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Bella, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 5, 2022
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Women don’t see bodies as inherently sexual. They see sex as sexual. She can see a gay guy’s body and not be aroused. This is not really how men typically think. Again, sexuality is learned, socialization plays a major role. Men and women are socialized differently. Changing clothes is not inherently sexual, bodies themselves are not sex objects. Why would there be a problem with a gay friend changing in front of a girl? There is nothing sexual about that situation.
You are assuming that any male body is an attractor to a woman and context plays no role. That’s not how it works for, like, 99% of women. That is how it probably works for YOU, because men are taught to view the BODY as sexual, rather than just SEX as sexual.
I could go deeper into this but you seem to be seeking affirmation and not education.
I would research narcissism. Educate yourself, familiarize yourself with the cycles. Gasslighting, love bombing. Pay attention. If he thinks your dumb he won't wait longer to show himself, if he thinks you're clever he will hide in his fake facade longer.
First step is to get him out, not having their abusers around can help so much, you have to know this is a long hot road to recovery, the only uposide (for the lack of a better word) imo, is your dog didn't become aggressive, I knew someone that went through similar to your situation (but it was the girlfriend instead of sister advising his dog), but the dog became aggressive and bit, the dog had to be put down because rehabilitation wasn't helping and by that time the dog had bitten several people and a small dog of the neighborhood when he escaped from home.
I know is a long shot but you can ask if you can sue your sister for property damage (unfortunately in the eyes of law pets are property), if only to punish your sister for being a monster.
Moving forward don't trust anything or any future pet/child/pet rock to your family to take care of them. If you ever have to leave your dog alone again or into someone else's care.
No I’m not harassing her constantly I did back off and was being good to her I was doing good getting back to normal till she made some stuff obvious. I love her more than even she knows and I have told her if I don’t make her happy or if she needs time away I will let her do what she wants, from December last year to tonight I have her brought up divorce (she has) I have never told her I didn’t have time for her (she’s told me) I have never told her not to come home (she told me) I never said I didn’t need her (she told me) even after everything if she came home and hugged me and told me she was sorry even for just what she said and asked me to help her find a way to make it work I would.
Can you keep gently turning her down to avoid conflict? Perhaps you can say you think it’s a bad idea to date a coworker?
Have you added any new medications to any you already take? There are many that can cause a lack of sexual interest. I suggest a trip to the doctor to find out.
No need for me to discuss the creepy behavior and age difference between you two because the entirety of reddit has already done so. Just be careful.
You probably shouldn't have given that guy your bf's name, sounds like he went to him & said some things, probably lies.
If this is the case & your boyfriend believed then without even speaking to you… that's not a great sign for your relationship. But you should at least reach out & say that you have no idea what is going on, you are confused, this is the only thing you can thing l think of – did this ex say something to him? (Tell him you cheated on him or something) &that whatever it is its not true. Then it's up to him whether he is going to believe you or this dude.
In the future, maybe just tell an ex is none of their business, but that you've moved on. If they're persistent, block them. What's important in the current time, is your current partner, not your old one. So if you're a polite person or were just trying to be friendly or whatever, just don't. Sorry, but when people ignore boundaries (even little ones) especially if they're not someone important to your life currently (You've led us to believe this is just some ex you randomly talk too), just ignore them & move on.
I think people are getting more greedy and also less trusting. Probably assuming they’re going to split one day and don’t want to “waste” their own money on each other. It’s pitiful.
I have the same problem and it’s very annoying lol
Yeah I'm not following
He lets you do whatever you want with your wife
Yeah I'm not following
Well I think you should let him marry her and you can date her on the side if you need his permission to do stuff
Have a discussion with him and ask point blank “am I your girlfriend? I want to be official do you?” If he waffles or says no then you move on. This could go either way but from what you said it sounds like he just wants to appear like he's cool and not that he's being a total jerk.
On the other hand if he does give you a maybe in the future, he's not ready, he doesn't want pressure, etc., run for the hills. And don't get into situation-ships, fwb, or the like they force one person to compromise themselves so the person they desire can use them until they find something better or settle. You're worth a relationship and I know you are thinking all guys want a situation before they start dating. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE FREE SAMPLES! You've been with someone for six months, are sleeping with them, and still asking if they like you enough to date you.
It’s because you’re not being honest with her, like, at all. She’s thinking “he wants to have sex with me every other week—I can deal with that”. If she knew “he’s enduring sex with me that he can’t stand” she might feel very differently about the relationship. And that’s up to her to decide, with full understanding of how you feel.
Medical professional here (20 years) . Look lots of people have this and have it managed. It’s totally up to you. It’s totally possible that you could catch it but you could catch that from someone who doesn’t even know they have this condition. Let’s talk about the positives (no pun intended) She disclosed this to you. She’s responsible enough to tell you. She’s medicated. It’s under control. She sounds like a great person
Did you know a cold sore is related to the herpes virus ? Yeah people walk around with those all the time. If you’ve ever had a mouth sore , you’ve got a form of the herpes virus. I’d say don’t discard a great thing cause she has a condition that’s well managed. Take your time. Think about it , and really get to know her.
Whats the mother/parents of these sisters saying or doing? This was her party that was ruined.
Omg throw the whole husband away. This post was a mess.
Leave, call the police and tell them he threatened to himself and cut off all contact.
I'm neurodivergent and this sounds terrible to me. I can't imagine ever treating people this way. You may call her a genius or whatever but to me she just sounds extremely pretentious. She lacks self awareness and introspection entirely and to me that doesn't really scream intelligence. You seem far more intelligent with the things you talk about in your post, by how you reflect on yourself and consider all options instead of blaming her outright. Whilst she just seems to think she is the best thing to ever walk this planet and is completely blind to her egoism. She must really think she's something special lol. Just because someone uses fancy language and is talented with art doesn't make them anymore special or deserving or human than you and you should never let people treat you this way. You're just as important and so are your interests and this just sounds like an unbearably emotionally abusive situation and her autism shouldn't be an excuse for it. Autistic people are some of the most genuine and caring people who a lot of the time will sacrifice themselves for others and autistic people who use their autism as an excuse to get away with being insufferable assholes should honestly go die because they make the rest of us look terrible and ruin our image and this is what people are going to think we are like
For the billionth time she is a single mom and this is going to be your life from now on if you continue the relationship. Her children's and her needs will always come first. She is not looking for a serious, equal relationship. She's looking for a sucker to pay her and her children's bills. This will only get worse the longer this goes.
Honestly, if you want to break up and pursue the new girl then do.
Just don't tell your gf that's why you're breaking up, you can frame it as being about the interests rather than 'I met someone new'.
Just be prepared that new girl might not be into you, or might have aspects you don't like that you're unaware of yet.
Dramatic is the dude rage screaming and calling her down as offensively as he could. Maybe that's how you deal with difference of opinion or life choice but it isn't healthy or something to tolerate.
He's an ass. He quit his job without having a new job lined up and he's upset because there is an implied expectation that he actually DO something. Time to sit down and tell him that this isn't sustainable and that he has x amount of time to correct his attitude, get a job or he's out.
She changed her mind. Something she was allowed to do.
You didn't ask her about or have a conversation. You wanted to hurt her. Because your baby incubator just quit. Because some part of you always viewed her as the vehicle to deliver your kids- not fully as a person. A means to an end.
Something like this I'd suggest putting off the wedding and making sure your ducks are in a row together. If you want any chance of fixing this you should both get counseling. But I think you showed her your true colors there for a second, and it was not very pretty.
When we were not in an active argument we sat down and talked about it. It’s not fair that I would get to react in the way I wanted to while he just had to suck it up. The question is/was, why is my comfort more important than my partners in that moment? The answer is it’s not. I was able to recognize that shutting him out for hours was extremely unfair to him. Why should he have to submit to my will every time we argue? That’s not a fair or equitable partnership. How would she react if after she’s calmed down after a day you say you want to wait 5 more days before you talk again?
I know you said breaking up is not an option for you, but the ultimatum of I either need to adapt to a conflict style that works for both of us or lose my partner was the big wake-up call. Now every time we fight, which is much more rare now, I just remind myself that even tho I want to shut him out, it is unfair to him that l get my way fully. It was very hot at first for me to adapt and I’m still getting better every time. When it comes between tackling my toxic habits VS being single I would much rather work on myself than risk losing my partner.
Maybe set a boundary that the next time you argue you’ll give each other max _____ hours to calm down before you return to the conversation. Don’t go to bed before you solve it, solve it same day. Also reiterate that while conflict is uncomfortable, you are doing this because you desire a future together. Everyone deserves a partner who will grow with them, not fight against them.
For some reason I am not able to see other comments
£200k/monthly = £2.4m/annually… and rents? Is this post for real?