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Helen, y.o.
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Date: January 6, 2023
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So they're abusing your hospitality. Are talking smack behind your back and generally acting like assholes? Cut them off.
It's been almost a year. Have they applied for work visas? Have they looked into other options or are they just going to keep mooching off of you while you and your partner are nothing more than help that had to hire themselves to be drudges for these people?
Grow a spine. Stop spending so much money on them aside from the essentials. Stop trying to buy off your (unconscious) feelings of guilt that you on-line in a country not torn by war.
If you're paying for them to stay and live! with you? They can repay by working around the house. Cleaning. Cooking. Garden work. And so on. Decent people would pitch in where they can and not be a burden.
And talk to that boss. Tell him what's going on and that he's spoiling them. Entitled people do not deserve to be spoiled.
Reach out to the local refugee center or other people hosting refugees. Your situation unfortunately is not unique.
Last thing: you need an end date for this situation. This isn't healthy for you and your relationship if this goes on another year.
Btw when i got my diagnosis, i had a break out 3 years into my relationship, and my bf wasn't the one who had given it to me. I had him tested (without break outs) and even with unprotected sex for 3 years, he wasn't contaminated.
When i learn my own diagnosis i felt so dirty and disgusting i wished i had actualky gotten diagnosed with a lethal disease, because then i wouldn't be seen as a paria. It took a lot of therapy to stop seeing myself this way. So take all the time you need to process it. This is not an easy process because herpes is a highly stigmatized disease that has been very little adressed in the public opinion. There are research articles that show that people disclose the diagnosis when the relationship isn't sexual only, but romantic
Suddenly, “my body my choice” disappears when it comes to respecting men
There’s a lot of people commenting here being critical of either you or your partner so what I’d like to say instead is thoughts on where to go now.
The proposal was objectively lovely but not what you had in mind and that can be a bummer but it’s in the past. Now, if you truly are just bummed out about the event itself and not unsure about saying yes, then I say plan what you want as a private engagement celebration! You don’t have to do it alone if you want you can freeze it to your partner as, “I would love to celebrate our engagement in a special and private way this weekend (or whenever), this is what I had in mind, can you help me plan that out?”
Just because that first moment didn’t go the way you expected doesn’t mean that story is over. You are engaged now and your engagement last long as you want and can be whatever you want it to be!
That’s very interesting, thanks for sharing such a detailed response. For the sake of argument though…
They only think it’s working for them. When they’re old and don’t have a meaningful relationship with a life partner they won’t feel like it was a good idea.
I’m not onboard with not judging people. It’s incompatible with loving and wanting the best for others.
Revenge porn is a crime and carries legal repercussions like hot jail time. Multiple months up to 10 years as well as a large fine. Since he sent the videos without her approval then it qualifies. Go to the police as soon as possible along with evidence. Get Justice for this crime. Might make you feel better if her ex is behind bars for a while. It’s a serious crime.
You definitely do not want to create a life with a man like this. This kind of behavior never gets better. He and his mom truly believe they were entitled to do this. Will not be a fun life…..
Sounds like your dad is awful and your sister is making the best choice for herself and her family. Frankly, this situation isn't really your business, support your sister if she needs it and otherwise ignore it altogether.
That's what I was about to say. The only way to deal with this kind of people is by not having them in your life. And don't feel bad for it – even if she or her enablers try to guilt trip you.
I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better Andy ❤ How'd the second appointment go – did they get into the cause/rule things out?
I'd like that too ? Sorry for the late response…I get tired of Reddit sometimes ?
She groomed her intimate areas for him to touch her.. that’s not the actions of someone not wanting that kind of touch.. she was involved in a very consensual affair. She willingly cheated, she is only claiming it as non consent now simply because she got caught… she is manipulating you
Because family is involved, end it now.
Yup exactly. Most people fear rejection but imagine that when most of the internet already rejected you as is
A boundary is a boundary, it doesn't really matter where you draw it. Would i have drawn it the same way you did, Probably not. That said you are not me. You need to do what you can on-line with.
If he is your boyfriend, you break up. Because it will continue to harm your self-esteem because he’s not treating you with respect or even respecting boundaries. If he’s your husband, you have a bigger problem.
Men fear rejection. Women fear being murdered.
A clear no often escalates their behavior. Too many women have been murdered on dates for saying no to anything more, by men catcalling and hearing a no, by husbands who got told no. Threats escalate their behavior, too. Good way to end up with a stalker.
Tell him that you are fine with him having female friends, however you are his girlfriend. He needs to spend more time on contact with you then with het and if he has issues or sth important he needs to talk about you need to be his first choice not her.
Should he not accept or even understand your point, it's hpeless and break is the only choice.
Some time later, he replied by saying he forgot to respond, and asked to clarify what I meant by wanting to make out with him.
WTF does he think that means?
You were right to tell him that you don't want to kiss him anymore. Follow it up by actually NOT kissing or talking to him anymore. He doesn't deserve it.
When I moved out my step-dad drove me somewhere and told me he was ready to drive into oncoming traffic and kill us both (I was 23). I just stared at him. He also told me they were all going to starve if I was not there. I pointed out I was the child and that wasn't my place. He offered to buy me a new car (that I'd have to pay for). He offered to buy me a “toy” so I didn't need a man (was moving in with Mt boyfriend 6 hours away). He screamed and yelled and guilted me for the 3 weeks I was finishing up my job.
I still moved and it was the best thing I could have done. I am telling you as someone who was where you are now, it is hot. It is heartbreaking because you feel they are right and you need to stay. Do not stay. I am so much more free now. They tried to draw me back in a few times (calling saying it was my fault they were in a fight and when I asked how since I was 6 hours away they'd get mad), divorced and then tried to both move in with me, and more. I'd just hang up and started standing up for myself. Stress levels are so much better. I am so much happier. It just takes that first step.
It's so strange that you are engaged to a man who won't share so much about his life with you unless something comes up. That alone is something that would make me want to leave, let alone all the other red flags that he's still into his ex. I think leaving him is the right call and it's not your fault. No other woman had a chance with him, regardless of what they say or do or who they are.
Lol you’re an adult who wants to bang a teen. Even if she didn’t have a sister… ew.
No I don't want to ghost het because I really like her.
When she told me she was pregnant I still said I wanna meet up because there is a lot to talk about now then she said she thought I would split
yeah i’m guessing you were groomed and see him as the holy grail because that’s how he made your naive, young self see him. as grooming goes.
no one in an age gap relationship ever thinks it’s concerning and it’s really.. somethin
If you want kids and you are 30, I'm sorry but no you need to cut him loose.
Unfortunately, in addition to not having the same expectation timelines you don't have the same biological timelines either.
…NEXT! ?
You want to have a relationship and fall in love. Your actions show that you are willing to put in honestly just a metric ton of effort to make that happen.
Her actions do not say the same, even if occasionally her words do. You've assumed a lot about this girl's life- but even if that stuff is all true, she doesn't really seem capable of being in a relationship at this point in her life. And if it's not, then she is just not that into you.
Try to be her friend, maybe, but expecting her to be a girlfriend feels like asking too much.
He's being very judgemental over something that really shouldn't affect him. Maybe there's some reason why he's overreacting to it? Have you asked him what the real reason is that he hates it?
One part of me straight away thinks this is unhealthy, controlling behaviour, but another part would look further into it if he's not controlling in other ways.
I guess if it were me, if he had no other controlling behaviours (sad/angry/whiney when I wanted to see friends or family, judging what I eat or do, telling me what to wear etc.) I would talk to him about what he feels and try to put his mind at ease with whatever trauma or whatever he is dealing with, if he does have other behaviours like this, I'd end it.
It's definitely a kink but requires open communication beforehand vs vague hints. The term is “consensual non-consent” – but the discussion part is what makes it consensual, otherwise it's just “vaguely hinted at non-consent”.
Trust your gut, always. It’s a bit weird that a 33 year old man who is in a relationship is close friends with a woman more than a decade his junior. But then to go on a trip with her- to a hotel, with booze no less- and lie about it?! No second chances. He’s not trustworthy. Think of it this way-if this trip was so innocent, why weren’t you- HiS GIRLFRIEND- invited? Do not get back with him.
Divorce him. You're already a single parent and he just adds bullshit to your life.
Break this up into paragraphs.
This is sounds like a spitting image of my girl.
Teacher turned full time masters student, meanwhile trying to take care of everyone around her at the neglect of herself.
So, everything in her life takes… you need to be someone who gives. And if you want to be a great boyfriend, learn to handle your problems on your own, sparing your GF the additional weight.
The way I help my girl through these scenarios is quality downtime. Be a great version of yourself around her and become that escape for her from all the weight she carries.
To be frank… she could pull back a bit from her roommate. Her roommate has become a demand for her attention/energy. Your GF has enough on her plate already, she doesn't need to deal with other peoples problems.
But… that is the kind of woman we got, someone who goes out of their way to be motherly.
Not sure where your from, but considering she has an artistic side. A great date night would be a paint-nite. May have something similar around you. Sign up for a class, they give you all the supplies and they walk you through a painting (a simple one). I'll dm you the link (not sure If I can post links here).
Quality downtime, be the recharge station for her. ?