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?Eve, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 7, 2022
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Also adding that I’m muting the replies. If you reply, you’ll be talking to yourself. If others reply, maybe you all can become friends. It’s a win/win.
Why don’t you be upfront and let them know that you appreciate their friendship? You need to “friend zone” Sasha now before your friendship with both of them deteriorates.
It has nothing to do with you. If you had a place he’d happily go there. You don’t though. You live in someone else’s house. That person made him feel unwelcome for almost a year. Of course he doesn’t want to be there. He feels welcome at his friend’s place.
These are all things I want to ask. These are all things I think are fair and reasonable for me to want and need to understand as his partner. But he made it a boundary that he is not comfortable discussing this further. I do not know how to begin being okay with this without discussion. But I am so scared of violating his boundaries
Not your problem. Move on bro
You know what needs to be done, just be smart and don’t hurt your case. Looking forward to your success brother. Updateme!
Try to put aside how his comment made you feel for long enough to really listen to his explanation. I know that's a hot thing to do, but I think it'll help you get enough information to make a good decision about how to move forward.
This is the right answer. Invalidating his feelings is just going to end the relationship. He can want to be with you and still be cautious and scared based on his experiences. Look at the posts reddit gets about poc who have dates whites for a while and then suddenly at wedding planning the racist comes out. Or suddenly a family member says something wild and their partner does nothing to help. These are real experiences poc have. You taking it so personally is just showing your privilege even if you don't mean to.
They had some problems in the past but now they just don't talk to each other. I mean, they're cordial in each others presence but they aren't best friends.
I’m not. I’ve only provided details about the situation.
He's a misogynistic POS that's just told on himself.
You are of course not wrong. He is, 100%
Yes, ex boyfriend is the word.
This all screams “I have deeply unhealthy codependent tendencies “.
Sorry, but as someone who lives with their chosen family, there are some parts of this where you are obviously moving waaaaay too fast and operating on group-think logic rather than prioritising your own wellbeing and preferences. For example:
We spent time together almost every day of the week, at least 5 days a week, if not more.
What? No. Bad. Put it down. Going rapidly from first meeting each other to spending a majority of your time together smacks of love bombing and codependent tendencies (I'm going to use that word a lot, mainly because parts of this frankly seem like the classic examples of them). This doubles when you mention only in your edit that you had serious feelings for K that you knew weren't reciprocated.
Further, the way you talk about approaching M (please just use fake names, initials are fucking awful) makes it sound less like you have difficulty with doing this and more you wanted guidance on how to have this conversation in a way that wouldn't upset the group's balance, which is hella-group think ish and is bad.
Best case scenario: this little group is oddly cultish and you were the one who was a little out of step with what they wanted so you got jettisoned. Therapy to deal with the aftermath for you.
Worst case scenario: this is a group of friends who doesn't actually operate how you think they do, you've been creeping them out more and more by being too clingy and seeming to struggle with the concept of independent thought, and this was the final straw for them in a long line of “he's crossed the line but he isn't malicious, maybe if we direct him to appropriate reading material he'll do better?” Sort of incidents and they have collectively run out of patience and decided to be done. Therapy to deal with this for you.
It could actually be both or somewhere along the spectrum of these two options but you will note that the constant that remains is accept their decision to cut contact and Therapy for you. There is no downside to this; either you get validation and can learn how you were vulnerable to their manipulation, or you have a third party point out where your behaviour crossed the line and learn not to do it again.