I have and still and getting through this mental rut with my wife. I’m slowly learning it’s from unopened locks from adolescence. The beginning of 2021 I started to realize I needed to work on my mental health, so I bit my pride I learned to hold onto when I was younger. I learned that expressing and opening up to my SO wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve been done dirty so many times in the past I subconsciously built a firewall to prevent anything.
I still get those moments where I’m like “come on dude, remember that one time?”, but I’m now realizing I’ve been with her long enough to open up. I do the same as your husband. I play naked to get. I honestly don’t know why I do it but it puts a huge strain on my relationship when I can just fucking turn over and speak what my brain is saying. I don’t like to assume anything towards anyone but I related so much that it could’ve been about me.
You have to show him that he can feel safe to turn off the firewall against you. It’s going to take time but believe me, it can change. He may not even relate to my situation the slightest but I thought I’d give my opinion. Hope everything’s well.
I agree with what others said. Look up devaluation and silent treatment. It’s manipulation. He knows you will miss him. It’s okay to miss him. You missing him doesn’t make him a great partner.
He could be using them experiment with anal play and therefore using them to pleasure only himself, but maybe in a way he is not ready to discuss yet. Could he be cheating? Yup, but the previous commenter was pointing out that it could be nerves about something other than cheating is possible.
OK, this calls for my favorite advice on communication:
Do not take a lack of communication as communication.
Maybe he fell asleep. Maybe he was in a car crash. Maybe he was kidnapped by his best friends on a spontaneous Vegas trip. Maybe he is drunk. Maybe that take-out was bad and he's hugging the toilet. Maybe he took a second job to afford a diamond solitaire.
Until you talk to him, we can only guess. If he did fall asleep, ask him about it. Is he having sleeping issues and hasn't told you? Is he up late at night playing video games?
It feels like you set your wife up for a no win situation. You both agreed that Christmas and birthdays would be sacrificed for financial recovery, but you’re hurt that she stuck to your agreement and even try to say that she is at fault for following the agreement because it’s your love language… Honestly, that kinda makes it sound like you only wanted to sacrifice her gifts.
I don't think abuse starts straight away. It's a slow progression starting with emotional abuse. Back handed compliments, little comments that tear you down. It can happen so slow that you don't even realise it's happening to you then all of a sudden your self worth is dwindling, your confidence is low and you begin to accept the version of you the abuser paints. Personally I'd go now. If it hasn't already started, he could wait til a moment he feels you're trapped with him such as during pregnancy or when you're tied to him when you get married. I wouldn't want to be with someone who could treat another person like that. Him explaining it as being in a dark place doesn't really take any accountability for his behaviour. Lots of people have been in a dark place, very few abuse and assault their partners while struggling. It's a cop out.
Things are amazing when we're around trust me I have a great sense of fulfillment when I'm with them I'm the type that falls fast and nude unfortunately ??♂️
We do like morals and music but like dancing and the way we have sex no
Not crazy. Yes report it to your doctor and see what they say.
I have and still and getting through this mental rut with my wife. I’m slowly learning it’s from unopened locks from adolescence. The beginning of 2021 I started to realize I needed to work on my mental health, so I bit my pride I learned to hold onto when I was younger. I learned that expressing and opening up to my SO wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve been done dirty so many times in the past I subconsciously built a firewall to prevent anything.
I still get those moments where I’m like “come on dude, remember that one time?”, but I’m now realizing I’ve been with her long enough to open up. I do the same as your husband. I play naked to get. I honestly don’t know why I do it but it puts a huge strain on my relationship when I can just fucking turn over and speak what my brain is saying. I don’t like to assume anything towards anyone but I related so much that it could’ve been about me.
You have to show him that he can feel safe to turn off the firewall against you. It’s going to take time but believe me, it can change. He may not even relate to my situation the slightest but I thought I’d give my opinion. Hope everything’s well.
Any chance your wife is suffering from a brain tumor or something? It could always be that, if this is really sudden and out of character.
Right, my thoughts were:
-Interior design/fashion design firm? No, why would there be cash?
-Nursing? Cash and projects doesn’t make sense
-Salon environment? I’ve never worked at one with HR, and projects aren’t applicable…
-Teaching? Maybe projects but definitely no cash.
-Maybe some sort of social media/marketing gig? But still, no, there wouldn’t be cash.
I’m going to be trying to piece this together all night lmao
I want to have that conversation with her, but she’s very sensitive about her weight and almost immediately starts crying whenever it gets brought up
One, it's illegal to sleep with your therapist.
Move to a big city
I agree with what others said. Look up devaluation and silent treatment. It’s manipulation. He knows you will miss him. It’s okay to miss him. You missing him doesn’t make him a great partner.
He could be using them experiment with anal play and therefore using them to pleasure only himself, but maybe in a way he is not ready to discuss yet. Could he be cheating? Yup, but the previous commenter was pointing out that it could be nerves about something other than cheating is possible.
I came to my decision thanks to this post thanks
If you already are writing him off, why are you asking for advice? LoL, I love a good cat lady post too. Thanks
Sorry i don't really understand what you mean by crossing an “emotional boundary” can you elaborate on the situation?
Just lie to your parents and get that college money.
Sure that sounds like a plan. But also is she really an overthinker or does your suspicious behavior warrant suspicion?
OK, this calls for my favorite advice on communication:
Do not take a lack of communication as communication.
Maybe he fell asleep. Maybe he was in a car crash. Maybe he was kidnapped by his best friends on a spontaneous Vegas trip. Maybe he is drunk. Maybe that take-out was bad and he's hugging the toilet. Maybe he took a second job to afford a diamond solitaire.
Until you talk to him, we can only guess. If he did fall asleep, ask him about it. Is he having sleeping issues and hasn't told you? Is he up late at night playing video games?
Two wrongs don't make a right
Maybe just on-line your life, stay friends, and be open to something if she wants it.
It feels like you set your wife up for a no win situation. You both agreed that Christmas and birthdays would be sacrificed for financial recovery, but you’re hurt that she stuck to your agreement and even try to say that she is at fault for following the agreement because it’s your love language… Honestly, that kinda makes it sound like you only wanted to sacrifice her gifts.
I saw that too and I think it's entirely possible.
LOL, so you have plenty company.
It was to give us time to think and work on our own issues by ourselves
Maybe start another petty fight about it when he gets back?
She isn't confrontational. She's just abusive.
She isn't confrontational. She's just abusive.
I don't think abuse starts straight away. It's a slow progression starting with emotional abuse. Back handed compliments, little comments that tear you down. It can happen so slow that you don't even realise it's happening to you then all of a sudden your self worth is dwindling, your confidence is low and you begin to accept the version of you the abuser paints. Personally I'd go now. If it hasn't already started, he could wait til a moment he feels you're trapped with him such as during pregnancy or when you're tied to him when you get married. I wouldn't want to be with someone who could treat another person like that. Him explaining it as being in a dark place doesn't really take any accountability for his behaviour. Lots of people have been in a dark place, very few abuse and assault their partners while struggling. It's a cop out.
Nope. It’s time to ask her for help learning how to get her off.
Ugh… Ahh yes another wonderful addition to society.
Do your male friends also sit on other guys laps too? Everyone's just friends right?
Things are amazing when we're around trust me I have a great sense of fulfillment when I'm with them I'm the type that falls fast and nude unfortunately ??♂️