That's a nearly impossible conversation from either side to do well. She will get angry, you might be wrong, and technically she hasn't asked your opinion so it's not really your business.
I would instead try to encourage her to go out and meet new people, and encourage new connections. Still support them both as friends, but you should truly stay out of it.
DO NOT try and pressure him into rolling with this ‘Tee-hee! A cute little mini-us!’ fantasy of yours. Wanna know what happens all too often when you do that? Check out r/regretfulparents instead of trying to bank on ‘It’ll be different because it’s your own’
Regardless of his reasons, not wanting kids is a perfectly valid stance. Give his feelings the same respect you feel entitled to from him. You’ve got no more business trying to twist his arm on this than he would pushing you into an unwanted abortion.
Plus, genetics are bonkers and you can’t guarantee the kid will look like either of you (read: sufficiently resemble an allegedly fertility-challenged father who didn’t want them to begin with and would already be doubting paternity). No kid deserves that burden, especially not just because the other parent was selfishly desperate for a mini-them. No amount of material comfort cancels out the knowledge that your own parent sees you as less-than literally because they don’t like your face or just plain hadn’t wanted you to exist.
I would say only keep an abortion to yourself if you have reason to believe he could become volatile over it. Nothing wrong with abortion IF you decide to go that route for whatever reason (and yes I read your whole post; just covering all bases here) … but it’s not the kind of thing you should go through without support. Likewise, if you fear aggression re: the pregnancy because he doesn’t want it to proceed. If you can’t discuss these things with him, you shouldn’t be trying to have a baby with him.
Idk man, I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but if you’ve been together and happy for six years and this happened in the first two months, I wouldn’t let it destroy your relationship. You have every right to be hurt and even angry right now, but at the end of the day, people make mistakes. She obviously cares for you deeply to feel she needed to admit to something like this before marriage. Cheating is wrong, but it happens. People make mistakes. The first two months of a relationship are a very turbulent and shaky time. If you believe that she’s never done it again since cutting that guy off, and if you believe she’s truly sorry she ever did it, don’t throw away what you have.
Take the time to think things over. If this is something you absolutely can’t let go of, then you will need to end the relationship, because a life of resentment wouldn’t be fair for either of you. All I’m saying is that in the grand scheme of things, those first two months have nothing on the years you guys have had together.
Woah, no!!! I am not against poly relationships, but you are asking for trouble if you agree to this. If my spouse missed his ex THAT much then I would understand his heart is not with me, and I would walk out the door. The best thing you can do for yourself is leave. Don't let yourself be second, and I promise you that you are currently second.
That's a nearly impossible conversation from either side to do well. She will get angry, you might be wrong, and technically she hasn't asked your opinion so it's not really your business.
I would instead try to encourage her to go out and meet new people, and encourage new connections. Still support them both as friends, but you should truly stay out of it.
I 25M Cannot deal with my 28F mental health anymore
I am really starting to struggle holding my problems and hers, I am struggling to sleep and I have massive bags under my eyes because of exhaustion.
So why are you staying in the relationship?
DO NOT try and pressure him into rolling with this ‘Tee-hee! A cute little mini-us!’ fantasy of yours. Wanna know what happens all too often when you do that? Check out r/regretfulparents instead of trying to bank on ‘It’ll be different because it’s your own’
Regardless of his reasons, not wanting kids is a perfectly valid stance. Give his feelings the same respect you feel entitled to from him. You’ve got no more business trying to twist his arm on this than he would pushing you into an unwanted abortion.
Plus, genetics are bonkers and you can’t guarantee the kid will look like either of you (read: sufficiently resemble an allegedly fertility-challenged father who didn’t want them to begin with and would already be doubting paternity). No kid deserves that burden, especially not just because the other parent was selfishly desperate for a mini-them. No amount of material comfort cancels out the knowledge that your own parent sees you as less-than literally because they don’t like your face or just plain hadn’t wanted you to exist.
I would say only keep an abortion to yourself if you have reason to believe he could become volatile over it. Nothing wrong with abortion IF you decide to go that route for whatever reason (and yes I read your whole post; just covering all bases here) … but it’s not the kind of thing you should go through without support. Likewise, if you fear aggression re: the pregnancy because he doesn’t want it to proceed. If you can’t discuss these things with him, you shouldn’t be trying to have a baby with him.
Idk man, I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but if you’ve been together and happy for six years and this happened in the first two months, I wouldn’t let it destroy your relationship. You have every right to be hurt and even angry right now, but at the end of the day, people make mistakes. She obviously cares for you deeply to feel she needed to admit to something like this before marriage. Cheating is wrong, but it happens. People make mistakes. The first two months of a relationship are a very turbulent and shaky time. If you believe that she’s never done it again since cutting that guy off, and if you believe she’s truly sorry she ever did it, don’t throw away what you have.
Take the time to think things over. If this is something you absolutely can’t let go of, then you will need to end the relationship, because a life of resentment wouldn’t be fair for either of you. All I’m saying is that in the grand scheme of things, those first two months have nothing on the years you guys have had together.
Why do y’all keep having babies with these types of men? ??♀️
Yes.
Woah, no!!! I am not against poly relationships, but you are asking for trouble if you agree to this. If my spouse missed his ex THAT much then I would understand his heart is not with me, and I would walk out the door. The best thing you can do for yourself is leave. Don't let yourself be second, and I promise you that you are currently second.