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Jules, 24 y.o.
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Date: January 4, 2023
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I kind of figured, it’s just hard for me because my boyfriend and I really want to move forward with things like get married and have kids and I would like my mom to be apart of it but with the way she’s acting it’s starting to feel like it won’t be that way… my oldest brother doesn’t even talk to her anymore, he cut her off about 9 years ago. I’m really trying to prevent that type of situation.
Sadly I think you are correct.
She did bring up concerns with me when I started this relationship. As my partner works FIFO I was driving him to the airport twice a week. I also agreed to take on and look after his gorgeous Labrador while he is working away. My mum thought he was taking advantage of me. Which I never felt in my relationship. I can see why she may have some concerns though, but I did address these with her.
Can I ask what is BP1
I think in the end, those 2 aren't compatible with each other and figuring that out sooner rather than later is good for both parties.
I also think both his and your POV are valid, but not compatible with each other.
Did you not read the part where she said going to a bar would result in her leaving him?
And probably yeah, since I was the one broken up with. I still was dealing with it and was getting over it but this just caught me off guard.
So you told her you want a divorce and now she is miraculously pregnant? This is just escalating her trying to control you now that you're slipping away, OP, this will get SO MUCH WORSE if you stay. Like others, I wouldn't take for granted the baby exists (demand a doctor visit for ultrasound to confirm), and even if it does it is a very bad idea to stay and subject yourself to more abuse.
I think you should remove whatever anxiety you have about how others may react and figure out what your gut tells you to do. What feels right to you? I have a feeling you feel pretty strongly about what you want to do.
What kind of friendship do you have with this friend? Being honest with her shouldn't jeopardize a strong relationship. If you're worried about what others will think about this guy – well, people seem to think he's a fun guy at parties, which he may be, but why not tell the truth? You will only be saving other women from abuse (possibly).
People will make up their own minds, but you should feel comfortable sharing your experiences with your friend. You have no control over how others react or what they do with that information.
Oh OP no.
You are NOT to blame for your abuse. Ever. It is not a reflection of how strong, or mature, or independent you are. That's part of abuse, it's insidious and sneaks in. Then next thing you know, you look around and realize he's hurting you. It's a frog in the frying pan situation.
Don't have a child with him because he's toxic….
Uh what? Why the fuck does she need to proclaim her faithfulness when she did nothing to provoke this situation ? I think it should be pretty obvious from the way she immediately told him and asked if he put them up to this that she is not having an affair.
If husband still thinks this is some weird play for bringing up a threesome, then that is his insecurity. He's an adult, he can just use his words to ask her if that's the case. And if he doesn't believe her answer, then it really didn't take much to shake his trust in his marriage.
I really don't see why she should have to defend her honor when she did nothing wrong.
Life isn't cliche and empty platitudes
Hahaha man imagine if this poster was a man whining about not being able to simply abandon his child “because we discussed this” and fantasizing about leaving the state so he wouldn't have to deal with it.
Sorry hon that's not how it works. You have a child. A living, breathing human entity who you birthed and you are responsible for whether you feel like it or not. The child doesn't go away because “we, like, talked about this”.
There is no gentle way to have this conversation. You just need to rip the band aid off and do it.
No matter when you have the conversation, or how gently you handle it, it’s going to hurt her. But the longer you leave it, the more it will hurt her when it happens. Stop stringing her along.
You know you want to get married. You don’t know if you want to marry her. After 3 years, that’s your answer. You don’t want to marry her.
(UPDATE) Hes working on getting friends hes going out more. and i completely stopped after he told me this.
These are the kind of men to watch out for. Literally every parents nightmare. What a asshat. You don’t want to marry her but have no problem living with her and playing house. You should be ashamed of yourself
Have you tried messaging her asking to please confirm that she is fine because you are getting worried that she isnt answering at all?
Your boyfriend is telling you who he is, both with his actions and his self-described 'need to disappear.'
Now decide if this is the kind of boyfriend you want to have. You can't change him, and he won't change unless he wants to (and right now, he doesn't).
Yeah, I checked it out and he seems to initially be pretty blythe about the whole thing, but changed his tune eventually.
Its because she has a cluster B personality disorder, almost certainly a borderline personality.
You basically just stepped on a landmine for your first relationship.
There is nothing you can do to change the relationship, the most perfect BF in the world couldn't.
She will keep cheating on you. You will always be responsible for everything that goes wrong in her life. She truly doesn't love you at all, because she doesn't care in the slightest how any of this is making you feel. Everything she does bad will be the trauma's fault, not hers, and then your's because you didn't love her enough.
Either you wake up to this harsh reality now or you get sucked into the vortex of her misery so completely that you become incapable of standing up for yourself and ever leaving her.
It never gets better, this is always how it will be.
If your family would cut your off, thinking that you are a liar, then it would still not be “because of you”, it would be “because of your aunt”. You have no fault in this.
Also I would hope that your mother keeps your wellbeing in mind and that, if you don't want the rest of your family to know, she will keep it to herself.
If you get a good therapist, you will be able to get over this. You will never forget it, but you will be able to move on. And yes, it sucks. You don't deserve this. You didn't do anything wrong. That's why it's so important to not let your abuser win and get help via therapy – and/or cut people siding with your aunt out of your life.
As someone who also had trauma therapy (was caught in a burning building, wasn't great), lemme tell you that there are many different forms of therapy and not everyone is a good fit with every form of therapy. It might require a bit of searching to find a therapist specializing in a form of therapy that helps. And the therapy itself is also rough – and, again, you don't deserve this. But every day you wait and don't get help is a day of your life wasted – a day your predator aunt stole from you. Don't let her steal your life.
Your mom needs to learn empathy for her daughter. Please stop going to her for advice since she never has your back. I'd be horrified if one of my nieces (don't have daughters) came to me with this. My claws would have came out and I would have told him off so fast and then begged you to dump him.
What would that mean to me though? Do I continue with her or do I not waste my time?
Türkiye has been ransacked with a lot of bad earthquakes. Maybe do some more research before you take a trip to a country that's dealing with a crisis.
Türkiye has been ransacked with a lot of bad earthquakes. Maybe do some more research before you take a trip to a country that's dealing with a crisis.
Türkiye has been ransacked with a lot of bad earthquakes. Maybe do some more research before you take a trip to a country that's dealing with a crisis.
In this case, it’s 100% the parents fault. OP is not even saying his wife’s age. The kid is definitely feeling replaced by this do-over family that OP got.
You have been together for 5 years now, and you are still not sure if you actually want to be with him or not?
I'd take a step back from this relationship and figure out what you actually want.
get out while you can. i’ve been in this situation. it’s only gonna lead to ruin. i’m not saying this for you to become a self-fulfilling prophecy or anything but if there’s any advice i can give you from my own mistakes it’s to sit down with her and lay everything out – absolutely transparent – and see how she reacts then. i’m sure from that you’ll get all the answers you need