I (30F) am in a relationship with a guy (33M) who has been traumatized by the death of his girlfriend. She got pregnant by accident, then was diagnosed with IV stage stomach cancer which metastasized to her brain, causing a slew of horrifying symptoms, chief of which was her constantly forgetting she is pregnant… and then forgetting she was pregnant, once she lost the pregnancy. He had to tell her again and again what happened, console her, while himself being stricken with grief. He is now morbidly scared of pregnancy to the point where we had sex thrice in 2-year relationship. Which, sucks for my high libido, but I have my priorities straight, and we have taken steps to remedy the situation. We currently do not on-line together due to other circumstances I'd rather not mention.
However, because life sucks, I got pregnant during one of those times we had sex. And immediately got an abortion; we discussed that before, and I told him point-blank that I don't want to be a parent and will get an abortion if I ever get pregnant, with him or anyone else. He didn't protest or told me he wanted anything different. Normally I would tell my partner that this happened, as I did in a previous relationship, but my bf sees himself as a father who lost a child, and grieves the loss of that child immensely—a mere mention of babies makes him visibly upset. This is why I decided I have to keep this a well-kept secret and never tell him, otherwise he will now be a father of two dead children from his own point of view. It hurts, I would love to be able to tell him, because the process was very nude for me due to us living in a very anti-abortion country, where the service is illegal and caused me many a sleepless nights due to complications. I long for some comfort from him, but I firmly stand by my decision to keep my mouth shut and not burden him with that information.
Was this the best course of action here? What could be done in the future to remedy this situation, if anything?
TL;DR got an abortion w/out telling my preg-traumtized bf, and now I'm not sure if this was the right call
submitted by /u/ThrowRA_4665
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