wouldnt be okay with it in one context then you're just lying about being okay with it in another” is not a way to go about things. Lots of people open up their relationships for specific reasons, including long distance and the like. Its not doomed to make her miserable.
We have talked many times before about the idea of having a non-monogamous relationship where I am able to seek sex outside of relationship, and she has said multiple times before that she would be ok with it.
My money is on you asking her about it first or she said it out of guilt and you hopped on it fast.
Otherwise you'd have worded this differently. It's amazing how much comes through how people word their posts. If she had proposed it excitedly, you would have said so. It would support your side so you'd highlight it. You didn't. You phrased it in as few words as possible to move on to the plan to do it.
Oh but you CAN change it up and he CAN be in your position. He has an anus to and you are going to tell him you really want to peg him so he can get the first hand experience needed for you two to successfully have anal sex. Buy the dildo and if you really want to commit to it the whole strap on rig and all. Him first
If he says no, well he clearly don't want to do anal that bad.
She told you she wants to learn what she's capable of doing on her own, and you say you respect that. So RESPECT it.
Everything about your attitude says you don't think she can do it, she needs you to be her babysitter, and that you yourself are invulnerable to steep inclines, wild animals, and rain.
She is probably too polite to tell you that you acting like her mommy, rather than her equal partner, is extremely unattractive. Your condescension has probably strengthened her intent to go without you, because it looks like if you were along, you'd be constantly advising, monitoring, and being the self-appointed HikeMaster.
Parts of the Appalachian Trail are very challenging, parts of it run through small towns and along major roads. She can read a guidebook and monitor the weather as well as you. She knows her strength and preferences better than you do.
You'll want to be more self-aware about how tiresome it is for your gf to have you, an 18-year-old guy, think he is necessary in every endeavor that is physically challenging.
3000 calories is a lot. At 2500, you might maintain but not lose. You also need to up your exercise so you burn calories faster. If you want to keep better control of your weight, learn to choose different foods – skip the french fries when you buy a burger, or better yet, get a chef salad and go light on the dressing, things like that.
He wouldn't be “becoming like her” though? He's not actively seeking out people to pick on and embarass like her, if he developed some spicy zingers that attack her insecurities and make her feel stupid, then that's all they are. Being able to say mean things back doesn't sink you to their level at all in these situations…just like fighting back and seriously injuring someone that's trying to cause you physical harm make you like them either.
OP, does this bully-ass twat have any fucked up family history you can use as anmo? Parent death she might be sensitive too or something?
Don’t reach out! She moved on with her life. You should as well.
I called the police immediately my eye was so badly bruised and I was limping. He was arrested I am prosecuting him
How do I know if she genuinely wants to fix it? She said she shouldn’t be fighting for me since I had sex with 2 diff people but I should be fighting for her since I hurt her for what I did. I feel like we both should be fighting for the relationship to work.
how are people even upvoting u ?
Sounds like he's abusive… he doesn't have to lay a hand on you for it to be abuse. Get out of the marriage ??
Record him having a tantrum and play it back to him. Sometimes people don’t realize how they are coming across.
My dad was the most undedicated man I ever knew. Also the smartest
I have worked in a brothel and yes you can come and just sit in the bar you are not required to see any of the ladies…. that being said you will be approached by women and are required to but a drink, also there usually are girls stripping and pole dancing in the bar…..
I wouldn’t still be married to someone who asked for a paternity test when they had no evidence of cheating. What a fucking asshole.
If that ain't a red flag I don't know what is, she is addicted to drama in her life.
Where did OP say that? She only assumes it, Op doesn’t even want to accept the fact that Nick groomed Amy. She is on his brothers side so no matter what she says it doesn’t count. How do you know nick wasn’t violent? Amy is obviously afraid because she was GROOMED. I think you don’t realize how traumatizing that is. How do you guys know that she wants to hurt him? Again, she was GROOMED. Their family knew each other before they even started dating so he probably dated her before she was even legal.
My heart goes out to your gf??you're defending your bestfriend as if SHE is your gf…..
So your predator brother preyed on a teenager? He was in a position of power over her, of course she was gushing, she was young and thought that abusive relationship was normal. She wanted to get married so he dumped her. HE IS A BAD PERSON!
Now she is with and seems happy with someone closer to her own age. I hope he treats her well.
There is always risk Vs reward in relationships.
For example, you match with someone on tinder. There is the reward of a fun date and potentially meeting a partner vs. the risk of a boring date / wasted time / dangerous weirdo. So you'll try do things to minimise the risks like talking on the phone first or meeting up for a coffee date instead of a big dinner. But you still decide to go on the date based on the risks Vs rewards.
With coworkers the same dynamic exists except the risk is higher due to workplace drama if it doesn't work. You have to ask yourself if the reward is worth the risk. If it's a one night stand then definitely doesn't seem to be worth the risk. But potentially the love of your life / a long term partner? That's a big big reward, and it would break my heart if a souless corporate job got in the way of true love.
You'll have to assess the potential risk Vs reward for the situation based on how you feel about him and what the employment risk to yourself looks like. For what it's worth I know so many happy couples that got together at work, and many that amicably broke up without it affecting their jobs.
Jesus, how long would this have been if OP hadn’t made it as “short as possible.” I have no advice other than try harder to make it short next time. I have no idea how the story ended because I got bored two paragraphs in and quit reading.
Maybe or maybe he realized he used the wrong word by her reaction. I get the sense words aren’t his strong suit.
Would you be ok with a 2k ring that had a diamond?
He threatened to take illegal drugs not suicide. But it still put me in a difficult position so idk if that makes a difference
If you and your husband are both blond with fair eyes (blue or green) your children cannot, by basic genetics, have dark hair and dark eyes. If this is the case I am very sorry but your daughter is not your own. Blonde and fair eyes are both recessive genes. It is impossible to people with that phenotype to have a dark hair/dark eyes genotype
Hey OP, first I want to send my sympathies to you in this extremely difficult time. What Betty did was not what being friends is in the slightest. I personally believe that you should explain how hurt you are that she would betray your friendship like that then cut any and all contact with her. Also if you're not already, I suggest therapy to help out with how you're feeling.
In general, there's nothing wrong with open relationships.
But everything is wrong with his reasoning for it. Literally everything. He is not more of a man for this.
he makes you doubt yourself not in a good way like telling you things so you can reflect on them but to put you down. He likes to destabilize you. Eventually you would only rely on what he says because like you do know questionning everything you say and do. He’s not good for you.
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I was being so sarcastic. It's a cat. The least involved pet of all. If that's the line in the sand for you, just one thing too many for you to handle… just go back to your old apartment and let this girl who pays all the bills enjoy her pets
A mistake is something that you do once, so her mistake was getting caught.
What she did was cheating.
Break up with her. Tell her that if she wants to make sure her next relationship lasts, that she might try not cheating on her partner.
Google emotional support skills as that sounds like what you want from her that she’s not doing, though you are doing it for her. And here’s the thing, emotional support is the bread and butter of a healthy relationship as it helps increase empathy, bonding, and trust. So the fact that you’re not getting it is a bit of a red flag especially since you’re doing it for her. And though you could ask her to learn the skill, and it is learnable, usually people who don’t do it already, don’t think it’s needed, and so it’s often a struggle to get them to even consider learning.
And even if she would be willing to learn, it often takes months if not years and often therapy to learn the skill, and sometimes even then some people just don’t get it. And even if she does get it and learn, you’ll be still giving her way more emotional support in the mean time than you get in return. It’s just not worth it my guy. Let this one go and find one that has emotional support skills already, you’ll be so much happier if you do.
She betrayed your trust and has shown no remorse. You sent her the nudes for her eyes only. Sharing them without your consent crossed a major boundary. She should be your ex girlfriend.
He is essentially saying, its more important to keep peace with the guys, than to protect you and have you feel safe.
This is not someone you can trust in a dangerous situation where you are risk of harm. He showed you that. A guy literally puts his hands on you and he just watched. Yuck.
False. If the person does not want you to keep intimate photos after a breakup and they do with the possible potential to share, then that is in fact illegal. It becomes non-consensual. The exes deserve to know he is keeping them and that they were exposed to others, accidental or not.
Might consider telling her stepbrother (her dad's first child), as they seem to have better and more trusting relationship. Her mother and father can be judgmental and say it was her fault for being in such situation.
Ask her if she wasn’t disabled would she be advocating for you to sleep with other women. If she would not, she is monogamous and this will destroy her, but she will pretend for your sake.
This feels like an extrapolation. Her being unable to have sex, or not wanting it, innately changes things. “If you wouldnt be okay with it in one context then you're just lying about being okay with it in another” is not a way to go about things. Lots of people open up their relationships for specific reasons, including long distance and the like. Its not doomed to make her miserable.
We have talked many times before about the idea of having a non-monogamous relationship where I am able to seek sex outside of relationship, and she has said multiple times before that she would be ok with it.
My money is on you asking her about it first or she said it out of guilt and you hopped on it fast.
Otherwise you'd have worded this differently. It's amazing how much comes through how people word their posts. If she had proposed it excitedly, you would have said so. It would support your side so you'd highlight it. You didn't. You phrased it in as few words as possible to move on to the plan to do it.
Oh but you CAN change it up and he CAN be in your position. He has an anus to and you are going to tell him you really want to peg him so he can get the first hand experience needed for you two to successfully have anal sex. Buy the dildo and if you really want to commit to it the whole strap on rig and all. Him first
If he says no, well he clearly don't want to do anal that bad.
STOP being paternalistic and superior.
She told you she wants to learn what she's capable of doing on her own, and you say you respect that. So RESPECT it.
Everything about your attitude says you don't think she can do it, she needs you to be her babysitter, and that you yourself are invulnerable to steep inclines, wild animals, and rain.
She is probably too polite to tell you that you acting like her mommy, rather than her equal partner, is extremely unattractive. Your condescension has probably strengthened her intent to go without you, because it looks like if you were along, you'd be constantly advising, monitoring, and being the self-appointed HikeMaster.
Parts of the Appalachian Trail are very challenging, parts of it run through small towns and along major roads. She can read a guidebook and monitor the weather as well as you. She knows her strength and preferences better than you do.
You'll want to be more self-aware about how tiresome it is for your gf to have you, an 18-year-old guy, think he is necessary in every endeavor that is physically challenging.
Or maybe I can regulate my emotions like an adult?
Not reading all that
3000 calories is a lot. At 2500, you might maintain but not lose. You also need to up your exercise so you burn calories faster. If you want to keep better control of your weight, learn to choose different foods – skip the french fries when you buy a burger, or better yet, get a chef salad and go light on the dressing, things like that.
He wouldn't be “becoming like her” though? He's not actively seeking out people to pick on and embarass like her, if he developed some spicy zingers that attack her insecurities and make her feel stupid, then that's all they are. Being able to say mean things back doesn't sink you to their level at all in these situations…just like fighting back and seriously injuring someone that's trying to cause you physical harm make you like them either.
OP, does this bully-ass twat have any fucked up family history you can use as anmo? Parent death she might be sensitive too or something?
You don’t buy a house with your often unemployed girlfriend with mental health issues and no real direction in life. Get her a therapist. Not a house.