My (31F) husband (32M) just took on a major undertaking with his family without asking me… Even though I’m pregnant

I just found out I’m pregnant a few days ago. We’re very excited, but it’s very new and scary.

For context, my husband is the guy who always volunteers to help any friend or family. We have a great relationship and happen to be very independent people with our own agendas. We usually just give each other a heads up about our commitments, but we’ve never stopped the other from signing up for something. I have a lot of hobbies so the amount of time he volunteers doesn’t bother me at all… Until now.

Without getting into too many specifics, my husband told me his family’s business is suffering and that his parents need help. They’re not asking for money but came to their children and explained theyre in a bad spot. They want to fire some of their employees and are asking their children to volunteer their time to do the admin work and help make decisions. They won’t be paid for this.

I’m not close to my family so maybe I just don’t get it, but this seems odd to me. They’re essentially all going into business together, and they’re kind of a volatile group. They bicker and fight about money. What’s worse is that my husband is by far the most responsible sibling in the bunch and I’m worried he’ll just swoop in and do everything.

Apparently when they had this conversation my husband said he’d do anything they needed. He didn’t talk to me about it first. I asked what kind of time commitment this is and he explained he thinks it will take about 8 hours a week. He’s planning on just doing it every Sunday. When I asked how long this would last, he told me it would probably take 3-5 years to get them out of the hole.

I asked how he feels about this with a baby (thinking he would understand) and he simply responded, “Yeah, it’s a lot.”

I just stared at him dumbfounded and finally asked who was going to watch the baby every Sunday for 8 hours? By committing his time, he was committing me to a full day of childcare alone. If it really came down to his family losing everything or this option, I might do it, but he didn’t even ask. He just subconsciously assumed I’d take on that burden.

I also don’t know if I WOULD do it. If they’re not profitable, I don’t think it makes sense to continue this business at the expense of everyone’s free labor, including mine.

I could see in his eyes that my labor hadn’t even crossed his mind, which somehow makes it more hurtful.

We both work full time. I make more money than him but our jobs are pretty equally demanding. Even if I was a SAHM, I think it’s incredibly selfish to volunteer 8 hours a week without talking to your pregnant partner, but we had committed to splitting childcare duties 50/50 when we’re not working.

To his credit, he saw how hurt I was and immediately apologized and was genuinely so upset. He said he’d never had to consider this when volunteering his time before and he just acted without thinking.

We tried to find a compromise.

At first he said I could have 8 hours on Sat to do “anything I wanted” while he watched our baby, but this seems impractical. We wouldn’t have a single full day of the week we spent as a family. He then said he’d just quit when the baby came, but this also seems impractical. His parents want to FIRE their employees, which means they’re going to rely heavily on him, and I don’t trust his siblings to step up. I think he’s stuck in this undertaking.

We agreed to give it a few days to think about it. TBH, it hurt my feelings so much that he just inherently knew he could dump 8 hours of sole childcare onto my plate without asking, I’m having a hot time seeing this rationally (again, he’s apologized a million times but I’m shook).

I don’t want their family to lose their business, but I don’t see a practical way to make this work and I don’t think this is fair. I thought about asking my husband to set realistic hours, but I’m so afraid he’s going to get sucked in and do it all anyway.

I’m at a loss.

Quick edit: My husband and I have always been very accommodating of how we spend our free time with just a general “heads up.” I used to spend every Sunday writing, and I once signed up for a free certification course because I was bored so I was gone every Sat for 4 months. We also sometimes travel alone and have different hobbies. What I’m saying is, this wouldn’t have been totally outside our normal dynamic because we’re both abnormally independent. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would tell him I think it’s stupid to work for free to prolong a failing business, but I wouldn’t have stopped him. It’s his life. However, the calculation has changed.